My boyfriend doesn't initiate things anymore?

[Shrinking-Violet]

We've been together over a year and a half. The past few weeks, he hasn't been initiating anything (romance, dates, play arguments, intimacy). What's up? Is he bored, too comfortable... what?!

I don't know what to make of this, and now I'm getting worried about it a little. I thought it was because he was stressed at school/work, but it's still continuing...

[Anonymous]

This is one of the most common things that happen in a relationship. Usually, continue to have converstions, keep in contact, put in efforts to him, but not at the expense of your work etc.. Guys sometimes are not the best communicators, and some of them just bond without doing or saying anything with others!

What is it exactly that you are worried about? He doesn't lie, he doesn't argue with you, he still does things with you when you initiate things, doesn't he? Is there any strong gut feeling within you that he's been up to no good? From what you've typed, the impression that I get is that this is just a classic moment of a guy who's been in a relationship for a while not bothered to initiate things anymore because in their mind the relationship has already been established and when there's no problem, just leave things as it is. And girls when faced with this situation sometimes panic, think oh what's he up to, and sometimes, miss the times when he was all sweet, nice and initiative to her. I'd say don't worry too much UNLESS you have a very solid reason to question what's he up to or he has been dishonest, learn to be independent on your own whilst living with him, but still be loving to him. Sometimes, it's actually a compliment to a girl when a guy can be so relaxed and chilled with her without any arguments. Give it some time, don't hope much from him, don't over-worry about it, but be observant WITHOUT crossing the border of privacy. Hope this helps xx

[Shrinking-Violet]

Thank you very much. I think that's what I needed to hear :)

[Opinion Owner]

You are welcome :) Let me know if you need any help!

[madmisskelly]

Its usually being comfortable that does this. Also, if he's in school he's probably stressed and buckling down for exams. I'm going through the same thing. With classes, all I can focus on is school right now. Since its the holidays coming up, stressing about pulling in enough money to close out the year, etc. There could be plenty going on so that his mind is elsewhere.

There is nothing wrong with you initiating some things though. Why don't you surprise him at work, or with dinner, take him out, cook for him, spoil him. Better yet, do something sentimental and romantic. This may inspire him to do more for you.

[jujubeetzzz]

maybe you should just give him space. let him come to you

[TimeAndTimeAgain]

If you do things to initiate and he's never putting any effort, you should talk to him about it and how you think it's kind of unfair. Ask him if he ever feels like doing things with you even if you don't ask him, or just don't ask him and see how long it passes before he notices and feels like doing something with you.

[moloz]

For a week?!

So, he's been initiating for a year and a half, he sits back for a week and it's a problem? Are you f***ing kidding me?

[Shrinking-Violet]

I said a few weeks... like over a month.

[AndiArthropod]

Chill out! Drastic changes like that are bothersome and concerning. Talk it out with him to find out what is going on:)

[probabilist]

yep, things cool off the longer you stay together. its hard to keep the flame alive.

[Rashad]

link

[sudher9025]

may be he might want you to initiate from now or he may be going to dump u...

be careful..

[Anonymous]

Could he have someone else on the side? Is he bored with you? What the heck did you do wrong?!

These are the 3 questions that you should ask him, and don't stop asking them until he answers...

[digital_haze]

yeah... don't do this...

very VERY bad advice.

[MikeK]

Maybe it's time that you start to initiate things

[Shrinking-Violet]

I do! That's how I've noticed it. I seem to be doing all the initiating; I feel like it's his turn.

[MikeK]

Well, if his school/work is stressing him, cut him some slack.

Just ask him why his initiative is dwindling.

[bmelc003]

He could have something on his mind. Talk to him.

[moviedude714]

now you know the burden us guys have to go through

[ZerbuTuan]

I was going to say the same thing.

[MrReal]

He's alright.