Am I being selfish that I don't want my partner to party until I am fully vaccinated?

[Anonymous]

Me and my partner both have long term illnesses and we live together. He is fully vaccinated. I have only had a single shot. My illness previously involved breathing difficulties and I obviously really don't want covid Delta for that reason. Since he has been doubled vaccinated he wants to go out to bars now. I asked him please not and meet his friends elsewhere to but he says that is the only way he can see them.

We have limited his going to bars to once a month since the restrictions lifted. But he wants to go out and party twice next week because it's his birthday. I am getting my second shot at the end of next week and have asked him to please wait for a couple of weeks until my second shot kicks in but he is angry because it's his birthday and told me he has already had to turn down his friends a couple of times because of me and it's embarrassing. I could have more empathy if he was 21 but he is almost 40.

I feel like he is being selfish because he is double vaccinated. He says I worry too much and gets really annoyed, saying he still wears a mask for me, even in places where he doesn't have to, but Delta is no joke, especially for those with pre-existing conditions.

Am I being unreasonable?

[abc3643]

NO! This is an EXCELLENT question!

You should request (*) him to hold-off until fully vaccinated.
He shouldn't have to wait that long.
If he can't wait and ignores this request of yours, dump him immediately and forever. (*)

=========

(*) I want to be clear about this:

While this is a "request" you are making of him not to party until you are fully vaccinated, it's a de facto demand or, put in less antagonistic terms, a requirement of his behavior within your relationship.

That said, you word this to him as a request and not as a demand/requirement because making a demand makes you look bitchy, bossy, and controlling. Relax: I can tell that you are not that way simply by your asking this very question. We just don't want him to think you've turned into a succubus.

Anyway, his willingness to give up partying to prevent risking your health is something that needs to come from him. This is another reason why you need to word it as a request and not as a demand or requirement. He needs to have the sense that he is doing the right thing by you willingly and not fulfilling your demands reluctantly.

From your perspective, he needs to intuitively show you that he understands your needs of him and will act appropriately - like a man responsible for his woman, not a boy interested in partying all the time.

SO, once you make the request, if he ignores it and parties anyway, then he CERTAINLY needs to go... not just because he's a COVID-19 risk to you, but because he is showing you that he's an immature selfish man-child who you cannot rely upon because he doesn't understand the basics of manhood where women are concerned. Such man-children need to go and be out of the dating loop until they grow-up and intuitively understand what I described.

Good luck! And, again, excellent question!

[ToastyOats]

Definitely not! You are being totally reasonable.
If He was willing to quarantine for himself than your assessment is correct, he's is being hypocritical and uncaring.
I also want to say however that I totally disagree with getting vaxxed at all. I've been studying health and the body for 10 years know and I am shocked by how little people really know. I know guys that can tell me every part of their truck but don't even know all their internal organs and their functions!
It is far better to keep yourself healthy enough that you can mutate as quickly as the virus. New strains are coming out all the time and you'll be looking at multiple shots a year. At some point they will start charging for them.
I haven't had the slightest sickness in 4 years now. Its kinda weird for me to see other people sick. I barely even remember what its like to have a cold. I am evolving a quickly as any viruses i come in contact with because of the good care I take for my body, And You Can Too!

[Screenwriter]

Something's wrong with this guy. He's being incredibly careless AND selfish.

No 1 and MOST importantly: There is a 12 percent NON coverage against Covid with the Pfizer vaccine, which has the highest protection rating. In my state, where Covid is raging right now, there are about 15 percent BREAKTHROUGH cases!!! And that's right in the ballpark.

If he wants to PARTY, have him invite his friends over to your house or to a private party: Make sure everyone in the party is vaccinated DUE TO YOUR HEALTH ISSUES.

As old as your partner is, he should have more sense. HE is your health risk.

You need to have a serious talk with this man about his actions. He needs to wear a mask ALL THE TIME he is out in public to protect himself AND you. Fuck his birthday! He'll have another, more than likely, when this outbreak is over. Tell him to WAIT. Tell him he needs to value YOUR LIFE if he doesn't value his own. If you get sick with Covid, you could die.

You should re examine your relationship with this man if he refuses to mask all the time and NOT go out partying.

Personally, I'd be packing my bags. Good luck.

[PinkMichae]

I'm a big fan of getting out there and living life again after being locked down. However I don't think you are being unreasonable. Even tho he's fully vaccinated he can still get covid-19 and spread it to you.

If you were healthy I'd say it would be unreasonable. But you are not. And we know it's the people with other illnesses that are more susceptible and get worse symptoms that can lead to death.

I completely understand how annoyed he must feel to not hang out with his friends. But it's not your fault this disease is a risk to your life. And it's not like you are telling him he can't go out until the pandemic is over.

Now he could be more annoyed because you didn't get vaccinated as soon as he did and now he can't celebrate his birthday with his friends. That I could understand. But regardless I would still choose to protect my love even if he procrastinated getting the vaccine.

[caring__1]

A person who isn't considerate of a partner's feelings isn't much of a partner. He is basically telling you what his priorities are, and you aren't very high on his list. That's pretty sad when he can't wait a couple of weeks. You can always tell him you'll find another place to live until your vaccination is fully in effect. His reaction will tell you whether you are a priority or just his own personal needs and desires.

It would be selfish to tell him what to do, but asking him to consider your feelings doesn't make it an obligation. You are not being selfish to do whatever is necessary to protect your health and well-being, as long as your choices focus on what is within your control (and that isn't him).

[Interstate]

If he is complaining about you being an embarrassment in front of his friends, it is obvious he cares more about partying and hanging with his friends than being understanding of your request. It says to me this relationship is already doomed! I would cut it off now and move on with life!

But also, being as he is only a partner, moving in together was a bad idea! There is NO guarantee it will work, and if you end up pregnant, that most likely will cause unnecessary drama, not to mention the fact the kid will most likely feel without a home. It is either "Mom's house" or "Dad's house". But you rushed into the decision to share a roof before even taking enough time to get to know each other, become official and get engaged. Really, nobody should be moving in together unless it is a STRICT roommate arrangement, or they are engaged.

Now if you are referring to him as "Partner" meaning Spouse, then disregard my second paragraph.

[Pj1981]

I'm not someone who pays much attention to covid. I caught it in August last year and I am a diabetic with asthma. I however must have been one of the lucky ones because I only felt drained, lost my smell, and had a headache. It lasted about a week. I have since received my vaccines just because I don't want to spread it. However if I lived with my girlfriend and I truly cared about her I personally would give up going out especially if it's only for a few more weeks until you have had both. You may be worrying too much but even so birthday or not if someone can't give up a couple meetings with friends for the peace of mind of someone they love I would consider it selfish

[Anonymous]

Hi, hello, person with a chronic illness here! I UNDERSTAND exactly your fears having had to deal with them myself, and let me say this to anyone who is not in your shoes....there is NO SUCH thing as being too selfish, when it comes to your health when you have long term or chronic illness. Because he lives with you, and has constant contact with you, you absolutely have the right to worry about what he could bring back. Covid vaccines aren't 100% and now with the new strains, it's much less of a protection. All you can do in this situation is really advocate for yourself and your health. Maybe you can find a compromise and have them throw him a backyard party with his friends so they can see him, but maybe less chance of higher transmission being outdoors and with just a smaller group.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Yes. Thee mold spores. The Nuremberg--violating experimental gene rape jabs are the actual disease. It's a big game of bait and switch, brought to you by a Georgia Guidestones-loving global cabal of gangsters in cohorts with a neo-Nazi death cult.

Preventing him from partying until your service as their guinea pig is complete is very selfish and misinformed. Monstrous, even, for the global evil you're enabling with this pageantry.

[ObscuredBeyond]

*The mold spores are the real vaccine. Autocorrect doing its thing again.

[SunnyFlorida]

You are not being unreasonable under the circumstances. A fully vaccinated person can still be a carrier of COVID. They told me that when I got vaccinated. So your partner could bring home the virus to you.

Is your partner's desire to socialize more important than you desire to avoid being infected? What will he say if you end-up in a hospital on a ventilator? In addition to the Delta, there is also the Lambda variant which might be resistant to some vaccines.

[PizzaBrat]

You aren't being selfish, I work in a nursing home and I see what COVID has done to residents. It's not pretty, you have every right to be upset. You can be asymptomatic and have no symptoms but give it to others.

Anyways, hope you two get everything figured out. I hope this COVID ends soon, but unfortunately I think another wave is coming back. Numbers are going up in my state.

[Anonymous]

The bigger issue to me is that he's 40 and his social life still revolves around partying at bars. Do I think you're asking to much? Yes. He's fully vaccinated so it's highly unlikely that he would transmit it to you. But do I think he should be over partying at bars multiple times a week? Yes. I've been over the bar scene since my mid to late 20s, and I personally wouldn't be attracted to a 40-year old who still parties at bars so much, but that's just me.

[dillbill561]

That’s only a few years after the legal age to drink... I haven’t liked going out for awhile and don’t really like bars but I still go.. just for food or drink out of the house tho

[K-I-S-S]

Health problems and risks are no joke.

A lot of idiots here who think drinking and a bit of a party is worth it. And the main reason why it is going on for so long time.

A lower risk would be to grill on a beach with a few friends with some beers or etc.

[artsygirl457]

i mean its up to you but a lady at work is fully vaccinated went to party for the weekend and has been out with covid now and she has it bad. there is no silver bullet for anything

[JustAnj]

Just have him take a rushed test for COVID-19 in 3 days and meanwhile wear a mask around him, that way you both get to compermise the issue with a solution. He gets to celebrate his birthday and you get to stay safe.

[Coolkat12345]

Well if he is vaccinated he won’t catch anything so how will he affect you? The answer is he won’t and what he does doesn’t matter all that matters is you get vaccinated so you don’t catch anything because he is immune so if he goes out and interacts with you it won’t make a difference because he isn’t contagious, YOU are the one that is contagious and not vaccinated not him so YOU are actually being the selfish one.

[DarkWinterNights]

It seems a bit over the top and controlling. A year ago? Sure… but if you were this concerned about Covid, why don’t you have your second shot already?

[xHoneyxBeex]

No, you aren't selfish. You have a valid reason for wanting him to wait until after you are fully vaccinated before partying. Since you live together, he should respect your feelings on this.

[ohshee]

No your being a beautiful carrying friend partner human being who cares about other people I think you're beautiful I think you're great and may God bless you

[Anonymous]

You are being so selfish and possessive. Being understanding must come from both parties. It's his birthday soon let him go out with his friends.

[SwedishTwizz]

Yes you are being selfish. Your man shouldn't even care what you say he should go out.

[dillbill561]

Stop worrying and look at the real science, facts and evidence you can see not make believe hypnosis and fear mongering pseudo science. Live your life improve your lung health if possible

[spartan55]

So then he gets to tell you what to do also, right?

[AdithyaR]

Considering that you're only one dose in, you're still at risk of infection, so him going out could accidentally spread an infection to you. It's worrying that he can't see that.