I am a big fan of Nick Sparks' talks. He breaks things down for us men who want to better approach, hold a conversation, and bring sexual tension to women without being scummy, creepy, or employ any kind of tricks. He is the natural who is truly natural, and not trying to get all spiritual or aggressive like a Tyler Durden.
The first video I'd like to present is "How To Approach Anyone"
The reason I believe in Nick's philosophy is that he makes common sense and is real. Do you agree that most people aren't all that outgoing? However, this is empowering for us guys who are too anxious to approach that awesome woman and enlightening for women who don't have a clue what men go through when they notice you. This could also be taken in reverse for those women who have decided to take some matters into their own hands and approach that cute guy you want to get to know.
One of the major takeaways from this video is the 60/40 principle. "Any time you get a reaction from any person in your life, 60% of it doesn't have anything to do with you." and "40% is still under your control" and "The vast majority of her response...has nothing to do with you what so ever..." This idea, when you think about it, can be revolutionary. Telling yourself a person's reaction is mostly on them and has nothing to do with you is gold. You can say ANYTHING, even be silly, but it it is always less about you and more about them.
Another is the idea of exerting control over a situation will alleviate fear and minimizing rejection will give the courage to approach people OR in other words, the numbers game principle.
And of course rather than seeing it as "approaching" and proving yourself, think of it as dropping hooks, which is basically giving signs of interest.
Things always get better, you are always growing!
Finally, Nick touches base on a few concepts that are so important for both sexes to understand in the Q&A. The one I really like is the concept of TAR, or Thoughts Actions Reactions. Basically, your thoughts influence your actions which influence other's reactions when then reinforce or disprove the thoughts. This is why faking it until you make it can work because if you act against your thoughts, the reactions will be different and can end up disproving negative thought processes.
The second video, which I feel is very beneficial, is "How to Hold A Conversation Like a Man"
I love this talk because it emphasizes that you don't have to go out of your way to prove yourself. A man's job is only to get a woman talking and make her feel good to talk. There isn't a need to charm her, just to provide the framework for her to impress you. Give her the opportunity to hook you!
Stop putting pressure on yourself! It is a team effort!
Be present and be an active listener!
Lastly, to wrap it up, this video goes over how to inject some sexual energy into your interactions with women and how to escalate to sex -- "How to Get Sexual Like a Man"
This is a big sticking point for me and it hits home as much as it does for Nick. This is what I feel women subconsciously desire when they say they want confidence in their man, besides actually having the balls to approach (drop hooks!) and holding eye contact. Nick left off with this topic before the Q&A in the last video. I have had women show obvious signs and I didn't express myself. That was basically letting her down! I actually feel bad for those women. haha!
Nick paints a picture at the beginning of the talk that is the reality for many men, How can a man turn on that sexual energy and express his sexuality to a woman? We can be romantic, we all know that, but how do you initially attract her? How do we escalate things with her?
Nick incorporates a philosophy that I feel is closer to Zen, or the work of Eckhart Tolle, which is a spiritual teacher I talk about frequently on GaG. Try to be as present as possible. Don't actively try. Slow down. Be at peace. Don't try to figure it out, just let things happen naturally. Go into your body.
Thinking too much will make you anxious.
I find this video to be far more spiritual than Nick's previous videos.
The interaction with him and his guest is the kind of thing many men crave, not just the sex, but the dance. I think men enjoy it just as much as women, but that dance, that is what some men who have trouble with attracting women do not understand.
There are no tricks, no magic formulas, only being at peace. For some men, I feel that there is some real shame surrounding their sexuality that prevents them from expressing and acting on their desires.
What do you think about how simple this stuff is?
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