How do I cope with hating that I look like my dad and feeling hopeless?

[Anonymous]

I hate to feel like this but I hate that I look like my dad I feel like he ruined my life at 29 no guys want to be with me and ik it’s because of my looks and my body and getting work done is so expensive.

I feel hopeless

[lightbulb27]

That sounds like a counseling session to work through the prior trauma. You can do a lot yourself as well as there are techniques to work through it.

The bottom line is to find out what is truth, develop a way to accept it and love yourself. develop love for others as well. That's the project.

I recommend God/Christ/Church. That worked for me, maybe work for you.

I don't like the idea of cutting yourself up to look different but prefer changing your mindset.

No doubt you don't want to keep on the current path as it will be depressing and hopeless. You want to change so that you have hope in life, develop forgiveness, rebuild your esteem and strength.

You can study trauma therapy techniques and find some that work for you.

If you can turn your mind to being thankful, gratitude, that is also very powerful.

You can do it!

[Asker]

It’s just having so much trauma around how I look… growing up being reminded that you’re not beautiful… being talked about, not looking anything like your beautiful mom, feeling embarrassed when my teacher asked who wanted to take me to prom and all the boys looked away and not winning homecoming queen. Or being told I don’t look like a wife but a baby mama

Never having a boyfriend, first kiss, actual date to a real restaurant..

[lightbulb27]

how old are you. to me you are a general pink photo, so I have little context.

I was told I was ugly by some and it hurts more by family. At what age did this happen because it's development stage of a developing person and can be impactful. Either way, that be part of understanding you, why you are hurt so and how to get free from it.

I got a lot of negative from girls younger age and picked on by boys. People are mean sometimes. Not being homecoming queen... that's a tall order there, only one person can be and honestly, it doesn't mean that much, but does at the time. Time goes on, people change.
You've taken some insults and it isn't just physical but emotional. Once these unfeeling abusive people have you down, they keep going because you look like they can abuse you. Part of the issue is... they are abusive and you don't have the power yet to uphold yourself.

I know plenty of people that look mediocre, found mates, have kids, etc.. You cannot judge anything by what these other people said.

No dates, kisses , etc.. yea, I didn't have those til much later either. When you get hurt early, it delayed you.
I suggest you spend some time learning about yourself. are you a sensitive person, are you caring, are you empathetic? If so, it's easy to have hurt you, but these are really great gifts and of your value. You have to learn to love yourself, so spend time learning about love, forgiveness, hope, having faith, gratitude, etc.. Those are the salves that heal this wound. Of course, getting some better more positive people around you.

[Asker]

I’m 29… but being ugly really does affect your quality of life… affects whether you’ll find a man, have a family, friends, jobs…. I spent my entire 20s with body dysmorphia and not going out because what I see is also what other people see.

[Asker]

I think my mom was the worst and most confusing… I remember just walking down the hall and she looked at me in disgust and huffed her breath and said I needed to wear makeup or I’ll never get a boyfriend like my step sister

I think I look absolutely horrible… like a creature and my eyes look a bit retarded… I have a head that’s kind of shaped like a thumb and small ears it’s like I can’t even work with my features… I used to always send messages to my dad explaining how much I hated looking like him etc yes it hurts his feelings and he has low self esteem too which doesn’t help but I won’t pass on my bad looks to my child or grow up to resent them like my mom or be jealous of them because they have the life I wanted.. I would just be a toxic person

[lightbulb27]

You really have to not be so critical of yourself but focus on making yourself the best person you can be, the inside and outside. Again, I've seen so many people not really that attractive find others. What's essential is you feel good about yourself, that projects and changes how others see you. The abuse you took, wrongly so, warped your view of yourself. That needs improved. You must look in that mirror, and love that person. So just do that, practice it, speak to yourself, repeat it until you believe it. Tell yourself you are beautiful, or say what is great about you, Say what you want your life to be, write it down. Focus on what you can control and do.
Avoid all the surgery if you can.
Your time is not over, you are still young. I know people married in late 40's that got married and had kids.
I know attractive people... not married or had some miserable days. Dont envy others. Be your best.

[Asker]

But I always wanted to be attractive I was really considering being a onlyfans girl.. just because I like the fast attention from men but I don’t feel comfortable showing my body or face

[Asker]

https://ibb.co/1tZkCtZj

[lightbulb27]

link does not work. That will cheapen you which is what they told you you are. you need to go the other direction to up your value. What's the chance you can explore going to church, get positive prayer, accept God's love, and rebuild yourself. that is what I did, that's what I recommend. Going out on the internet to bait guys will just reinforce the evil put upon you. Go the other direction.

[Asker]

God has never loved me lol but okay

[lightbulb27]

Time to start on that relationship. You started as a tiny cell... you got a lot of something to get to where you are. Many others, not so fortunate. Write down a few things you can be thankful for.

[Asker]

How would you rate me—marry, smash, or pass? ↗

[Asker]

Would you pay for my adult content as your next favorite porn star? ↗

[lightbulb27]

I re-read parts about your mom and dad. There's family patterns of issues and abuse in here. There's a state of life as a teen where these form your identity. That is what you are battling with. You have self image issue.
This has nothing to do with other men but how you see yourself, which is flawed, but it's the reference point you were given.
So you must go find a new perspective on life, on yourself.

I had to do that as do others. When you get to the point of freedom, it will be a wonderful feeling.

[jahaims]

If you get your value from your looks then you are a fool

[Nikki1989]

You did not choose whose face you inherited, but you have absolute ownership over whose life you are building. Focus on that.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

How does he look

[Asker]

He’s handsome for a guy but sometimes girls look more like their dad even if the mother is very attractive…

[gasman70]

lower your standards

[Asker]

Tried that and still get replaced but instead of lowering my standards I decided to get into sx work like look cute on the internet

[gasman70]

I bet if you sent me a picture of you, you are less hideous than you think. I just think that you're not finding the right guys. Like a lot of guys who are 5's are trying to go for 7s and 8s and 9s

[Asker]

https://ibb.co/1tZkCtZj

[gasman70]

it says that page doesn't exist

[Asker]

How would you rate me—marry, smash, or pass? ↗

[gasman70]

I don't know, the picture didn't come up, when I click on it, it says, page doesn't exist. Just like I said earlier. I have an email, JB4_1492@yahoo. com, if you want to send a picture. I'll let you know what I think.

[Asker]

Well I don't know

[gasman70]

you can try to post here again. or you can email me, if I turn out to be a jerk you can always block my email

[gasman70]

I'm just trying to help you out here.

[Asker]

Would you pay for my adult content as your next favorite porn star? ↗

[gasman70]

I don't know what you look like, the link doesn't show me anything