How much will being good looking help me anyway?

I'm a good looking guy. I get called "cute" by attractive women and "hot" by average-looking ones not infrequently.

Despite my looks, I only recently lost my virginity (I'm 20), to my ex in the first relationship I ever had, which lasted about 6 months.

I wasn't always good-looking. In high school I was way overweight and very socially awkward. The lack of confidence this engendered stayed with me long after I lost the weight. But I am way more confident now, and am getting even more confident by the day. It's just taking time.

I'm not shy like I was in high school, but I am by no means the most outgoing person- I'm fairly quiet around new people of both genders; but once I open up (after about 5 minutes of conversation usually) most people like me and find me funny and quite interesting.

Having just broke up with my ex, I've started asking women out. I approached a girl I didn't know and got her number, something I would NEVER have been able to do a year ago. However, she rejected me before we got to go on a date. I don't know why and it's been bothering me (she was two heads taller than me; I hope that's not the reason because I find tall women very attractive).

Which brings me to this- most men's dating advice focuses on being the "alpha male"- this means being confident and showing "social value"- by definition, being outgoing and knowing what to do in any social situation. This is not in my natural personality. I am trying to be more outgoing. But until I really get there, how much do you think I can rely on good looks to help me be more successful with women?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think good looks can definitely help you a lot, it's a pretty good advantage. It'll get more women to give you a second glance and not shoot you down immediately.

    But you do need some level of confidence. That doesn't exactly mean you need to be outgoing, there are plenty of girls who don't mind if you're not, but everyone needs some level of confidence if their relationship is going to work.

    You know how great of a person you are, so don't let a rejection bother you. We all have to go through it sometime, but it makes you stronger. :]


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What Girls Said 3

  • I think looks can help you a LOT and it makes sense that more women would prefer good looking guys over the not-so-attractive guys. The good look area may very well have women take the time to actually sit down and get to know you - whether you have the highed confidence or not - women will come to some conclusion. While looks can get you far enough in hooking up with women, you can go ahead and show her your best side - like you said, most women find you funny and interesting. That being said, your looks can get women to see the side of you that's funny and interesting. At whole, your looks can help you majorily. The best you can do is be yourself.

  • Good looks will get you in the door but they won't keep you there. If your personality sucks, eventually, you will be shown the door.

    As far as the girl deciding not to date you, that happens to everyone. Maybe she has a boyfriend or something. Who knows but you can't take the rejection personally because it will stop you from ever doing anything in life.

    Don't worry. Be yourself and have fun. The girls will surely flock to you.

    Good luck!

  • well it is always nice to see a pretty face as long as it is not attached to a cocky mouth.

    sometime the alpha male is attractive but be yourself.


What Guys Said 1

  • honestly, if your looks were a perfect 10, that would mean you have about 20% of your game covered.

    you pinned it on alpha male and social prowess. how many fat ugly dudes have you seen with like 8's or 10's for girlfriends and still have more on the side.

    social proof(she doesn't know you but knows everyone elses does)

    and pre-approval(she sees you with other girls so it becomes more !socially acceptable! to flirt/date you) also count for a lot to.

    also, women want to be talked to in a certain way. in a way that captivates them and makes them more in touch with their own feelings. if talking with you can make her in touch with her own feelings, she will automatically associate them with you.

    I could go on for hours, but I will leave you with a tid bit that you can actually use right now. next time you are out, think of an interesting conversation you would like to have, something that would interest a woman like social drama or some stupid movie or something. on the first woman you approach get the conversation going but let her opinion run the convo. then with the next girl you meet start the same convo but maintain your frame on why your opinion is right just don't be an asshole about it. even if you have to pretend to disagree.

    you will notice that when you maintain your frame and don't let her control the conversation she will grow more interest for you. if she knows she can control a conversation with you, than she will know that she can control you, and that can be a turn off for her.

    ok that's all goodbye.

    P.S. laughter is natures aphrodisiac.

    • I led most of the conversations we had before eventually getting shot down. I never agreed with her just for the sake of it or sucked up to her. I made her laugh.

      Honestly, it seems the "alpha male" shit is not the cure-all some guys make it out to be.

      What usually works is when I'm not looking for anything- i.e. the weekend after I became exclusive with my ex, I went out to a bar with just my roommate to have a good time, not to hook up. Four hot girls asked me to dance that night.

    • To elaborate- I believe that being "alpha" can get women interested in you. But I think you're attributing too much importance to it.

      You suggest that I need to 1-up a woman so to speak to "prove" I'm alpha, rather than interacting like a normal person. That's not natural.

    • Are you referring to one effort or have you tried it repeatedly.

      what I was trying to do is just give you one pointer to help your game. there are thousands of things you can do and there is no one thing that works on everyone. good looks are not a cure all, alpha male is not a cure all, frame control is not a cure all, but it all contributes and helps just keep practicing.

      try looking into mystery method to to get more details.