Should I be offended when this guy at work calls me sweetie and sweetheart?

Question

We work together and today I had to be paired with him he specifically gave me extra attention and kept calling me sweetheart and sweetie and was little flirty with me it don’t bother me but shouldn’t he be professional? Or am I overthinking this

curiousandhonest · Accepted Answer

If you are offended by it then you should be.
If you're not offended then as long as it doesn't lead to "innocent" touchy feely from him then dont be.
All my jobs, there is always at least one bloke that gets touchy feely and make women uncomfortable but it never stops because the women just say they don't like it to others and these creeps get away with it.
Eventually I went up to guys that I see do this and call them out on it and belittle them so they think twice about doing it again.
I digress, some blokes say sweetie, love etc and there are some women that say darling, love etc. Mention it to them in private if you would rather they don't apply it to yourself. But you'll probably find it's just a habit of their speech and they say it to everyone

Sebastian100 · Accepted Answer

You should be offended

DishLady · Answer

It depends on the tone being used. Some say it in a way that's designed to make you feel small and others are being nice. There's a guy who likes to call me "dear" and tosses it in there every once in a while just bc one of the older guys in my circle calls me "koukla" (sweetie/sweetheart) for being kind and thinking of others.

The "dear" thing was surprising bc it came out of the blue and he was v kind to me that day and so I thought nothing of it. The guy was just being nice. However the following time he said it he used a tone that signaled he was looking down on me. What had I done to earn that from him? Nothing...

So the next time I saw him I gave back as good as I got, throwing "dear" into a statement and looking him in the eye. His reaction to it told me everything I needed to know.

So should you be offended if this fellow is saying it in a sweet manner? No, why? That's stupid.

Should you be offended if he suddenly flips on you and publicly calls you sweetie in public (at a meeting or event) with a tone designed to make you feel inferior? Yeah...

HawkPerception · Answer

I personally feel you're making a bigger deal out of it than it is. I've had women call me all kinds of stuff at work. As long as he isn't making a move on you, it's just being friendly. But if you're bothered by it, speak up about it or nothing will change.

TrueConfection · Answer

He might be trying too hard to be nice. Next time he calls you sweetheart, correct him by stating your name. Make eye contact and smile while politely saying, “My name is ________.” If he respects you, he’ll immediately stop using nicknames.

Screenwriter · Answer

How old is this guy? If he's old enough to be your dad, he might be addressing you as he would his daughter or niece. If it bugs you, just say, "Mr. Jones, I know I'm far younger than you, but I'm a co-worker. I'd appreciate it if you' d call me by my name, Julia, instead of sweetie or sweetheart. "

I'm thinking he's NOT flirting with you, but, in my part of the country, the Deep South, 20 year olds call 70 year olds "baby." It's kind of saying we're all family. And everyone's SOMEONE's baby!

I find this happens with cashiers, service industry people, and it IS sort of sweet. And if he's much older than you, say your dad's age, he sees you as a child or maybe even a grandchild. It's NOT professional, you're right, but I don't register it as a putdown or come-on..

But do what you feel you need to to feel comfortable. Remember, we're all coming from different generations and experiences. Use that grain of salt measurement and decide. Good luck!

Anonymous · Answer

I took offence at an older guy that was my supervisor at a new job. He was calling me honey, darling, sweetie, sweetheart etc. He conducted himself very professionally after that when HR & the boss got my complaint. If he was upset he never let on but he stopped helping me or looking out for me and I made some rather large blunders being inexperienced, of course I learned from these mistakes. Other women had no problem with him and worked well. Some of the girls said he was a real darling and was like a 2nd father at work.

Now older at a different job I regret complaining and I realise now some of these older guys just see younger women as though they are daughters. They might see younger men almost like sons.

Anonymous · Answer

How can you ask "should I be offended?" as if it is your obligation to accurately and empirically determine whether or not your feelings are meant to be hurt? That makes absolutely no sense to me and I'm guessing this is the same mechanism behind a lot of women claiming to support a lot of these unreasonable causes that feminism pushes.

You don't need to be offended by anything - if you happen to get offended, then that is a different story, and can be justified. Being offended is instinctive. The fact that you have to use this much brain power to determine whether you're offended means that you are not offended, but are maybe suspicious.

The question I think you meant to ask was whether or not he was being professional, and I'd say no, but you don't need to be "offended", you can simply point it out to him without any offence. Emotion is unnecessary here.

RandomGirl42 · Answer

I think it also might depend on geography or where he was raised. In some areas it is very common to say sweetie, hunnie, darlin', etc and there is nothing meant by it. It all depends on what context he's using it and how it makes u feel. Can always just reply something like, I'm not your sweetie or whatever. I try to keep things simple.

slatyb · Answer

It's quite inappropriate, unprofessional, and sexist. The general rule for men is to never say something to a female colleague or subordinate that you wouldn't also say to a male. "Sweetie" doesn't pass that test. You have a name. Tell him to use it.

snermcger · Answer

Is he middle aged? Is he >20 years older than you? If so, you probably remind him of his daughter or grand daughter.

It does say you're under 18 so you are very young.

Now, he should not be calling a coworker sweety, but you're overthinking it, in my opinion.

Anonymous · Answer

This is a stupid question. Considering you’re under 18 this isn’t a big job or a corporate job. So where exactly would it be professional? A job for a teenager will never be professional as you think it will be, most of the people you work with are unable to get a better job which is why they are there.

dont take the whole little nickname thing to heart… geez

Staximus · Answer

That's like something a parent or grandparent would call you. If he's not old then it's suspicious, unless he's gay like an old lady trapped in a man's body. You could tell him you're not his sweetheart. "Listen pal, I'm not your sweetheart" will get the message across hahaha. Just make sure he doesn't touch you, draw a hard line. Tell him don't touch you if he does. The treatment or behavior you tolerate from people is the treatment or behavior you get. Remember that.

Ironco · Answer

How is he with other females around work? He may just be that way around women, and with men he might be a certain way too. Might just be how he is.

For me, I say "yes ma'am or yes sir" to everyone. Or call them "boss" 🤷‍♂️ That's just me. It does matter on their age.

Vevv123 · Answer

Yes, it’s very unprofessional. You are also under age, so it’s very inappropriate. Always go with your gut feeling.

serious · Answer

Well, yes in the office environment he should be professional. However, given how he called you also indicates that he might like you.

jJanSmit · Answer

I think at work people should always be professional towards colleagues. Some might like a bit of flirting, others get upset. If you want something, ask them out for a drink after work

beenherebefore · Answer

If it makes you feel uncomfortable tell him your name is XYZ and you'd like to be treated by your name instead.

blackeagle007 · Answer

well, this seems subjective. All depends how you feel about it. It’s not a good idea to act this way at work, I wouldn’t. But it’s up to you. If you welcome it or not

jkreuger95 · Answer

If it doesn't bother you than who am I to say that you should be offended. Enjoy the life you have

FunkyMonkee · Answer

I've had a few women call me that, too but nothing ever came of it, nor did they mean anything by it.

RxR0954 · Answer

It makes sense why you felt offended. I would feel disrespected and i would tell him off if i were you.

Iron_Man · Answer

He likes you no man can be just professional if he likes you they’re all gonna flirt with you no matter what job it is even if it’s the United States, Marine Corps

Mike_Whocheese_Harry · Answer

If you have to ask, you aren't offended and don't need to be looking for reasons to be offended.

soe11 · Answer

Simple solution is, pay not attention his phrase. He will soon stopped calling you "sweetie or sweetheart"

guesswhereivebeen · Answer

If you’re under 18 and he’s over …. Start recording that shit.. tel him to stop… sir the fuck out of whoever when he does it again

Love2Watch · Answer

Yeah. In legal lingo, he's creating a hostile work environment. Report him to HR. If the company is too small to have an HR department, file a police report.

MJVillarama · Answer

You’re not overthinking, it’s unprofessional, even if it’s harmless

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

If he's flirty with every woman, perhaps not, but just with you, I'd be careful about his intentions.

noohair · Answer

Boundaries are important, if you don't inform him in a polite and professional way then he will continue. It could be a generational thing.

Anonymous · Answer

Why in the world would you be offended at that. Do you know how many woman have called me sweetie? Grow a skin.

NervousIndividual · Answer

I feel it is unprofessional for anyone to call anyone else those words in a workplace.

Kiwiman66 · Answer

Yes you should be offended he has no right to call you that at work

Unycorn · Answer

That is not okay from the guy

WhitneySnow · Answer

Is he your age? Do you like him that way?

Anonymous · Answer

Yes you are. You can just have sex with him if you want

Slave_submissive · Answer

He just wants to have sex

Cipher_Ledger · Answer

Yeah. Not professional.

yulingrrrrrr · Answer

I dont think so if you are available

Cheerfull009 · Answer

It is no so bad and offending

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Sounds pedophilic

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