Why is my male coworker hot and cold towards me?

First I should mention that there is absolutely no way we can date due to our circumstances. I have a boyfriend and plus workplace romances are strictly forbidden and I would never want to lose my job over this and I don't think he would either.

I am trying to figure out why this guy is my friend one minute and then the next minute acts like he doesn't even know me. This started when he walked into my office one day and I felt the weirdest "spark". It was literally like a spark - I never felt anything as odd as that before - ever. It happened when we made eye contact and it was so powerful that it nearly knocked me on my ***. It was really strong and it scared me because I didn't understand if he felt it too or if was just in my head. There were a few interesting things besides that: one time he looked me up and down and exclaimed how he loves how I can dress down on Fridays, another time he looked me up and down and said I had such cute little feet. I felt a lot of tension in the air between us those times - a lot. But then, he would not come near me for weeks (unless he absolutely had to) at all after things like that happened. We have the exact same sense of humor and always seem to have a great time when we are at work together. Our personalities are very similar and I can even finish some of the things he is going to say - we connect well, most of the time. I also caught him blatantly staring at me a few (not a lot) times. He used to come into my office to joke around, talk to my coworker and I - not all the time, but a lot. He always always shows pictures and videos of his child, even when the pictures are incredibly boring - it's like he is showing off or something. He would always joke with me a lot, fling rubber bands at me, push me (nicely, haha), tease me, etc. Then, in January, I was in his room (just me and him), and as we were talking, that spark thing happened again! Not as strong as the first time, but it happened. I went to leave the room because I felt so weirded out, but he kept changing the subject and initiating more conversation, as if to keep me in his room. Again, not sure if he felt it or if it was in my head. After that day, he was hanging around me a little more, offering to help me with projects without me asking him. He was offering to help me with things that had nothing to do with him. Every time we would talk, he would make very direct, intense eye contact (sort of made me uncomfortable). He then asked me a few different times to come to his room to do fun projects - paint stuff (I love to paint). He was working on a big project that had nothing to do with me and one day told me I could stay after work to help him with it (I wouldn't be getting paid to do that). I said I would help him, but the very next morning, he said he was just going to have the volunteers help him with the project so he didn't have to stay at work late. After he met my boyfriend he barely talks to me.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Im assuming he felt the spark as well, and has feelings for you, he's trying to distance himself from you, because maybe you don't feel the same and plus you have a boyfriend, so he's jealous. Is it the spark thing where you lock eyes, your heart stops, and its just kind of like tunnel vision,& its just you two at that momment, and you just feel so much emotion? I've felt like that before, thought I was crazy or something lol.

    • Awww how cute was that description, lol...I never knew guys feel it too!.

    • Show All
    • I'm not pursuing because I have been so confused by his behavior towards me. Example: he texted me a few times outside of work - funny texts & some work related texts (but those could have waited until I saw him the next day at work). But then after he met my boyfriend I sent him a text and he never responded to it and hasn't texted me since.Things like that (and there are tons more things like that) just confuse me and I feel like maybe I was reading into it too much. But your advice is helpful-ty!

    • oh god you have a boyfriend, well no wounder, the poor guy is heartbroken, I've personally experienced this, it does not feel good one little bit.

What Girls Said 1

  • I DONT Know who you are.. but you've just described almost the same scenario thats happened to me ! First off.. thank you for talking about the spark thing.. I've felt it with a co worker.. he looks at me and its like electricity in my body, its a powerful feeling, never really felt that way before, i though i was kinda nuts lol SO THANK YOU ! LOL Not the only one
    Second, in your case given you have a BF you need to honor that and walk away, because if you feel something then chances are you will get confused over your coworker and thats just gonna invite drama and problems. Now In my situation, this man was the same way, very hot and cold until i turned the hot and cold on him and now I'm just cold LOL One thing i dislike is inconsistency, and given he is a co worker i didn't want to jeopardize anything- also i don't know his relationship status... but the worst part is that i bump into him out side of work as well and now we don't even talk, perhaps its my fault, but my pint is i miss our little interactions at work however small they were.. his presence made me happy and when got along it was kinda of tender to have that bond... now we just have a cold wall in between :(

    If time goes by and this guy is still in your mind, the way my dude is in mines.. then you need to look into that and maybe explore it.. why deny your self of a possible happily ever after? ...

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