Can I tell the guy who stood me up off?

[FitGalinNYC]

I got stood up last night and let me tell you it feels horrible! I am a pretty attractive girl who has no problem finding a date. This guy was pursuing me relentlessly for a few weeks before I finally gave him my number and we went out. We have been seeing each other for almost 2 months but I have been holding out on the sex. Up until a couple of weeks ago he was the man of his word. He always text and called me even if I didn't call him back. I guess about 2 weeks ago I noticed he has been calling and texting less. So I just left him alone. I ran into him a couple of days ago at my gym. He wanted me to go out with him and his friends to a local bar. I thought that was sweet of him and I told him ok. But when I thought about it, I decided that I didn't want to tag along with him and his buddies so I told him I was too tired. He text me a couple of hours later and woke me up to say that he wanted to cook me dinner the next night at his apartment and had a great bottle of wine for us to try. He said I was an amazing person and he was so glad he met me. Obviously he was drunk but I accepted his invitation. I asked him what time (this is all texting) he didn't specify but said in the evening. I spent all day fantasizing about our night together and was even ready to have sex with him that night for the first time. Well...he never called!

I was really upset but didn't call him. Instead I met a couple of my girlfriends out and I even met a good-looking guy and gave him my phone number.

He did end up texting me the next day and asked me what I was up to. I was so angry that I had erased his number from my cell phone. I did respond back today and text him "what did you do saturday?" He hasn't responded back. I am so tempted to text him again and say "Oh ok. Good thing I had made "just in case" plans and didn't stay home waiting on you. I'm really glad I got to know the REAL you. Have a nice life." Should I ? I don't understand what his deal is...Is he mad that I didn't meet him out that night and tried to get even. Or is he just not that into me?

Updates

+1 y

Yeah well...I never told him to "beat it". But he keeps texting me as if nothing happened. I'm so mad. Who does he think he is? All he had to do is to move his finger and text me "sorry can't make it". Now I'm moving on.

Updates

+1 y

After ignoring his texts for 5 days I finally told him that I was mad at him and it wasn't cool what he did. He apologized and told me he wants to take me away on vacation. I said "are you gonna back out on me last min again?" Can't deny being skeptical

[misunderstood]

This just happened to me too! In my case, I think, although he would never admit it, that he was hungover/still drunk from the night before and he even said to me that his explanation would never be "good enough", cos lets face it it doesn't look that good does it. "Er sorry I'm actually throwing up, I've lost a shoe and look like sh*t because I got a bit carried away with the tequila last night, so I think it's best we don't do dinner".

See we know that honesty, even in a slightly prettied up version, is ALWAYS better than nothing but guys, they don't get that. They avoid admitting anything that makes them look bad.

Whatever you do, do not send a 'have a nice life text'. He may be embarrassed to tell you the truth because if that is the case, it doesn't paint him in the best of lights. It could of course also be that he's not interested, but this isn't about him. Are you interested? Is it worth giving him another shot? We've all been in situations where we meant to have one or two beers and it turned into 10 because really after 4 we just feel like nothing can go wrong and of course we'll be up bright and early to jog around the park?!?

If you do continue this, you definitely need to tell him it wasn't cool...but fear not, he will remember he made plans and he will know he fu**ed up, so you don't need to labour the point. I know what you mean about the testing how far they can go. I agree, a little, but men are so much simpler than us and I don't mean that disrespectfully, they just don't think things through so much. It probably seemed like a great idea at the time to ask you for dinner.

Be cool. Be mature. Tell him you had a great night but it's a shame you didn't do dinner, his night would have been better if he'd spent it with you. The fact he is texting at all, kinda indicates he is still interested. If he was blowing you off he wouldn't bother, would he?

Maybe he was a little put out you didn't join him and his friends...have you met them before? Was that actually going to be a big deal for him?

It really comes down to whether you like him enough to even give him the benefit of the doubt. And call him on it, and see what he does from there...that will be your answer as to whether he is into you, or not.

And don't be clouded by the fact you were planning to have sex for the first time. He didn't know that. It throws other emotions in there about trust, and stepping things up that he could not be aware of.

[FitGalinNYC]

Thank you for your response. I'm glad I didn't text him "have a nice life". The unfortunate/fortunate thing is I see him almost everyday. I work at a gym and he comes there to workout. So I saw him this morning and I just kept busy with my clients. Usually I go up to him and say hello if I don't have a client. Today, I left as soon as I was done without saying goodbye. I hope he tries to contact me again so I can tell him what you suggested. thanks again

[Jessica768]

hmm like you said he was drunk, maybe he had a really bad hangover the next day and didn't feel up to it and was reluctant to tell you this was why or said he would cook for you even though he had no food in and just felt it was easier to not go through with it. or maybe he was that drunk he forgot he made the plans at all, it seems like he's still intrested otherwise he wouldn't have text you again.

[FitGalinNYC]

Yeah Jess but why wouldn't he at least text me and say something like..."I'm feeling really sick. Lets do this another time". Obviously he is still interested but may be he is trying to see how far he can get with me. How much he can disrespect me before I pull the plug.

[Jessica768]

Possibly, maybe like me he's really bad at lying. I know a time before where I drunkenly arranged to meet someone the next day after a night out and I looked awful and felt awful and didn't want to leave the house to get food to cook for them. I didn't want to tell the guy I was stupid enough to get so drunk I couldn't function the next day and looked awful and didn't want to lie or make a different excuse, so I just said nothing instead in the hope he would think I was just drunk and had forgot

[Gorce]

File this drama under "O" for Oh well. Why feel the need to tell anyone off, if he isn't into you just drop him like a sack of potatoes and move on already. your puting way to much energy into a person that is pretty indifferent towards you.

The angrier you respond the more of an ego boost you are going to give him. Just move on, pretty simple. You're too mature for this baby crap.right?

[dasouthernicon]

you know what you need to do. Tell him what you think, and be done with it. Ya dnt need to waste anymore time on this guy, as he don't give 2 craps enuf about you to be real with you in this case.

[FitGalinNYC]

I agree with you. If he was drunk when he invited me to go over then regretted it later, he could have at least called or text me to say "sorry, I'm feeling sick". I think guys try to test you to see how much disrespect you will take. What's the best way to tell him off without seeming overly emotional?

[dasouthernicon]

Just tell him what he can do, where he can go, and what you think of him. He is just an idiot.