I’ve been both but I do worry about looking stupid. Like i can be forward but then fear Im too forward. How do you, yourself, show interest without looking desperate? And how do you, yourself, show that they’re a potential suitor for you without making them think you’re placing them on a pedestal? Its so hard to play cool and not feel like a fool 😂 P. S this is just a general question of your own personal experiences. Not asking for advice #FeelFreeToList
I think a couple should place eachother on pedestals, I think it's cute af when a girl does that, and I honestly don't care if someone thinks I look desperate, so thats never been a deterrant for me chasing.
That said, I don't persue, I've never had to, I've never found anyone that, after seeing her, I sat there and thought "this person is perfect for me, single, child free, and in the united states".
And when I find a "maybe this will work" type of girl (as in she's pretty, we get along ok, are both gamers, and she is single) she immediately starts chasing me without even knowing me, every single time, and I'm left uncertain about how to respond, so I let her chase while I figure out who she is and if she is serious about me. It feels uncomfortable but appreciated, I wouldn't say enjoyable since I go in expecting it to not work out so it feels more like carrot on a stick, but eh.
It's had it's positive notes mind you, for example it's happened in situations where she hasn't seen what I look like yet, and in situations where she has but hasn't verbally talked to me yet, so I know I'm at least ok in the looks, brains, and voice department.. but.. I AM desperate.
Not in the sense people tend to use that word mind you (most people are refering to "desperate enough to settle for anyone"), but in the sense of I'm "desperate to figure out how to find the perfect match while drowning in women I can't relate to" (and considering how difficult thats been, It's a valid stance to have)
The one's I'd match with don't put themselves out there, they are shut-in nerds/geeks/gamers/artists/musicians. And I am quite desperate to figure out how to start up a conversation with someone who just doesn't meet new people very often, or rather how to find that type of girl at all.
As a result of this, I dunno how to respond to this, I kinda hate being chased because it's never by someone I want, and I kinda don't want to chase in the sense you mean because it would feel like I'm unappreciated by her. But then alternatively speaking, I am constantly being chased and constantly chasing, its just my chase is more like a decade long scavenger hunt instead of flirting..
I don't chase anybody. I don't hit on girls. Don't ask them out, I don't even stand near them or talk too much. It's too troublesome if not outright dangerous. The laws in the USA are no joke. That's fine with me. I understand the situation and I support it to some degree. I am not complaining.
As I got older all the tables turned. If girls want me, they can give me choosing signals and we can move on from there. I'm not wasting a moment of my time chasing anyone or putting myself in jeopardy chasing women who don't want me. It's not 1985 anymore.
I want to be wooed. Yea its an old term but I want to fall in love and the only way that can happen is through courtship. There are far too many guys that slip the romance. They take you for one or two meals and they think that's enough to get in your pants.
I am worthwhile and I deserve a decent honest considerate partner.
Being chased is fun, especially when it's someone you really like.
I am not chasing no man. Once you start chasing the man you're considered masculine and him feminine. That says a lot about the man. That he's not a leader, provider and can't protect because he's too busy resting in his femininity
Personally, I've been the chaser in all my relationships. My father taught me at an early age to be respectful towards all girls, especially the one I like but to make it known that I have interest in her. That's all I have ever known. I've pursued every single one of my relationships with girls going back to elementary school age and all the way through my college years and beyond. I suppose that philosophy is grounded in nature too.
Allow me the opportunity to make an observation. In human biology and sexual reproduction, who chases who? Does the sperm chase the egg or the egg chase the sperm?
On the flip side, I've had one. Just one girl flirt with me before I did. But after that one flirtatious call I was on hot pursuit for her, destined to win her heart. She is now my wife.
Even though I don't chase anymore, I'm raising my boy to respect all girls and especially the ones he likes. I'm teaching him to be a chaser with class and finesse and now he's dating a nice girl in college. Attaboy, son.
I prefer neither. A person who needs to be chased is usually someone with no self esteem. A lifetime of constantly reassuring someone doesn't appeal to me. And a person who chases is usually someone who needs a weak partner so they can groom them. I prefer a more civilized approach of making acquaintances, socializing, fucking, and deciding to keep fucking.
How did you come to this realization? Through experience or specific study? Is there any foundation to it? Speaking of, "A person who needs to be chased is usually someone with no self esteem."
That's real easy and I'm glad you asked. I simple don't pursue women. I figure I've done my share already. It really is the woman's turn now. If she doesn't want to that's fine. Because how interested could she really be in me if she can't suspend here pride for 5 minutes.
I'm glad you take it that way 🙂. Most women just get angry. They tell me/ us guys we are chicken, afraid. If I was afraid I wouldn't have done it for the oh last 30 years. As many times as I did. No! a lot of us are tired, worn out emotionally. Told we are supposed to pursue and when we do we get treated like her favorite game. And ending in her saying "sorry, I'm just not interested".
I’ve actually been chased more than I’ve chased and either way worked for me as long as I was interested in them it was cool. I was always pretty straight forward about my intentions which was to be friends and hook up here and there and I never really cared if they shot me down cause I figured I at least got in their head enough for them to be thinking about me a good bit over the next few days but really I had a pretty good success rate even when I’d tell them I wasn’t looking for a relationship I was just thinking we could have a lot of fun together then we’d hook up for a night or 2 then go about our own business and if or when I’d see them again and they were with another dude I was all the way cool with it and usually they’d get mad that I didn’t get jealous or anything so they’d ditch him and chase me and usually we’d hook up again and dip out
Hey hump, did you ever get the stare from afar unblinking for a few seconds? Say you felt something and when you looked over you noticed some woman looking side ways but unlinking and neutral expression but gazing... did I describe the right? Imagine the covid masks. Type of stare. It's more like a neutral stare until you look away maybe 3 seconds max. Lol. Did you ever get those looks? I don't mean head nod or smile or cheeky eyebrow. I just mean... a gaze.
As a relatively shy person, I rather be the person who is a chasee over a chaser, trust me I tried to constantly break my shyness but unfortunately it's get in the way.
Well, I do chase. But not for long. The lady I have now is an exception. Because lost contact for 5 year’s. So when I, finally found her again. I chased her like a hound on a bloody fox. But she did the same thing. Lol
I don't care if I'm the chaser or chasee. As for the interest part, I will do it for a week or two at most, and of nothing happens until then, bye bye. More than that just means wasting time with someone who's pulling your leg. Of your not into a person just say so, don't waste his/her time.
I agree like i told the dude below that if i decide to play chaser but nothings happening in a week, i dont wanna look stupid. Im not one for the games either. Although tag is quite fun haha
It is more traditional for the guy to be the chaser but I like to be the chasee sometimes. It also makes me feel more confident talking to her cause she interested in me and talk to me. If I am interested in a girl I might look her way and give her a smile and if she smiles back or some kind of look I might go over and buy her a drink or might just say hi.
There needs to be pursuit from both people, to chase means the other person is running away aka not interested. I will not “chase” anyone but if someone is interested in me and put in some effort I will do the same back
I'm really not a fan of chasing for extended periods of time usually to be honest, for me to chase someone like that she'd have to be one hell of a woman.
As for me being pursued or chased it's never happened.
Yes and no. No, in the sense that everyone should do it. But yes, in that I've done it many times before and women are obnoxious who refuse to do it with the expectation that guys should do it and that they should not. That's not a respectable woman.
In fact my boyfriend told me that part of the reason he was attached to me was because I didn't chase him nor did I give it up for a month which is unheard of these days so I would say that shows character and is pretty respectable💯💥
@JShay41 "What a turn off!" Likewise. At the very least it's a matter of perspective. But beyond that there's an objective reality of girls displaying weakness as a person. If she's unwilling to go to the same effort and risk as me then yes, she's not respectable. I've done it plenty, so why should I respect a spineless and/or toxic girl?
There's a difference between having someone like you and being respectable. If a couple weirdos find each other and like each other great, good for you. I don't think it matters how long you wait, e. g if you've fuck 100 people, then I don't care if you waited a minute or a month for each one, you would be gross regardless.
It's kind of similar for a guy who for whatever reason can't handle a woman's initiative. I don't really care about that one because I'm not interested in getting with a guy, but it is a bit of a bad look nonetheless. But if you're both scoopin' what the other is poopin' then good for you, it worked out.
I'm anonymous because I'm a recognizable user. People who care about having a username makes you subject to pre-judgement. And you verify what I said about toxicity by buying into it. Best not to speak if you're only going to end up accidently supporting my point.
I prefer to chase. But once in a while if a girl decides to approach me it can tell me of her good character to go for what she wants. Unless she's just stalkerish.
"Asking for a friend" are we? 😏 I'm just my natural and charming self. Being perceived as a stalker is an in the vibes you give off in how you approach and how you talk and act. A guy who seemingly shows up everywhere you are and manically compliments you, stalker. A guy who hears you'd be at that party and shows up as well to flirt, that's a guy who knows how to chase.
I don't really know how to flirt so I am just nice to everyone. If I am interested in someone I generally try to talk with them more, but that's about it.
I don't think it should be a pursuit on the part of either party. If one party wants a relationship, they should say it.
in my opinion, the only way you could be too "forward" is indicating that you want a relationship when you don't which isn't an issue if you want a relationship and you're only "desperate" if you keep the pursuit after they say "no".
Yeah, although perhaps I did oversimplify things a bit. You can do creepy shit and that could put someone off but I think common sense is enough to prevent that from happening.
I have been both. Many girls, single, divorced, married, have heard about me and my sexual lust, so it is not hard to be successful when I am the chaser.
I don't like the idea of "the chase" it seems like people don't know how to take "no" for an answer and the chased is manipulating the chaser via mind games... seems really toxic to me
That's more of the interaction initiative. The chase is making the chaser do more to get the affection of the chased; aka "playing hard to get" but usually it is denial, and the chaser doing more until the chased says "yes"... which can go bad in many ways, and is easily misunderstood if "no" actually meant "no" instead of "keep trying"
If you smiled at me and said HI and stayed close I would start talking to you. The problem is, guys don't want to play chasing games. I just think she isn't interested.
I don’t know I asked a coworker of mines if she wanted to hangout because my other coworkers and I were hanging out that day. Not really obvious that I’m interested in her I guess.
You bring this situation up a lot. We caught on quick so im pretty sure they had to. If she hasn't reciprocated then she's either shy or not interested in that way
Like this stupid high school thing where they’re like oh I’ve always like to but I didn’t have the courage to tell you or no one where out of nowhere they tell you well I’ve always liked you but you were always busy or something. Stupid like that
You always learn from doing the chase helps you shopping up your game I guess if you're being chased that'll help you shop another game too all depending on the situation but I'm talking about a good situation on both ends it's never good to lose if you're the chaser or the chase e but you learn from your mistakes
@DizzyDesii Yes; I have. There have been at least two girls who became obsessed with me for some reason and just wouldn't give up. But the thing is I never led them on.
I think waiting shows the level of priority. I know nobody wants to come across as anxious, but to me, if she waits almost a week to respond, I'm not sensing the interest level may be very light.
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