Life for the popular and attractive always seemed easier, so I decided to change my image. I finally started using make up and kept fit to show a healthier body and image. In a few months time, I started to notice the difference. People began to compliment my looks, and it also brought me more popularity. Many guys tell my friends that I'm attractive, and of course as a girl, these are good things to hear.
But that's where the problem lies. Guys think I'm attractive, but not approachable. I'm not sure why I give off this feeling? I admit I'm a bit shy too, and unless I'm comfortable enough to start up a conversation, I generally wait until the other party does. But I always try to smile and be polite, so what am I doing wrong? I find that most guys would rather initiate a conversation with friends that some have claimed as not so attractive (though I know this topic is very subjective) or the girls that love showing cleavage. Sometimes I try approaching them first to break that barrier, but when they don't respond after a few days, I start to worry that perhaps I was too assertive and desperate to have initiated a conversation. Does anyone have suggestions?
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When you're very attractive but also shy, guys tend to regard you as aloof and unapproachable. I have always had the same problem. The first guy I ever went to an event with was set up with me by our parents. He was a college SM and I was a HS SR. The night we met, he stared at me with this deer-in-the-headlights look while our mothers talked. I remember feeling self-conscious that he wasn't speaking to me, but then his mom suggested he walk me home (a block or so away from the restaurant where we met). We were both silent on the way and I was nearly on the verge of tears, thinking how awkward this was, but he stopped walking and turned to me. "There's something I don't understand... I mean, most of the time I'm set up with a girl, it's because she's a real dog and just really needs a date for something, you know?" He looked me up and down slowly, apparently confused. "You're... well, you're just... I mean...WOW!" "What?" "Well, you're not a dog at all; you're just seriously gorgeous. You're not a dog at all." (Not the world's best at the compliments, but I give him credit for speaking. He followed with something crass about his physical response, but I won't elaborate here.)
Fast forward, 20+ years (many similar experiences and a whole divorce) later... I'm at a club for my birthday and my friend tries very hard to get guys to approach me. I'm dancing and so is she, but she's a very plain looking girl and guys are approaching her non-stop. She, of course, has a Boyfriend and isn't appreciating the extra male attention with the jealous Boyfriend at her side. A really fit, nice-looking guy approaches her and she spins him around to introduce him to me. He takes a step back and says, "Really?...Really, she's not with one of these guys?" My friend shakes her head and gives the guy s firm shove in my direction. We're introduced and start dancing. He's just hot and we're doing our thing when he nudges me towards the stairs leading to the open air seating area. "So what's the deal, your man's out of town?" "No, I don't have a man." He gives me the same slow look as the teenager did years ago, only now I have enough sense to blush. "Seriously? You?...That can't be right. I mean you're...WOW. I mean you're just...WOW." Of course I didn't believe him. "If I'm so 'WOW,' why'd my friend have to practically twist your arm to come dance with me?" He just kept looking at me up and down. "Honestly? I didn't think you'd be such a nice girl. Girls who look like you are usually major B*s." It's confusing to me, of course, because I've always been the friendly sort, but have always liked to dress sharply, walk with really good posture, and pronounce my words properly, which might give off a different message to the guys. On top of it, I'm dreadfully shy around guys I find attractive, so they tend to think I'm aloof till they get a nudge in the right direction.
There are similar stories, but I won't bore further. The message is the same... Attractiveness is intimidating...