Why did my boyfriend tell his mom my secret?

[Ingrid422]

My school term has been terrible and I damn near considered quitting my engineering degree and switching to another university. My boyfriend has been very supportive during that difficult period. He convinced me to sign up for another degree starting next term just in case. He's close to graduating in engineering himself so it was very humiliating to me to share my insecurities with him. I didn't tell anyone but my parents, brother and him - not even my friends.

Time passed and the term ended. I paid my school fees for the next term and ignored my acceptance to this other university. I figured I'd keep on going. When I was over at his house for Christmas dinner, his mom asked me about it when we were alone. She asked if I had decided to make the change. I was baffled that my boyfriend told her about it. I didn't tell him to keep it for himself but I thought it was plain obvious that this was The Touchiest Subject which I was the most ashamed of.

I'm not pissed at him but I feel very humiliated and ashamed that she has that information. I think mothers in law are the hardest to please and I'm starting to fear that she's now thinking that I'm a failure and that I'm using her son as a crutch. Should I talk to him about that? I'm sorry for myself but I know he didn't mean harm. I don't want to start a broil but I feel very insecure now that I know his mom has that information as a weapon against me.

[EmpressMe]

Although I think you're kind of overreacting just a tad bit, I totally see where you're coming from. This meant something personal to you. If you had wanted your boyfriend's mother to know then you would have confided in her yourself. First off, don't be humiliated and ashamed. You're young. You, like many other people are most likely going through a phase where you're figuring out what you're all about; which parts of yourself you want to keep, which ones you don't, which ones you want to revise, which methods and choices will lead you to what makes you feel happy and successful. It's a growing process, pieces of you and your future are shifting and fading out as you try to discover what path fits you. That's nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people do this the rocky way, myself included. Don't be embarrassed; this is apart of your growing process. You need this in order to develop into the woman you want to be :)

I think you should talk to him about it because you want to feel that you can trust your significant other. You don't want to have to worry about him not being able to keep your privacy. It's annoying when you're close to someone and they tell their parents or family personal things about you that you confided in them because they personally don't think it's a big deal. It's not their big or small deal to share.It's not their business to tell and I think you need to get that message out. I've dealt with people like that and it's fckn annoying when you go around their parents and their parents know things about you that quite frankly is none of their damn business. It can make things uncomfortable and make you feel like you can't trust your man so I think you should tell him how you feel

[EmpressMe]

thanks for ba :) I hope this really helped

[Ingrid422]

Yes it did. Sorry for the delay, I usually atribute BAs in a bulk for multiple questions. The following especially was very comforting to me:

"This meant something personal to you. First off, don't be humiliated and ashamed. I think you should talk to him about it because you want to feel that you can trust your significant other. t's not their big or small deal to share"

Exactly, it wasn't his secret to share. That's what hurt me the most. Thanks a lot, again!

[EmpressMe]

lol, no biggie :)

It's true. Some people forget that just because they personally don't think something is a big deal, it's not their business to share with someone else. Maybe it's not a big deal to them but that doesn't make it okay for them to go around and spread your business.

[Anonymous]

Was it the math? At my school TONSSSS of girls struggle with the math. I know a girl who had to take a math class over 3 times and still ended up getting a low C

[Ingrid422]

Man it's engineering school. Math is the easiest among all the rest. I had failed 2 classes last term, I retook them both this term, and I was at my lowest because I wasn't sure I would pass all of my classes again. Past failures have completely shattered my confidence as a student, thus my personal confidence. To me, performance at school earns people's respect and my struggling is the worst humilitation to me. Turns out I'll most likely pass those 2 classes but I did fail one other class.

[Ingrid422]

I used to be a straight A student but in this degree, I'm content to get a C. So struggling with my classes when I was already retaking 2 was the last stretch and a breaking point for me. I've been BADLY insecure and anxious schoolwise ever since I failed these 2 classes. Now failing another one remains a HUGE disappointment, but the last thing that would ease my pain is my stepmom asking me about my struggles when her son is about to graduate with honors. That feels like some sick teasing :(

[Opinion Owner]

You sound JUST like a friend I know...pleaseeee do not 'accept' a C as OK. That's what she began to do. Tell yourself you can do better! Are you a C employee? Would you be okay being a C person among employees? I think that's wayyyy more embarrassing.

I would hate to be the employee people despise

[Opinion Owner]

C is not okay. I mean its passing but in general it should not be "acceptable". Engineering is very competitive and you need to compete. A internship I got said want people 3.5 and above but at the very minimum 3.4

Plus grades are the basis of evaluation of skills

[Ingrid422]

Look, I've already done 2 full internships for a world renowned engineering company. I'm more experienced in the business than any other student my age I know. You sound very arrogant. Things would be different if I was unsure of my placement possibilities but be aware that this company awaits me with open arms for a next internship because I do great work. In case you didn't know, must of what we learn in class is useless when it comes to the actual job.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay cool I tried to help.

"must of what we learn in class is useless"

100% False!... College only provides the minimum of what you need to know

***UNLESS***

you are some mediocre employee.

To do exclusive world renowned work requires a student expand beyond what class teach.

Patents are obtained by people who expand beyond basic knowledge

Anyway I'm not arrogant but tried to help you.

[Ingrid422]

"must of what we learn in class is useless"

I meant useless to provide the knowledge required to solve problems encountered in a working situation in the engineering industry. We all know it. Laplace transforms and dynamic free body diagrams aren't things we'll ever use outside the school environment. A minimal portion of the stuff that's taught is relevant if you're going for the "general" engineering field, at least in mechanical engineering. Would be different in log or info eng. though...

[Opinion Owner]

Laplace transforms are ABSOLUTELY! used... control systems? Filter design omg... Laplace transforms are 100% useful for casual functions!... Nevertheless those method teach you the FOUNDATION of further knowledge. Heard of Fourier transforms? Z transforms?

Free body diagrams is a visual to HELP YOU. Yes in industry you don't have to use them but it is to your benefit to use them. Its a teaching mechanism.

I mean you would argue history or something is not used but even math is important

[Opinion Owner]

math teach the foundation of engineering...

Don't confuse information that teaches the foundation versus information that is not used at all...I really disappointed that you said Laplace transforms are not used :(...

Maybe not in some sectors. Mechanical engineering student sometimes deal with electronics and electronics use it... However if you are just a mechanical engineer that work with cars then maybe not.

However, it make you BETTER if you know that information because it shows

[Opinion Owner]

you being more versatile then the mechanical engineer to your left.

Worst case scenario you learn some information that you don't need but in reality it makes you more marketable. I'm a computer engineer but that don't mean I wouldn't want to know about some mechanical engineering stuff because indeed it makes me marketable..

Imagine telling a interviewer "yeah I know about some mechanical engineering stuff too" their face will be priceless.

I know how to wow interviewers. I stand out!