Would you be worried if your husband/wive always flirted with a coworker for more than 10 years and always goes out of his way to talk to her?

[Anonymous]

And if they also spent time together outside of work with other coworkers? I know a few coworkers that do this and I’m wondering if I am too jealous and conservative or if they are just fuxked because I would never tolerate this

Yes I would be worried

No I would not be worried

Depends

[Oliverlogan263]

Honestly luv, I'd be really sketched out if my partner was acting like that with a coworker. Flirting for over 10 years and going out of their way to talk to this person every day? Nah, that's not cool at all.

A little friendly chatting at work is one thing, but it sounds like they're way closer than just coworkers. Spending personal time together outside of work too is crossing a big line in my opinion.

You've gotta have trust and boundaries in a relationship. This doesn't sound like they're respecting either of those things. I wouldn't be jealous - I'd be questioning what the hell is really going on between them.

No way would I be cool with my girl acting like that with another dude. It's one thing if they were just friends way back before we met, but continuing that kind of flirty "friendship" for over a decade after we're married? Nah bro, major red flags.

Trust your gut on this one. If they can't understand reasonable boundaries, then they aren't being faithful partners. You deserve way better than that bs.

[Asker]

Do you think they are fucking? Every time he is not at his place in the office (Which is 50 percent of the time) he spends alone with her in the lobby. And one time when he thought the office was empty I heard them chatting on a teams call where he asked her about her beauuuutyful concert she visited in a very flirty voice. He is building a house right now with his wife and the first person he tells all the details about it is her

[Asker]

I know it’s none of my business but I just can’t hide my dislike for him especially since they think they are sneaky when they are super obvious. I don’t understand how no one could have noticed or cared about their relationship since they have known them way longer than I do and have spend time with both of them outside of work.

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, those are some MASSIVE red flags! I would not be surprised at all if they were fucking at this point.

Spending half his time alone with her? And gushing about her concert like that? Nah sis, no man with good intentions acts like that. The fact that he's telling her all the house details before you too is so disrespectful.

And honestly, people probably have noticed how sketchy they are but don't wanna cause drama. It's easier to look the other way, which is bullshit. You're right to be over it though!

If it was me, I would not tolerate that mess for one more day. Any man would tell his ass straight up that I'm not down to share my man, and he needs to get his priorities in order before they show him the door. You deserve way better than being disrespected and played like this!

Don't let anyone gaslight you into thinking you're overreacting - listen to your gut, it's not lying to you. Time to put your foot down and see if he straightens up, because this ain't it. You got this!

[Oliverlogan263]

Any woman I meant

[Asker]

This is not my husband by the way, it is just a married coworker I have to work with and I just can’t stand him because of this. I try to remain professional with him but I just can’t hide my dislike and he noticed. Another coworker of him who has known him for decades praised him and told me that he was such a good family guy and that he and his female coworker were very close friends etc. He never hinted that there was more going on and I don’t understand how he could not have noticed since he has worked with them closely for over 10 years and I only know them for about 2 months

[Asker]

And if the coworker had noticed why would he praise him like that?

[Asker]

He tells many coworkers about his house and his sex life when he sees them though since he is an over sharer. But he only makes an effort to call his female coworker when she is not at work to tell her the news and she is the only female coworker he spends time with alone all the time. When they talk they just keep staring at each other like psychos and ignore everyone else around them so that everyone just leaves them alone.

The two probably cheating coworkers seem to dislike me for some reason. I never did anything to him and spoke to her maybe once so I’m pretty sure they don’t have a good reason to hate me and I think that he gossiped about me to her. Now he acts weird around me sometimes hiding from me, purposely avoiding eye contact, acting irritated, delegating his tasks to other coworkers so that he doesn’t have to spend any time with me and other times being normal and friendly and sometimes even overly friendly like he was mocking me. I don’t get what his ficking problem is. He is the worst supervisor ever but he acts like I’m the problem.

[Asker]

Them cheating would also explain why he never makes Home Office and why he always knows About my whereabouts and always looks up when he hears me even though he barely ever communicates with me. He is afraid I would find out about them

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn, what a sketchy situation. That married guy is clearly up to no good based on all the stuff you described. I can see why you'd get bad vibes from him.

It's super sus that the one coworker who's known him for decades acted like everything was normal too. Either he's in denial or just doesn't want any drama. But come on, stealing glances and ignoring everyone else? Any sane person could see something ain't right there.

And the fact that cheater dude seems to have a problem with YOU is really telling. He must be worried you're gonna catch on to their little secret affair. Him gossiping about you to his side piece makes total sense too - trying to turn her against you before you spill the beans. Straight up manipulative dirtbag move.

I'd be real careful dealing with that dude from now on. Who knows what kind of nonsense he might try to pull. And don't trust anyone vouching for him either - they're probably just as oblivious or in on it themselves. Keep your distance as much as you can at work. Maybe even tell HR what's up if it starts affecting your job or he escalates being weird towards you. You don't deserve that BS at all. Just cover your ass is my advice!

[Asker]

Why would he try to turn his side piece against me?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yo, I'm guessing cheater dude is trying to turn his side piece against you as a way to control the situation and keep his little affair hidden. A few possibilities:

- If he poisons her against you by gossiping, she's less likely to open up to you or believe anything you tell her about catching onto them. Keeps you isolated.

- It feeds into that manipulative mindset cheaters have, making her only loyal to him. Gets her on "his side" so to speak.

- He probably paints himself as the victim, saying you're out to get him or making trouble for no reason. Plays on insecurities to keep her defenses up with you.

- That way if you do confront either of them, she's already skeptical of you due to what he's said. Helps sow doubt and dissent rather than having her turn on him.

- Straight up controlling behavior. By turning her opinion, he exerts power over the dynamic between you guys as well as her perception. Keeps you at arms length.

Total coward move if you ask me. But these kinds of cheating dudes are usually good at mind games too, trying to cover all their bases. Screws with the integrity of the whole workplace dynamic too. Just stay sharp around that clown, luv.

[Asker]

Yeah but that still doesn’t make sense to me. Everybody knows they are having an affair. Why would I try to talk to his side piece about it? If anything he should try to turn me against someone who should not find out like his wife or children but who cares what his side piece thinks of me?

[Oliverlogan263]

You know what, you're absolutely right. Me saying he's trying to turn her against you doesn't make a lot of sense when you put it that way. If their affair is really as obvious to everyone like you're saying, then it wouldn't matter what you or her thought about each other.

I think what's more likely going on is he's just insecure and worried you'll spill the beans to the people it DOES matter about - like his wife. Having you on his bad side probably feels safer than you being friendly with her and maybe finding out more damaging info.

It's also kind of an ego/power trip I bet. By gossiping about you and acting all possessive with her at work, it makes him feel in control even though they're the sneaky ones. A pathetic way for a cheater to self-soothe.

You're totally right, he should be more worried about his wife potentially finding out than your interaction with his side piece. Guess he's not the brightest if he thinks that's fooling anyone! Either way, good call calling out the flaws in my logic - I appreciate you setting me straight on this messed up situation luv. Dude definitely deserves whatever karma's comin' to him eventually.

[billmunch]

LOL not at all. In fact, my SO is free to see other guys, so long as a couple easy conditions are met.

[laly520]

I would be worried

[strateguy632]

3rd.