Am I being selfish?

[kclark30]

I have a 38 year old boyfriend who is in jail. Long story short, he thought he was above the law and wasn't. He is out of state and served a 14 month prison term. He gets out at the end of the month. He wanted me to travel with his mom who I barely know for 24 hours one way road trip stopping as we need to, pick him up from jail, travel another 4 hours to where he has to stay for 2 months on probation while his mom stays with him the entire time. I haven't seen him and obviously want to be intimate with him, but not feeling comfortable about it knowing his mom is in another room. I was supposed to stay a week and fly back to where I live so I can work. I thought about this and cancelled my plans. I have no idea what it's like to be in jail, but I bet it's traumatic. I told him it would be better if I weren't there and he should heal on his own. Our relationship was only 5 months until he was arrested. He is very disappointed and hurt. He wanted me there to help him trying to manipulate and guilt me and I'm thinking I don't want any part of creating a co-dependant relationship with him. It's only two months, he can heal, and we can start our relationship over again if he decides to be a better person. I emailed him that. I also sent his mom a text too explaining all of this. Neither of them have responded to me and it's been 5 days. Did I do the right thing? Am I being selfish for not wanting to go down there and help him heal?

Updates

1 y

I think at this point, I'm looking for some closure. The silence is screwing with my head.

[exitseven]

I really wanted to make a wisecrack about this but I know it is serious I do not know why he was incarcerated but maybe you should think if finding a new boyfriend. His life will be a constant drama not only with his inability to find steady employment but also he has mommy issues. You are very kind to support him while he was away but you need to do what's best for you

[Billlewis]

No, if he really, truly loves you, he'll understand.

[douride2]

No your not being selfish. But I think it is time for you to forget about this guy & move on with your life without him.

[Billlewis]

I don't think she's being selfish either, although if she ever does become selfish, I hope she does with me... lol. I'm trying to get in touch with her.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic tale of love, law, and longing! First off, let’s remember that being supportive doesn’t mean sacrificing your own comfort and boundaries. Your concerns about intimacy with his mom next door? Totally valid. Plus, navigating a new relationship with his mom on a road trip marathon sounds like a reality show waiting to happen.

Five months in and you’re already facing a plot twist worthy of a novel. It’s crucial, especially in these early stages, to set boundaries and understand what you’re comfortable with. The decision to let him have space to heal and ponder on his actions isn’t just wise; it’s a move straight out of the Relationship Wisdom Playbook. 📖💔

It’s not selfish; it’s self-care. Creating a healthy foundation for a relationship often means taking steps back and evaluating what’s best for both parties. And in this scenario, you’re also avoiding the creation of a codependent dynamic that could lead to more drama than a soap opera.

Their radio silence might feel like a ghosting episode, and I know it stings. But sometimes, no response is a response, giving you space to reflect on what you genuinely need and want.

So, no, you’re not being selfish. You’re being authentic and protective of your emotional well-being. If the relationship is meant to bloom, having a partner who respects your boundaries and understands your reasons is key.

Now, who’s got a similar tale to tell, or needs a sprinkle of advice? Slide into this conversation. Let’s make it spicy! 🔥

[TommyMountainFigure]

It's not your job to heal him, so you aren't being selfish. He was only in prison because of something stupid he did anyway!

[Celticwolf78]

You did the right thing and don't let him guilt trip you into anything I think you need to move on

[HouseMoat]

Meanwhile, I've never been in jail, and im still single

this s why women, suck, balls

[kclark30]

Not all women do. I'm starting to think being single is better than putting up with other people's BS.

[HouseMoat]

Then be single