Before starting off I'd like to say that I'm sorry for any mistakes since English is my third language:). Now here we go...
I'm 14 years old, and ever since I turned 12, I have struggled immensely with my appearance and it has only gotten worse. I've always hated my body, it's always been too slim, not womanly. While all my friends are voluptuous I'm barely an A cup (my boobs seem bigger than A cups but B cup bras never fit properly) and I have small hips and a flat butt. My legs are too slim, my waist too small and my body goes straight down, not one curve, not one small feature that stands out. Boring. Ugly. Horrible.
Before you say no that cannot be true, I've heard it from others. Though some middle-aged women have pointed out my "excellent physique", they're not the audience I'd like to get approval from. Others, younger have pointed out my flat butt, praying mantis like body and the mosquito bites on my chest. I feel self conscious in a bikini, I have to mentally prepare myself when going shopping for clothes and I refuse to go bra shopping, downright refuse (I wear bralettes). Every comment about my body hurts, I cry nearly every day about it, I dread looking in the mirror, will absolutely not under any circumstances take photos of myself and I'm always unhappy. Though I act happy, though I smile and laugh, I'm hurting inside. Even in my happiest moments, there's a little piece of me that stays unhappy, a piece that is hidden by laughter and smiles. I've become so good at it that I can even convince myself that I'm happy, but I know that I am not.
Well ok my body is atrocious, but my face must be pretty? Right? Right? No. First comes my hair, It's curly and brown, in quite tight coils falling down my back. But it isn't what I want. How I dream of sleek, smooth hair, falling like a waterfall, but my hair doesn't resemble that. How I want tan skin while mine is pale, how I want thin eyebrows while mine are full and how I want blue green almond eyes while mine are hazel and big and round, like a fish. How I want soft face features while mine are sharp, like a knife cutting and destroying my happiness. How I want big full lips, while mine are full but accompanied by a small mouth. How I want this and that, but I have none of it. And my life will be accompanied by misery, until, hopefully, I can become what I am not.