Friend zoned for now or forever?

[ane234]

I've liked this guy at my job since last year when I started. A few months working there I never talked to him because I'm shy. After a while he started talking to me and I started talking to him. We really started to become friends this past April when I went to a coworker party. We were alone at the end and hung out for until 4:00am. A few weeks later I ask to hang out with him and we did and hung out until 4:30am. That night I kissed him and he kissed me and if I let it, it would have led to sex but we did not do it. After that we hung out a few more times and had sex. The first time we did it was in June, on my birthday. I actually lost my cherry to him. A bit after I questioned his feelings for me because it felt like I was being used but he assured me he wasn't using me and he enjoyed spending time with me. I also asked why he never initiated plans with me and he apologized and said he was busy and soon after he invited me out to a show. He said he wanted us to mutually enjoy the time we have together. Me being me, I believed him and was fine. I bought two of my friends and he had some friends there and after he invited us over but my friends could not go so I did. I hung out with him and his friends for a bit but then we were alone most of the time. We lay down outside and touched each other, held hands and talked. That night we hung out around 6:30am and didn't have sex. We even walked near a lake and held hands as the sun came up. We still hang out and he pays. The reason I send the text in the first place was when he texted me saying he was glad that he makes me happy and that's what friends are for. Well I did something stupid. I was feeling lonely and sad one night and texted him if we'd ever be more then friends. The strange thing is I don't want to be more then friends, not right now anyway and still feel awful about sending it. He said he liked how things are now. We're just friends who satisfy one anthers needs. That we need someone to embrace now and then. Isn't he technically using me? I wasn't going to respond but did anyway. I told him thank you for being honest, and now I know I'll never have a chance. I even apologized and said I didn't mean to send it because I was still high and feeling lonely. That he could do better than me anyway. I even said I didn’t want to fall for him and be rejected or he starts being with someone else. He replied saying we should go with the flow and enjoy ourselves. I honestly think that's fine for now. He knows I can't stop thinking about him and while having sex I sometimes say I want him that I've always wanted him and he seems gratified. I wish he wouldn't stare at me and didn't accept my shy and awkwardness. It makes it harder for me. Especially since we work together and he always says hi. One of my guy friends say he is afraid to commit. I just think he won't ever want me. My friends who've met him say he likes me but who knows. I feel pathetic. I cried over some guy.

Updates

+1 y

I'm going to go with the flow and try not to think so much. I don't want to be his girlfriend but maybe eventually but if not, oh well. I just can't help thinking he could be doing what he's doing with me with someone else. And after knowing how I feel I hope he doesn't use it for his own benefit. I guess I can't he'll feeling disappointed because I feel I'm not good enough for him. I even told him that. Anwya, thanks everyone. I need to focus on college anyway. I still hope..but will move on.

[ShesSoSilly]

First thing I want to point out is it might be easier for people to read your question (also making them more inclined to answer) if you broke it up with paragraphs. Just saying this because I found it kind of hard to read this way.

Anyway as far as your question there are a couple of things that stood out to me.

1) "that's what friends are for"

I think that was a very intentionally blunt thing for him to say. I personally take that as he is not looking for anything serious.

2) "I don't want to be more then friends"

If this is true, then you can just continue to enjoy what you have. But don't expect more from the guy because he clearly isn't interested in more. If you desire more from a man, you need to cut ties with him and find someone who is going to give you all you want.

So I agree with yaddayaddayadda, you need to be honest with yourself and him. You also need to decide what you want and how you feel.

3) "He said he liked how things are now. We're just friends who satisfy one anthers needs. That we need someone to embrace now and then."

I wish I could underline, italicize and bold that "We're just friends who.."

That to me back up my first impression (number one of this answer) .

HOWEVER he does take the time to actually do things with you aside from just sex, so that alone tells me he must care to some degree.

Someone who is really using you isn't going to give you the time of day expect those moments he wants sex.

So again, you need to figure out your true feelings and honestly express them to avoid the confusion. If this isn't working out for you, you need to find something different. If you are honestly content with how things are, leave things alone for now.

[ane234]

Thank you for your answer. You have many points. I know he cares but probably just as a friend. I appreciate that regardless. I will probably keep doing what we;re doing because it does make me happy and I enjoy being with him. He seems to be a good friend. I heard he stood up for me because a coworker said something about me. I do regret even asking. Even if he did, I'm full time in school and work and have friends and he has full time school and work and is a musician.

[ane234]

I'm still holding out that maybe things will work out and if not I guess I at least had fun and enjoyed myself. I even told him I didn't want to fall for him and be rejected or if he ends up with someone else, and I'm alone. That I really like hanging out with him and hope he is still interested in me. I real reason I'm upset is that since we're friends he can have sex and fool around with whoever. If I text him that I need a hug or someone to talk to he's there and that makes me happy.

[ShesSoSilly]

Well from what you've shared it sounds to me like you probably want something more serious than he does, you just don't want to get hurt. There is nothing wrong with that either just make sure you are doing what you truly want.

In my opinion if you're enjoying yourself have at it, but me personally I couldn't just give it up for free without some commitment. That's why I don't and have never had these types of friends in my life. I need more and I wait until that's in my life.

[ane234]

I will leave things alone for now. I guess he must like me enough to look at me and if someone says my name he'll look back at me and shares things with me. I also don't know much about he past girlfriends.. I think I might take a break from hanging out with him for awhile now and keep my options opened. I'm still hoping that may be he'll see me as something more.. Anyway, thank you or your honest opinion. Sorry for so many responses, I'm tired. I will type no more.

[ane234]

Your right. I regret starting this kinds of friendship. I guess I just went with the flow and it led here. I learned my lesson and will not do this again.

[ShesSoSilly]

No need to apologize. I'm glad I could give you another perspective to the situation. Don't feel bad about yourself for this though, you aren't the first girl to be in this situation and you won't be the last. Even though I haven't had these types of friends, even I have been used before so I can kind of relate. Just do what's best for you and next time let the guy know you expect more. If he's genuine he will stick around anyway(:

[ane234]

Thank you again. I really do appreciate it.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Wait. You didn't want to be more than friends but are upset that you aren't more than friends? It sounds like he likes you and is willing to go along for the ride, but you are feeling insecure and not taking his actions as truth.

But you need to figure out what you really want out of the relationship, first. Be honest with yourself, and then be honest with him.

[ane234]

You have a point.. All I know is that I want him.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Then accept his affection for you and stop second guessing it.

[ane234]

I know I should.. I will try.

[yaddayaddayadda02]

Do or do not...there is no try.

[ane234]

I will.

[heyitsdan]

friend zone

https://www.YouTube.com/watch?v=H-Q7b-vHY3Q

[mukheef]

The friend zone is a myth. There is no such thing.

[ane234]

Why do you say that?

[wolf359]

Prove it.

[mukheef]

When some one "friend zones" you, it means they are currently not interested in dating you. Why would some one be uninterested in so? It could be your personality, or your appearance. Both which are prone to change.

I am speaking out of experience. I've been friend zoned multiple times, and monthes later I dated the person. Simple, I waited until they became single again and I changed my personality to match theirs. I do not recommend it because it's not being very truthfull, but it is doable.

[ane234]

. I agree people are prone to changes. I've changed a lot the past year. I'm causally relationship zoned and will not change for them. people should want you for you. I'm not going to give up on him because I have a strong connection. and know he has some sort of feelings fie me but I. not going to wait around for him.

[wolf359]

Depends on why you're friend zoned.