Sexual tension: does it take two?

[Anonymous]

You hear a lot about there being "sexual tension" between two people. Though I believe there is such a thing, I'm curious as to whether or not you guys think both parties can feel it when it's happening, or if it's just one-sided. That probably didn't make a lot of sense, so here's an example to illustrate:

A few months back, I was having a discussion with a good female friend of mine. This particular female friend, I had previously expressed interest in/asked out/kind of got a thing going with, but it never materialized into a full relationship. I'm fine with that, that's not the point. The point is, we were talking about something completely unrelated (her family, I believe) and I started to feel this overwhelming feeling between us, a feeling I can only describe as sexual tension. It felt like we were both feeling kind of an intense desire for each other, and that I could have leaned in and kissed her then and there and it would have been okay. It's important to note here that, at the time of this conversation, I had gotten over any strong romantic feelings I may have previously had.

My question then, is this: I know I felt that, but did she feel it? Does this kind of sexual tension need both parties to feel that desire for each other, or was I just imagining the whole thing?

[Anonymous]

My friend and I have this too, but he denies it. He stares intensely at me and we fight all the time. The tension builds up then we have to burst it with fighting. He has a gf so he doesn't want to admit how much he is attracted to me. He's said I'm his other fave person and he has romantic feelings for me, but not as strong as I do for him.

I tried to get him to kiss me this week but he said he can't, although he wanted to, because he has a gf. I said just once to end the tension and curiosity, but he insisted it wouldn't be enough and it would lead to more and more. So I'm taking that to mean he does want me in some way.

I think sexual tension had to be mutual, otherwise it's just a crush. I don't think he's as hot for me as I am for him, but he was nibbling on my thumb in class last week, lol! I don't think that's how platonic friends act! He was fine, before I said kiss me, with playing in my hair, having groping hugs, me touching his thighs, playing with his hair and beard, sitting all pressed up against each other, staring at me with dopey eyes, telling me how great my hair looks, how I'm pretty, holding hands, putting his arm around me, asking to date me, joking about sex with me, etc. But when I assumed he was flirting with me and tried to push things, he freaked out.

He's asked me tons about my sex life and joked about us having sex before. Then he says he'd never ever joke about sex with anyone he'd really like to sleep with because that would be tacky. Is that a thing? I thought guys joked about stuff they were serious about to see what reaction they got to decide if they can make a move? Could he just be hiding his feelings from me? He laughed when I said I wanted to bite his lower lip. I think because he's not used to me being that forward. He said if we had sex it would put us in w bad position and I said I think it'd be a great position and I could think of several I'd like to try with him! We're still friends and at least it's out now.

[Anonymous]

This is happening me with my older married co worker at the minute.

It hits you from nowhere. I swear we where talking innocently about work and I thought we just held eye contact too long but all of a sudden, everything was throbbing. I didn't sleep for 3 weeks after that because I kept dreaming of him and everything I want to do to him. I know he wants me too, we can't be alone together without the atmosphere changing to something heavy and intense. This was three months ago and it's still very much there. in my opinion it's mutual, when something feels so strong it's like it's own emotion and you have no control over yourself then it's mutual. I should add I'm married too, I obviously limit how often I'm around this man because although I love my husband and I'm certainly not planning on cheating, but when I'm around this other man I have no control over how i feel. The chemistry is nothing I've felt before. when it comes down to it, we are just animals 😩

[suemygirl]

I'm inclined to say yes, it has to be mutual. in my opinion, you won't feel that intense atmosphere we all call "sexual tension" if both sides are not "participating"

[kingbrother]

I am sure she felt the same as you.