Ignore her after cancellation ?

Question

OK so this girl I've been seeing has just cancelled on our date again, she says she's feeling down and doesn't wanna bring me down yaddayadda..  I know she withdraws when things get on top of her.. but I'm so tired of her games .. should I just ignore her and not even reply to the 'i can't make it tonight' text? I don't want to be evil, but I'm also pretty tired of her behavior over the last few weeks, shows a lack of respect

Phoenix52 · Accepted Answer

This is called 'flaking'.

You can rule this out as a possible sh*t test by the female. She's doing it because she thinks you're not 'man' (aka Alpha) enough and will let it slide. And don't worry - it happens to A LOT of guys because those same guys showed some sign of weakness to the girl they wanted to date, and the girl just exploited it by flaking on him. AKA being nice and saying 'it's OK we'll do it some other time'.

If I were in your shoes, I'd go at this one more time. Schedule a date and then text her a few hours before it to say "Sorry I gotta cancel with you. I'm seeing someone else tonight". Sure, it's rude and cruel, and may p*ss her off. But honestly, she gave you the option to fight fire with fire since she was rude to cancel on you time and time again.

Infact, if this girl wants to see you, I'd put it on her @ss to schedule the date herself, make it up, and have me come out. She wants to do things on her terms, no problem! Just pay for the date and treat me right.

But anytime another girl cancels on you, either accept it and say 'that's fine, you better make it up to me' or say "No, we're going out. I'll see you at [time scheduled]".

Some girls do this because they feel like they're not good enough. They get scared or feel awkward about the date. So the best bet in this case is to follow through with it and have fun through the whole process.

Other girls do this because they're not in good standings in their life, so they want to get their crap straightened out to feel better like they're worth the date.

EZlats · Accepted Answer

If she's cancelling because she's feeling down and doesn't want to go out, then don't go out. Just stay at her place. Sit on the couch, watch a movie, cook dinner together, etc. The date is not in the going out, it's spending time with the person.

You shouldn't just break it off with her (though you would be entirely justified doing so) but you should warn her you will if it keeps happening. Next time she texts you "can't make it" then you find out why and if it's not a good reason you tell her something along the lines of "look, if you're going to cancel on me every time we try doing something then I can't keep doing this with you." Then you make her set up the time of the date so it works for her "busy" schedule and if she cancels again, end it.

If she can't/won't spend her time with you and/or thinks she'll just bring you down then she isn't worth your time at all.

leftrightnorthsouth · Accepted Answer

i think you should ask her straight out if there is another guy on the scene, or someone else she is interested.

another reasons and I know heaps of girls who do this. they blow off dates for cosmetic reasonsm, e.g bad skin that week, fat day all the vain stuff. she will want to look her best and if she doesn't feel it she might not be ready to show her weaknessess. I was like that with my boyfriend at first little insecure in myself, and blew him off but I made sure I gave him very good reasons and would catch up with him later in the week and I would organise it. I wasn't comfortable with him, when I got comfortable I didn't care anymore :)

one thing you could try is don't call or text her completely ignore her, and try to bump into her in public.

or lastly you could ask her straight out to the point and this is probably your best option to do.

" just wondering if you are at all keen anymore, I kind of get the feeling you are blowing off these dates because you don't feel anything there, if so that's cool just let me know now. otherwise if you do have stuff going on maybe we could organise a quick lunch somewhere, or we could meet on our work breaks."

smilesgirl · Accepted Answer

Hhhmmm...that's a bit of a toughie...if she's being honest with her reasons for cancelling I guess that's one thing...if she's going through a rough patch maybe just tell her to holler at you when she's feeling sociable...she shouldn't be waiting till the last minute to cancel on you, that is disrespectful if that is the case...& I don't like that this has happened more than once either...I guess if you really like her or care & think she may too, be a little patient, let her know you are concerned for her well being, but gently distance yourself with the suggestion above she get in touch when she's ready to go out & try to go about your business---hopefully she isn't just playing some kinds of game or B.S. a lot of women do, unfortunately. You know her, we don't, so gotta use your gut instincts.

aster · Accepted Answer

yes, you should ignore her. no need to ask her about other stuff that's going in her life (doubtful she'd give you a straight answer) or buy her gifts (she'd like the item, not the sentiment) because that is just a waste of resources (time, energy, and your money) and it would make you look like a doormat.

Don't be a d*** but at the same time know your own self worth - looks like you already do, just need someone to confirm that you are not acting "mean". If there seriously is something up in her life and she "just couldn't make it", if she is serious about you then she will make the effort later on when she gets her act together.

ginny · Answer

Is it a lack of respect because she cancels, or is there something else? I personally wouldn't consider it a lack of interest or disrespect. Is there a reason not to trust her? Maybe you are looking for someone who doesn't stay home when they feel down? Would it have been better if she had invited you over to comfort her?

I don't know about evil, but if you ignored me you would earn Super Rat status. However, I have read that others on GAG would disagree... It seems to be a pretty common thing these days to just blow someone off if you lose interest. Still, I consider it slimy (immature & callous) and would be hurt if a man did that to me. You don't seem like a super rat... what's up?

BlackBear18 · Answer

Tell her that since she can't make it to yall's dates because she feeling down that you two should take a break and spend some time apart until she starts feeling better. If you're really pissed off then you might just want to call it quits. However, if you like this girl I would first try to just spend some time apart like maybe (2 to 3 weeks) and she how she's feeling then. Not only will doing this give her sometime to cheer up, but this will also give you some time to reflect on the relationship. I hope my advice can help you in some way or form and I wish you the best of luck in this situation and the future!

DirtyDlish · Answer

dude I have the same sh*t going down. but its that my chick is busy all the time . lol mainly with her old man and kids lol and some other dude she talks to on the east coast. So I say f*** it. but if she starts to really bug your ass about it. then get some other girl who;s not into the head games.  Yo I know how it feels I like to think that when I say I'm gonna do something I do it. If I don't want to or have some other sh*t Ill say so . its the caliber of the person.

Smashingdoozy · Answer

Yeah sounds like she isn't for you. You can't deal with someone who has mental health issues in the very early stages of a relationship then you most certainly won't be able to handle it later on.

They're not games. It's just life. You're just not open to that kind of commitment in your life.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Sounds like both take a trip to the therapist. that might even be the all mighty God, to find out what is going on inside... and fix the broken pieces.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/nWK0kqjPSVI

It's up to you how much you care, how much energy you will put in.

Elcristoph · Answer

Hello,

how long have you been seeing this women.. if its less then a few months then just walk away, don't wast your time trying to work out her actions the guys before you tried that and eiither gave up or stayed too long and she drove them crazy..

get out and find somone who makes life feel easier..

Good Luck

Chris

KERMlT · Answer

If she likes surprises, you could send her a 'get well' package. Add things that would cheer her up and hand write a note saying whatever.

Maybe the last line put if she ever needs someone to talk to, she can count on you.

aoihewgf · Answer

Omg.. y'all just in talking phase and you sticking around for her? I mean I though lt that it couldn't get worse and then I read this crap, "So we ended up talking.. and ended up taking a break to think.. I'm just about a week into NC, which is really tough, but needed"

Common bro, you disappointing me.. is this really worthy of your valuable time? I mean if so, go for it..

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like she may have issues with herself. I can understand occasionally getting in moods, but that's still not fair to take it out on you. You should be the last person she should be taking it out on. I'd say give her some space so she can figure out what she wants...gluck

Reorx · Answer

Me in this situation = completely honest.

*"I don't play games, this isn't high school & I have no time to waste on an immature woman confused about what she wants."*

Then I'll still be friendly, but she never has another chance with me in a romantic sense.

sheikalana · Answer

If she's done this more than once I suggest you to move on. She's not interested. This is the type of thing I would do when I'm not interested but also don't want to admit and don't want to hurt the other person.

clairs · Answer

games are stupid and I hate em. but you don't want to play games too so why not just tell her that this is pissing you off? I think if you were to ignore her then you would be playing a game as well so just ask why... if she says because she doesn't want to get you down tell her you don't want her to be down.

try and fix it by talking but if talking doesn't work anymore break up with her if you think you'd be happier without her.

clownaround21 · Answer

tell her how you feel instead of just giving up, and don't take her stupid "i don't want to bring you down" answer. tell her its bullsh*t. just don't blow up in her face (haha).

Paris13 · Answer

If she is Cancelling, I feel she is Not Into you and Cannot be Honest or She has Issues of Her own. xoo

EpicSnail · Answer

Yes. You should generally respond in kind (eye for an eye) even to small acts of rudeness/disrespect like that. radiolab. org/podcast/104010-one-good-deed-deserves-another

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Lack of respect for your time. Too much baggage. Hard pass. Plenty of other women out there.

TheWolfGirl · Answer

Tell her she can't keep canceling dates on you. And to be honest I think you should brake up before you get hurt

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Reach between your knees, grab the YELLOW and BLACK striped handle and pull firmly ---- EJECT, EJECT, EJECT!

Anonymous · Answer

If this keeps happening, leave

Ignore her after cancellation ?

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