They do look awfully similar. Statistically we know this happens in males more often than females in cross-sex friends. I think it's just a thing of biology that men tend to interpret thing as more than nice. Can you blame 'em? They want it to be something extra and it seems they get swept in it more often than girls.
I think when it's strangers girls assume it's flirting more often but I'm not sure, just a thought.
But then there's the reasoning. Isn't it better to assume the best? Guys won't commit to on position or another, usually. They'll reason that if it is flirting then taking the shot has a great outcome and not taking it is a waste. While if it's not flirting then going for it still has a small chance of succeeding but mostly, you'll just get a no and you'll carry on as you were, maybe something changes in the future, who knows? Then if it's not flirting and you don't try then nothing happens, but since you don't know for sure this could eat at you.
I think it's usually not done without a degree of forethought, but really there's more to gain than to lose from assuming a girl is flirting in any one specific instance than to not. Although over time, many instances of failure (and apparently it does fail more often than succeed) it can really damage a guy.
Because few woman are nice. They assume it means you must be interested. Secondly, a shy woman may do exactly the same thing you do and for her it's flirting. Men are used to a cold shoulder and any variance may be construed as flirting.
I go through this same exact thing! I think guys perception of certain things are just completely different. So in a guys world they would probably only say or do some of the things we consider as being nice if they were flirting. For example, I can compliment a guy and tell him he has really pretty eyes because I genuinely think his eyes are pretty and not have any intention on doing anything but giving him a compliment and going on about my day. On the other hand most times when a guy tells a girl she has really pretty eyes he wants her number too and its not something a guy would just say to a random girl and just move on.
I think people have gotten so used to not being friendly with strangers, that when someone is nice to them they automatically assume they are flirting. I'm a very nice person by nature, so I know exactly what you mean! Sometimes when I'm out running or just walking down the street, I have to consciously make sure not to smile at the people that pass by, because too often I'll have guys stop me to flirt with me just because I smiled at them. I don't think you should stop being nice because of that, but just make sure you make it clear that you're not interested, just being nice.
Because most people assume what they think of the other person is exactly what the other thinks of them too.
Notice how many guys think the girl is very interested in them just by being nice and friendly.
Notice how many girls think the guy is not interested in them, that he's just nice and friendly to everyone.
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Because when girls flirt they're nice to the guy. So when guys see a girl being nice they think she's flirting. It's a logical fallacy along the lines of
If A (you're flirting) then B (you're being nice).
B (you're being nice).
Therefore A (you're flirting).
Which is false because A doesn't follow from B and it precludes the possibility of B (you being nice) having multiple causes.
However, guys are left with two choices. Take all girls being nice as just being nice and not being interested in the guy, or take all girls being nice as flirting and being interested in the guy. The former option is more damaging to the guy because it assumes no one is interested in him, while the latter option leaves the door open that at least one girl is interested in him when she's being nice. So the better option is to assume being nice = flirting = you're into him.
That being said, a more astute guy would look for clusters of indicators of interest before he makes his decision but if you only have 'being nice' to go on then assuming you're flirting is a hell of a lot better than assuming you're not interested.
Its because they find you attractive... it is a physiological thing. Someone we find attractive being nice or doing nice things for us means we think they want us, where as someone we don't find attractive, is more likely to be left off as just a nice person.
It isn't that us guys "mistake being nice for flirting".
As a guy, we will take a shot with any female that seems receptive to us... and if you were just being nice and you reject our advances, so what? You'll get over it.
It's better for a guy to take the shot with you when some interest can possibly be there, than to pass up a possible female company opportunity just because we may THINK you won't like it.
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Dude has to lookout for himself first.
Because for some girls it's the same thing. Especially the shy ones. I've met a lot of girls over the years that would flirt with me so subtly it was nearly impossible to tell. I literally had to get a bachelor's degree in biology and study psychology in my free time before I was able to pick up on what some girls call flirting. They get so nervous they don't want to do anything too blatantly sexual or flirtatious. Other girls will put on a huge flirtatious show simply for attention or free stuff and not have any attraction at all. So unless you've dedicated a huge portion of your life to learning biological cues like me you're probably just going to take the shot every single time you've got the chance. Because of you don't it's a guaranteed miss. We assume your interested because despite what girls think your not very good at conveying intrest. But guys are like that too. It's a human thing not a gender thing.
Because the actions that you see as "being nice" is actually flirting for another woman.
If we act on it, we get a "OMG I was just being nice!" remark. If we don't act on it, we get a "you're so oblivious, why haven't you asked me out yet?" remark. Damned if we do, damned if we don't.
I think because you make them feel very comfortable and that comfort and ease and natural draw that you have makes them think that you like them. I had this problem, but now that I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years no one can assume this :)
Just try to not hug them or touch them, and maybe drop in a line like "you're an awesome friend" to clearly make sure that they know that you're just a friendly person and not a flirt :)
You've got a classic case of it's everybody else not me. If a lot of people act the same way to something you're doing then it's your fault it's happening. What a selfish, bullshit perspective. Try being neutral with people instead of grinning and gushing over everything that's said all the time
Man you women will complain about just about anything, I swear.
I bet you are the same person that says men should be the ones doing the approaching.
If you are going to say you're tired of men misinterpreting your behavior, then you'd (if you are single) better be the one doing the approaching instead.
It is not fair to expect men to do all the work, then turn around and complain when they start actually doing it.
For normal guys,
Because if they don't, nothing ever looks like flirting
For guys like me,
We don't know the difference because girls don't flirt with us or be nice to us anyway. We simply don't know what flirting is.
If a guy is doing this he most likely finds you attractive and therefore holds your actions towards him in high regard. He would seek your affection.
I believe the same can be said for girls too?
most likely made him feel special in some way...
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I have no idea! Happens to me all the time.
I treat them the same way I treat my girlfriends and next thing I know op it starts getting personal :(
Not just guys, girls do it to me too. I'm just being kind and whispers end up going around of me being creepy.
The truth is guys are always on the hunt. So any woman who is nice to them they assume that it is part of the hunt
. Just be polite, nothing more, don't continue a conversation. That hopefully will not be suggestive.
As a female, I think guys take kindness as flirting because the female is being kind and isn't rejecting the man. If the man senses any type of kindness then he will make his move and flirt back (in my opinion). On the other side, there are also shyer women that don't really flirt like it's as natural as breathing, so they flirt with simple kindness. It all depends on the guy, and in some cases the female too.
Because most of us like most of our female friends.
Because some women flirt without even realizing they are doing it, its like second nature to them.
And those guys desperately want to get laid!
What @Blueeyes81 said.
I'll add to that the fact that it is men who are required to approach women. Women don't approach men. They just don't. We keep hearing them say they do but we never see it. So it is all on us to do the best we can to interpret your intentions but we cannot read your minds so you get what you get. If women were to actually take some ownership in the approaching department, it would certainly alleviate this issue you're writing about here.
It would be best to tone down the friendliness since it can send the wrong message.
Guys see a girl they like being nice and automatically assume she is interested because we want her to be.
u Because many women have taken the art of dropping hints/acing coy and turned it into an abstruse and enigmatic art form. Many guys literally don't know if you are being nice or flirting.
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