Why do some guys mistake a girl who is polite and has a friendly personality for flirting?

Question

Bananaman177 · Accepted Answer

Most guys never get to experience a girl being nice and friendly to them, they only see girls being friendly when they are trying to chat up some hot guy, that's usually the only time you see a girl actually smile and laugh while she's talking.

So girls who are naturally super nice and friendly can throw these dudes off, because it's something they never see or experience except when they see it happening to other men.

So if you walk up to some guy and start making conversation, just asking him simple stuff like if he likes to cook or travel or whatever, you could very easily be the first person in YEARS who has actually talked to him about personal stuff. How can you expect him to not be totally flustered?

How don't think girls realize or could even fathom how long some guys go in between social interactions. Years, decades. It's very common among men who are less attractive that nobody ever talks to them or even looks at them. They learn to just act invisible because people treat them like they are.

You walk up to somebody who's been doing that for six years, let's say. . . and you start smiling at him and looking him in the eye and talking to him, of course he thinks you're flirting with him! You're probably the first pleasant experience he's had for literally as long as he can remember.

Logorithim · Accepted Answer

It's really easy to do, but one reason is that a guy is naturally hopeful that a nice girl likes him.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Sadly, as it of them are not taught better and get unconsolidated advice some people who don't really know every woman they meet. As the natural friendly person I had to learn to stop being so friendly and polite to a lot of people, because when it comes down to a lot of guys that's exactly what happens. Assume you're flirting and that's not true. Then get upset when you don't want to flirt with them. Many of these guys at the end of the day are looking for sex. And if they don't see that that's not what they going to receive did not going to be happy wanting to be around you. So it's not really our problem is actually their problem and that's what they're upset about. But at the same time, and their defense. There are some girls sadly, who takes advantage of the naiveness and the misunderstanding of women's body language, that likes to toy around with a man's feelings. So because of that you can't necessarily blame them for feeling the way they do. I at least understand that much.

KandyKane1 · Accepted Answer

They thirsty lol

PrincessGrail · Answer

Not sure, but happens all the time.

muddog · Answer

I'm not sure if most guys decide she's flirting... but generally will be confused as to whether she is or not. That might sound petty, but there's a distinct difference! I've known a girl who was this way... she was very outgoing and friendly and genuinely cared about you and would ask all about your life and even take interest in the simple things! She was also a bit of a touchy person, as in she was polite, but if you needed wouldn't hesitate to hug you or put a hand on your shoulder etc. And I know many guys that were confused by her, and everyone had a crush on her. And it really boils down to two things.

The first being that most girls generally act as though guys have the plague because they're so terrified of accidentally "sending the wrong message" and their whole life they've got plenty of attention from guys, so they really just want to be left alone. It's probably a defense mechanism to avoid hurt of having a guy develop feelings and then watch him get his Hope's crushed.

And the second being that the guy probably is attracted to her and is being optimistic that, "she may not like me, but she probably does". And better be safe than sorry right? So we'll just assume she does and risk the pain cause we'd rather get hurt than miss out on an opportunity like this!! And this effect is probably mostly subconscious the majority of the time unless the guy is pretty in touch with his emotions and feelings, which is really discouraged in America! Because as we all know real men are tough and strong not emotional flits.

So, when the guy wants the girl, and then she's bold enough to take interest in him and the little things in his life and if she's not afraid to break into his personal bubble in order to be kind and friendly, showing that she cares more about him than social constructs (which is a wonderful caricature trait), he can get VERY confused VERY fast!!!

Hope this helps! :)

lernulo · Answer

As @hellionthesagereborn said there is a biological reason behind it.
I know you like a lot the interpretation of... Men are thirsty, but biology has other one, which I like more...

Men are best suited to approach that women.

First time I heard about that investigation I was crazy, because it meant that of my few possibilities, there were some which were a lie.

But nowadays I have a wider perspective about it.

If you see the willpower on men, and the need and overall the pigmalion effect, you can understand the mechanism much better.

And it's easy, biologically talking, one of the two must move, and the female has the children, so...

We are suited with all the mechanism to move and approach, even with those reluctant children who cry here because they don't know what to do.
I propose compare how many times they approached compared with women.
I don't want girls compare with me or an average guy.

I mean compared with an incel, or one of those guys who stay with her mum at home and search who have approached more.

So, is it so weird to think it's one of those things we are wired to do well?

Compare the approach of a man with the approach of a woman, at early stages, before society put their hands on the education.

The one of the female is much more rude, I think the sophistication of a female is into get a man approach them but not into approaching.

Most of women who must charge with the weight of a date must ask us how to do it, because they don't know how to start...

So is it so strange that if you have that weight on your sex, nature suits you with self-lie to use pigmalion effect on your favor?

holograph · Answer

Why do some women not understand what makes people attracted to others? What do you want guys to do, become interested in women that treat them poorly? It's fine for women to not be romantically interested in a man, and it's wrong that some men think that some women "owe" them a relationship, but how is it even possible to not understand that having a nice personality is literally the most important part of dating someone? The point of dating is to get to know someone, but before you get to the dating stage, you want to figure out if the person is nice and pleasant to be around. If you are, then why would it surprise, upset or offend you that some guys will want to get to know you better? It's far more useful to analyze what makes women attracted to men because, honestly, it tends to take so much more than just being nice for men to get a woman interested in them.

UnknownReflection · Answer

Please tell me why girls have the same problem too! Because i'm a guy and seen it.

People nowadays are overreacting and overthinking relationships, love, romance. They basically have zero understanding of the expressions. They torture each other with mixed signals and all that ridiculous details. So young people started to feel paranoid.

Whatever you say or do, quickly people start reading between lines.
Where do you think all these questions of [Does he like me? Is she interested in me] coming from?

People literally can't handle their emotions. They can't read people, they can't communicate effectively and can't define the difference between people's behaviors and the intentions behind it. It's all go down to lack of ability.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Mating If you look at a guy... in his mind... you want him. If you smile, you want him. If you kick your heel up, you want him. If you talk to him and flip your hair, you want him.

He's wired to perceive your signals as "you want him".

Obvously, this isn't all true, but his hormonally charged mind says..."maybe" and maybe means "yes!!".

A lot of them are probably desperate so any sign of positive feels good and creates hope. It is kinda? baffling? when a girl smiles and we don't do anything and we walk away... did I mis something?

SomeGuyCalledTom · Answer

Always assume the positive! haha.. really though, the simple answer is that humans are sexual creatures, and are wired to look for 'opportunity'. If a girl is open to being friendly/ social, then the male imagination can't help but consider the potential for her to be open to something "more". Of course, some men act on that imagination in an unhealthy or harassing way. But the mechanism is a biological fact either way. Smart men learn to read social cues and separate courtesy from sexual interest. Not all men have that ability to separate social from sexual cues, and therefore they create misunderstandings in their communications with women.

hahahmm · Answer

You say ‘mistake’ but you know darn well that there are times when a woman starts out uninterested but based on the guy’s actions she becomes interested.

From a guy’s pov it’s better for him to assume she’s into him than to try and guess based on her early signals because tons of women never want to put themselves out there but the guy is expected to (unless you live in a city with way more women than men).

Also I don’t think a guy thinks she’s flirting when she’s not. More like he is trying to convert what is happening into flirting.

EpicDweeb · Answer

Because very few people are actually polite and friendly consistently to everyone. Most people will be polite and friendly to people they like and will be somewhat polite to people who put them on edge, and just mean to anyone they don't care about. I get the impression most people aren't polite and friendly unless they like you.

That being said... I know where you're coming from since I've had this problem from time to time. I've had people basically say I'm either flirting or I'm the gay best friend type. But yeah, people assume if you're nice to them you probably like them. We're all a bit arrogant that way in assuming something good about ourselves influences others to like us, when it could just be that they're the good hearted ones.

Dongtai · Answer

I think it’s because some girls don’t understand how their “politeness” can come off as flirting. They’ll say nice things to seem polite but end up shooting themselves in the foot.

Like if a guy comes up to you and clearly hits on you, shut it down immediately. I love it when girls are blunt but nice about reject.

“Thank you. But I’m not not interested/I’m in a relationship/etc.”

Some girls will smile as if I made their day and say” Thank you!” Then I’ll ask how they’re doing and they’ll have a full 30 minute conversation with me like we’re best friends. I’ve met a lot of girls who actually reject me with class. But a lot of them just don’t know how and I’ll end up with a fake number at the end of the conversation. Not ALL girls obviously. I’ve met my fair share of honest girls who were actually interested but I literally never know until I know with women.

joyjoy123 · Answer

I feel like any action on both sides that are polite/friendly/nice can be seen as flirting by most people more so if the other has feelings for the other so every action becomes a "something"

I guess it stems from what's being taught to us. But gesture changes and reading social cues so we'd know how to interact gets too complicated. Like way before as children if a boy bullies a girl then it means he likes her but when you're an adult it's when you give more positive attention to the other. But it all boils down to "giving someone attention" so a friendly response is included in that category. It's like a game with foreign instructions lol

Aguysopinion4799 · Answer

Guys don't often get that kind of affection from girls as much as they do from guys.
You'll find that guys who are frequently around girls and have many girls in their friend groups, often don't mistake the kind things girls say for flirting as much because they are around it all the time.
I am surrounded with a lot of girls in my friend group, about 25 of my friends are girls and they all have different behaviours but 90% of them all do the kind compliments and they are all very affectionate that it seems less like flirting when they all do it :)

smg99 · Answer

Because they want to believe we are chasing them and if we try to be friends with such they act like we are hunting them down. They make a stink about it and inside they are happy with its validation serving attention.

Stop it and we are judged as bitches.

EricC7 · Answer

Many girls dont like to be upfront about things like wanting to start a relationship and guys tend to be a bit dense when it comes to taking hints, so some guys will take any small show of kindness as flirting, and others will not notice that a girl likes them even if she shows up at his house naked with a sign that says "let's have sex"

ManOnFire · Answer

Because most girls aren't really polite and friendly, while older women more often are, which is why a lot of us tend to prefer older women.

However, I think it's much more common for girls to take a guy's friendliness and chatting as meaning that he's looking for sex more than guys mistaking a girl's friendliness for flirting.

_Jay_ · Answer

Ok so my case of this is kinda there and kinda not there. So my best friend is a guy. I also have a crush on him but that came later. We started out as friends and like immediately clicked. When i find people whom i like, im friendly with them, often initiate physical contact and give them compliments. That is often associated with flirting. But i do it with no flirting intention. When i flirt, i make bad punds and dirty jokes.
But yea he also thought I was flirting with him and we both confirmed that our relationship was simply friends. So yea. But yea now I have a crush on him so life is funny.

hellionthesagereborn · Answer

well as I have heard some one else say, its because we are so starved for positive attention as almost all attention directed towards us is negative (whether that be personal or just society in general) that any positive response by a woman must therefore, in their minds be flirting because otherwise why would she ever be nice to a them?

Anonymous · Answer

They don't. Most don't. If they are single, they want to have a girlfriend/wife, so they would like you if you are nice and warm. Most guys are not attracted to bad behaviour from women. Unless they are my friend, who thinks all girls who are kind to him are 'easy', so he is attracted to girls who reject him brutally. I see his point, a girl who is open to any guy can be less trustworthy. I think the best girls are those who are open to getting to know you, while setting clear boundaries and saying no if necessary, until she wants to be in a relationship.

LeeLadDaBadLad · Answer

Personally a lady who's polite with a friendly personality is hard to come by a lot of women these days simply do not reply to men or instantly assumes the male wants something when secretly all we want is the friendly chat, the good vibes and the lovely company of someone who enjoys talking to them.

DDpsy · Answer

Because from a biology point of view there is no reason for men and woman to interact much if it doesn't eventually lead to something. This concept of male/female platonic friendship is extremely new and quite unnatural. It's just something that popped up a few decades ago. For a male it is self sabotage to spend much energy on a strange woman if that can't lead to sex. Males are therefore inclined to initiate contact with women they are attracted to. So when women initiate or encourage contact most men will naturally and understandably understand it as you having the same interests. In conclusion what you think is polite is not exactly polite, the polite thing would be to politely piss off or tell us to do that if you are not interested instead of wasting our time.

R4vedave · Answer

Because guys in general are fucking terrible at reading signals. We miss what girls would think are obvious signs, and we sometimes think something is a hint when it really isn't.

Anonymous · Answer

This question made me laugh pretty hard. Let me explain something to you that might help you understand.

Women complain constantly about the fact that men don't take hints or understand physical cues. There is a lot of truth in that. Men are straight forward. When we are interested in a girl we have to approach her and ask her out. There is generally no mystery involved when a guy approaches a girl.

Now, women are the other hand do not generally approach men. They are subtle in how they show their interest. They use hints and physical cues that men need to somehow pick up on and interpret. There is nothing straight forward about how women show their interest in men.

Now, with that in mind, HOW THE FUCK would you expect men to know with any accuracy whatsoever whether a women is flirting or just being friendly?

Skelmir_Nathair · Answer

Probably because its so uncommon. it is very hard to differentiate a friendly personality, from interest.
I'm sorry, it's not a dig against women. But it does seem like there is a generally accepted level of hostility, from women. Towards a man she is not interested in.

zagor · Answer

Because that is also how girls flirt. And, wishful thinking.

But it works the other way too. I've had store clerks be very friendly, and then when I am friendly back and joke with them. suddenly they quit being friendly like they think I'm hitting on them, when that isn't my intent at all, generally because they're 17 or something.

djkimo · Answer

I am the worse guy for this. If a girl smiles at me the wrong way i assume she is flirting with me. When someone is nice to me i mistake it for flirting all the time. I often act on the "flirting" and i am often waaaaay off. Why do i make this mistake? I think it has something to do with fear of rejection and the fact that i was bullied up to high school. I would love to stop and i would love to know why i get those feels when a girl smiles at me.

Crowferret · Answer

It can be for multiple reasons, he could be desperate and could easily confuse an act of kindness as flirting, he can be a player and see it as teasing, or he can be entitled to women and think that she's interested in him even she shown a signs that she isn't into him, but he'll only remember the one time that you were nice to him.

SirRexington · Answer

Because we want nice girls. We are attracted to nice girls. And so many girls are bitches so when we meet one who is actually nice to us we get a bit of a shock because we are expected her not to be as nice as she is. She take this niceness as a sigh that she must have the care and respect for us that indicates romantic interest. But too often we are mistaken.

Finding a truly nice girl is rare, finding one that actually likes you as more than a friend is even more rare.

KezHarris · Answer

Its usually, when desperate guys see a nice girl, they like to believe that the girl in interested in them, in order to flatter their fragile egos. I'm a friendly and confident person myself, so i get a few weird guys clinging onto me, usually on a night out, when im trying to chat to friends, so it can get annoying!

LegendarySir · Answer

Because being flirty and friendly are sometimes separated by just a thin line, depending on the person's personality.
I'm very playful and teasing when I'm friendly, and that has lead a lot of girls to believe I was flirting, when all I was doing was being nice and friendly.

xoellen · Answer

Guys who do this are usually guys who have had no experience with women. I don't mean this in relationships, I mean this in general. They most likely never really just had a female friend or sat down with a female and just talk. Or they have been rejected by women.

TomasLyy · Answer

Young men are usually overcome with hormones and starved for attention from the opposite sex. They become desperate and lash out in some cases like the "niceguys" scenario. They'll blindly follow any girl who bats her eyelashes and smiles at them unfortunately.

Maximilian294 · Answer

Everyone has this to some degree, knowing people like you makes you feel good. So when a girl looks at you, you uncountiously hope she likes you and you interpret it that way. I think its biological to gain more confidence into getting approached or when approaching someone.

ChiPaPa · Answer

Because the signs of flirting are often the same as being friendly and polite.
It's not just that men can mistake a women's friendliness for flirting, they also sometimes mistake flirting for friendliness.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

Yes i think guys need to get their self together and know what's flirting or not flirting.

e-Ghost · Answer

It's a projection behavior.. That kind of guys/girls usually are the same people that have this sort of kissing-ass mentality. They use politeness & friendliness only when they want something, so that's how they interpret politeness & kindness from others (as a sign of begging).

Dsg1193 · Answer

Yeaa they have a big ego. That’s why I am super cautious because my friendliness may be misinterpreted

0112358 · Answer

This generally happens to guys who never actually have any women flirt with them. So … friendly is the closest to a green light they've ever seen.

RedRobin · Answer

Because guys are hardwired to reproduce so they unconsciously think every girl wants a baby inside her

PinkMichae · Answer

I had a big jealous woman chase after me because her man thought I was flirting with him. I wasn't even attracted to the guy.

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

No its just most guys are terrible at reading signals

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

We all misinterpret what the opposite gender do because our emotions and brains are hardwired differently. You know just like girls mistakes a guy for being a "nice guy" AKA creep for being a nice guy.

And who's that girls in the pic? She's my type hehe.

dragoblack · Answer

Because we live in a society where many people have forgotten how to understand body language and some of us are just guessing because we dont understand what if flirting and what is not unless you're really bunt about it... and let's face it, most people flirting are not blunt

790prez · Answer

Because guys are supposed to be the out going ones that sweeps the girl up. I personally find it similar to flirting because this person is genuinely curious about you, they maintain eye contact, smile, laugh and are engaged in the conversation. Quite conveniently these are the same things that girls do when the are flirting with you. And guys like girls that are interested in them, so if you show interest in them it makes them feel special

Secret6620 · Answer

Great question!!! I am very polite and that's the equivalent of "Come F*** Me" lol 😂😈

Anonymous · Answer

Because they want that kind of connection from girls.

Also, with the pressure on guys to do the work since the dawn of time, this means they need to look for any positive signs at all and go for it. It's reflexive. If and decent girl is being nice to you then the reflex is to explore that.

shane_d_1984 · Answer

Most men take kindness as a shot at you there's some out there "me" that can actually hangout and not try to make a move.. altho in my head the thought may arise.. and that's why I prefer to let the girl make that choice

Anonymous · Answer

Because most girls don't acknowledge must less extend kindness to guys we aren't interestedin or want something from. Its easy to see why they'd get confused.

Texaskid1 · Answer

Young guys ( and sometimes not so young) will often mistaken a girls politeness / friendliness as flirting. It happens at lot due to either inexperience or desperation.

Rawkstar26 · Answer

I know the difference, However a lot of guys don't understand the difference or just want to see what happens when they push it further or that they can win her over.

markscott · Answer

As I guy, I have the same issue, as women sometimes think I'm flirting, when in reality, I'm just friendly with everyone, both guys and girls.

EnocV · Answer

In my own experience is bc I'm in desperate need for someone so if someone shows a little bit of interest in talking to me sometimes u get all work out.. but at the same time I know she's just being friendly..

Expecto_patronads · Answer

Because women do stupid shit like being polite and friendly as dropping hints that they like you. So there's literally no fucking way to tell

Anonymous · Answer

Hopeful, inexperienced, desire, wishful thinking, naive.

I'm not saying that in a bad way. Girls can be the same. It's cute and innocent as long as they don't get entitled and pissed when they find out it's not what they thought

cheesecakeguy25 · Answer

It's wishful thinking/confirmation bias. Plus if it's a guy that doesn't normally get that kind of friendliness from girls, then he might think "hey, one that actually has interest in me!"

spartan55 · Answer

You could flip this question and ask the same thing.

BCA6010 · Answer

Because guys desperately look for girls who are actually pleasant to be around, so we see things that aren't actually there to feed that fantasy.

TheFlak38 · Answer

Because the only reason you're like this is to get attention or free stuff. Then you get mad when guys want something in return. First you play with a man's emotions and then claim to be a victim.

Dav1ss · Answer

Because they want to be flirted with and they tell themselves she is flirting

art84 · Answer

I had my fair share of girls growing up who would be polite and friendly with me. I never took it as flirting when I young. As I got older it's rare to have that kind of attention unless your outgoing.

Savage_Wisdom · Answer

Because, to guys, a girl being friendly and a girl being flirty look the exact same.

Why do some guys mistake a girl who is polite and has a friendly personality for flirting?

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