Why hasn't he asked for my number?

[savvyg11]

I've had a few interactions with this guy who I met through a mutual friend and it has always been positive. He's showing me all the signs that he's interested. He's very flirtatious and playful and always finds an excuse to touch me. Our banter is cute and witty. There definitely is a physical attraction! BUT he still hasn't asked me out on a date or even gotten my phone number!

I kinda wish he would stop flirting if he wasn't going to take it any further. Any idea why he isn't asking but showing ALL the signs that he likes me?

And... I'm not the type of girl that feels comfortable asking HIM for his phone number. So that's not an option!

[jdcpa]

Girls and Guys aren't that much different. There could be a wide range of things going on here, so there's really no clear-cut answer.

1. Guys are shy too you know. For all you know, he could also very well be thinking "I'm not the type of guy that feels comfortable asking HER for her phone number, so that's not an option!". And so you both continue to flirt and want each other. While you espect him to ask you for your number, and while he expects you to give him your number one day. Be if shyness, ego, pride, w/e.. the end result is that nothing will ever happen.

2. Some guys are also highly insecure and have low-self-esteem you know. Just like girls, some guys will just enjoy flirting with you. They're completely aware of all the signs and messages they're sending over to you. They know how to gauge your emotional state, excite you, tempt you, make you develop a desire for them, and then leave it there. They don't want to take it any further. Why? Because they did all that in the first place, not with the intention of following through, but only to see if they could get you to want them, because that would validate their low self-esteem. Think, girls at a bar or club. We're all human, including guys, and this behavior is not something that's exclusive to women; there are men out there two who are psychologically empty and insecure on the inside and need to get that attention and validation from the opposite sex to feel better about themselves.

If you don't feel comfortable asking him for his number, then don't. To be honest, it's not desperate or negative on your part to do that. It doesn't look bad or act as a turn-off. In fact, it would be appreciated and get him slightly more interested. BUT! You still shouldn't do it. Because if you ask him for his number, the only possible next step you have to make is for you to also call him. That already means that you're setting yourself up to be making a disproportionate effort in forming a new relationship; and that's just unfair and unbalanced.

I guess it's okay if you give him your number, since the next step you both have from there on is for him to call you.

Though, judging from his actions, I would say to do nothing. This is coming from a guy who is all for equality, fairness and balance in dating & relationships; and feels that both people should be proactive if they both care about each other. But that's exactly why I'm telling you to stop!

A man who is shy, behaves so. Not just during initiating and flirting, but in making a move too. A man who isn't shy, behaves so. Not just during initiating and flirting, but in making a move too. His behavior is incongruent. He's behaving not shy during flirting, but shy during making a move? If he's a competent flirt and confident, and he's not making a move; then his inaction isn't because he's shy; it's because he just wants to flirt and get the attention and validation to feel better about himself.

Do nothing, and start moving onto others

[savvyg11]

Thanks! I think that's exactly what I needed to hear.

[serm416]

Geez...where were you six months ago when this explanation would have saved a crap load of time! Thanks.

[somedude555]

This isn't necessarily true. I'm pretty confident when it comes to flirting, but when it comes to getting a phone number, I get super f***ing nervous. I've only been on two dates in my life and getting numbers is completely different from flirting.

point being, he might like you and flirt with you, but still be shy to ask you out/for your number

[dakota102]

So you're saying a girl shouldnt ask a guy for his number? even if he is shy? but if we do ask doesn't that make our intention clear that we are interested instead of beating around the bush? if he doesn't give his number when you ask then ofcourse he's not interested.

[DermalPunch]

@somedude555 @jdcpa is telling the truth.

[BlueGender]

It's hard to say, the reason could be almost anything, but it is most likely 'C':

A) He does like you but, already has a girlfriend or someone he really cares about

B) He's a player, has the habit of flirting with ALL girls

C) He's just too shy.

Wait a just a LITTLE bit longer and he'll probably ask you out. If he doesn't I must ask Why haven't you asked for his number?

Yeah okay, so you're the shy type and you like confidence, well guess what? confidence comes from positive experiences, and guys are like banks--invest a little and in time you will reap a greater reward. If you can find the confidence to ask him, he will be confident in himself and with you the rest of the relationship!

[shortyshort]

hes just shy..

either that or he's just a player...

but don't ask him out.. cus if yu do he'll be like "my work here is done"

and you'll be the one chasing him.. and he'll treat you like a chaser..

make him chase YOU.. that way he will want you more

[Silverbirch]

Or he might just give up.

[GIntrovert]

A guy like that will not chase a girl.

[dakota102]

Hmm.. I disagree. if two people like each other there's no chase. playing games doesn't get anyone anywhere unles you're a player.

[Anonymous]

I think maybe he's shy/afraid of rejectioni. If you want him to ask you out try mentioning a movie that's coming up you'd like to see. He might get the hint!

[obligations]

Tried that doesn't work lol....especially if he's not that "bright"

[obligations]

well guess what. We live in the millenium. If you like him pull up your big girl panties and ask him out

[cheerangelcharity]

Noooooooooooo...we may live in the millennium but that still doesn't mean that she should ask him out.

[obligations]

Why do guys always have to do the asking?

[cheerangelcharity]

To help show that they're actually guys...or should I say "men."

[obligations]

We don't live in the stone age. Women can actually get up off their butts and ask a guy out... Women are just lazy. I'm ashamed for my own gener LOL.

[jdcpa]

This whole "real man"/"true man"/"man" b/s is really getting old. is anyone else getting tired of self-serving conditional statements?

If you're a (insert reference to masculinity & gender identity here), then you'll (insert what I want you to do, or am too lazy to do myself and would rather have you do it instead here).

hence, if you don't do what I want, then you've implicitly rejected your masculinity. very clever no?

YAWWWWNNN..

[jdcpa]

Don't stress over it obligations. It's called survival of the fittest. The ones who insist on living with outdated/traditiona/old-fashioned roles (since it provides an excuse to remain lazy & passive under a self-service definition of femininity), will end up with inferior prospects.

The power to chose who you want out of everyone, is far greater than the power to simply accept the few of those who care to choose you.

[obligations]

Agreed JDCPA

[DermalPunch]

@jdcpa The point is women have to choose but in a way that makes men think they did it so that they will not be devalued.

[Rahim517]

Beyond all the dark psychosocial hypothesizing, I'd say he may just be a little unsure of your intentions. Women can be VERY misleading in their dealings with the opposite sex. Every man out there has been humiliated one time or another in a situation in which he was engaged in heavy, mutual flirting with a woman, thought he had the green light, asked her out, and got the deer-in-the-headlights look of shock and rejection from the girl.

He may think you're just playing around with him. Make it clear to him that you're really interested.

[pthurmond]

He might be the flirty type, but more than likely he lacks the self-confidence to go for it. He might be a little intimidated by you if he really likes you. Change things up, make the first move, he will appreciate it. Get his number the next time you see him. Start talking on the phone with him for a week or two. By the end of that time he might just have the courage to ask you out. If not, then do the asking. There is no rule that says that the man has to do all the work to initialize everything.

[DermalPunch]

it usually works out VERY BADLY for the woman when she takes the lead. VERY!

[BigDog1989]

Might just be a flirt. I hate those people. See if you can get him to ask you out. Sometimes we need a nudge (if he's not "just a flirt"). The best way to see what his real intentions are is to just say something like "so I've been wanting to see the new barbie movie or that new oppenheimer biopic movie, but I don't know". If he's like, maybe we should go on Friday or something, then get something scheduled.

Again, sometimes we just need a boost int he right direction, IF he's NOT JUST A FLIRT

[therockcomic]

try just writing your number on a piece of paper or something and give it to him next time you see him. The best timing would probably be as you were leaving. That way, he gets the hint and you don't have to ASK his number or feel to shy giving him yours. Write a little note like "Call me sometime 555-5454" with a smiley face or something.

Its a little old school but that's how Sh*t got done in my day. before texting and MySpace lol.

[Hughman]

He's shy in that way? Maybe he has a girlfriend and he's a naturally flirtaious guy? Maybe he doesn't think you're interested so he still working on 'softening' you up?

[WeaponZero]

It sounds like he just wants to be a flirt because with all the stuff that goes on between you two he's past the point of being shy.

[GeneNowok]

Well, he might be afraid to ask you out or you're not pretty enough for him. So you're only good where nobody can see him together with you.

[TexPlayboy]

Just say "don't you need my number for something?"

Good Luck,

James

[WhitneySnow]

He’s probably too shy to ask even if he is bold enough to be flirty

[swarles71]

I'd say ask him out. But not in the traditional "dating" kind of way, instead tell him that you're gonna catch a movie and ask if he wants to tag along. Or invite him to a party you know about and keep interacting there...

[Staximus]

Probably because you are not showing him that you are interested

[Pohjolan]

You do realise that guys/gals ask/give phone numbers without any attraction being involved?

[SamuelFish]

Just ask the f*ckin guy out, and you'll get it. You'll also build character. You'll build grace.

[20Questions]

How long have you guys known each other?

[savvyg11]

Since the beginning of September. We keep running into each other at the bars or the library.

[20Questions]

So you haven't even known him for that long really...maybe he's making fully sure that you're interested in that way. I've dated a few girls who I was sure were totally into me. Then when I made my interest clear it became obvious they just wanted to be friends! We know you girls can be like that so I would say he's just being extra careful.

[elontesler3]

he prefers the company of men

[DermalPunch]

update?