How long to keep a guy on ice before it's ok to consider an offer of friendship?

[DishLady]

A guy I'd met through a mutual acquaintance decided to shoot his shot with me, but I explained I don't know him well enough... that we should be friends. He agreed, but now there are weird vibes all the time, so I put him "on ice" till he cools down. (No contact, anything on socials is v tame and I don't respond to things unless it's in a group chat so the "just friends" is clear.)

How long do I really have to keep this up? He's a nice guy and I'd love to connect him with some good people I think would work well with him, but... 🤷🏻‍♀️

[whiskeyontherocks]

First “I don’t know you well enough we should just be friends” no a clear message of no interest but clarifying now would just come off a little harsh. empathy can go a long way in this situation if you still want him to be excepted by others around you especially be cautious of your words.
not your fault it’s just how the human brain works. definitely keep clear boundaries but some men have more patience than others if it continues for months or becomes intrusive than immediately let him know there is no future potential for a relationship. But if it’s just friendly conversation and you don’t feel threatened then it’s up to you when you want to end the friendship.
Keep a guy on Ice is a term that mostly aligns with keeping him as a backup plan if that’s the case sounds disrespectful you just shouldn’t treat people like that.

[DishLady]

Yeah I mean he's not A TOTAL CREEP and would be able to make use of some good introductions. Just that some folks will see that I'm open to chatting and it gives the wrong idea. I don't know why.

Threatened wasn't what I was worried about. Just if a guy looks at me a certain way I know he's gone all gooey on the inside for me and I have to be a little tougher with my wording, which I don't like to do.

[whiskeyontherocks]

I get It’s kinda sad when basic kindness is mistaken for interest. A lot of people share incredibly private information with me initially. Probably because I’m the quiet calm during a storm type. Or they just need to fill the space when it’s silent.

[DishLady]

I just don’t want to be MEAN bc he’s a good sort of guy. Just very slow paced and we’re not the same vibe. I don't know how else to explain that to him so I’m just backing away till he gets it.

[Likes2drive]

Maybe just tell him it’s not good to get involved with coworkers, if you put him on hold for too long he will just find someone else to date, guys don’t want to be just friends but if you are interested in him for later then don’t wait too long

[DishLady]

He’s not a coworker.

[Likes2drive]

Oh, I guess he’s a friend among friends

[DishLady]

So far just acquaintance. We met through a friend.

[Likes2drive]

That’s usually the best way to meet people

[DishLady]

AAAhahaha. Depends at what capacity you're talking about. The biggest troublemaker in my life was introduced to me by a flake I used to call a friend.

[WhitneySnow]

Keep him on ice till he stops showing weird vibes. Could be forever.

[Cute_User513]

Agreed!

[WhitneySnow]

@Cute_User513 👍😜☺️

[DishLady]

😂😂😂

[Spencer10]

Well be upfront and communicate one more time... if he does not understand your boundaries and still gives off a weird vibe kick him to the kerb. If he does not understand by then he is more trouble than its worth.

[exitseven]

This guy is a person with real feelings. I hate to be critical but you sound sort of callous. Or maybe it is just me?

[DishLady]

I was trying NOT to be but he’s not getting it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[Staximus]

Putting somebody on ice means to kill them 💀

[DishLady]

Well perhaps not THAT much ice. 😂

[Curmudgeon]

I hope the fellow gets to read this, and then he moves on.

[Alex-Snow]

I don't know if ice is the right word. But perhaps use some caution and take things slow and see if there is any connection.

[guesswhereivebeen]

Friendship is the default zone