Is what my dad said true that you can’t show a man that you’re very in love with him?

[pink_and_inlove]

I feel like some of the advice that my dad gives me isn’t true because he did used to be a player in his earlier years. Today I was talking to him how I felt bad seeing my boyfriend sick the way he was on Friday and that I actually cried in front of him and he told me “no don’t do that you can’t show a man that you’re so in love with him.” I don’t really believe this because if you can’t be vulnerable with your partner then who could you be vulnerable with? But is there any truth to what he said?

[GingerGuy]

I think @OlderAndWiser is correct, your dad still kind of has that player mentality I think. If you're in a real and loving relationship, you should show and not be afraid to show emotion. Your dad probably knows nothing about that? lol (ie never experienced it). On one hand, he might just be the caring father, and doesn't want to see you potentially get hurt by guys, and maybe he doesn't know or trust your boyfriend? It's hard to say. But no don't be afraid to show it. Like you said, if you can't be vulnerable with your partner, then who? And what kind of relationship do you have if you can't be?

[pink_and_inlove]

He loves my boyfriend they get along so well lol and we’ve been together for a while now

[Andres77]

I don't remember where I heard this but "the one who cares least about the relationship has the most power within the relationship".
I think he's suggesting that you can be vulnerable in love but if you show your vulnerability too much... the other person could be tempted to use that vulnerability to take advantage of you.
I think he's just saying "don't show HOW desperately in love you are" with this guy because if he thinks he's got you in the bag (pun intended) then he won't have to continue to earn you, to continue to be worthy of you. Human nature suggests that you'll be taken advantage of.
I think your dad is just trying to protect your heart... while he continues to be really cheap when buying gifts for you.

[pink_and_inlove]

Lmao I think my dad might have a bday surprise for me

[sullyk1234]

your father is right hold on to your emotions let things move slowly now ill tell you a story i met a man 12 years older than me i was so attracted to him and in love with him i pushed him away he won't talk to me look at me is not interested not his type and i know your going out with your boyfriend but even then it can turn a man off like never see you again off my parents had an old saying let the man chase you dont call him dont have sex with him make him want you never chase a man if they are interested he will go to you im 55 tony 67 im in love with a man that wants nothing to do with me becuase i went to fast. good luck and tell your father what i wrote wish you well

[natured]

I think there is some tiny bit of truth.
Also because most Men want a strong woman not a cry baby.
Sadly it's like that, I think a man will appreciate you more if you find a solution instead of crying about giving up. It turnes them off I guess.
But there is also the fact that it's not love if you can't be yourself, but at the same time we do the whining for attention indirectly.

[OlderAndWiser]

Your instinct is correct. Your father is a player and his advice is to play games and not show how you feel. You are far too passionate a lady to engage in such trickery and not reveal your feelings.

[pink_and_inlove]

He used to be when he was around my age basically before he met my mother but yeah that’s why a lot of the things he says about relationships I feel like they’re not true but some advice he has given me has been correct too like when he told me to give my boyfriend space and stuff

[OlderAndWiser]

Sometimes, it is quite helpful to get advice from a member of the opposite sex!

[hellionthesagereborn]

Men want kind women, so yes you should. The only reason why you wouldn't is if the guy is manipulative because the one who is the least invested has the most power (because they are fine walking away and the other is not). So this is his approach, he was always the one least invested so when you show your investment he thinks of that. But that isn't a healthy relationship, a healthy relationship is where both parties are equally invested and in that kind of a relationship showing your love is VITAL because most men who actually want more then sex, will not want to be in a relationship with a woman who doesn't love them.

[ZackBan]

He's not entirely wrong but not entirely right.

To much explicit affection is tiering on both parties. You may not feel it now as your relationship is still in full bloom but eventually it will require an effort to tell someone and show them what they already know which is that you love them.

Often times you notice that it's the couples who can't keep their hands of eachother that end up breaking up sooner.

To maximize the stability of your relationship you need to moderate the show of affection so that things always stay fresh.

I love you said once means the word to someone. But saying every day decreases it's market value and eventually it becomes meaninglessness

[DKierrvey]

That’s…. kind of weird advice. It seems that you really care about your boyfriend which is wonderful! Why would you date him if you didn’t care? I’m just gonna go ahead and assume your dad is single after his response. Absolutely nothing is wrong with showing love to you significant other, just make sure that you are getting the same efforts back.

[pink_and_inlove]

Well it’s kinda complicated my mom and him are still married but they don’t really get along and don’t even sleep togetehr and stuff

[DKierrvey]

I of course don’t mean to be rude, but why take advice from someone who can’t even get along with his wife? I would start going to your mom for advice on relationships instead, and if she is equally as negative about love then maybe just stick to asking friends for advice.

[pink_and_inlove]

I honestly don’t place him for having problems with her me and her dont get along either she’s very hot tempered

[pink_and_inlove]

Blame *

[pink_and_inlove]

And she’s very verbally abusive

[EmbraceThePain]

I think your dad is quite wrong. I’m too lazy to explain why at the moment though, but I will say that this topic has many different interpretations. So, the better question would be, how do you feel about expressing this emotion? How does your boyfriend feel?

[pink_and_inlove]

Well he’s my best friend I don’t know how he feels about me crying but I know that he’s always there for me and that he still loves me. When I feel sad I don’t know how to control my tears but at least I don’t make noise lol

[Jamie05rhs]

In his way of life (former way of life, but still his formative philosophy and what shaped his outlook), he's right. A woman shouldn't show her true deep feelings to a man like that, because it would scare him away. Because men like that primary want sex; they're not really looking for a long-term relationship.

But if you get the other type of guy (the romantic type), then the rules are the complete opposite. If you act cold (or nonchalant), he'll feel like you don't love him, and it will stress him out and make him sad.

[ChrisSO23]

The main problem with the advice your Dad gave is that it is too generic.
Not all men, or relationships, or situations are the same.

His advice is like someone telling you that no matter where you want to go you should always turn right at the next street.

And for me or anyone that doesn't know you and your boyfriend to tell you what to do in that exact situation is like someone calling you up and asking if they should turn right or left when you have no idea of where they are.

This why relationships are hard, there are not generic easy answers. What might be wrong to do because the person would use it against you for one person or situation, might scare off another person, or for another it might exactly the right thing to do for the relationship to grow.

We aren't always the best judge of what is right, but I would certainly trust my feeling over a "generic answer".

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think your dad is toxic just as bad as your mom, when you can do it get on your feet and get your own apartment or housing, It's terrible for parents to do and say stuff
that is not right (( Hugs ))

[pink_and_inlove]

No my dad is actually very sweet he just sometimes says dumb things lol

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@pink_and_inlove Okay that sounds cool

[Makeushiver]

Keep in mind that your Dad has your best interests at heart but Dads are Dads and they rarely like to think about their daughter's sexuality, You know how you feel about your oarents sexuality, it's pretty much the same with a sense of protection that is usually based on. "No guy is good enough for my daughter"

[Pj1981]

For me I have been in 2 very serious relationships. One I was loved but it wasn't really shown. The other I was shown love and affection and that relationship still has my heart. It was so much better. However I also believe it depends on the man because unfortunately some men will use your love to his advantage and might not treat you as good because of it. (Not a real man)

[Still-alive]

im gonna give you a devils advocate answer here as i agree with the others that this is pretty bad advice.

but trying to imagine where he's coming from he might be trying to say that if you show yourself being too vulnerable a bad guy you are dating will take clear advantage of this in an abusive way. obviously he doesn't know your boyfriend as well as you do so he wouldn't know he's a good guy who would not take advantage.

[MindYourEyes]

Sounds like an advice on what not to do. XD
just be yourself. Express and show the way you love. Fuck the rules ! Cause think about it. Would you want your boyfriend to purposely show you less love?

[Jouth]

If you trust your boyfriend, show him whatever you want. Be vulnerable and close with him. But if you suspect he's talking to other girls or playing games or whatever, then it's more like a game of chess than a relationship and you have to change the rules.

[Jouth]

Like I'm a player. But if I'm in love with a girl, she is my only one and I show her everything. If I'm a player I tell a girl I'm seeing other girls, I'm up front but then things become a power game and I don't show all my feelings. Falling in love is much better, but so much more rare.

[Mofunfour20]

True, love comes from the father. Your dad has no reason to lie to you about that. Only a man can love a woman unconditionally. A womans love is conditionional to the man protecting her and providing.

[madgoat]

I'd suggest once your relationship reaches a certain point, it's fine to open up and expect his engagement. Just don't do it on the first date.

[Handybody129]

There is only truth to it if your boyfriend isn't ready for that or isn't serious about the relationship

[pink_and_inlove]

He is serious he even got us promise rings and said since the beginning that he wanted to marry me

[Handybody129]

Well that is good. You will learn more about his seriousness and what he values when you become vulnerable. Being vulnerable takes a very strong person. Some will abuse it and some will love you for it. Be vulnerable but be strong too for those that use your vulnerability incorrectly

[Gwenhwyfar]

Your dad is wrong. That only applies if you’re dealing with a player. Your boyfriend is not a player.

[Sue_Free]

You said so yourself. He is a player. A player's advice. Follow your gut, you're on the right track.

[Surely]

As long as you do not grovel at his feet and become a whimpering idiot while you are showing your love for him!
Nothing wrong with showing your love for your love!

[bannacookies]

Maybe your dad's saying that because he detects a player in your boyfriend. I don't know. But there's some truth in what your dad says. Doesn't mean every one will be like that though.