Does he hate me, doesn't know what to do, shy, or like me?

[nigellasativa]

There is a guy who is a leader in my team where he and I are working. I have just meet him this year in the same team work, after about 4 years he has never talked to me even though he passed in the front of me or waited for the bus. It seemed so strange though he knew my name, we were in the same team once, he did not talk to me or just said hello. I often catches him looking at me then suddenly looked away if I looked him back. Well, we meet this year in the same team and have the same project . I am his member. Anyway, he is so friendly with all team members, unless me. He even makes jokes with all girls, very close, and talk friendly with guys members. But, he doesn't talk to me, whether as a friend or me or his member. . It causes I am feeling strange. in this team. If I ask about a job, he just answer very short, or answer like a boss . He totally ignores me. Even if he and I only in the same room, he doesn't want to talk, so we just keep silent. Again, some times, he looks away if I catch his eye contact during the meeting. Dose he hate me, dislike me, shy, ignores me, or like me? His body language is confusing. I don't know what to do. I just want everyone in the team accepts me as a professional member.

[wicksjm]

As long as you are professional, people will always treat you professionally.

Well, lets put aside how he behaves towards you for a moment...question: Do you like him? Do you find him attractive? I'll get back to you with my response.

Now back to the story. As long as he is respectful and professional towards you, then I would consider leaving it alone. I personally have experienced some guys on my job who were dismissive towards me and I wrote them off. Many times, it's their issue and not yours. I looked at it that I am there to get the job done and do a great job, not to be attractive towards the team leader. Because it's a project that you are working on, I'd continue the job and get the project done professionally. How long is the project?

If his behavior bothers you then you may want to talk to him but DO NOT point the finger at him because that will only make him defensive. When you feel the time is right, ask him how well you are doing. Does he see any areas that are your strengths and weaknesses and what you can contribute to making the project a success. By doing it this way, you are talking about what you can contribute and not about him being dismissive towards you. It also leaves room for upward movement for you in the future. I'm quite sure that he has a boss to report to about the project and you never know, if you work well together, he may give good feedback about you. It's a way for you to get him to communicate with you and also gage if he is really attracted to you or not.

Now, if you find him attractive then be friendly, smile and continue the professionalism. Do not flirt. When you are friendly and professional, then no matter if he is shy or not, it leaves the opportunity for him to make the first move if you are interested in him that way. If you are not interested in him that way then let the chips fall and do your job and do it well!

Go ahead witcha bad self Rockstar!

[nigellasativa]

Thanks for your response. I really apreciate you and I think I should try it. wish me luck

[reeltaulks]

He's just trying to make you jealous, or maybe get a reaction out of you, so that he will know if you feel the same way about him like he feels about you. He is crazy about you and uses that strict behavior to mask his feelings. In all essence he has no idea how to approach you, he may even be intimidated in some way. I'd say if you don't like him pay him no mind, most of the time it isn't worth it especially if he is intimidated cause he will put you through too much once you let your guard down. He's doing too much...it's too obvious

[DebiPie]

If you feel really uncomfortable about how he treats you, you may want to schedule an appointment with him and ask him about it. Put the cards on the table, so to speak. Be professional about it and say that you've noticed some tension between you and would like to have a good professional relationship and feel open communication makes a better team.

Good luck.

[nigellasativa]

Thanks your advice. Hope it would work well. wish me luck

[DebiPie]

I do wish you all the luck. Be calm & professional. No matter what happens...do not cry. Here's my trick: rub your tongue on the roof of your mouth, hard. And breath. If helps to keep you from crying.

[Longshot]

He may be the shy or awkward type. I do not understand why you think he may not accept you as a professional team member. There are lots of people out there who are not communicative.

[Redredrose]

Do you like him?

[Anonymous]

He's shy and probably likes you.

[Anonymous]

he's just shy.