Fell in love with host brother, advice?

[Kacie]

okay, so here's the story, I was recently on a year exchange in Germany, and fell in love with my host brother. I don't mean a crush, or just wanting what I can't have. I fell really hard. He has a girlfriend and they've been together since I was there. I just came back home 1 week ago and have been having CONSTANT depressing dreams about him and his girlfriend. Every dream feels like she somehow got control of my mind and is teasing me about him, and I wake up sad, so my day starts off like sh*t. When I was up there, his girlfriend and I had a lot of drama... every time she came over the house, I wouldn't come out of my room. When we'd see each other at parties, drunken, we would almost physically fight even though she was SO much smaller than me, she acted tough cause she knew I couldn't and wouldn't do anything to ruin my relationship with him. Long story short, I left Germany early due to my depression over my host brother, and it's continuing here at home because of these dreams, and I miss him so much. My dad also died last year on my birthday, so that made it REALLY hard for me to handle all of this. Please, if you think you can help me, I would love to hear what you have to say. However, judgmental and close minded people NOT welcome and please don't write ignorant sh*t.

[AllCanadianGirl]

I understand exactly how you feel. last year I went on an exchange to france and I also fell for my host brother. although me and his girl friend got along well. (sry to hear about what happened with the girlfriend and I am very sorry for you loss) but when I got back home I kept on having dreams aswell. all I did to fix it was basically whatthe other guys said that answered your question. I just hung out with my friends and talked and got everything out. after a while I started to feel better. I am sure that before you went on your exchange you got interveiwed by the exchange student committee. (btw did you go through rotary or a different program? I went through rotary.) and in the interviews they ask what you would do about it if this situation happend ( and when they asked me I said that I would just ignore it. go on hanging with friends going to school and just having fun. ) turns out when your having fun with friends it really taker your mind of things that are troubloing you

hope io helped some

GOOD LUCK

[Kacie]

I was on Rotary too! but no, I was the first exchange student on our island, EVER so they didn't really know what to do. I was never interviewed. I'm a VERY social person, and I'm always out with friends. Like I'm seriously barely at home.

[Anonymous]

sorry about your dad past away, but maybe the crush you had on your host brother was just extreme lust? Do you really love him, as in can you really say you would go through the highest mountains for him, swim an ocean for a month with a group of sharks for him, or still love him if he pushed you through a balcony or got really mad at you and said the most meanest things to you? Would you be able to love him through all of that? and that's not the point. The point is you DO want to move on and you do realize that this crush isn't good for you.

First of all you want to keep saying to yourself that you will find a nice SINGLE man and he will love you and only you with no other girl drama.

Second of all you need to say that he was just a vision of what type of guy you want, not the guy you really WANT because obviously he is taken.

Thirdly, to help you move on, stay focused on your happiness and do things with friends that you love. This will help you to stay more sane and less depressed.

[normster]

Great question.

I know how it feels, I had similar experience in the past and there isn't much you can do about this.

Love is a powerful feeling, try to see it with a different look, you will probably tell me that you would drop everything and go live over there but did he see it that way, even if, he have a girlfriend, do you want him to cheat on her or leave her for the new girl that comes in the neighborhood, be careful, we are who we are, would you feel comfortable and assured that when the new girl in town comes that he wouldn't leave with her?

I know that this will not fix your problem but understanding help to answer the why's when we feel down below.

Time fix everything, you have the right attitude at lease you ask for help.

Treat yourself right, buy new shoes, new dress, smell the flowers, they are there for you.

Norm.

[Kacie]

I never wanted him to cheat on her, or to leave her cause I new she made him happy and I didn't want him to be unhappy.

[malekoniky]

Give it time. It will go away. Meanwhile try not to think about him. He is gone. It didn't work. The end. let it go. Maybe, if that's your way, get your female friend or friends and one night just talk about it or/and cry. Get that of your chest. And try to forget.

I probably didn't help much. It needs time. But I hope I did a little at least.

[colexx]

sorry to hear about your troubles with your host brother (and his gf) and about your lost. I think the best thing to do is to leave the past and take a hold on the present. be active. do things with friends and family, take on fun hobbies and interests. immerse yourself in activities and people. review the fun times with your father and live it again with people you care about. I hope you get through this soon. good luck

[irykiryk]

Go on an exchange somewhere else where you'll find another guy that doesn't have a girlfriend and you'll forget about it.

[knowmeyourself]

Like Cyprus? lol

[irykiryk]

Yes!

[Anonymous]

This isn't about a guy. This is about you being depressed and somewhat obsessed. You should get help to solve that. Talk to a counsellor and take it from there.