1. Weigh up the pros and cons
There are situations where a negative answer is obviously unwelcome. When a colleague asks you for your help with a file, because s/he has personal issues, you should accept. However, if you feel anxious and frustrated when someone wants to borrow money, you say no. Before you answer, think about it: your feelings should guide your decision.
2. Take your time
Often, you feel trapped and you accept an invitation or an additional file because you are presented with a fait accompli. You don't have to answer immediately! Ask for a period of reflection before giving your answer. To say no, you have to take time to think about arguments, that you'll use to explain your decision.
3. Don't feel guilty!
If the person takes the time to ask you a favor, it means that an affirmative answer is not obvious. So you have the right to refuse to lend $100 to your colleague or decline an invitation to dinner. And you're not a monster for doing it! People can understand if you can't do it, and they will not hate you for saying no!
4. Be ready
Saying no is not easy for everyone. Train yourself to say no. Prepare some answers that you can use when you have to say no. Repeat them in your head, so you're ready when the time comes. Once in position, don't be afraid to assert yourself by repeating (in your head) sentences like: "I have the right to express my opinion," "I will not sacrifice my wellbeing to please him/her" etc.
5. Be diplomatic
Be tactful when you say no to someone. Don't send your friend packing when s/he asks you a favor. Explain that you're sorry but unfortunately you can't help him/her. An empathic and diplomatic answer will be easier to accept.
6. Suggest a solution
If you really feel bad for saying no, then suggest an alternative: "I can't babysit your daughter Saturday, but if you want, I can do it Tuesday night." The person will see your good will. Knowing how to say no, is knowing how to say yes other times! You'll come out more assertive, and people will respect you more.
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