He saves me, then avoids me and won’t look at me—what does this mean?

[Anonymous]

Hi everyone. I just wanted to ask a question. If a guy that knows you, he kind of knows she likes him (has a crush on him). I subconsciously stare at him and he finds me looking at me. Like I look at him, he looks at me, and back and fourth. He saved me from being surrounded by dogs and I started to fall for him. He now avoids me for example, I use and entrance he will use another one. If he sees me he will avoid me all the time. I feel so much pain because I think he must be weirded out that I keep staring at him and have a crush on him. I am friendly to him but I and he is nice when he talks to me alone. I feel embarrassed and sad. I don't know what this means. Like if I am going to my dorm room and when he sees me he will quickly go in his room to avoid me. I feel so hurt when I see him around. Guys do you have advice? Does he not like me? Please be kind in the comments. 💔🥺

Updates

14 d

I really like him and we would talk now and again but I feel he doesn't like me. And I have a huge crush? Or simply not attractive enough... I don't know

[HollyK21]

I think you’re at the point where you need to muster up the courage to be straightforward, tell him you’re interested and go from there. Trust me, if you’re as shy as I’ve always been then it’s HARD, but if you don’t do it then most likely nothing will happen. I’ve only had to do this one time, I even took a couple shots to loosen up because I was so freakin nervous, but it eventually worked out. We dated for 6 months.

[Asker]

Will definitely pluck up the courage to try and say something... Just so nervous. Will let you know. ❤️❤️

[HollyK21]

Well, let’s go through it. Is this guy a neighbor? Or are you in a setting where you’d see him often? If so, then I’m sure that only adds to your hesitance. Do you think you’d feel comfortable navigating around him if he were to reject you? That’s important as well.

[Asker]

At this stage I see he is in the dorm opposite me practically where we can see each other. My apartment in my building is literally opposite to his. We see each other from our rooms (hope that came out right)... We see each other because we are in a lesson for three hours of the day together (his batch and my batch are combined for those lessons in a day) everyday. We get our food from the same area. So we pass by each other. When he is with his friends he won't talk to me. If we walk past each other and he is alone I will greet him first and ask how he is doing and he will respond after and we will have a conversation with each other. We currently both writing exams atm. I am so scared if it spreads to the residence about the rejection (if it is) or if he even likes me. And I just wouldn't know how to talk to him after that... So I am so stuck. I might just throw a compliment to see what the reaction is like. What do you think of this? Because we talk about our academics.. 🥲

[HollyK21]

Do you have him on social media? Maybe start there, and if you don’t have him added on anything then you should ask for that. I feel like that is the least pressure way to open the door. You can also get a feel for what his life is like outside of school, and whether or not you think you’d fit into that.

It sounds like you see him quite often, so I understand your hesitation. However, I think fear of the unknown is usually scarier than what actually will happen, because if you’re an overthinker then you’re already fearing the worst case scenarios and often times things don’t play out like that. Take your fear of a rejection spreading through the residence for example, does he really strike you as a gossip? And if he is, couldn’t that ultimately be a positive for you because now you know you’re not having to deal with an absolute child?

[Asker]

We do follow each other on Instagram. When I speak to him (when he is alone) he is very kind, mature, soft spoken, honest, real and I feel he understand that he takes into consideration my feelings and to say things in a way that would not hurt a woman and he is extremely emotionally intelligent. From the couple of conversations I have had in the past with him. However, the university that I go to does not support opposite sex friendships Because they are backwards. Guys and females don't usually interact with each other unless things are going on between them or if they are in a relationship. A lot of the professors do not like it. However, when he is with his friends he avoids me and ignores me. But I feel like his friends know I have a crush... So I don't know... We both are international students from two different countries.

[HollyK21]

How many boyfriends have you had? Or if not boyfriends, have you dated or had guys you talked to? I’m just trying to get an idea of your experience, because it sounds like you haven’t dealt with much at all….

[Asker]

I have actually been in a situationship with a guy last year and that ended after a couple of months. But not much romantic/ dating experience...

[HollyK21]

Gotcha. Well, since you have this guy on social media already, maybe send him a DM or just comment on a story, because to my knowledge the notification for this pops up in DMs anyway. These are just low pressure ways of initiating, in my opinion, because you’re not having to face him directly and if you were to get turned down for whatever reason then it’s not the public spectacle you fear.

[beenherebefore]

You know don't make this whole situation all about you because he's probably not even avoiding you. You're just expecting him to behave a certain way and he probably doesn't have a clue on what's going on.

[Asker]

Absolutely take this into consideration upon my perspective and I am just an overthinker. Thank you for your thought and would have appreciated the kindness. God bless you and have a blessed day further! ❤️

[beenherebefore]

You too have a lovely blessed day.

[Anonymous]

I had a similar thing with a girl from college. I saw her multiple times, unscheduled for a few months. I think we both overthought each other. Eventually, I started to worry she would think I was a stalker, so intentionally put some distance between us.

[Asker]

Like he catches me staring at him and I keep looking away. Although we know each other. To the point where he starts to move away when I see him. So I am trying not to stare at him. When he is with his friends he won't greet me and if I take an exit he takes the other exit. However, if we walk past each other alone I usually greet him first then he reciprocates and then we have a conversation. I feel he is avoiding me in general because we come out of our residence at similar times where I feel he thinks I am stalking him so I try to avoid and not look at him to not give him the impression that I am stalking him. Do you have any advice for me? In this case do you think he even likes me? What do you think? 😢

[Opinion Owner]

I did most of those things or something similar for my crush, but I wasn't able to ever actually have a conversation with her. The thoughts you had of stalking were similar to mine. We probably just had a similar schedules. When I decided I wanted to approach her, these thoughts intensified. I really, really liked her, so I didn't want to scare her off. Unfortunately, that is what happened. I would advise you ask hin out or give him your number.

[Stra-Pony]

His behavioral oscillation represents a paradoxical manifestation of cognitive dissonance, attempting to reconcile altruistic duty with avoidant attachment mechanisms.