Why do girls play hard to get?

[GiemontD]

Also why do they play hard to get if the guy already knows she likes him?

[hisangel]

I just decided to post another comment instead of respond in the little comment box cause that thing drives me crazy how small it is.

I don't see any harm in either waiting till the break is over or doing it now. But I do see a benefit if you wait till it's over cause you can think about what you want to say and she will probably be expecting a conversation at the end of it anyway. If you do it then it would be like saying "These are my terms". Plus, if you call her one day out of the blue and she doesn't see it coming it could end up being a bad day for her already. Then she will just think you are being insensitive to her bad day as opposed to knowing on a certain date the two of you are meeting up again. She can kind of prepare herself for whatever is about to happen. But you could always talk to her early and say that you want to be with her again so you want to talk about this now.

I was just reading over your comments again and one thing I noticed that I didn't the first time is that I think you are getting the impression she doesn't want you around but then you feel like she likes you too so it's confusing. I cannot explain this behavior cause as I've aged I realize how insane it is but sometimes girls push to see if a guy will stay. She may not want you around for whatever reason, I can't be sure, but you are not the first guy to ask "Does she even like me?! Why is she staying with me?!" Sometimes women can be real bitches and we don't even know why we are doing it. We got this belief somewhere along the way that men are supposed to conform to what we want and if they don't we throw fits. We throw fits cause they join our event, go the banquet, and a million other reasons. The man I am with now was the first guy who made me realize I do it and how bad it is because when I throw one he pulled away, just like you did. He did it when we were still friends but he would get very quiet with me and I could tell it got to him. I finally realized it's not acceptable behavior and I cringe at how many men I have done that to in my young, inexperienced life. Especially when I was a teenager. Oh brother, you are definitely dealing with a women in the worst part of her life! Never say this to her but I'm sure the irrational behavior is off the charts!

So I think you are doing the right thing because you are showing her that she doesn't get to treat you however she likes. She wants someone to love her and so do you. I can't say she will respond to your conversation with any kind of rational behavior and I must say you are a braver man then most to try and take on a teenage girl! :) But I do think if she is acting this way, she does need to be shown that other people have feelings too. Because that seems to be the issue here. People are only required to put up with the fallout of the pain we are in to a point. Then they have every right to tell us to get our act together cause now they are hurting us just as much as they got hurt.

[GiemontD]

O wow I had no idea. Thank you for this insight, today I talked with her friends and they said they were all p*ssed at her because she did not try to make it work but rather sent me the wrong msg. Now I know what I need to do and I will do it when the time comes. I'm glad the break was a good idea because I don't want to have her act like that again. I plan to ask her to prom as a way to get back together. Is there anything I need to talk to her about b4 I ask her to prom (end of the break)?

[hisangel]

I would just talk to her about how you understand that she is hurting from what happened with her friend but you aren't the friend that hurt her. And that all you are asking is for her to treat you the way you feel like you treat her. I would ask if she thinks you treat her well. Even though most women can find something to bitch about that a man does, overall we know they treat us well (if they really are). So it might give her something to think about. Women sometimes get lost in the small

[hisangel]

Details of the relationship. Like the small things that bother us. Instead of seeing the big picture and realizing we are being treated well.

And I think asking her to prom sounds like a very nice idea.

[GiemontD]

Ok good I was so unsure about what I was suppose to do, but it looks like I'm doing good. I wanna talk to her about all this, but I never see her and because we on break we never wait for each other after class so ima have to wait til I ask her to prom. Is there anyway I can tell she is still interested in a relationship without asking her directly?

[Sensitiveman]

Hey hisange you sounds like my type of person, that statement cracked me up! (about the comment box)

[hisangel]

If you guys went out together and are now on a break and she hasn't called to say it's over, I assume she still wants the relationship and is waiting for the break to be over.

If you really aren't sure why don't you ask her to prom and then after prom is over have the talk about what you need. If she goes to prom I assume she still wants a relationship.

Or just ask. Women bond to each other by talking so it's always the best way to bond to a woman.

[hisangel]

To senstiveman, haha. Yeah I hate that if you give follow up advice you apparently only need to say 500 characters to say it.

[GiemontD]

Yeah I have tried talking to her and she is the only woman I know who doesn't wanna talk. Whenever I try she just gives me short answers. I'm sick of it so I talk to other girls around her and it makes her jealous then she prob wonders why we don't talk. Its weired

[hisangel]

I can't tell from your responses if you guys are actually dating and she doesn't seem as committed as you would like or if you guys are just friends and you want to date her but she is playing hard to get.

Either way, I think Nataliee said it best that we really do need reassurance that the guy really wants us. Guys don't express their emotions like we do so we are constantly trying something to drag out an emotion. We want to make sure that you care about us, not just want sex or are going to leave in a month or two.

It takes a woman a while to realize that a guy showing up when he said he would or calling you every night are signs that he really likes you. We like hearing feelings, not just seeing them. So when we are young a guy just walking us home from school doesn't seem like a sign he likes you, it just seems like he wants to be your friend. She is probably too young to realize a guy getting close to you almost never wants to be just friends. So I think you might need to tell her how you feel if you really do think she likes you.

If she is sweet and you can tell she has a good heart, she probably isn't playing hard to get as much as trying to make sure she doesn't give her heart to you and then watch you walk off with it in a month. A good girl is going to protect her heart at all costs and it will take a lifetime to truly earn it completely. On the other hand, if she is shallow, you can tell she loves to cause drama, and seems a little manipulative, she is probably just playing games for an ego stroke. She likes the feeling of a guy chasing her. But from what you've said about her in your responses, it sounds a little bit more like she is jaded to kindness and love right now, maybe doesn't trust it if her best friend hurt her, and you are going to need to give her time. She may just need to heal a little from the wound a loved one caused her. And if you are there for her, that will definitely help her trust you and open up to you. Cause it will show her that you want her and not just a girlfriend.

[GiemontD]

Well when I posted this question we were going out. I told her we are on break because she won't talk to me and was getting p*ssed off when I told her I was joining hurdles aka her event. Boys and girls would workout together and she was rly p*ssed that I legitly wanted to join. I was invited to her bball banquet and couldn't say no because it was this other girls mom and she got p*ssed at that so I just said we on break. I told her I was afraid to lose someone close to me like a best friend

[GiemontD]

Or my girlfriend and she called me predictable. My other attempts at flirting didn't work either. I tried for 2 months and she still didn't open up to me. In fact it got so bad I literally couldn't talk to her about anything. Plus out of the blue she goes oh btw I can't hang with you for 2 weeks because of SAT class. I didn't even imply I was gonna ask her to hang. I get the feeling she doesn't want me around even thought she liked me. I want this to work which is y I told her we need to take a

[GiemontD]

Break to find out what we want in this relationship and prioritize what we want.

[hisangel]

Well she seems to have a tiny streak of bitterness in her. I think you were right in taken the break. If it was me I would tell her that I know she got hurt but that I am not one of the people that hurt her. I would also make it clear that you aren't bulletproof. Just like she wants to be treated well, so do you. And that you want to spend your time making someone happy that wants to make you just as happy. It's a two way street and I don't think she sees that. She just seems to want to be

[hisangel]

Bitter and jaded and push people away. I would let her know that you care about her but you don't like being hurt either.

I think she is inexperienced and doesn't realize that you don't get to treat people anyway you like cause you are hurting or doubting them.

[GiemontD]

Exactly! I feel like you understand exactly what I am going through. Just wondering when should I have this talk? Should I do it while we are on break or should I wait til the break is over?

[shayshay94]

then she is just playing with you and she might know that she is leading you on but she probly tries not to do it lots of guys have told me that they like me and I don't know what I did to lead them on but the problem is if she says that she likes you and still plays hard to get then just move on or ignor her and see where it ends from there and tell her if you like me then stop putting up a gard lol but she might have also been hurt in a previous relationship so talk to her that is the only way to have a good relationship with a loved one is to communicate it is the key!

[GiemontD]

See I know she has been hurt in a relationship because I try and talk to her, but it was a friendship with her best friend who was a girl. I am her first boyfriend. I would try to ignore her but I sit right next to her in one of my classes with only one other girl in that corner so I have to stick with talking to her. How do I bring it up and what should I say?

[shayshay94]

Ok well don't bring anything up right now because all she needs right now is a good guy friend so talk to her in class ask her what she likes and what makes her happy and sometime ask if she wants to hang or if she ever needs to get away from anything have her come over and give her your number make it seem like you will be there for her because that's what it sounds like she needs is someone to bring her up of her butt from falling down and that's were you come in

[GiemontD]

The problem is I did that and I asked her out and now she closes on me and our 2 month anniversary is tomarrow. Do you still think I have to do all that or is there somthin else I'm suppose to do?

[shayshay94]

What do you mean she closes on you? But if it has been two months and it sounds like you guys are so uncomfortable with each other then you need to comfront her and really figure out why she is with you if she won't talk to you or something like that. I mean seriously if has been two months and she really hasn't even put in an effort in the relationship then there is no use and continuing it. I no it might be akward but its not you are fault because her has some deep down problems that is bugging her

[GiemontD]

Yeah I hear you. I don't know I asked her what she wants in our relationship and she said I don't know. She obviously doesn't want me to know, that or she really doesn't know but I doubt that. I like your approach though. I should ask her why she is with me. If she says I don't know again should I just end it there and then?

[shayshay94]

Ya I would end it because I mean why would you want to be with someone if they don;t want you back I mean come on that's kinda stupid lol but ya id just tell her look I don;t know what's going on with you and iv tried talking to you about it or what maybe we just arn't compatible so I think we should end it here before one of us gets hurts

[GiemontD]

Ok that sounds good thanks for your help!

[shayshay94]

No problem please if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask

[Robertinho]

Because most girls are dumb and they don't know what they have infront of them until they finally loose it for good. Its alright to play hard to get, but geez!, most of them put you through hell just so you could take them out on a little coffee date. Damn, I don't mind begging if she's worth it, but come on, your dignity comes first no matter what. Watch out my friend, some girls hide their true evil colors on the inside, be careful and good luck. Nevertheless, there are some few good ones still left, if you find one, don't be a damn fool and let them go, because those types of girls don't exist no more good luck man.

[Xenophobia]

Any girl who plays hard to get doesn't deserve a guy at all. Any guy who plays games on a girl doesn't deserve a girl either.

[GiemontD]

I completly agree with you

[toulouse]

AGREED!!

Absolutely!

[biannnnnnn]

So whatcha saying that if a girl likes a guy she should'nt play games and just tell him.

[GiemontD]

She doesn't have to tell him, but rather show him. Don't play games just be yourself because if girls play the game long enough we will get p*ssed and just leave

[Xenophobia]

YEAH! If a girl likes a guy, she should tell him. Us guys don't understand hint's....verbal communication is progress.....nonverbal communication....just causes headaches.

[Nataliee]

The best answer I can think of for this is that its like "testing" a guy, to see how much they like you. If a guy is really into you then he should be able to put up with a certain amount of a girl playing hard to get. If a guy isn't that into you, then he's more likely to just give up on a girl playing hard to get. So in a way, some girls play hard to get because they want to make sure you really like them and won't just leave them unexpectedly.

If a girl is playing hard to get for too long though, I think that's quite disrespectful and could be a sign they don't like you that much

[GiemontD]

How long is too long in your opinion? And that makes sence, but her playing hard to get is actually making me like her less.

[Nataliee]

How long is too long really depends on where your relationship is at I guess. she could be waiting for you to make the next move if you haven't asked her out yet, but if youve both confirmed that you like each other then she shouldnt act like this for more than a month. I can't really judge too much on this situation though, because she could be nervous or something.

[GiemontD]

She might be nervous because I am her 1st boyfriend. And this has been going on for almost 2 months. We both have shown we like each other, but I haven't flatout told her I like her. I don't think that is best but it might be necessary. Should I do it?

[Nataliee]

Considering you would be her first boyfriend, I'd say she's just really nervous, she might not even realise that she's playing hard to get! She probably waiting for you to make the next move. So yes, I think it would be good if you told her flat out / asked her out

[Sensitiveman]

Nataliee, I would have to disagree with you on that, I really liked this girl and I gave up on her. I'm even seeing other people and can't stop thinking about her. Look, what you girls need to understand is that their are different men out there with different personalities, I figured that she didn't want to hear from from me, hey I'm a mature guy, I've been through relationships, it means that I was suppose to go, yes she did lead me on, she went out me, we talked, we.... COMMENT BOX SMALL! bye

[toulouse]

" If a guy is really into you then he should be able to put up with a certain amount of a girl playing hard to get. If a guy isn't that into you, then he's more likely to just give up on a girl playing hard to get. " - NOT ALWAYS TRUE .. Some guys like a girl so much the just can't handle thdoubt & some guys don't PLAY games - even IF they LOVE

"Look, what you girls need to understand their are different men out there with different personalities,"

Good - IMPORTANT point - ^Sensitive man^

[kittycat933]

The girl doesn't always know if the guy knows she likes him. Anyway, a girl will play hard to get for two reasons that I have observed: She has fun playing 'the dating game' which is really innocent and is there to spark up your feelings. Or, she might have some lower self-confidence and wants to make sure to the tenth power that you really are interested in her and not fooling around - maybes he wants to see how much you like her, girls (when they truly like a guy) love to see a guy go above and beyond to get her attention.

[CuddlyCarla]

First off, I don't do this. However, I know people who do, and it's my guess that some girls play hard to get to see if a guy truly likes them and to see how persistent they may be in trying to get them. Girls like men who are dominant, meaning they are going to do what it takes once they see what they want. I think it's sort of a cavewoman thing, like some biological inner remnant that determines if a guy is the type who is going to be able to handle challenges and stay with it. I think they try to see it as a sign that the man may have long-term potential because it might be some indicator he'll be able to 'weather the storm' in crisis situations and be a problem-solver. That's my inner psychologist's guess.

[polishprancer]

If a guy is persistent though, then he can just seem mad clingy.

[Wassup]

Exactly! I agree with polishprancer

[yyyyyy123]

I agree if a guy is too persistent it does look clingy and what girl wants a clingy guy!?!? Honestly I think this whole thing is just bull sh*t and if you like a person than just tell them epically if your over 25 or your ass is going to be single for a long time.

[dakota102]

i wouldn't say its playing hard to get. if the guy knows then it just makes the girl that much move nervous and shy to talk to him or be around him. that's if he hasn't told her how he feels about her. so she basically wants you to make the next move, now that you know how she feels, what are you gonna do...

[GiemontD]

I have been trying to make the next move tho. She keeps shooting me down. Should I quit the flirting and just tell her straight up how I feel about her?

[dakota102]

Hmm..thats weird if she's giving you the red light. but if you wanna tell her go ahead, that's the only way you will know what's really going on.

[toulouse]

Well let he know I mean at this point what do you have to lose & she may like you just doesn't know for sure - you aid she knows you like her.. so why did you say yo want to tell her?

If you like her tell her , but I don't now what getting shot down is either - hey, lol how about some INFO

:-)H

[GiemontD]

Well toulouse I called for a break because she shows me no emotion and was getting p*ssed at me for nothin so I left. I know she likes me because even on the break I talk to other girls and she gets jealous because I do it in front of her because we in the same class and she won't talk to me. Why does she turn her back on me in class, but when I talk to another girl she gets p*ssed? When I try to talk to her she doesn't let the convo go far

[Lundy18]

because it's fun to make you work for it. ha ha also, like other girls have mentioned, we like to make sure that the guy is actually interested, so if we act like we don't like them and make them chase us, we can be more sure that the dude is into us and not embarrass ourselves or something. Also, if the girl doesn't like the guy, they might not be playing anything, they might just not be interested at that moment.

[GiemontD]

So if what you say is true then how is a guy suppose to know one from the other? What if the guy thinks that you playing hard to get is you showing that your not interested and he stops trying to get you?

[mikewnaz]

@lundy18 . Check out my latest question and let me know if she is playing hard to get and how to approach it. I think you gave a good answer to the question asker.

[kierstenmarie14]

Because if you havnt noticed boys want what they can't have so if the girls make it a challenge the boys will try harder to get them..maybe she does like you but maybe she wants to make sure you won't stop likeing her! and another reason is because its a lot of fun! if you don't want her to play hard to get then join them game and do it back she won't like how it feels!

[GiemontD]

I did I told her we on break

[yyyyyy123]

And what did she say when you told her you were on a break?

[GiemontD]

I could tell she was sad but she gave me the best hug ever after I told her because she wanted comfort. I broke up with her a few weeks later. I'm so glad I did, I've been happy ever since. Girls that play hard to get just push guys away.

[dontaskwhy]

i notice that when I crush on someone and I think their crushing on me I play hard to get, its in me I don't do it on purpose, its kinda how I flirt and I can't help it

when I do play hard to get it usually because deep down I want to know for sure if he does like me or not.

[Anonymous]

I think we play hard to get because we can be insecure. Sometimes it's a control thing but a lot of the time (IMO), we are pretty much used to guys getting bored or distracted really fast so we want to stay interesting or mysterious. Hence, the stupid games.

[toulouse]

I don't think it really creates mystery & if the guy is getting red then you is art compatible...

I would rather be myself then play games just to keep someones attention.

I would think at some point you become the game & you can longer distinguish yourself from the game.

" Be careful what you pretend toe, you become what you pretend to be"

:-)

[IStarrr]

It's like sex: you can get down to it right away and be over in 2 minutes, or you can touch all the right spots and prolong the pleasure.

Chase, teasing and flirting are like spice to the relationship )

[gagaforu]

we don't want to appear to needy for you. and we just want you to want us back so if you keep flirting and stuff we just get more intrested in you. even if you know that we like you we as girls just love the feeling of being wanted.

[just_me_93]

she wants to get the guys attention. she wants to make him like her more. its hard to tell if a guys interested so we tend to lead them on a bit and really see if they go for it before going for them

[toulouse]

Well if everyone stopped playing ames you wouldn't have t wonder anyways what is the rush to know if he likes you - just let it happen naturally- well anyways that's what I like to do.

[just_me_93]

Ya I agree 100 percent but sometimes it doesn't work that way. as much as I would loove it if it did things are complicated and sometimes it is our fault

[GiemontD]

See the guy will make a move when he feels ready. Like if I'm talkin to a girl I like and the convo is going good and I kinda like her and we are walkin I might hold her hand. Or if I tease her and she gets mad Ill hug her. We will do the work, but if you play hard to get it just discoarages us from tryin anything. Especially if the guy is dence then he really won't know what to think.

[Reeses-pieces777]

i dont' play hard to get. I like being honest up front. I get a lot of dishonest guys and I appreciate guys who are honest. I don't play games but I hear some guys like it when a girl plays games.

[Anonymous]

sorry.. I know I'm supose to dgive you an advice or whatsoever but... I have a question:

if a guy knows that a girl likes him then the girl starts to be shy and all... and "play hard to get", does it still mean that the guy likes her?

[GiemontD]

In my case it did but please don't do this. My girlfriend did this and it was horrible, the guy will start to feel differently towards you if you play hard to get long enough

[angiemel]

Because SHE doesn't know if HE likes HER, so to know, we make you chace us, if you follow the chase, we know you like us and sometimes for reals :D

[Skybaby0214]

Because she wants him to show her that she likes him! She wants him to chase after her, because she wants to feel special.

[crrazaylove]

because I like to know that a guy is working to get me. Not just talking to him for five minutes then heading to the bedroom.

[bringing_sexyback]

well surely it's more interesting to find out stuff about her and get to know her gradually rather than her laying it on a plate?

[Anonymous]

Because girls do have pride and don't like to put themselves out there to get rejected if they don't know how the guy they like feels about them.

[Xenophobia]

Guys have pride to and we won't waste our time playing silly games that how a sign of immaturity.

[GiemontD]

I agree with him on that. I got so sick of playing her game I just called for a break.

[toulouse]

"I got so sick of playing her game I just called for a break"

Well done - Q.A.

:-)

Speaking of pride. Playing games & Waisting an adults time, IS entirely disrespectful..

How much self respect do you REALLY have if you waste other peoples time, without any consideration.

It is called narcissism - not 'pride'

[GiemontD]

Yeah seriously and for the record I'm not an adult

[CurlyBlonde]

I realize some of my friends play hard just to act cool, so...

[kellystafford]

Guys like the thrill of the chase :P Girls like the thrill of being chased haha