Is this selfish of me?

[StrawberryShake]

Throughout our relationship I've gotten my boyfriend multiple gifts like a seat cushion set for his car, clothing, shoes, phone gadgets, hand made cards etc.
He's not much of a gift giver and he's really only gotten me a teddy bear for my birthday (I asked for it) and a phone case for Christmas.

Well my birthday and our one year anniversary is three days apart and I told him I don't need a birthday gift. I hope he does something nice for our anniversary bc I'm putting a lot of work into his gift... like I usually do.
Is this selfish to expect him to get me something nice like some jewelry or a fancy dinner?

No it sounds reasonable

Selfish

[NathanDavis]

I would not call it selfish, but I do not think it is a good idea...

if you tell him you do NOT need a gift... he will see that as a clear, NO gift

so, for you to expect him to give bring you gifts... that's quite the risk

I know that we're all different but, most men respond better to straight and clear communication... if you expect a fancy dinner and some nice gifts from him for either or both your birthday and also the anniversary, then you should tell him, that is what you would like and want

[StrawberryShake]

I told him I don't need a gift for my birthday, not our anniversary

[NathanDavis]

yes, I get that... and since you were not specific on the anniversary

it might confuse him... and if he has shown initiative any time before, it is a risk to expect him to do it now

as of now, all the info he has for sure is that you don't need for a birthday gift

like, I said most men... especially passive men like him, do need clear and straight communication

[BossLady16]

@strawberryshake I 100% agree with Nathan. Guys are super simple. They like plain clear communication. They don't work like us.

If it were me I'd be direct but not demanding. Something like "Babe, it would mean a lot to me if we went to a nice dinner or if you gave me a piece of jewelry for our 1 yr anniversary. To save money don't worry about buying something for my bday just spend time with me 🥰"

[StrawberryShake]

@BossLady16 ok I'll try it, hopefully it goes well 😂😊

[TheBootyChest]

It's not selfish. but you are setting yourself up for failure.

You asked him not to do something and still expect him to do it. He isn't much a gift giver but you are still expecting him to do it.

There is a thing called the love languages. One of them is called gift giving. And people who want that from people as a sign of love are usually the ones who do it to others instead. So you do it to him hoping he will do it back. But it's not his love language so he isn't likely to do it at all.

So what you should be doing is explaining that to him and finding a compromise where you both get what you want.

[Anonymous]

I dont think that’s selfish. If i were u i’d expect him to do the same thing to me. Try telling him though, he’s probably that kind of person who needs a clear statement. But it could be not his love language or he’s just a cheap guy

[BossLady16]

Not selfish at all 😊 I would just recommend being more clear when communicating with guys. They aren't great at reading our minds 😇

[RealMarek]

Have you ever heard of the five love languages? Gift giving is one of them. Many people find that the way they show love is concentrated on one or two of them, and they usually want to be shown love in the same ways. Maybe see if he’ll take an online love language assessment with you.

If gifts are important to you, don’t tell him not to give you gifts for an important occasion like your birthday. Instead of seeing that you’re trying to compromise, he might begin to assume you don’t really need gifts at all, especially if he doesn’t feel a need for gifts himself. Always try to communicate your needs.

[Grond21]

It's not selfish for you to care and expect him to care as well. So I would focus on that, and not on exactly how he shows his care. As long as it's sincere and significant.
If you would like to find your ability to connect with each other and show each other that you do care, I suggest looking up the five love languages. You can learn the ways your partner expresses and receives love, and you can learn the ways that you do as well. And this is incredibly powerful in allowing you to speak each other's love language so you can be closer and better connected

[Rizwan_khan]

It's very good gesture to giveing gift to each other it make love stronger. But in your case like you are gift giver but your boyfriend is not so it would be hurt full cuz we human have tendency of expectation that if we do something or making effort for other person but that person is not making that much effort although is he/ she loves their partner but still we get hurt. Cuz i have been through this i have done so much for my ex and she doesn't care about that. the thing is i just never told her or realise her that I'm making so much effort to make her happy. And then suddenly she broke up with me. It so hurt full for me. That now I'm afraid to do love again. And you are not selfish in your case.🤗

[TommyMountainFigure]

A good relationship isn't only based on what gifts are given, but they are a good way to show someone you care about them.
I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

[Anonymous]

No, it's not selfish. Is he your age? He sounds like an immature dumb shit kid.

[StrawberryShake]

He's 30 years older haha

[Opinion Owner]

He's 48 years old?

[StrawberryShake]

Yeah

[bowenw]

It's not selfish and you shouldn't have to ask or remind him.

[whirled_up_girl]

I'm not sure if selfish is the word maybe it's more unrealistic to expect him to do that if that's not the kind of personality he has.

[Debbie14217]

No way you have every right to expect something like that... its not selfish at all

[Hanrej]

It IS selfish... But by no means wrong. You should be allowed to be selfish.

[red_knight]

Expectations are the death of everything. I'm sorry but I hope you find a way to strengthen the communication between you 2 as here you won't be helping anyone with our opinions

[Iron_Man]

No of course not

[Tstrbrainer]

Perfectly reasonable

[JesseJayNeak]

Sounds fine to me

[jimmy2]

God bless you 2