How to Approach Girls

[IamNuts]

When it comes to approaching girls, a lot of guys tend to freeze up. Even if a girl shows signs of interest most guys would still remain frozen. So how exactly do you overcome this?

Some of the most common reasons guys are afraid of approaching a girl are fear of responses and the fear of rejection. Then again it's completely possible that she could just as well reject you.

Without wasting anymore time lets just get to the points.

Eye contact

Yeah you've heard it over a thousand times before but it's still an important if not the most crucial factor.

One of the main reasons guys get rejected by girls is due to poor eye contact. If you don't make eye contact with them it might make them feel vulnerable because it would appear that you might have snuck up on them.

Smiling

Smiling is the best way to show them that your not some sort of a weirdo or a creep. It is common etiquette to smile when you meet someone and its no different when approaching a girl.

However this is also the most important part of the process. Smiles can give you clues on whether or not she's interested or is open to be approached. If she is open to your approach then 90% of the time they should smile back, if she doesn't or looks away then you better back off. You might take a chance and risk it but I wouldn't recommend doing so.

Body language

If she does smile back then you should start focusing on your body language. Make sure your shoulders are not slumped and try not to show any signs of nervousness. Remember girls love confident guys, well at least most of them do, so make sure to work on your confidence.

These are basically the most important steps and if you managed to successfully wiggle your way through this then congratulations you have her attention.

Starting a conversation

Most of the time it's just best to start with a simple "Hi". Unless you're already experienced or a player, pickup lines just won't work for you.

Now most of the time the conversation should just flow from here, you simply talk about a topic that's in your head whether it's about the place you're in right now or something that's on her that strikes you as particularly interesting.

Depending on the time and the place you're in, the conversation could happen in many different ways.

Here are some examples of conversation starters:

Asking for help
Location - Library
"I see that you're reading (book name) by C.S Lewis, I've been looking for one of those for a while, I wonder if you could help me find a copy?"

Breaking the ice
Location - Bar
" Are you thirsty? Would you care for a drink?"

Telling a funny story
Location - Party
"Last night just as I was finishing about three hours of computer homework, my laptop froze. Yep..you guessed it, 800 lines of computer code gone within minutes."

Ask her questions that require long answers but try not to be too inquisitive, just use her answers as a pedestal to carry on the conversation

Guy - "Wow can you believe how crazy our math teacher is?
Girl - "I know right, this one time he actually farted in class and blamed it on a student"
Guy - "No way, he actually blamed it on a student!! I cant't believe he would do such a thing and I thought the craziest thing he ever did was come to school in his underwear."

See what he did there. Now it doesn't really matter what kind of a conversation your having, well it does matter a little (You wouldn't want to be talking about religion and sex now) but for the most part just make sure it's a long one so that you'll leave an impression on her.

Asking for her number

If she still seems interested then you should go ahead and ask for her number or alternatively you could give her yours so that she would be one who feels in control of the situation.

Ask her on an instant date

Not exactly a good idea since you just met her for the first time but if you guys clicked then why not go the full distance and make it official.

You could ask her if she wants to grab a coffee somewhere (make sure to have a coffee shop in mind and preferably not a shop in some dank alley) or you could ask her to suggest one. If you're not sure about this then you're just better off sticking with asking for her phone number.

Appearances

Now I'm not gonna lie, appearances are indeed important. That's basically the first thing they'll notice so make sure you're at your best when you approach her. Make sure to brush your teeth, clean your ears, cut your nails, etc.

Now if you're not sure what hairstyle or beard suits you then I'd recommend getting a crew cut and a shave cause that looks good on 90% of the men out there.
If your fat or out of shape then you better start hitting the gym.

Handling a rejection

Now obviously if she's not interested then you should just back off. Don't get discouraged if things don't go the way you planned. Sometimes that's just the way life works. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You know the saying "There are plenty of other fish in the sea.".

Now this is mostly based on my dating experience and observation so chances are it may or may not work for you. So don't come complaining to me if you get kicked in the balls or something.

[the_rake]

eye contact, body language and smiling - all agreed.

something simple - e. g. 'hi', 'you're cute', etc. - agreed also. personally i say, "hey. i just saw you and wanted to come over to meet you. i think you're absolutely stunning / attractive / adorable / etc." dominant energy projected through the non-verbal elements you already mentioned, plus posture, breathing, etc.

conversation starters are dreadful however.

never buy a girl a drink.

forget asking for her number, take her on a date then and there. if she's not that interested in one, she probably won't bother texting you back anyway. and never give a girl your number - if YOU aren't in control she loses interest.

appearances... absolutely. dress to impress.

handling a rejection.. don't back off until she tells you to fuck off. persistence is key. but otherwise, yeah... 'plenty of fish and all' is good advice.

[GreatnessPersonified]

Truth.. on top of truth!!

[the_rake]

@GreatnessPersonified glad you enjoyed :)

[Marinepilot]

You're very right.

[the_rake]

Thanks again.

[DrBLan]

Agree here with the accepting of telling a girl she's "adorable". That just sounds like it'd give the creeper (I like underage girls) vibe. Everything else though is spot on.

[the_rake]

@DrBLan yea I used to feel uncomfortable eg using certain words. It's important to have your ownstyle but the more of these little barriers you break through the stronger your confidence.

[Kirah]

Honestly I'm one of the types who approaches guys, and I feel like more women should start doing so. Fellow women, stop waiting for men to approach you. You'll be happier if you start approaching yourself.

[RandomUsername3464]

Exactly! I am like a broken record with this stuff. I perceive these takes as constantly saying that guys are always at fault for everything. That's the vibe I get, even if the person who made the take didn't mean it like that. The implication is still there. People on the Internet seem to victimize themselves though with the whole approaching thing. Guys don't want to approach for fear of rejection, and girls think it is not right to do so. But that idea comes from movies, and many guys (like me) would be thankful if a girl could approach first and break the ice.

[TheGeorge]

It's not as bad as the internet wants you to believe. Guys still approach girls in real life

[Keyspirits]

Thats what how i like it! a REAL mature woman right here 👈🏼

[sdistotallyme]

just to go off on this. A girl can do pretty minimal effort when approaching a guy. She can just say hello and smile at him and that is LEAPS and BOUNDS beyond of what the vast majority of girls do nowadays. Also women get much more leeway to be nervous in front of a guy than the other way around. So don't worry girls. The odds are on your side if you think the guy is cute. If he likes you he will respond.

[FatherJack]

@kirah You have the power of Batemans Priciple completely on your side !! Therefore most female approaches WILL be successful & rejection will be minimal. UV from me , listen in ladies & pay attention !!

[ObscuredBeyond]

Where I live, getting blown off by a gal is considered a good thing, ironically. Even getting rudely rejected is a good thing. It's certainly not the worst thing.

After all, she could play along, win your trust, and then turn around and report you to someone the minute your back is turned, saying all sorts of evil and untrue things to whip up the third party into a hate frenzy.

You don't even have to get far with her. She doesn't wait till the dating or even close friend phase to activate her mouse trap on you. Often times, she'll do it while the two of you are still barely acquainted.

It's not "hey, wanna date?" "NO!"

It's:

You: "Hi, how go things?"

Her (to your face): "Oh, great! I've got so much to tell you, but later!"

You: "Cool. See you around!"

Her (behind your back to someone you don't wanna cross): "He needs to go. He's XYZ bad news..."

Third party (ambushing you at random some point later): "I've been hearing some complaints about you..."

You: "What?"

In Michigan, that's a thing apparently. If it happened one time, that'd be one thing. But I seem to run into a lot of these saboteurs, who wanna hate but are determined to keep up their illusion of being in the right at any cost.

And far too many girls are guilty of it. I'd take the rude rejectors over these malicious saboteurs any day.

If I ask for the time and get flipped the bird, I can flip the bird right back and be on my way. If I ask for the time and get ambushed by a third party for doing so - especially if that third party is someone in an authority position - I lose respect for both the girl and the authority figure. And that does real damage. If the authority figure refuses to admit they should have gotten both sides of the story before passing judgment, then I especially lose respect for them. And for me, being able to respect authority figures is kind of a big deal.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

I can do all of this, as a result I never underestimate a girls ability to interpret everything wrong and find one word answers to "why" questions. Then reject based on not being able to carry a conversation entirely on my own.

Eye contact & smiling = creepy.

Body language. Can't be comfortable because I don't want to look intimidating but not look meek either. Am I too relaxed, not relaxed enough? The more I'm thinking about body language the more distracted and less comfortable I am, it's bs.

You say 90% of guys look good shaven but it's way closer to evenly split since many girls will prefer facial hair or just a little scruff there's no sure way to win here, it's not like girls shaving legs which really will have 90% approval. I'd much rather do this chore that I know is going to be appreciated than roll the dice as to whether or not my face looks good.

Offering your number instead has always seemed the right way to do it. It doesn't make sense to me to ask for your number and most guys don't want your number, that is to say they'd rather give you their number. But girls are not actually into this, if it's not their own insecurities that stop this from working then it's their judgements about mine; like I'm pathetic and not worth talking to if they have to initiate conversation. Some women scoff if you try to give them your number instead. Apparently "letting" a girl "feel in control of the situation" makes you some kind of wussbag.

[WeeGeeTheSecond]

Agreed.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Also overall what stands out to me is that at no point did you mention that girl has done anything here. She's just sitting and looking pretty without a care in the world and no onus to carry the conversation or do anything whatever.

[IamNuts]

"Eye contact & smiling = creepy." WTF Yeah I guess it's just better to stare at her boobs, stomach or legs - I'm sure that wouldn't seem creepy. Also how is smiling creepy? Would you rather frown in front of her.

In the case of exchanging contact information, you're basically saying both approaches are wrong.
if you give her your number - you're a wussbag
if you ask for her number - they would scoff at you
What are you supposed to do then, give her you're email address ಠ_ಠ

and in the case of appearances, read the last passage again
"Now this is mostly based on my dating experience and observation so chances are it may or may not work for you. So don't come complaining to me if you get kicked in the balls or something. "

[AllThatSweetJazz]

I've seen it said on here that too much smiling and eye contact comes across as odd and creepy. Also, I said things are often interpreted wrong, the eye contact & smiling can be creepy from afar but even in the best of circumstances girls can react to it weirdly. I didn't mean my statement as an absolute.

I said trying to *give* your number might get a scoff. Ideally we'd be able to all hand out our numbers to whoever we're interested in but the sky might fall if a girl has to initiate conversation with a guy. :P I was trying to say a guy's probably going to get better results by asking for a number. Again, I've heard negative things girls said on here about guys trying to hand girls their number. It makes perfect sense to give rather than ask but it seems like that's just not the way girls like it.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

In a magical world where things go the way I want, I would give my number to people I like and people who are interested would ask for mine then everyone who talks to me must be interested. But being fair and choosing only one way, I think we should give rather than ask, yet it seems like girls get to have it their way like in the magical world: Girls who are really interested *can* volunteer their number but otherwise I'm made to ask for it.

With the appearance thing, yeah it's not definite but I think it's more of a dice roll than you let on. That said clean shave or a little scruff is probably is the lucky number 7 in that dice roll just because it's seen as the norm.

[IamNuts]

Alright that's fair enough.

[AllThatSweetJazz]

Kinda strange that you'd agree with me, I was trying to sound more bitter than that. lol.

[IamNuts]

Hey I know when to admit when I'm wrong :P

[SomeoneImportant]

You make some decent points. But where female advice goes wrong, is the conversation.

Your example of how to spark conversation, that just results in a dead end.

Your best bet is to say something that gets a real response. Because girls are prepared to put up multiple walls of scripted responses, in order to reject a guy.

So, you need to get her to be engaged in what you say, and evoke something real.

To do that, you aren't limited to just trying to be the typical prince charming. If nice and charming doesn't work, then go the other route, say something that gets her to react negatively.

The key to talking to girls, is to not be afraid of disapproval. If you say something that makes her go "excuse me?" disapprovingly, don't retreat off your statement, maintain your stance.

She won't be able to respect you as a man if all she needs to do is give you a dirty look, and it makes you say "Oh, uh, I'm sorry! That's not what I meant!"

[OpenWine]

My strategy is to not think about all these hints cause there's so much stuff to care about. When I use that pattern I feel insecure cause the first thing I do wrong will fuck up the whole plan in my mind.

Giving a girl your number is often missunderstood.

Afterall I'm doing best when I don't set girls as a goal, some kind of archievement I have to work for.
Reading those stuff is nice tho I like to see pros writing same topics but always with a slight difference, your take sounds logical I guess

[IamNuts]

Thanks but tbh this take is not really for people like you who have already found their own ways to approach women, it's for those who don't have one.

[OpenWine]

Sounds reasonable, I guess I just answered to this take for feedback, xper and attention lol

[JustinX9]

Everytime I get rejected, I always think I'm at fault and I'm not good enough so I try my best to look good and improve myself. But I'm too shy to approach girls. sometimes a pretty girl glance at me but whenever our eyes met she looks away quickly and I give a blank/poker face. For me it is tiresome to smile at her. Still my looks are not good and I have nothing to compensate for it
Girls love to tell guys just be confident but it is not that easy to gain. In the dating world girls just choose the most confident and attractive guy, then that's it, they will never have a hard time like guys do. I realized my friends and classmates before are either married or in a relationship, I feel I'm left behind and decided to be single forever. I can't exceed to women standards and I'm just really unfortunate in my affections. Sorry for my English

[IamNuts]

Honestly people can be a shy for a lot of reasons and the only way to to overcome it is to work out those reasons by yourself

[JustinX9]

I'm working on it but I only gain on a very small amount :(

[Anonymous]

Good basic guide, but you could have just summed into, "don't show any signs of nervousness". Because the truth is women typically don't want a guy who actually feels for them and wants a relationship, and God forbid is nervous, because he cares. No they typically want a narcissistic asshole who is incapable of caring, and is there for never nervous. Which is basically what I've been saying all along.

[IamNuts]

Thanks :)

[ImaSloth]

Or you could just be yourself and not use any hints besides the common eye contact and smiling, and just let it flow naturally, I find when you complicate talking with women you're doing it wrong, talk with women like you talk with everyone else, they're just people and as long as you don't start talking with her like your college buddies you should be good, it's not complicated, just requires confidence and being yourself.

[IamNuts]

If everyone could honestly do that, I wouldn't have bothered writing this take in the first place.

[ImaSloth]

I'll admit I've never approached a girl, but girls have prolonged simple conversations with me and even came up with reasons to talk with me, so I take it I'm not bad.

[FatherJack]

I'm not very " smiley " by nature , so would struggle with that , I do crack a lot of acidic " dead pan " jokes , so can make people laugh , so that's one plus. A good take overall , remember you ladies can generally very easily get a man , whilst the reverse is far harder for a guy , Bateman's Principle at work , plus more men than women & women are the choosers in the vast majority of cases ( & are often vicious towards men they are not attracted to ! ) Personally this won't be a factor for me , I have made the decision to stay single post divorce.

[Anonymous]

I'm really good at talking to people in general. The only problem is I'm temporarily scared of getting rejected when talking to a girl because I know every single girl won't like me but when I do get rejected it drops my confidence a little bit and makes me more hesitant to do things. I dont over react or get mad or too sad or anything I take rejection well but if it didn't have this poisonous affect on me I'd be twice as good when it comes to confidence

[IamNuts]

Well yeah that feeling can be a b*tch. I'm glad that at least you don't let this fear discourage you from approaching more girls in general.

[CarolinaGuti]

Also about eye contact: it helps her know you're interested. Because if you're not making eye contact and looking all around the room when talking to her, it makes it seem like you don't really care for what she has to say.
Good take :)

[IamNuts]

Thank you :)

[CarolinaGuti]

Np!!

[xXiTacoXx]

Am I the only one grossed out because the guy and the girl in the cartoon are really twins, and she used their picture in the article "how to approach girls"? No? Oh... ok I'll see myself out now. *Walks out the door.*

[Bards]

LOOO0LLL YOU aren't

[IamNuts]

Yeah my bad :( . I thought the image was fitting for the title at the time I posted it but I guess I should have checked before doing so :P

[Watermelonoma]

i'd love to hear your opinion on a guy who i follow almost religiously when it comes to approaching and dating women... James Marshall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-juyEIgwhGQ

I've only read snippets of this take so far but it looks good. The fact that so many men deride the very idea of approaching women these days is always music to my ears. The dating game has never been easier for an average guy like me with a little confidencem because the competition is so thin

[GoodDogNigel]

I want to have his babies.

No homo, though.

[dudegrt09]

is he like any different from the other shitty PUAs/dating gurus like David Deangelo, Neil Strauss, Mystery etc?

[Watermelonoma]

@dudegrt09

very much so. He's all about training people to be their natural selves by being honest with their intent

[dudegrt09]

probably I'll see some of his video, did you had any luck after trying out his advise?

[Watermelonoma]

@dudegrt09

I did. What i like about him most is that he wasn't always good with women. He was actually pretty dorky growing up, and had to learn everything he knows through trial and error. So with that, he's pretty good at teaching others who aren't great at dating in my opinion

[dudegrt09]

yeah that's what I think too, trial and error is the best way to go through it, I've wasted quite some time on those bullshit PUAs... in retrospect I think I was doing much better before I started reading some PUAs... I think that's just not the right mindset which PUAs and most dating gurus generally have...

[Jonny_]

This kind of thing irks me personally, I have social anxiety in general and it gets worse when a. I try to talk to anyone I don't know and b. When talking to anyone i'm attracted to. Even if I know what to do, how to do it and in my head think it could actually go well I still can't physically go over to someone. I kind of rely on meeting people through others or them approaching me.

[cogitation]

How to approach anybody: Aproach them, introduce yourself, fucking be yourself (excuse my French). I truly despise these kind of rules because there should be no rules. They're silly and they put people in a box. Do whatever you want to. If you don't want to approach them, don't. If you do, do and act like yourself. You've got nothing to lose when approaching someone.

[Horny-teen]

Yes I got my girl by being my self it's the only way to do it right start it off right

[vekin]

My friend told me once that instead of buying a drink in a bar buying a book at the bookshop is better because it's not standard, what you think of it?

[IamNuts]

Well it's certainly not a bad idea. Being at a bookstore would mean you already have a common ground so that should ease things up.

[vekin]

Hope I will meet you there so I can do this ;-)

[MarikYo]

There is one strategy only - Just do it! You already have a NO so might as well approach a girl and get a real "NO".

In my opinion the best approaches are Indirect approaches.

USE YOUR SURROUNDINGS!
Example # 1: If you are walking up the hill offer her a little push or say how you wish there was an escalator here etc.. You can add that you went hiking and you couldnt walk up the mountain anymore when a fellow hiker offered you a little push. You immediately got your strenghts back and beat your own record.
Eample #2 When it rains and a girl doesn't have an umbrella offer her to join you and/vice versa (smiling is a key).

P. S. - Don't every give her YOUR # without getting one in return! NEVER!

[cogitation]

This!

[BEatenyou]

Sometimes i do get all frozen. But usually with women I find attractice, never with women I dont. So I personally go after the ones I already feel comfortable talking with.

[GreatnessPersonified]

"Sometimes i do get all frozen."

Do you want to build a snowman?
Come on, let's go and play

[IamNuts]

Well good for you.

[pooper89]

I disagree with giving the advice that a guy should give a girl his number. He comes off as unconfident by doing that. And quite honestly, I find myself questioning how into me he really is, if all he's doing is throwing his phone number at me in hopes that I'll text him.

[Someguy17]

Is your username really pooper89? Totally up voting just for that.

[Kirah]

Isn't that exactly what some girls tend to do nowadays? Just give a guy their number and say "call me"?

Why don't you consider them desperate?

[Clinkz]

I thought about this too. The thing is though. It's her loss if she doesn't call me.

[tyber1]

It's stupid when the same person who is asking for a phone number is the person making the first text/call. The person who texts/calls first should not be the person who made their interest known. That way if the other party isn't interested they just don't have to text/call. Both people have to put an effort in, nobody wastes their time and nobody has to be on the other end of unwanted messages. But society is ass backwards so common convenient mutually advantageous solutions are never fucking used ever.

[RomansToPhilemon]

So a guy is not confident after he approaches you, but gives you his number to put the ball in your court? Still to much pressure for the lady huh. If I decide to not give her my number, but give her mine. I would tell her if she want's to see me again, she is going to have to call me or text me. If she can't even do that, she is worthless.

[joe264]

What a think is that we will always be the interted ones, so we have to take the first move, not her. Only loosers care about being rejected by a girls, that's why i don't care; this is just a game of numbers. If 2 girls of 10 that i aprouched acepted me, i would be find.

We have to take into cosideration that the fact of being rejected doesn't mean that you're the inconvenience. So why i will care about?

[Anonymous]

This is the definition of sexist. Why is it all about men approaching as if it's expected because penis. If your the type of girl to expect the penis to approach you I expect the vagina to cook and clean and let me be in charge.

[IamNuts]

Hey in an ideal world I'd love for women to approach men but in real life you gotta play the hand you're dealt with 😕

[Opinion Owner]

So women should have just played they hand they were dealt and stayed in the kitchen?