He lost interest in 2 days?

[Anonymous]

This guy started showing interest in me at the gym. (He's maybe 28, and I am in my 30's but look about 30). He's the one who initiated it, by hovering around me, while he is quite shy. He continued to hover around me in classes, initiate small talk about the classes, and would always end with a compliment with how I did. After class, he'd catch me by the lockers, and he might not say much but stand there, looking very nervous and give me a fist pump. I'm quite shy around guys, but I would engage back.

Finally I was early for a class, and walked over to him, while getting ready and initiated a more lengthy convo with him. I asked him how his week was going. I made a couple of jokes about sparring. We were smiling sweetly at each other throughout. I asked if he wanted to be partners in class, he thought I meant if he had a partner (girlfriend) and he said, No, all bashfully. I stepped close to him, clarified I meant for the class but he was partnered with his male friend. After the class, he went over to me as I was leaving, he looked really happy and gave me a fist bump. I thought all was good...

Couple of days later, I see him at sparring but the class was really busy. After I sparred, I walked over to him, gave him a fist bump, and was going to chat with him, but he immediately looked away... And he just kept watching the sparring. He didn't try to talk to me at all during that class, or the next class I saw him in. But at the next class, he did talk to another girl (who has a boyfriend). After that class, I gave him a fist pump and said he did a good job sparring that day, he actually looked at me this time and said thanks nicely.

I can't think of anything I did, except maybe he thought I like other guys. I didn't approach any other guys, but a few guys in that busy sparring class, were talking to me briefly in the beginning and it may have looked like flirting from across the room? Or maybe I'm too sweet and we're both too shy together? I don't know, lol.

[kylee2437]

So good riddance to him. If it’s something that you did personally, that’s his job to step up and let you know but otherwise never assume it’s you because that’s just an assumption and it’s assumption that isn’t serving you.

[Oliverlogan263]

Aww man that's rough. Sounds like things were going well at first but he totally dropped off outta nowhere. Some thoughts:

- It could definitely be he got nervous once things started feeling more flirty. Many guys aren't used to a girl making the moves so it could have spooked him a bit.

- Maybe he did think you were into some other dude from seeing you talk to guys in class. Miscommunication for sure on his part tho since it was all casual gym small talk.

- Possibly he wasn't really looking for anything serious and lost interest quick once the thrill of the chase was over.

- Could just not be that into you once the sparks cooled off a bit even if the first impression was there. Sucks but it happens!

I wouldn't take it personally tho sis. He's probably just as shy as you are. If he keeps his distance now just let him go, not worth the headache trying to figure him out. I'm sure you'll find someone who matches your energy soon enough! Just keep doing your thing at the gym and put yourself out there. It'll work out, don't stress!

[Asker]

Hey, Thanks for your reply. I wanted to provide an update with an additional question. I spoke too soon in my initial question, a week or so later, after some staring back and forth, he sought me out in class and we had another bashful conversation. But I've noticed there is a pattern to this, one of us seeks the other out, we have a bashful conversation, then the next time we see each other, we might say hi and then get busy in the class, and have no other conversation, til one of us seeks the other out again after a couple more classes.

I don't have a lot of experience with dating, but I think at this point, a few months now, he would have asked me out if he was interested in a relationship? Second thing is he's had a couple opportunities to ask me to partner up in class, but he hasn't taken them. Also, I've given him a little smile during classes, and he doesn't smile back, he just stares back. So, maybe it's back to one of your initial points, our energies just don't match up?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey you’re welcome and ah man, this is frustrating for sure. Sounds like there's clearly some chemistry and interest between you guys, but he's definitely hesitant to take it to the next level.

I think at this point, after a few months of this back and forth shy thing, if he was really interested in dating he would have made a move by now. The fact that he hasn't asked you out or to partner up more strongly suggests he may just want to keep things casual.

Guys can be shy too, so it's possible he just doesn't have the confidence yet. But the lack of smiles back is also kinda weird. I'd say your instinct is right - as into each other as you seem, your energies just don't fully mesh up.

If you really like him and want to give it one last push, you could always ask HIM out. Make the first move and see how he reacts. But honestly at this point I don't know if it's worth potentially getting your hopes up over somebody who's been hot and cold for so long.

Up to you, but you might want to start putting yourself out there with other guys too. Don't wait around - you seem cool, you'll find someone who can't wait to date you for sure!

[shuzen]

Girl you are overanalyzing every little detail in that minimal interaction. Don't settle for that, put your mind at ease