Why does my father's love feel conditional and emotionally distant?

[Anonymous]

For instance during my school years, he used to focused too much on the good grades I got in school and the high scores meanwhile ignoring my lack of social skills. My mother was worried about my social issues and lack of friends at school. Secondly, whenever I was quiet and obedient, he would reward that. However, the day I verbally challenged him (something I felt was unfair), he didn't care about my views nor feelings. He punished me with giving me the cold shoulders for a whole week; as if getting even or something. When I was 11, he once thought I had lied to him and he wasn't speaking to me for nearly a week.

My mother has long suspected him of having mild narcissistic traits. They can love you but it's not empathetical and certainly not unconditional. I always saw my mother's love as empathetical, warm and unconditional. I can argue with her or vice-versa and we're still speaking to each other the next day or so. With my father, if I were to have an argument with him even on something trivial, he's capable of not just giving me the cold shoulders but withdrawing any support and not give affection. He gets even. For the longest I've felt that's not normal. He's always been a great provider but emotionally, it feels a distant, transactional love.

Updates

6 d

If my son were 11 years old and lied to me, I would want to know why, if there is something bothering him, get to the root of it and then applied natural consequences but I would still speak to him, still give him affection.

[Nikki1989]

Many fathers—particularly from older generations—were raised in environments where emotions were never discussed and vulnerability was treated as weakness.

[Asker]

Makes sense. My father's parents had a dysfuctional marriage; there was no actually love between them. I feel bad that I can't feel a real, emotional bond with him and don't trust him with many things meanwhile my level of trust with my mother is huge. My husband is different. He's affectionate towards our son and he cares about his social skills and milestones.
He fails to realize that caused me delays in social skills, getting bullied at school as a result, not knowing what a healthy relationship is like, having a former toxic ex boyfriend as the first experience, etc.

[MrChinaski]

Not everyone can, or chooses to, love you the way you need to be loved. That's not your fault.

[Asker]

Yeah for the longest I've felt he loves an idealized version of me (quiet woman that never disagrees nor challenges and will always say yes, blind obedience), a fantasy.