Resisting the urge to contact her?

[Anonymous]

A girl rejected me. The thing is that it's been so difficult to let go of her because, well...I thought we were at least close enough to be friends. When I text her, I feel good, I feel happy, we have good/funny conversations. The problem is that I get false hope.

She doesn't care if she ever keeps in touch with me; she's proven that. There's been stretches of months where there's no contact and she'll only talk/text if I do it first. So it's counterproductive for me to do it. The very last time we texted, it was so great, then I realized I was getting false hope again. That was a week ago.

Now I'm getting urges to text her again. I have to stop it. I have to get over it. This is too one-way. I'm the one who cares about our conversations/relationship; she doesn't. It's unhealthy. I don't understand why she doesn't care, why she doesn't care about keeping in touch, but I guess that's what unrequited love is all about. How can I keep resisting the urge? It's swallowing me alive.

[anonymousdude2]

It is unhealthy. A lot of it has to do with you and your perspective.

#1 ITS 1 GIRL

There's lots girls out there, and you're hung up on 1 that DOESN'T CARE. Let's be real, nothing is going to change if you keep doing what you're doing (definition of insanity).

Start talking to way more girls, be more social, and start building the interesting life you want that doesn't necessarily involve women. That way you won't be so concerned about the 1 female you are thinking about when there are 3 billion more...

#2 Stop placing so much importance on texting. It should be a planning or at the most a VERY short flirting mechanism. What matters is the face to face time. You need this girl to be in front of you in the same social setting as you for her to pay attention to you.

#3 She knows she has you.

She's proven it to herself. You've proved it to us. There's NO challenge at all. Broaden your horizon with more women, and also make yourself more attractive as a man. Afterwards you won't have these problems.

[thetheme]

The only way to resist this is by doing other things with other people, meeting other women, staying busy, and always remembering that she doesn't appreciate your time or the way you treat her. She doesn't care because that's her nature. She probably gets enough attention from guys out there as it is, and you may be one of those guys that she isn't attracted to. Erase her number, e-mail address, or any other contact that you have of her and move on with your life. Contacting her just shows her that she can have you jumping through hoops whenever she wants. You have to have more self respect than that to get respect from others. Start going out and meeting other women asap. It's going to hurt as long as you let it. You may think that not contacting her she will forget about you totally, but she already has. Move on for your sake.

[Asker]

She did go on a date with me and so now I'm kicking myself for "letting it slip away", so to speak. How can I stop myself from doing this? The slipping away part is even more painful because I feel like I'm the one who caused it to be messed up.

[thetheme]

Was it a date, or was it just her killing time? Trust me when I say that women do this all the time. STOP contacting her, period. There are other women out there. Chasing her will do nothing except cause you misery. If she sees you as a "friend" then you are pretty much stuck there...

[Asker]

Well, she obviously doesn't see me as a friend because she could care less what I'm up to. Never contacts me or anything. Even friends hang out, if it's just to kill time. She doesn't even do that. So maybe that's a good thing because I can just move on. She just doesn't care.

[Peaches92]

I'd say that you should make friends with other girls. If she's made it quite clear that she doesn't care about keeping in touch, then you should just move on.