Is this considered selfish?

[Anonymous]

You think it’s considered selfish to keep doing the things that your family was upset at your poor actions and they kept doing it because they would pick their own happiness over their family. Is this a sign of a selfish person? Why can’t they chose their family instead? Like if their family is upset about their poor choices and they kept doing it anyway because they won’t care if their family talks to them anymore they just got to do what makes them happy because they are an adult who can make their own decisions?

It’s selfish to chose your poor actions over your family

It’s not selfish and they should keep doing what they love over their family even if they don’t agree

Updates

1 mo

Why would they chose their poor choices over their family?

[ohsheeT]

Not really you're of age to do what you want to do they raised you the way they did and now they're complaining they can't complain they need to trust and respect you and you need to remind them hey I do have a good head on my shoulders what you think I'm doing and what I'm doing are probably two different things sometimes

But for some reason you must give them something to think about either by what you tell them or would they hear I'm sure they believe in you I'm sure they trust you they just care too much it's not too much they just probably don't know how to find the medium ground

And of course we don't want our parents to know what we do

But they just have to trust you and know that you have your best interest at hand too just because you do some things you do doesn't mean anything really

[Chayce]

Depends. You can only help someone so many times until you just can't anymore. Family or not. Family can also be the most entitled sometimes too so there's that.

[HollyK21]

No, I wouldn’t call it selfish to put yourself first, because if you don’t then how are you supposed to be there for everyone else? I don’t know what it is that was done that your family didn’t like, but you shouldn’t have to base all your decision making on what they do and don’t approve of. As an adult don’t need their approval or anyone else’s. I could absolutely understand if your choices were harmful to your family, like obviously you shouldn’t do things that bring harm to others. But simple stuff, like you started dating a guy they don’t like, or you stopped letting your sister wear your clothes because she never returns them, stuff like that I think is fair to set boundaries about.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s true. What if they never wanna talk to you again? You would chose the things they don’t agree with over your family?

[HollyK21]

Depending on the circumstances, I may be better off without them. There’s this stigma that just because someone is your family, you’ve got to do anything and everything to preserve those connections. Like when family does wrong, you’re supposed to forgive and forgive, which is why the men who touch the children in their family get to stay in the family and it remains a family secret. That’s no way to live. Nobody should be exempt of your preserving your peace.

[Anonymous]

Putting yourself first is the very definition of selfish, yes

[Asker]

How? Why would they be selfish like this and would chose their actions over their family?

[Opinion Owner]

It's hard to say without knowing any specifics. They may just disagree about what is best or they are tired of having to pick their family over themselves if they have had to before repeatedly. This is all vague so it's hard to give a specific answer.

[Asker]

Like let’s say casual sex they keep doing it even if they say their family won’t talk to them anymore. It’s not selfish to chose your happiness in this situation over your family?

[Asker]

Because of their values

[lunabtrous]

its not their happiness they must be struggling and they need someone or something to deal with that

[WhitneySnow]

Need a lot more details. What poor choices?