Am I the only one who thinks random DMs are creepy?

[RubyRedSlippers]

Like if a random guy DMs me there is a 98% that I will not reply because I find it creepy. (Like how did you find me? What's your angle, stranger?)

[Anonymous]

I find a lot of girls have this mentality lately. It's like any guy who tries starting a conversation with them is deemed a creep or a pervert and it's completely unfair. Sometimes someone saying hi is simply someone trying to say hi. Take it as a compliment. It takes a lot of courage to talk to a stranger you might be interested in.

[Anonymous]

No. I'm not one of those girls that thinks every single guy is out there is a creepy rapist or whatever. I've gotten some simple mesages from guys like "hey" and i've responded. If They haven't said anything creepy why would it be fair to call them a creep? It's not like they asked for nudes.

[RubyRedSlippers]

Please see the rest of these comments for reference.

[Girly1710]

Yeah, especially those people who haven't posted anything in months or even a year. I've been getting those and I'm like what how why?

[ilovesexyfeet]

Agree with @JuicyBrain its no different from approaching a stranger on a night out, which prior to the internet, is how people used to meet. I guess these guys are just sat at a pc rather than a oub and then see a girl they like and send a message. Would u be creeped out by somebody approaching u in town?

[Spiorad_Aisce]

On the face of it, it is not creepy but within the psychology of the site it is, let me explain (1) It is not a dating site (2) Only DM someone you have got to know on the public forum through interaction (3) Random "Hi" DMs are creepy on social sites from members of opposite sex

[JuicyBrain]

I don't get why it's creepy to talk to people on a social site. I did randomly chat girls on this site and never had problems. How can you find a simole Hi creepy? Nothing has been said.
If the first line was: "Are you wearing any underwear?", I would get it. But "Hi!" ?
I think the first time I messaged @justbanANNAz was to tell her how beautiful I thought she was. I don't think it was creepy and never felt like I creeped her out. I did not harrass her, I was not vulgar and we had a pleasant conversation. I don't get why she would have been creeped out.

[justbanANNAz]

@JuicyBrain i wasn't creeped out at all :) but that was primarily because i had seen u around the threads prior. I knew u a little bit and i felt u were genuine.

[Spiorad_Aisce]

@JuicyBrain That is fair enough, to each their own, I prefer to get to know people on the public area of site so we can get the measure of each other before doing DMs - More than one girl has told me they get so many DMs they ignore them because a large proportion will be dodgy preferring to give me outside contact details.

[Spiorad_Aisce]

@justbanANNAz I had responded already but that kinda proves my point, you knew each other from public area on site @JuicyBrain

[RubyRedSlippers]

@JuicyBrain I'm not talking about a person you've previously established a relationship with on a message board or something. I'm talking about random guys on Facebook or instagram (where this is mostly a thing). And a lot of the DO start off with some creepy line. The greater internet is not the same as message boards or sites/apps where a community is developed and people are open to talking to strangers. Facebook and instagram are mostly for keeping in contact with people you already know
I think we have a disagreement on what a social site really means

[JuicyBrain]

@justbanANNAz
So you were already a fan?
Haha! 😉

[justbanANNAz]

@JuicyBrain haha sure was! 😁

[JuicyBrain]

I don't doubt that a lot of them will be creepy dudes. I get how she can be creeped by guys being lewd. What she said is that she is creeped by guys sending her a private message. The single act of sending her a message is creepy. The guy never had a chance of showing her he is worthy, he has already been labeled creepy.
A "Hi!" is certainly not enough to judge someone's intention. She can ignore it, I can understand that especially if she gets tons of it and most are being creepy. The threshold of what is creepy nowadays is far too wide.

[RubyRedSlippers]

@JuicyBrain I have nothin wrong with a hi- as you have guessed a lot of these are creepy

[JuicyBrain]

"I have nothin wrong with a hi- as you have guessed a lot of these are creepy"
Asker. I just saw this after replying to you. So what is really creeping yoiu out is those guys, coming from nowhere who message you lewd creepy stuff? Well that makes absolute sense! I agree with that and I understand your reaction, but it's not really what you were saying in your question. It felt like any guy who sent you a DM was de facto creepy.

[RubyRedSlippers]

@JuicyBrain No not at all. I get messages from people that I know all the time. That's called socializing. It's when it gets a little iffy that it's strange. Maybe it's because the phrase DM'ing and "Sliding into DMs" implies that you don't already know the person is where our wires got crossed. I could have phrased it better

[JuicyBrain]

Actually, it's my mistake. I am the one who wasn't clear. I did not mean ALL men. I meant men you don't know. Sorry

I understand your position but at then same time, I think it is sad to label guys as creepy even before they had a chance to say anything. You may be missing opportunities. Hey, It could have been me. And I am great to talk to lol

Asker

[RubyRedSlippers]

@JuicyBrain Fair enough, I see where you're coming from with that. But at the same time you should see a lot of these guys. They don't exactly look trustworthy (like think scooby doo villain meets svu bad guy; like the guy they''d put up as the picture in a self-defense class or the seminar where they tell kids not to talk to strangers)

Maybe it's the same as how you'd sort through people in real life. Like hey- this guy seems friendly and sensible versus Lecher at the bar

[Laura_Marx]

I think typically the reason is, if the first thing they have to say to you is something they don't feel they can say in public, its probably not a good thing :P :P :P

[Waffles731]

A dungeon master
Why on earth would you find the guy running your D&D game creepy

[JuicyBrain]

If he is not being creepy, then your DM is boring lol

[Waffles731]

@JuicyBrain
Well not that kind of creepy though

[RubyRedSlippers]

@JuicyBrain lol

[JuicyBrain]

Unfortunately no. Your whole generation gets creeped out every chance they got. It's at a point where I wonder what you gals aren't creeped out about. It's like you never went out of the house and now normal people having normal conversations creep you out. Seriously, shake this off, get out more, discover the workd and it's oddities. If you think a guy talking to you is creepy, you have seen nothing of this world.

[Cosytoasty]

Preach!

"Omg that man over there sneezed like... why would he like even like sneeze ugggh so creepy"

[RubyRedSlippers]

I have no problem talking to people in person. I just find it off putting that some rando on the internet somehow found me. It's a bit stalkery. In-person interaction is completely different.

[JuicyBrain]

You are in a crowd and a guy comes up to you to chat because he thinks you are attractive. Is that creepy? Because that is actually normal. That's how we get to be 7 billion on this planet. If we waited for women to make the first move, we'd be a dying species.

[RubyRedSlippers]

Did you read the part where I said in-person is different from online?

[JuicyBrain]

I am waiting for you to explain how it's different. Because that is the same to me.

[RubyRedSlippers]

In person it's not like they crept through the inter web and somehow found me. A lot of the guys on the internet are usually from a different continent and have a suspect profile. It's really just a matter of how and why did you find me versus natural coincidence. You have to go out of your way to find people on the internet, an because of that it feels a little strange

[JuicyBrain]

"It's really just a matter of how and why did you find me versus natural coincidence"
I don't know what your experience has been, but I highly doubt you were stalked. It is more a matter of opportunity. I wouldn't hunt down someone I don't know about on the internet. If I know who I am looking for, then that means it was an opportunity (I saw you on gag for example) and then I talk to you (which is not looking on the internet for you, you are already there) OR I know you personally and I try to reach you in which case, it's not random.

[RubyRedSlippers]

Congrats on not being a creep. I'm talking about people who I have never had contact with, have no mutual contacts with, and would never have incidentally met up with them given the fact that they usually live in a foreign country (usually somewhere in Africa or the Dominican Republic).

[JuicyBrain]

Be honest. Is it the fact that they simply message you that you find creepy or is it when they send you creepy stuff?
If you know nothing of me and I message you saying "Hi!". I think I should expect you to not be creeped out honestly. I have done nothing to deserve this yet.

[RubyRedSlippers]

It's the fact that it's a message from a stranger who has not received the prior social vetting that a friend/acquaintance/friend-of-a-friend/colleague/or even random guy I happen upon. The fact that there is no way that they could have just stumbled across my Facebook. The fact they're generally creepy looking to begin with. It's essentially the creepy guy who leers at you from the end of the bar who seems kind of dangerous.

[RubyRedSlippers]

It's almost in the same vein as the creepiness of catcalling

[JuicyBrain]

@Cosytoasty
Kinda like yeah... Like super creepy!

Lol

[JuicyBrain]

"They don't exactly look trustworthy (like think scooby doo villain meets svu bad guy; like the guy they''d put up as the picture in a self-defense class or the seminar where they tell kids not to talk to strangers)"

Hahaha 😂
Good one, you made me laugh. I like your humor 😊

Yes, I can understand that.

[Cosytoasty]

Let me guess, you posted pictures.. likely of something less innocent than baking cakes, then thirsty men DM you?

[RubyRedSlippers]

no. Most of what I post online are articles, nature photos, cute animals, and the occasional selfie.

[Cosytoasty]

The selfie is probably enough for most internet trawlers 😂

Anyway, I can't see how someone would be creeped out because of someone on the internet, likely on the other side of the planet. Usually depends on what they say, if its gibberish i just think retard before i think creepy.

[JuicyBrain]

So a guy talking to you is creepy but showing the world how beautiful you think you are by posting selfies is not?

[RubyRedSlippers]

@JuicyBrain How beautiful I think I am? Sorry I like to post a picture if I went to a new place or got a new hat or something.

[JuicyBrain]

A selfie is a picture of yourself dear. If you take a selfie, you are not showing where you are, you are showing yourself.
My point was that there would be ample reasons to call you narcissistic but I don't know you, so my judgment would be uncalled for. Same thing when someone sends you a message and you call them creepy even before you read it. It's unfair.

[RubyRedSlippers]

@JuicyBrain A selfie is a picture of myself taken by myself. That in itself does not imply the sort of vanity that you're suggesting. I'm not the type to just post selfies to get likes because I want some sort of affirmation. I usually post them if I say graduated and wanted to post a picture of myself. Could that be construed as some sort of vanity? Maybe.

But regardless, my posting a picture of myself does not warrant random messages from people with whom I have had no contact, no one I know has ever had contact with, or who I never even have friended/followed. These messages are received on my private accounts that I use to contact friends and family only, not to solicit random men. Therein lies the difference between FB and a site like this where you are openly engaging with other people with whom you have not previously been acquainted.

[JuicyBrain]

I don't agree with how you think fb is for people you know. I am certain that it is not what Facebook want either. You just decided to use it this way, which is fine, but you have to expect people you don't know to approach you on there. It IS a social site like here. Maybe you should change your privacy settings? I made it so only my friends can reach me. You can too.

[RubyRedSlippers]

@JuicyBrain Honestly, I've tried to change my privacy settings, but apparently they're never good enough. And Facebook is entirely different platform than say this or a message board. On a message board you're willingly and openly engaging with others. On Facebook it is extremely unlikely that your primary goal is to out and find people you don't already know in some way. It's meeting versus keeping in touch.

[JuicyBrain]

I understand what you mean. I use it the same way you describe. But, that distinction is yours and mine alone. The guys making the site actually want the site to be a place where people meet. Why do you think they keep resetting your privacy settings and making it hard to isolate yourself?

[RubyRedSlippers]

@JuicyBrain Relatives made me paranoid about privacy. Don't post anything wild, employers can see things, etc. I;m not one of those people who has to be off the grid.

[JuicyBrain]

Me neither. If employers want to be bored to death, they are welcome to read my Facebook 😉

[Jxpxtxr]

It's not creepy per se, it gets creepy once they are starting to ask about what you're wearing tho..

[JuicyBrain]

Yes, exactly!

[Truthatanycost]

I wonder how many people randomly DM'd her after reading this take...

[TheSpartan]

Lots of women nowadays get creeped out at many totally innocuous things. It's arbitrary and bizzare, but it happens. So, no, I doubt you're alone in thinking that way.

[akadatank44]

Lol like on Insta? Obviously follows you. Sees what he likes.

[ThatBritishLad]

Dungeon Masters need to be creepy for the optimum RP experience.

[Maxemeister]

All girls find DMs creepy.

Girls r creeped out all the time and guys just welcome attention tbh

[lazermazer]

DMs are creep but i also agree little with @JuicyBrain
He got some points.

[Anonymous]

I genuinely wonder how we would react if we got PMs and loads of messages from women

[YaBaba]

nope, I find it creepy based on what they say.

[bcromartie]

I am not paranoid, no.

[takumii]

Yea , it's creepy af.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. It's 100% with me

[Reallio]

THANK YOU!

[alice55]

what's DMs?

[anonman32]

whats a DM?

[RubyRedSlippers]

Direct message on instagram, facebook or any social media site. Commonly associated with the phrase "Slide into [their] DMs" meaning to message them with intent to flirt

[anonman32]

i personally never contact anyone without having mutual friends or without being introduced properly and it has always worked just fine for me.

[RubyRedSlippers]

A lot of these guys are random from other continents. I don't mind so much the people I actually know. People I know it would be normal to talk to- not so much some guy from timbuktu

[anonman32]

yeah, i agree thats pretty weird. i think these guys try to chat up a women so they can come meet this women and then try to get free citizenship or something.

[SuitAndTie1986]

What is a DM?

[RubyRedSlippers]

Direct message on instagram, facebook or any social media site. Commonly associated with the phrase "Slide into [their] DMs" meaning to message them with intent to flirt

[SuitAndTie1986]

I must not be familiar with the lingo