I'm engaged but am very attracted to someone else

[Anonymous]

I'm white, I would consider myself quite good looking. I work out at the gym so my body is toned, I have dark hair and like to look good too. I have a fiancee who is white she is pretty I love her, but I am attracted to my colleague ever since I met her. She is black but not African and is very attractive. I flirt a lot with her and really want her like physically and mentally, I even think about how pretty our babies would look if we had kids together. I my love fiancee but I really want this lady. I like her personality, skin color and I want her.

I don't know why I added our ethnicities but I did, sorry.

Updates

+1 y

I've known my collegue for several years but the more I'm around her the more I want her.

Updates

+1 y

Thank you to the mature answers given, if I had known this lady before I met my fiancee I would have chosen the latter in a heartbeat.

Updates

+1 y

I have a week to decide what I'm going to do, break off my engagement and be with someone else that I want to spend my life with, who I think about rasing a family with, we understand each other, we get along, share the same friends, we both have feelings for each but are fighting it. I know she is attracted to me too, and I want more not just me flirting with her, I want her. This bad but I'm hoping that we both get pissed on a night out so I can f*** her and let her know how much I want her

Updates

+1 y

Hello everyone! My ex did not take the news very well, I know she is still hurt. I'm still friends with our mutual friends, they have have been very supportive towards us. I am getting along very well with my new girlfriend. We are expecting our first child so I am over the moon.

Updates

+1 y

Hello everyone! Six more months to go before our baby is born, we are still in love and growing stronger each day in our relationship. Phenomenal support from our family, friends and well wishes.

[Anonymous]

Damn. That's a tough situation you got into.

You can't help what you feel. I've noticed that the more you try to suppress your feelings, the stronger they get. So you say you love your fiance but are having strong feelings for someone else. I think its normal to casually look at other women and be attracted to them but that feeling shouldn't consume you like it does to you. It seems to me like this is more of an attraction. You like this other women and that's not going to go away on its own.

Its up to you but you should really think about this. You have a fiance which means that you're going to marry her. That's what an engagement is for , right? How would you feel getting married while still thinking about this other women? Its unfair to all of you. I don't know if you're marrying your fiance because she fits all the requirements for the perfect, traditional American wife, but that doesn't necessarily mean you'll love her. You obviously, have strong feelings for someone else so that should tell you that you don't feel committed enough to your fiance. Staying with her may lead to an unhappy marriage full of lies. I know it would suck for your fiance to know that her fiance has feelings for someone else, but I think it would hurt more to know this after you two are married. She deserves someone who will love her and her only.

Just come clean. Be honest with your fiance. The truth hurts but if you know that you really like this other women, and you will not miss your fiance if she's gone, take a chance. Sometimes we just have to take big risks in our life to persue happiness So good luck!:D

[Asker]

I'm English, by the way. I work with this woman we work closely together, I spend more time with her than my fiance. Even though my fiance is my fiance it doesn't mean that I have to go all the way. Exchanging vows is the least thing I want to do when I'm in love with someone else. I need all the luck so thanks.

[why-makoto-kun]

This is wonderful.

[washize]

Wll it sounds like you are fantasizing about your colleague. I assume that you know your fiance and you've been with her long enough to assess that you want her to be your wife for the rest of your life.

Did you propose to your fiance because you WANT to spend the rest of your life with her? OR did you propose to your fiance because you FELT PRESSURED to propose to her?

IF you proposed because you WANTED to, you need to take a step back and realize that you only know your colleague on a surface level. You don't know anything about her. You do know your fiancee. Are you willing to throw that away on a chance that you MAY be able to have a relationship with your colleague IF she accepts your advances, immediately after you leave your fiancee?

IF you proposed because you FELT PRESSURED. You really need to end or prolong the engagement, Don't do anything that isn't 100% you're decision. IF you feel inclined to date more and experience more life before you get married, then its best for you leave your fiance, and take a risk and go after your dream girl!

[Asker]

As I said I love my fiance, but I want someone else. I have known the lady that I work with for years and was attracted to her when I first met her, she has humour, very attractive and really witty. Everyone knows that I'm engaged I flirt a lot with her, I play with her and stroke it. I touch her when we around each other playfully, because I want to feel her. I want to take the risk but am not sure if she is into me.

[washize]

I don't know what that means when you say you love your fiance, because it sound like you're in love with your colleague. Honestly if I were in your shoes, I would leave my fiance and go for my dream girl.

I guess if you don't want to risk loosing them both, casually ask your colleague hypothetically, if you were single, would you two have a chance? Would she go for you? IF she likes you she'll say that she would. Ask her if she's single and if anyone is on her radar.

[Asker]

Different types of love. I don't see a future with my fiancee. I want my colleague, I've fallen for her and she likes me too. She knows that I am seeing someone but doesn't know that she's my fiancee. So she tries not to flirt back with me when I play around with her and flirt. She says I know your seeing someone so stop flirting. She's like that, she's respectful and I honour her for that. I dropped the int that I like her and she smiled she said she like me too.

[washize]

lol well there you go! You said you have no future with your fiancee and the girl you're in love with has given you the green light! Follow your destiny! Its better that you leave you fiancee now, rather than when you're married. She may be hurt, but she'll get over it. Do what your heart and gut are telling you to do : ) You'll be miserable if you spend the rest of your life knowing that you never did what you knew you should have.

[Asker]

Thank you.

[washize]

Congrats, I'm glad it all worked out.

[Asker]

It's been marvelous and life is looking very bright.

[calialltheway1993]

That's just infatuation. But the problem is you've got wandering eyes and you're not even married yet. You're not being honest with yourself or fiancée. It's not right to marry someone when in the back of your head you're thinking about someone else mentally and physically.

Emotions come and go, and I'm sure you love your fiancée, otherwise, you wouldn't have popped the question.

Yet I wonder, will you be clean and keep your colleague out of your thoughts? Sounds like you admire her day by day.

Stay away from her. Your fiancée is more important and perhaps has the right to know about this.

Jeez I just read your latest update... I don't know man you're scaring me. The only thing I'm sure of right now is telling your fiancée and maybe take some time to yourself and question what you want.

Neither your fiancée nor your college deserve this. It's like you don't want to let go of something you already have, but want more of what you already have.

Make up your mind ASAP.

[Asker]

Thanks for that! However, I did say that I have made up my mind. I have fallen in love with my colleague. She is perfect for me. Because I'm engaged it doesn't mean that I have to take the final step MARRIAGE. That's where people make their biggest mistakes, they are too afraid to back out before it's too late! That's why marriages end up in divorces. I've known my colleague for years and there is a spark between us. She's the right one for me and I can't change that.

[calialltheway1993]

Then break up with your fianc?e and get together with your colleague. Do me a favor and be gentle when you break her heart.

[Asker]

Her heart will be broken but it will heal. I'd rather be true to myself then lie to both of us.

[calialltheway1993]

Yes. So do it as soon as possible. The longer, the tougher it gets.

[calialltheway1993]

@update: what?

[Asker]

We're going to be parents and I'm over the moon.

[calialltheway1993]

You and the girl you went after?

[Asker]

Myself and the woman that I said I had fallen for, we are expecting our first child.

[calialltheway1993]

Oh wow congrats!

[Racez]

That's just infatuation. You need to stick with your fiancee.

[Asker]

I know how it sounds, but she is just my fiancee we are not married yet.

[kirstyf089]

its only normal to feel attracted to the other sex, even when we are in relationships but thinking about her like you do and 2nd thinking your engagement should tell you all you need to know. Yes it will hurt your fiancee but let the poor girl go and find someone that loves only her. I know that sound horrible towards you but she deserves better then her partner secretly wishing to get drunk and have sex with someone he sees having kids with. At the very least have a break and work out what you really want. The grass isn't always greener on the other side. good luck.

[Asker]

In my case the grass is greener on the other side. I'll do the honourable thing and let her go. I had time to think about this, and I want to make love to the woman that I've fallen for. I want to spend my life with her. She's everything that is required in a woman and I finally found that woman who just so happens to be my co worker. My fiancee will get over it when we talk.

[backagainagain]

I totally agree with this answer. It will hurt your fiancee in the short term but she deserves to be with someone who will feel about her the way you feel about your colleague. She will find that someone if you let her go. It's obvious that you are more in love with this other woman and not fair to your fiancee to keep her hanging by a string and maybe even having you resent her after you get married or even worse you cheat on her with this other woman.

[Asker]

I completely agree with you, my colleague would never cheat with me, she has values. So I have decided to leave my fiancee. That's just life. We both need to find our true happiness.

[Asker]

Any ideas of how I can break the news, I was thinking of talking about it when I take her out for a meal over the weekend but I'm not sure if that is going to be appropriate.

[kirstyf089]

i would suggest doing it in the privecy of your home. Your fiancee will get upset, angry or cry and to have to do that in a public place would be degrading for her and embarrassing for both parties. However you tell her its not going to be an easy time for both of you so there is no easy answer. I could suggest 2 options, if she knows the other woman or they have mutual friends honesty would be the best policy because she will find out anyway and may still hold a little respect for you for being

[kirstyf089]

truthful with her. Be straight to the point and tell her if there are any questions then you will will fully truthful with your answer (this may give her closure). I normally wouldn't suggest lying but in this case it may save some unnecessary hurt. If she won't find out about your new relationship for awhile then lie to her, for example; you have fallen out of love. If you can keep your new relationship off the lips of others for a while this will save her hurt embarrassment and a little dignity

[Asker]

I thought a private environment would be a better option. I owe it to her to be truthful so I have to tell her everything. She will hate me but she will get over it. I will help her move out of my house and help her find an apartment or her own house but that's all I can do. If become too supportive then that's sending of the wrong message and I don't want to do that. I'll speak to her parents too, out of respect. Thanks for your advice.

[Anonymous]

Wow...this is quite the story...all the ingredients of a Jackie Collins novel.

Ok, I'm interested. So have you expressed Ur thoughts to this colleague?.

Also, with all that you said, I'm gathering Ur in love with Ur fiancée, but maybe Ur just not ready to marry her just yet...it's not saying you don't wanna marry her...right?. And I'm curious to know ...lol what made you mentioned ethnicities...is that you never been with a black women before.. And this lady here...now have you a bit curious... ?.

Maybe you think that's what happening. Ur fiance must have all the above in order for you to be engaged, preparing to marry her, right?...

P.s. I'm so sorry but this is just to juicy..lol.

[Asker]

You never know who you might meet right? Well I met this lady my collegue who I want to be with. I go home to my fiancee and just think about the other woman that I've fallen for.

[Asker]

I didn't mean to mention ethnicity, I guess what blew me away by her is that society tries to indoctrinate your mind with the ideal female - my own women and you don't seem to hear good things about Black women it's mainly negative thing, loud, bossy, unattractive and difficult. This lady is nothing like that she's nice, has her own opinions, she's clever, she's fun, very feminine and very attrective, she has natural hair too and doesn't care what people says about it.

[Opinion Owner]

Ur right, you never know, things happen trust me I get that part all to well. And the way you describe her

I for one can see how one can be attracted to her. She sounds great. Yeah, some black women are stereo typed.. Label I guess. But you still have your black women that rise above the non sense. posting this was pretty brave of u. Are you ready to hear what most will have to say..it won't be nice lol they tend to judge here it's entertaining to her a whole lot of self righteous people..who believe

[Opinion Owner]

That once Ur committed to a person that happiness comes no matter what . And Ur wrong for having feelings. And you should be happy to be so lucky to have someone love you back I guess. And then there's me lmao... So, you haven't mentioned if Ur un happy in your current situation?..I guess, maybe people assume that's why your seeking Ur Co worker out..maybe, is that the case?...Also, do Ur Co worker know of Ur feelings? And of Ur engagement?.

[Asker]

You sound like a female with a lot of common sense. I am going to do the right thing and leave my fiancee, but that means she has to move out and find her own home or live with her parents. I want to start a life with the woman I've fallen in love with, have cihldren, marriage and just an enjoyable life with her.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree..I do have a lot of common sense..lol.well seems you have Ur mind made up. And you've made peace with your decision. And if that's what you want than as along as you remain respectful like you claim, then I agree with Ur decision. Actually I find what Ur doing to be pretty brave, and I would rather know before I married a man. That this isn't what he wants. So Ur doing the right thing. You should be happy. And she should too. Ur not doing anybody any favors staying just because, I learnt that

[Opinion Owner]

It won't be easy, you might need time for yourself before you pursue Ur Co worker.

Just make sure she loves you back as much as you love her. Good luck, I truly hope everyone gets there hearts desires. I just wish everyone was as brave as u. It would be a whole lot less failed marriages, people resenting others. A lot of happy children in happy loving homes. A lot if happy individuals as well I hope it works out for you we all deserve a little piece of mind.

[Asker]

It's been great sharing my views, getting advice and respecting other peoples answers. The sole reason why I can't be with my fiance is because it won't work, our marriage will fail and I will regret not making the right decision. I would't be able to live with that being unhappy and decieving myself and wife if I was to marry. Sometimes we just have to do what is right for self not for others, just self. I would have ended up divorcing my fiance so what is the point of ruinning a life.

[Opinion Owner]

"it won't work Ur in love with someone else.my question to you is what's the urgency why it has to be done in one week.? I like details. honestly I'm dyin to know how she manage to make a man so physically and emotionally attach to her.but that's another time...lol., but do what's right for ourself I know Ur right. But Ur not afraid of being labeled selfish.and all the other things. Ur really willing to have people possiably hate you and what about mutual friends you might lose,? Ur not worried all?

[Asker]

The longer I wait to tell her that's it's over, the Ionger I am allowing a deception to linger. I really don't care what people think about me. At the end of the day it's my decision not theirs. I have to live with the choices that I made. I live my life, no one lives it for me. We have mutual friends but if my friends respect me, then they will respect my decisions. If they don't then they never were true friends.

[Opinion Owner]

Lol..I admire u..ur like my hero lmao.. Wow I almost feel the energy there Ur words . Intense.

The passion she has in stored for her..God bless you ! She's lucky lol. By the way I adored the update "u can't wait to hang out so you guys can get pissed" and you can have her, and show her what she means to u. Lol.. That had me blushing lmao...well you have to keep me updated. I needed this distraction.

[Asker]

I will keep you chaps posted. Thanks

[Opinion Owner]

Just curious...Assuming you do separate from your fianc?, How are you so sure that your colleague will want the same things you want from her? Especially once you tell her the cause of your split up from Ur ex. Like a lot of women she will assume you would do the same to her. And she doesn't know that the lady was Ur fianc?.

[Asker]

I went to lunch with my colleague today and told her everything, she was stunned by the revelations but said that she was very much interested in me and wasn't sure if I had the slightest bit of interest in her. She'd asked me what I intended to do about the situation so I told her of my intentions. She said that she was willinging to give it ago because of the sacrifice that I had made for her.

[Asker]

I can't leave it any longer so will talk to te ex fiancee to be at the weekend, not sure if I should talk over a meal or while we are in doors in the privacy of my house.

[Opinion Owner]

Wow...how lucky are u...she's willing to love you back :-) I'm happy for u. It's Awesome, I think. For you two atleast. And Ur right, she better try her best to make you happy too. You have sacrificed another heart. It's not a bad thing I guess, the heart wants what the heart want..and you can't change that. I know if there was a better way of dealing with this, I'm sure you would have tried to lesson the blow for her. But, these things are never easy. Take Ur time with it. Make sure she understand ...

[Opinion Owner]

Give her as much time as she needs... Although I'm happy that you followed Ur heart, and from what I read been very respectful about it, I'm still a women and if she loves you as much as you love Ur women then my heart goes out for her. But you made a great decision to be happy.. You know what that means for Ur family Ur gonna create. A bunch if happy, loving kids, I could only imagine Ur environment once things get going for you two. Sounds real special. Aw I just love happy ending :-).

[Asker]

Thanks you guys have been great and very mature about this awkward situation.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, ...its gonna be fine, ya know.

The hard is almost over for u.

It gets better.

Well, happy trails :-).

[Opinion Owner]

I know this is bad, but I'm curious to know Ur outcome. What happened ?. Did you go threw with it..or not?. If so how she Handel the news?. Are you living Ur happy ever after?. :-)...just curious.

[Opinion Owner]

This is so juicy...i can't stand it. CONGRADULATIONS..10x's over. :-).

What are you two hoping for?.

[Asker]

Thank you, I've made the right choice and am looking forward to life with the woman I love.

[why-makoto-kun]

Neither choice is wrong as long as you are following your heart. It's much better for you to break it off with your fiancee now (if you want the other woman more) and hurt her now rather than staying in a passionless partnership and hurting her even more down the road. As long as you are honest, clear, and true to your feelings (no cheating), I support whatever you do. :)

Good luck!

[Asker]

I'd never cheat on her, I'd rather us break it off. As I said I can't us having any sort of future together. My fiance is lovely an English rose, and I'm sure she'll find the right man to whisk her off her feet. But I'm not the one to do that and I won't continue hurting myself or her when I am constantly think about the other Exotic rose.

[why-makoto-kun]

Good for you for being true to yourself and deciding the right thing. Best of luck and I wish you all happiness.

[Asker]

I'm certainly following my heart, my fiance is nice, she's an English rose. She'll get over it. My colleague on the other hand is an Exotic English rose too, but the rose that I want to pick and keep. My friends admire her she's down to earth, laid back, pretty, witty and very sexy. I we get along I love being at work just becuase we get time to see and be around each other. We also socialise with others after work. She's constantly on my mind

[why-makoto-kun]

Aww. I think it's nice you recognize both ladies as being great, just one being better for -you-. :)

[why-makoto-kun]

Wow, congrats!

[Asker]

Words can not describe how happy I am with life.

[why-makoto-kun]

:D

[snowangle]

It's just infatuation/attraction. It's much more temporary than your love for your fiancee.

[Asker]

I'm willing to leave my fiancee, I'm not just attracted to my collegue but I have socialised with her and love being around her, I can't get enough of her. I can see a future with her but not my fiancee. I love her but can not spend the rest of my life with her knowing that I've fallen for someone else.