Girls, do you ever act like you dislike a guy to hide your true feelings?

[Anonymous]

I know you are probably going to say "she doesn't like you" but hear me out.

There's this girl who ever since I met her was a bit of a sarcastic smartass. We had fun teasing each other lightly and chit chatting. We went like this for a few months, she would smile big at me, bat her eyelashes when I talked to her and it made me feel lke there was something there. When I asked her out, she said no. It wasn't just a NO, she kind of seemed like she didn't want to say a plain no but in the end, we didn't go out.

After that things got weird, she started being quiet and uncomfortable. I tried to let it go and ignore it but since she was my buddy before I tried to talk to her and make things right, but it was useless. After a while we started talking a bit again but every time we did she would be EXTREMELY sarcastic to me and kind of make fun of me all the time. I'm a confident guy and she always tries to bring me down and tell me I'm conceited and stuff.

As time went by, she changed her tune, she is a bit nicer but still when I approach her she acts annoyed (she tells me because its me), she keeps being sarcastic, playfully mean and calling me names. There's this tension when we talk, not negative, but we seem to argue playfully every single time we talk, people tell us we will end up together because of how much we argue and even though she acts like she dislikes me, she knows I like her reaction and keeps going.

When I try to be nice to her, she gets mad. Sometimes she will let me buy her lunch and stuff but most of the time she says no. SHe is a very friendly girl to everybody and she has told me she likes talking to me, but she acts like she doesn't, what is going on with her?

Updates

+1 y

This has been going on for so long. I've tried ignoring her but she always finds a way to start something or antagonize me and say things so I react. When I do, we get along fine for a few days and then she starts acting weird, mostly because she gets quiet all of a sudden and I ask her what's wrong.


Like I said, she is friendly to everybody but me most of the time and when she is being friendly, she is always teasing me and talking crap, I don't mind it, but I don't know what her deal is.

[Fitzroy]

No.

NO

1) Seriously Consider the possibility that you are just intrigued by her as a person and so are easily distracted by her- not even romantically just her energy or something...it is a very common occurrence between males and females.

I assume this is not what the OP or other males in similar scenarios want to read.

Myself, I have had many males single me out who I didn't notice until we'd been in the same class or living in the same neighborhood until one moment where they remarked on my annoying behavior or that they wanted me to stop trying to get their attention in some way. Bizarre, I know, hard to believe, but, it's the way people's brains work...it's along the same lines as getting in an argument with a family member because toy were convinced they were 'giving attitude' only to discover they were miserably sick and the sneers we were seeing at us were reactions to their upset stomach.

2) If she is as passive-aggressive as you are assuming,stop assuming and ask " have I done something to offend you?" She may be mean about it but if she says "No." then STOP noticing her and forget about it. Let it go.

Even if you are correct in your assessment of her behavior, it's all a reaction to something you are doing which you may not be self-aware enough to see. You may have been overly familiar or offensive to her personal beliefs or one of her friends. If she really is consciously teasing you, it's because she knows you are watching her and she does not like it. You are noticing her more than you realize and she is trying to discourage your attention and show she is capable of standing up to you.

Being female, growing up with female friends and homophobic male friends, I have experienced this scenario many times:

If you pay this much attention to her, to notice what she does so much,she most probably thinks you have a crush on her and is trying to finally kill your fascination with her.

Sometimes, if I feel guilty for disliking someone myself, I act overly kind and sometimes that makes things worse because they mistake one kind gesture for a romantic overture or an invitation.

BUT, this is a common male-female problem scenario because of the misunderstanding and misinterpretations:

Most but NOT all females are encouraged to show their true feelings.

Most but NOT all males are taught but do NOT necessarily believe they are supposed to control everything, including their emotions.

This is a common problem in the socialization of the genders.

More often , a male is taught - but does not always believe nor try - to control /manipulate a situation and so assumes the woman is doing the same.

More often, a woman assumes that males are taught that they too are not in control of their emotions and that they are equally at peace with that lack of control and so she assumes his anger and 'cold shoulders' are exactly what they look like- that the guy does not like being around her.

This is confusion is part of so many GAG questions.

[Asker]

Great answer. Although I may side with you with the whole "im watching her too much and I notice too many things" theory, the thing is that even when I'm not paying any attention to her (well, even more so when I'm not paying any attention) she will start talking to me and talking "crap" I can be talking to somebody else, on the other side of the room and she listens and starts calling me stuff. I don't understand if she wants to kill the satisfaction, she could just let me have my conversation

[Asker]

SHe is too nice of a girl to go bullying a guy, especially a guy who, at some point, liked her. We all love the attention and she admits that she should stop giving me attention because I annoy her, but she keeps doing it, even when I leave her alone and she starts telling me I'm "pouting" and "punishing her" because I'm quiet towards her and fine with everybody else. SO in this case, she pays way a lot of attention to me because she already knows all my repertoire of moods.

[Asker]

So whether she likes me or not, its hard to tell. She wants my attention when I'm not giving it to her and she gives me attention. Maybe we just both like the attention? I seriousl wouldn't want a girl I don't like to give me unwanted attention and I'm sure its the same for girls. SHe has never been nice to me in in any way, even when we met each other she would always tease me and stuff while acting overly nice to everybody else, she says she does not dislike me but acts like she does,confusing

[Fitzroy]

I'm sorry I have taken so long if you wanted a reply. Were these all rhetorical questions? I assume the situation has mellowed/evolved by now :D

[rachael19]

im in a similar situation att the moment though it is me being cold mainly, I do it because I'm afraid of getting hurt again and because I feel he is too good for me then he says its mind games and tells me to stop trying to play hardball, I'm not saying this is how the girl feels as she could be purposely playing games but she could also be like me, not realising that she is doing them and pushing you away when she doesn't want to, as I have pushed a lot of guys I like away since my ex treated me bad, I would definitely ignore the girl for a while just to see what happens, if she likes you then in time she will realize what she's lost and she will chase you back a bit and soften up with you a little as I did when the guy stopped bothering trying with me

[Anonymous]

This is the same situation with me and this one guy. I mean the exact same. I'm always being sarcastic and mean at times, but it's just for fun and he calls me a jerk but he does the same as well. We can't be around each other without getting in an argument. He told me he liked me but I just didn't feel the same way, but everyone always thought we were together because we were always together and always fighting like a couple. As time went on I developed feelings for him, but I was scared to tell him because I always told that I didn't like him and that we were never going to be together. Eventually I told him though and we tried the whole talking thing but there's still somethings he's not certain about. It's a possibility that she may or may not be interested in you.

[Asker]

If your situation is exactly the same, I need advice. She has softened up a LITTLE bit, she is not as bad as she used to be. What bugs me is that when I try to have a regular conversation she kind of starts getting nervous and giving me short answers and act like I'm annoying her. When she is teasing me, there is nothing nervous or short about her, she really lets me have it and I guess that's why I kind of try to go for the "mean" reaction that the normal reaction because she seems more at ease

[toulouse]

idk a guy I know does this same exact thing. its so time consuming, even tho id like to be understanding, it really is a big drain. I feel bad ignoring him, but rediculous letting him waste my time. no matter what I do, I think it'd better be handed a different way. its as to he doesn't want their to be peace. if I didn't want to / wanted to be with someone id tell them if they asked, or just not act/ act like it, if they don't ask. I would not play games. a lot of people do tho.

[hmblmr]

Yes I will never ever let a guy know that I like him,its dumb I know. But if a guy ever knew I liked him I would go out of my way to make sure he doesn't know, its very confusing. So yeah possibly maybe she's like me and that's her defence, just go and kiss her out of the blue she wouldn't know what hit her, lol

[HannahC]

Wow... so I didn't have time to read all of the details, but its a possibility. Call me not very confident, but I don't usually assume someones checking me out because I'd hate to be wrong so sometimes I act more aloof as a cover up so I don't create a whole awkward situation. I'm pretty sure a lot of girls do that if they're quiet too.

[Anonymous]

Girls, we love the chase. It makes us feel important to that guy.

I think why she said no is the probably she was scared that she might lose the relationship you guys have or that it won't work out, probably even that she doesn't see you as a boyfriend yet.

Or that things are going to fast.

[ImperfectDVM]

No, I wouldn't. That's up there with playing hard to get- which is a mind game. Real women, don't play little girl games.

[ManaX]

If I believe it's for the best that we don't start anything but it's apparent that we do like each other. I could act like I didn't like him to prevent progression, but I don't think I would.

[bdeakol]

Could it be that she's annoyed because she knows you like her but she doesn't like you back?

I'd ignore her if I were you, see what happens.

[Anonymous]

your wasting your time baby