Flirting

Re-conceptualizing Approaching Girls

Re-conceptualizing Approaching Girls


By far the most difficult thing for guys in dating is approaching new girls and the second is doing it with success. There's so much information out there about learning not to fear rejection, lines to get good responses, and of course the be yourself advice.


A way that's not discussed as much is the idea that women like to be talked to as long as it's somewhat respectful as in you're talking to them like a human being and not a vagina with arms and legs. You can tease and make fun of but not objectify unless she already really likes you and seems like she wants to go home with you which happens if the venue is right for it--late night parties, clubs, bars etc.


Re-conceptualizing Approaching Girls


What's really important about this concept is again that women actually have a good time talking to new guys.


It's the pressure of feeling as if you're trying to pull something off which makes it feel so forced. You feel like you're swimming against the current instead of with it--pushing something that probably shouldn't be pushing in order to satiate your pathetic male desires. Not only are they not pathetic but actually very healthy as men go through adulthood, but you're not pushing it as much as you think. Women enjoy feeling attractive and when you take the time to tease her or smile or make conversation you are validating her. True, a lot of men validate her everyday so she may have a veil of rudeness which pre-rejects you, but there are usually women who don't have this veil on and often when a woman does have that veil on it's because she has a boyfriend or you aren't her type so you didn't have a shot no matter what you said or did.


The point is flirting is almost as normal as being friendly. Sure, you've probably been in line at a store or something and the guy is being extra friendly to this woman and even though the woman is playing along you feel awkward and tense for the guy--this is called tension and if you can handle tension then you're ahead of the game. Don't feel like you have to fill up every empty silence with something witty.


Re-conceptualizing Approaching Girls


To wrap up, here is the basic idea: Try thinking of talking to girls like giving them permission to have a conversation with you. If you are sitting next to a woman at starbucks and you say what's that you're reading? She can give you a one word answer and you know she's not interested in getting that permission. Or, and this happens a lot more often than you'd think, she will open up and tell you what the book is about without you asking. This opens up the conversation where you can talk about anything and from asking a simple question about an innocuous thing that you'd ask her even if she was 90 years old and a man, you've done what so many other guys fail to do--start a conversation from scratch from a random attractive women you've never met. Your success rate in terms of relationships starting this way is actually higher than clubs because they actually find the way you met cute (the best still seems to be mutual friends)


One small additional note--you'll find as you do this that many women will have conversations with you very easily but that doesn't always result in numbers. Again, I never force anything along. Even if I know I could get this woman to talk about her life story--i know that when she gets home if she feels like why did she give me her number? when i text her it won't probably go anywhere. You can push it if you like and you'll probably get better numbers than me but again there are always enough women who enjoyed the chance to talk to you without it being weird, uncomfortable, and forced.

Re-conceptualizing Approaching Girls
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