Is it wrong to ask for closure?

[Anonymous]

Is it wrong to tell your ex boyfriend (whom you're still friends with and who knows that you love him and will always care for him and will always wish that things had turned out differently for you guys, even though you broke up with him) that you're trying to be with someone else, and to ask him for closure?

All I did was ask for reassurance that he was over me, since I'm trying to move on and I'd appreciate it if he could give me that since he never really did, and he got mad. I'm worried that he thought I was trying to make him jealous or something (which I wasn't) but I just wanted to hear him say it so that I knew that it was over.

He flirts a lot still, off and on, so I thought that the closure was needed. Now we aren't even friends and he wouldn't tell me why he was mad.

[seriouslyfrustrated]

First, how long has it been since you broke up.

If you told him that you trying to be with someone else this is where you went wrong...it doesn't matter how long you where apart...guys still have a sense of ownership in a relationship and they never want to hear that your going to be with someone else. I once had an ex that after a year of being apart, him having a girlfriend and not really even talking was a little upset with me when he found out I was seeing someone new.

[Asker]

it's been about 2 months since we officially broke up. we almost got back together about a month ago, but he said he a relationship wasn't a "priority" right now because he was so busy and I told him I couldn't wait for him.

[Asker]

so the next day I texted him and said that I wasn't trying to it because there's no point but its obvious that we can't be friends because I always make him mad and maybe that's because I'm not okay with being just his friend. I know what makes him mad but I do it anyway. I said that we weren't friends before everything and us being friends now doesn't work, but that I hope he'll understand how I felt and I said bye. He replied but completely changed the subject. I ended the convo. He's immature

[Asker]

wasn't trying to fix it* oops sorry haha

[seriouslyfrustrated]

He is getting upset because he want to keep you somewhat with in reach so if something doesn't work out with him he has you as a stand by...I went through this with an ex and finally had to shut him out. You will never really get on with your life till you do this...its a nice thought to be friends with someone you cared so much about but it NEVER works...someone always gets hurt in the end...If he contacts you you have to ignore it...its the only way out.

[Asker]

I think he has another girl though because later that night he posted the song "where I wanna be" by the dangerous summer on his Facebook and it's like a love song I guess so him getting mad at me for moving on when he is too, is BS. I said goodbye though and I didn't reply to his last text so I don't think he'll be contacting me.

I thought we could be friends because I'm friends with my ex before him, but I kinda forgot that it took a whole year before I was able to be friends with that one.

[traceyjill]

It sucks not to have closure but he is NOT going to give it to you. If you initiate that conversation it could be really awkward for both of you and I highly doubt he's going to give you whatever answer you're looking for. You have to see in yourself WHY you want closure because if you were truly totally over him you wouldn't need to go and seek out closure from him. I would just forget about it and force yourself to move on.

[AmberChick]

Let me get this straight. You want to tell your ex who you aren't even with if it's okay for you to date another guy and for closure. He is your ex. The only closure you need is stop contacting him. You can still care about someone, you don't have to ask their permission to life your life though.

[Asker]

yeah I'm done

[BCRanger10]

If you still love him and wish things had turned out differently, why are you telling him that you are trying to get with someone else? He may very well have thought you were trying to make him jealous. Personally, I don't think you were, based on this, but that is how I would feel if I were in his position.

[Asker]

yeah, looking back I realize that that's what it may have seemed like to him. why did that make him mad, though? he could have just done what I asked and said "I'm over you." if I had been trying to make him jealous, that would have taken care of that immediately

[Asker]

I've already tried to fix it a bunch and he just kept avoiding the subject, I said I'd let it go. I want to delete him from Facebook since he hates me, and I do love him and I don't want the reminder of him but I don't know if I should say anything to him first. I'm not doing it to get a rise out of him. Should I make it clear that jealously wasn't my intention? or just delete him and let it go and chalk it up to a lesson learned?

[Asker]

btw when I asked him if he hated me all he said was "maybe" he won't even admit to being mad at me, he just admits that things aren't okay between us

[BCRanger10]

A couple months ago, I got dumped by a girl I'd spent almost a year chasing. She ended it by saying some very nasty things that I'm sure she didn't mean. I don't care if she meant them or not. The damage is done. You told him "I'm going after this new guy now". Whether you wanted to make him jealous or not (again, I trust you didn't want to), that's what happened. I'm a bit confused. Did you ask him if he's over you?

[Asker]

yeah, I did

[Asker]

well we just got in a fight and he said I have "the heart of a murderer" and I told him exactly what I thought and said that I was just going to delete him from Facebook and I'm done with him and all he said was "ur cool. lol" and yeah hahaha Idec anymore he's wayyyyy too immature for me

[Asker]

I don't think he was jealous. he was like "Im not texting you. I was never mad lol I'm just weird" and then we got into a fight and yeah I think he just doesn't care about me anymore which is okay because I don't really care about him anymore. I was heartbroken a few days ago but I need someone who doesn't act like he's ten and I'm over it. I never loved him

[Asker]

I just wanted to be in love, but it took talking to him again to realize that I had tricked myself into missing him and loving him. I wasn't that happy when we were together and I had forgotten all the bad times

[BCRanger10]

That does change things. There's a difference between being upset/jealous and immature. I hope things get better for you.

[Asker]

I don't think he was upset, I think he just doesn't care. It's over between us obviously, but I guess that's for the best. With what I said to him I'm sure I've ruined his opinion of me but we were both hurt a lot and I feel better knowing that we won't be in contact anymore. thanks

[standUP]

I personally do NOT believe in closure... there is no such thing at all... Some always starts thinking again and memorizing and feeling again and basically who ever is asking for the closure is hoping for just that ! lol sad but true...

[Asker]

haha well, I got it actually. just in a different way than I expected. it's all good now though