Why DO girls play hard to get anyway?

Question

So I've been wondering about this for a while. Why Do girls play hard to get anyway? I mean I have some theories about it myself, but I don't know for sure.  What possible good do they think will come out of it? Is it just so they can string people along? Is it a mind game? What?  Is it a test? If it IS a test what are they testing for? To see how long it takes for us to get angry? WHAT? I just don't get it.

ArtistBboy · Accepted Answer

Women play hard to get so that we don't waste our time chasing them.

- Imagine how dreadful it would be to invest time getting to know someone; it's so much easier to get that loose hoe down at the bar.. Right?!?! (-_-)

Truth: There's countless reasons and countless different people; the reasons will always be different, but the pattern will be familiar.

1) Women play hard to get, to test the man's worthiness.

- Meaning, if the guy chases her he might prevail, but only on her validation of who he is.

2) Women play hard to get, to keep their options open

- Sometimes they want to see what's on the market before they go through another heartbreak.

3) Women play hard to get, to avoid pushing away a "friend"

- Simply put, after chasing long enough, guys usually get fed up and stop trying

4) Women play hard to get, to keep the man interested

- Sometimes they think being "hard to get" is attractive; not interested (her) = interested (you)? (WOW since when was dating that easy O_o.. where have I been?)

etc etc etc

The outcome is always the same until you stop the trend. You can show you are interested without doing any chasing; I do that on a daily basis. The thing that most guys don't realize is that they can live their lives, being true to themselves while being respectful and genuine to those around them, and still get the ladies.

- It's men that chase women, annoyingly, who end up the "gay best friend"

- men that don't chase women, end up the "social buddy"

- men that act disinterested in women, end up being gay

BUT add two unpredictable outcomes together: He playfully teases her (showing interest) but doesn't call her until 3 days later = the potential date. Most women of higher caliber will disagree - the reason being that they are tired of the games; once you've played them long enough, there's no sense in these games; HOWEVER, if she is "playing hard to get", it sounds like the safest move is to simply move on.

Here's why I say that:

- Most women that play these stupid and immature games, will draw out all of your emotional energy and you'll get so caught up in them, that you will end up looking like the gay best friend - because you won't be yourself. You'll be complimenting them, trying to play wrestle them, and hanging out with them so often, that she will know that you like her - in which the chase is over.

Attraction is about tension (Thanks robby) - most people don't understand attraction.

- Have you ever noticed how these "women that play hard to get" are more interesting and consume more of your train of thought? That's because the saying: "You want what you cannot have". -- This relates to tension.. Tension is the difference between where you currently are and where you want to be.

If you want to be dating her - yet you resist dating her WHILE showing interest in her, she will be so confluster-f***- 'd that she won't know if you like her or not, which means more dating success because she's trying to figure you out.

~ ArtistBBoy

jdcpa · Accepted Answer

You want to know why girls play hard-to-get?

It's because guys have no respect for themselves. Guys simply "accept" that kind of behavior.

What happens when a girl you're dating isn't paying the same level of attention to you?

What if she's not showing the same level of interest in you?

What if you're not affectionate yet?

What if you're not intimate yet?

What if she makes you wait and never calls back?

What if she cancels dates?

Are you willing to dump her?

If you're not, then what you're really communicating to her, and all other women is: "I'm perfectly okay tolerating this kind of behavior. And if I am, there's absolutely no incentive for you to change the way you treat me or behave towards me. So just sit there, being flattered at my expense; because I'm perfectly fine with it."

If you do, then you're communicating: "This isn't something I'm going to tolerate."

You provide incentive for the "playing hard-to-get" to stop. How? Simple.

Women who will play hard-to-get will be single; either literally (alone) or effectively (with a jerk or loser).

They'll come to realize on their own, because they're smart girls, that if they want to change their situation, all they have to do is stop behaving a certain way; a certain unacceptable way.

So, the reason YOU run into girls who "play hard-to-get", is because YOU are at fault; not these girls. YOU have a weak character. If a girl looks at you, smiles, and tells you with a sweet voice while touching you on the arm; "I'm thirsty", you're going to jump up and go fetch her a drink. She doesn't even have to actually ask you, much less demand it. Instead, she manipulates you on the fact that she knows you've been socialized to be her slave, and you're too weak of a character to think independently or be your own person.

In other words, YOU have a sign over your head that reads (to both men & women, btw); "I WILL TOLERATE PLAYING HARD-TO-GET!"

If I saw a sign over a girl's head that read "I LOVE BLOW JOBS, ANAL, and THREESOMES WHEN I IMMEDIATELY MEET A GUY!", and assuming I'm not mentally retarded; do you want to venture a wild guess what I'll do?

You don't have enough female friends do you?

I've been in a bar, smack in the middle of my best-friend's girls' night out. Do you know what they call guys like you? You have a name! Wanna know what it is? "Free Drinks!" That's what your name is. That's what you are. How romantic, I know.

Of course, they'd never tell you that. Instead, a better justification or reason is, "because I'm scared, I've been hurt before, I'm testing you, I want to see if you're serious, I don't want to come off easy, I don't want you to think I'm a slut, etc." But the real reason is, when I play hard-to-get and you keep trying, chasing and putting in all this effort; it makes me feel flattered and stokes my ego; even if it's at your expense. No real man would let me disrespect him that way; but that's why YOU'RE AWESOME! (teeheehee) <3 ^.^ <3

wildcat1989 · Accepted Answer

Girls say that they want a nice guy because they associate the "a**holes" with cheating and getting hurt. They go for the bad boys because they are confident. The saying, "nice guys finish last" has some truth to it. When a guy is "too nice" it translates to a girl that the guy is "too easy." Both men and women operate like this (girls, a must read is "Why Men Marry Bitches" its a book about why men are turned off by girls that are too nice.)

Anyways, this is how you should think about it. Getting a girl's attention is a lot like playing with a cat and cat toy. If you are teasing the cat letting them catch the toy for a second then pulling it away quickly the cat is interested and excited for the chase. But then once you let the cat have the toy fully and you are not pulling in away, they quickly get bored with the toy and walk away to find something else to play with.

This is human nature. We want what we can't have. Everyone is like this, I don't care how much you disagree and say "Im not like that at all, I don't play games." Yes you do. If you got too comfortable in a relationship where you had everything you have ever wanted from a person for too long, it would be a matter of time before you would feel like something is missing and you would get bored. This is how the human mind operates.

Dolly Parton was once asked, "what makes a successful relationship?" she said, "its give and take. As soon as I can tell that my hubbie is getting too comfortable with me I will pull back and ruffle his feathers a bit."

Bottom line, the best things in life are the things you have to WORK to get. The things that you need to dedicate time and effort into and that applies to relationships to. Women fall in love with men that challenge them not men that hand them whatever you want.

All this doesn't mean you can't "be yourself" or "let your feelings go" the key is time. Loosen up to the girl slowly. Give her what she wants over time. Even if all you want to do is give her what she is looking for don't do it. In the end, the resistance and fire under her butt is what she was looking for the whole time. If things get too comfortable with a girl then pull back. It doesn't have to be dramatic, just enough so that she is reminded once in a while what a catch you really are.

Being too nice means a girl gets whatever she wants without trying and when that happens the girl doesn't value what she receives. When you have to work for it you value it more. Girls date guys that don't let them have whatever they want without a little effort. So what you see is a girl dating an a**hole but really its a girl dating a guy that won't let her walk all over him and give her wants she wants without a little effort. Not giving a girl want she wants or not telling a girl what she wants to hear may seem like an a**hole move to you, but really it's what the girl wants and what she will stick around for. That is the same reason why girls and guys play hard to get.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Maybe some times it isn't playing hard to get.  Maybe some times it is really that we are confused.  Like with me and my boyfriend.  He says he has never had to fight so hard for someone or for anything.  But the thing is, I really am confused about wanting to be with him.  I push him away not to play hard to get but just because I'm confused to if I want him or not.  He isn't like me.  He isn't my type.  I only like him because he's lonely and I feel sorry for him.  Plus I know he won't cheat on me or anything like that.  But other than that, he is NOT my type.  Maybe I just wanted to be rebellious and marry him because he is not my parents type which is more of my type because I grew up super religious, not doing weed or smoking or drinking, or wearing clothes that look like gangster would wear... or clubbing or dancing or listening to weird sexual music... agh, he seems like the typical "bad ass" type of guy who is sort of a whore and does weed (pot head, man-whore)... who doesn't go to church, doesn't save sex for marriage, knows too much about drugs and alcohol and rock and roll... and talks way too much about his ex... maybe I'm not playing hard to get.. maybe I"m just mega confused if I want to be with him or not and I wish he'd give me a break but he refuse to.  We're together for a year now even though I wanted to break up after the first 2 weeks =(

the_cheshire_cat · Accepted Answer

It's a proven fact somewhere I believe people want what they cannot have. That's just the way it is.

A woman could be playing hard to get for any number of personal reasons. From being nasty and stringing a guy along to use him to her whims, to having emotional issues and problems with commitment or whatever else is in that handbag of horrors, to yes... testing him.

Anything worth having is worth working for, isn't it? Doesn't something taste sweeter if you've worked for it? In nature the females generally take their time checking out the males. They want the proven ones who are going to be the best genes for their offspring.

Be glad you're not a bull ram sheep having to risk loosing an eye or something all day showing how strong you are to win the girl.

Women may string guys along to help snuff out any insecurities they have about him, or just to see how he reacts in different situations. A good mate is caring, supportive and understanding.- And knows how to communicate.

If the going starts getting (in your mind ridiculous) talk to her about it maturely. NEVER tell her what she is doing is silly or foolish or doesn't make sense. That is invalidating her. What she is doing is making perfect sense to her. You just have to be paitent to find out what it is.

Vee72 · Answer

Girls play hard to get because they can. It's like the same question when we ask "why do men cheat?", simplest answer anyone can give is "because they can"

All women want is to find someone that they can love and have that love given back the same way they're giving it out. Obviously that won't happen 100% because our love is different than men love. Girls like to test waters, we go with theories like "if he really meant it/if he really loved me he'll show me with action". And when he does, that is when we know that he's a keeper. We enjoy having men do "sweet", "cute" things for us so we can fall into "awe" inside. We're not very smart this way.

Some girls play hard to get because they're 2-timing guys, some girls play hard to get because they've been hurt in the past and they want to lure the guy in and hurt them in the end. It's thrilling for those girls who seek revenge. Some girls just want to see how much their men would do for them to keep them and want them.

But when it all comes to the end, it's all a test and a game to find the right one. Girls just don't see that this game drives men away. They are so blinded by this game they believe that we're still in the Shakespeare decade where women were manipulative.

NomelLemon · Answer

It's all so very confusing. I hate how dating is a game with most people. I don't like adhering to the "rules". If I like a guy, I really want to show him, because I'd think he's a catch, and if I didn't show him, someone else might get to him sooner. But then I'm afraid of coming off as boring. If there's no mystery or "chase", or whatever, then how would it be interesting. I don't understand it, but I'm always hearing conflicting advice, such as men like the chase and play hard for too long and he'll lose interest. So I don't know what I'm doing. I think maybe I play hard to get without intending to, because yes, I do want to see how interested he is in me. I don't want to get stuck in that dreadful friend zone, and that can easily happen if I'm always readily available. Believe me, I was a non-conformist in this category and used to be straightforward, and I was forever the "sweet, nice" girl. I don't want to be taken for granted, not anymore, so I don't allow myself to be as open as I would really like to. Fear plays a role, too. I wonder if the guy is worth risking my heart with. But then, I don't know if I play it too cool, and that's where the confusion comes in. I just hate that it's a game, and that you have to play by the rules, if only a little bit, if you want to succeed in possibly starting a relationship with someone you truly care about. I definitely don't do it to string someone along. But yes, damn these rules!

TimB -1-2-3 · Answer

Because giving in the second someone approaches you makes you a slut.. ;)

That, and it's fun.. It's a game, like you said. In the 'come here and hunt me', kind of way.. Enjoy it..

As for the effect on guys? It's obvious isn't it? If you want something really bad and the one time it's there and you really go for it, and then suddenly it's gone, it's like falling into a hole. Boom! (sorry for the wrestling metaphor). Luckily for you, that's part of the seduction game, so persist and you will conquer (unless she's turned you down, obviously -.-').

So while it may not be intended as such, it's an awsome tactic for girls to see just how committed to his cause this guy really is.. to see how mentally strong and steadfast he is.. Because let's face it: isn't that one of the things that they really want? Someone who knows what he wants, knows how he wants it, and goes for it with everything he has? Hell, I'm not gay, and that sounds pretty sexy to me..

That, and imagine the tension that builds up.. Imagine this dance of excitement.. Imagine how much butterflies both parties would have.. 'Will this become somthing?'

... and incidentally, that's also why we guys might play hard to get as well ;)

Cheers!

Tim

Nataliee · Answer

I can't speak for all girls, but I imagine for most girls it's a way of testing just how much you like them. If you didn't like them then why would you bother continuing the chase when they start to play hard to get? But if you did really like them, you'd keep going. Obviously a guy who gives up isn't worth our time or our heart, so the guy that continues to fight for us is. That said, a girl playing hard to get for too long is just rude. You have to determine how long you're willing to play hard to get for, and this might differ for every girl. Some girls will stop playing hard to get easier than others.

Phoenix52 · Answer

Don't need to iron out the details - the girls have already said it.

Girls want a guy who's gonna pursue them hard enough for a relationship, and not look back. It is a test. It's to separate the commited type of guy from the guy who doesn't care enough.

Despite the fact that it IS a game for the women to play, it is needed. It's legit that a girl makes a guy work hard for her, just to see how much of a dedicated person he is.

If you're the type of guy who doesn't give a crap about girls, then you won't get far in a relationship with them.

I will chase a girl I want badly enough. I'll call/text her everyday, or every 2 days, just to hear from her and make her feel wanted by me. I'll pick up her emotions any possible way I can when she's feeling down. I'll listen to her bullsh*t stories just because I want to listen to her.

Have the drive and the patience. Show the devotion you have for her, and in time she'll grow feelings back for everything you've done.

TC123 · Answer

Well, if you're in a "relationship" and not getting what you want, talk to her. If you think she's leading you around by the nose just ask her in a plain, honest fashion if she really wants a relationship. A girl who's genuine, a girl who likes you will tell you - if the answer is anything other than a yes, scale back and stop running after her because she's obviously not interested in you the same way you are in her.

As far as "chasing" goes, it's just part of the way things are. Yeah, lots of girls want guys to chase them around as some sort of self-validation or to feed their egos but on the other hand I think a lot of guys mistake "chasing" for just getting to know one another.

angelica3 · Answer

to test you and see how much you really want us.

if you really want us, you'll work for it and continue to chase, until you've proven that you are that kind of guy who really wants us and shows us how much we mean to him. then we'll stop the chase and meet you halfway.

sinful1620 · Answer

People play games because they're too immature to realize mature people don't play games. Girls tout how game-playing works, and then come back a week later asking why he only wanted sex and not a relationship. Girls play hard to get because they're still little girls, and they aren't yet women.

Mesonfielde · Answer

I think it's either that they don't want to clearly admit to their feelings...

Otherwise, it really might be a test to see how much you are willing to endure and act for her - by playing hard, if you qualify, then you find her worthwhile enough to have fought for her, therefore you value her enough to actually get together with her.

Killfest400 · Answer

Stringing him along for money/favors

Stringing him along for attention/ego boost

Dealing with emotional issues

Indecisive

Testing him to make sure he's "willing to work to get you" (which usually backfires)

Playing "the game" with guys that are players

I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can think of at the moment.

wonderwander · Answer

I think it's because they like to be "hunted"; they like to make themselves hard to get because life has taught them that if you're too easy, he'll use you and break your heart. So the option is to either break hearts or to make a guy really work for it.

I don't do that, though. I'm just sharing the knowledge of other girls I've seen. I personally think it's silly to generalize to ALL guys.

smartgirl81 · Answer

ok this is what I have to say...we play hard to get cause we are told by other guys such as friends tht if we let you guys know we want you...you guys don't wanna be with us...so we get scared an feel that guys will not want us if we put it all out there right away...so sumtimes guys are to blame for this...well at least thts why I do it...some girls tho are doing it to play games...

jazzyjean2010 · Answer

First of all, every girl is not the same.  People have different reasons for why they do what they do.  Some girls are not playing hard to get.  Some are just not interested in you and they do not want to hurt your feelings.  Some girls do it because they want to make sure you are truly interested in them and not anyone else.  Because the same line you are giving to them, you maybe giving that line to some other girl.  So they just want to watch you for a while. If a girl is truly interested in you, sooner or later she will let you know.  Sometimes you have to be patient.  But if a girl is not interested in you and she lets you know that she is not interested, then you need to keep it moving.  Don't stand their and be insulting.  There are truly many more fish in the sea.

jerry17 · Answer

i think you are wrong. there is this girl I've been chasing for one year now without success. in most cases, a girl plays hard to get when she is not interested and the more effort you give in to get her she will be scared off and she will think you are desperate on the other hand,if she is interested in you,when you make the first step she has already made the second step.

martyfellow · Answer

There are some who play hard to get because they use sex to get ahead at work or in personal life situations..and giving it away would make it difficult to use sex that way.

But most girls expect to be loved and aren't that eager to have meaningless affairs, esp in the age of AIDS...

Anonymous · Answer

I can't speak for anyone else but personally I guess I play hard to get without meaning to, I will make the guy come to me to show interest, So that when I go to him it won't be like I am annoying him or something. So I will ignore guys I like just to see if they ever talk to me, if they don't then he obviously doesn't care. And if he does then I will go from there. Even if I like a guy a LOT I am not all about talking to him first, don't want to appear clingly. I am not doing this on purpose.

Anonymous · Answer

I can say I don't mean to do it, I'll show interest in a guy and when he shows interest in me I get really nervous and I just have to ignore him. Idk, maybe it's just me having low self esteem. It actually kind of sucks leading them on like I do because after I act shady toward them they never want anything to do with me again, and I feel like I don't know them anymore. I just in general suck at relationships. Sorry!

misselr · Answer

Girls want to know if you truly want them and what you will do to get them, They want to know if you only have eyes for her or if you are just playing about and trying your luck with every girl you can.

Starling · Answer

Should they instead open their hearts and legs right away. Without knowing if he's even worth it?

brunettebelle · Answer

So if we play easy will you love us and respect us? I think its how we naturally are... although some like to play games. You could say it's entertaining.

simplythebest · Answer

mayb she ain't playin hard to get mayb she is shy and confused about her new found feelins for you that makes her blow hot and cold. which ultimately feels as thogh she's playing hard to get.

heyitslinda · Answer

If I like the guy I play hard to get to see if he really likes me. For instance, if I act like I don't like him and he still pursues then I know that he actually likes me and it's not like a 'hook up'

Anonymous · Answer

sometimes it´s because of fear. We sometimes fear the boy won't feel the way we do so we just hide our feelings. Also, we play hard to get so that the boy will appreciate more our love when they get it. Boys like what they can´t get, right? That´s why.

Coffinspire · Answer

Because it works every single time and it's our best mind game that every girl can achieve. It's like we're born with it.

Anonymous · Answer

I've noticed that some guys like this and others don't. The ones who do not are usually the shy guys who wants the girl to do everything. Guys who are not shy enjoy not knowing what to expect from the girl.

alanb · Answer

the harder you work to get something, the more you are going to appreciate it

letsdance · Answer

umm maybe they are not interested and you think they are playing hard to get.

emmabee11 · Answer

Girls play hard to get because if we played too easy you would lose interest in us after 1 week :)

Anonymous · Answer

if you guys hate what girls do this much just become GAY. start ignoring girls. don't give a crap about them. live with the guys. since you hate a lot of things about girls and you think you and the guys are always right, that is what you should do.

Anonymous · Answer

They don't want to be thought of as easy...or they have standards,  thrill of the chase...test you to see how determined you are, how much you like them how far you are prepared to get them  etc

Anonymous · Answer

So we don't end up letting the wrong guy into the Bat Cave... Once you're there, we can't validate parking and everything has a consequence.

ashleybrewer92 · Answer

Some girls are scared to get hurt so they don't open up easily && guys tend to want what they can't have also which girls know.

Vaticka · Answer

because their mom tells them too

beccam95 · Answer

well why do guys use reverse phycology?huh?

frustratedchump06 · Answer

because they love to lead us on

Why DO girls play hard to get anyway?

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