He's avoiding me, I'm trying to break up with him

[Anonymous]

i've told him we have problems and it's not working out. he's avoiding me now. he'll text back and say he's busy. when I tried to break up with him two weeks ago, he talked me out of it but nothing changed.

what's going on? why can't he just pick up the phone or meet in person to do this properly? why is this so hard?

god, who cares. people break up every day.

i've been blowing up his phone with requests, texts and emails.

i also told him he can't just vanish because my first boyfriend did that to me. he got a girlfriend and avoided me for weeks. I found out from his best friend he got a new girlfriend. I TOLD him he coudlnt' do this.

WHATS GOING ON? what's THE ANSWER? IF he's NOT INTO IT JUST f***ING CALL AND SAY I'M SORRY ITS DONE. WHY IS THAT SO HARD

Updates

+1 y

he just tells me to relax and that he didn't have his phone with me.


um

Updates

+1 y

Thanks everyone. I'm just going to ignore and forget about it. If someone isn't willing to give you the time to talk about things, in regards to ending it or continuing it, then it's not worth it.

[Phoenix52]

So you're looking for CLOSURE and he's not giving it.

Guess what? You probably won't get it. If he's been acting like this, he'll keep doing it because he honestly doesn't give a sh*t about it.

Your first boyfriend did that to you ... and now this guy. Well, something is definitely not working well because the same pattern has happened. You should try examining your behavior towards these 2 boyfriends because maybe you caused them to act distant and non-chalant. I tend to ignore girls who act aloof, indifferent, and show no feelings whatsoever in conversation.

And if he did find a new girlfriend without any break-up talk, then there you have it. He's already moved on, and you're only around for some type of leverage perhaps.

[Asker]

iN THAT CASE YOU JUST TEXT AND SAY IT'S OVER. it's the decent thing to do.

[Asker]

i just saw him a week ago and he told me he wanted to be in a relationship...and now all this? what's going on. all he's said to everything I've thrown at him is that I'm too demanding and to relax. THATS IT

[Phoenix52]

If I were in your BF's shoes, I'd probably walk away from it without even notifying you either. Honestly, if that's what you believe, then it's the reality of the situation. No need to say anything to you. As much as I hate telling you it, I'd probably be acting the same way he is. What's the point of closure then anyway? You already know because that's the way you feel.

I think you're doing something wrong that has permitted both guys to vanish on you. My 2 cents.

[Asker]

or I might have met two a**holes, twelve years apart. ever thought about that?

[yopyopyop]

I fail to see the reasons of your anger. If you want to break up, just send him a text telling him it's over, if he won't talk to you in person. At least you'll have tried to do it clean.

[Asker]

i think the bigger issues is that we have done this so many times, I need him to acknowledge that it's over because it just seems to pick up again. it's a neverending story. it makes no sense.

[yopyopyop]

That just means you don't seriously want to break up. Otherwise you wouldn't be playing this game, you'd just sent him a sms/mail/letter to tell him it's over and it would be.

[yopyopyop]

send*

[Asker]

i don't understand why he can't tell me it's over.

[yopyopyop]

And believe me, there will be plenty of other things you won't understand in the future. Relationships are strange ;)

[Lett0385]

Well it seems that your soon to EXBF has no balls to confront a break up, my advice is to send him a text letting him know that is over, he obviously doesn't want to talk to you about it so a text or email should be fine, he will get the point, and stop the constant calls the more he rejects your calls the more angrier your gonna get, so just do your job even if its not how you planned it to be, but at least you did it.

[CatholicVirginia]

You cannot TRY to break up. You either do or don't. If he doesn't want to accept that you're broken up, leave him a message and STOP TAKING HIS CALLS. STOP SUBMITTING TO HIM. Stop humoring him like a three-year-old who wants dessert.

TAKE CONTROL.

He'll get the message.

Unless you like the drama and you like feeling wanted. Then keep doing what you're doing.

[CatholicVirginia]

It's not vanishing if you try to tell him what's going on, if he KNOWS the situation, and he still avoids you. THAT IS NOT VANISHING. Vanishing is, like you said, simply never speaking to him again. But if he knows the situation, THEN YOU HAVE DONE YOUR DUTY.

[Asker]

Well, I don't feel wanted. I was trying to end things because he never makes any effort. I asked him to hang out three or four times (to test him) and each time he said no. Hence, I told him OK, cool, meet up with me and we'll do the talk thing and it's over. I've ranted to him what's wrong. He's responded to nothing except to tell me to relax, he's busy or he didn't have his phone with him. It's disrespectful. I don't even know why he's holding on?

[Asker]

But I need to know what went on from his side. God, isn't that what break ups are for?

[CatholicVirginia]

He's saying the same about you. "God this woman is so pathetic. I ignore her and she still tries to talk to me. I don't know why she's holding on?"

He's outright disrespecting you. Grow some backbone and just dump him. Stop talking to him. I assure you he WILL get the picture, but you better stick to your guns.

[Asker]

i tried to break up with him in person. I was like dude it's done. we weren't even in a relationship. he f***ing convinced me to be in a relationship. I was like I don't believe you. why are you doing this? we can still occasionally contact each other. who cares. it was all him. I WAS READY TO LET GO.

[CatholicVirginia]

Do you realize how pathetic you sound? You love this drama. You are THRIVING on it. You broke up with him already. Now ACT like it.

[Asker]

i wouldn't say pathetic. I've known this person for a long time now. I thought I was in love. perhaps, I'm behaving irrationally.

[CatholicVirginia]

You're letting him disrespect you like mad. And you're acting extremely weak. You're letting him walk all over you until it pleases him to drop you; then he'll respond to your requests (who REQUESTS anything in a relationship?!) to break up. If you want to keep letting him do this, by all means, please do. But you've no right to complain, and you're wasting your own time.

[Asker]

it's a long complicated story. it's pretty much over, that much is obvious. I wanted things to end amicably, if that makes any sense. he's avoiding it also because he has problem letting go of things. tha tmuch I know. this is disrespectful. I knwo it, I'm not an idiot. I've erased him off of all social media. it's done.

[CatholicVirginia]

It's not done if you're all over him begging to acknowledge the breakup, but I do approve and encourage everything else you said.

[Asker]

well, I need that. I don't know why I do but I need the acknowledgment because it has been going on for the longest time.

[CatholicVirginia]

Then let him keep stringing you along like this. You'll get fed up eventually, I hope.

[Asker]

i am fed up. what's the point of stringing someone along? if you don't want them, let them go.

[CatholicVirginia]

You're not fed up enough to stand up for yourself.

[Asker]

I was in love with this person. hell, I told him. he knows. I can't help it. it's really stupid and irrational. if it was anyone else I would have just been OK, done. I've done the OK, I'm done plenty of times with lovers, friends etc. I didn't have to say good bye as long as they knew the situation. it's frustrating. I don't know.

[Asker]

love makes you stupid. I never ever want to be placed in this situation again.

[CatholicVirginia]

Love makes it hard to do the smart thing, I agree. But everyone has a breaking point, and, at some point in life, everyone has to do the hard thing.

[Asker]

oh I know, I think it's coming. I'm just going to just one day be like cut and stop all contact. he can f*** himself. he's being heartless. you don't do this to someone you care about, even for a second. you let them go. I even told him he might be happier with someone else and I want him to be happy. this, whatever this is,isn't happy.

[CatholicVirginia]

Good! Let me know when you reach that. Good luck!

[carinabina820]

So hunt him down. Tell him you're going on a date & dump him if that's what it takes.

[FlamingoHunter]

Just drop him and move on. How hard is it to break up? Just end it go off and continue your life.

[MzScholar]

You already broke up with him when you told him things werent working out. what the hell else do you want? Stop being controlling and dramatic. You need to get over yourself and let go and relax.