Stop Being Afraid of Being Alone

[teawrecks]

Seriously, people near and far are so besides themselves with fear of being alone that it makes you wonder why? What scares them about being with themselves, with snuggling up alone and just listening to their thoughts and reflecting on who they are?

* And I realized that, despite them insisting that it's just "boring" to them, it's mainly because they're unsatsified with who they are as a person.

They're unhappy with who they are so they're afraid to be alone because when they're alone, they have nothing but silence and time to think about what they don't like about themselves. Maybe because it's something so monumental they feel like they can't change it, or maybe because they're just afraid of change in general. But who are you if you aren't happy with who you are? You're a product of the ideals and the standards you set for yourself, and if you don't like yourself...what standards are you setting?

Being alone and feeling lonely are two different things. Don't get confused on what I'm saying here. I'm not saying it's fine to feel lonely. God, no, believe me - I know feeling lonely is the worst feeling in the world. But you can feel lonely in a crowded place just as much as you can when you're alone. Just like you can feel happy in a crowded place just as much as you can when you're alone as well.

Maybe I'm just used to being alone - the only time I socialize is for family gatherings and when I'm at work and am forced to socialize. Otherwise I shut myself in my bedroom with my books and my blankets, video games and music and I do some serious self-reflecting and work on finding my own inner peace.

I compare how I feel since I've started doing this to how I felt when I was choosing to hang out with people and be a sort of social butterfly, and I see an improvement. I'm not as stressed, I'm less worried about how my outward appearance will come across to someone else, I'm not as worried about keeping my ideas and opinions in check. I'm not afraid to voice my thoughts, and I don't have to concern myself with keeping myself in line of what others would consider acceptable behavior.

You have to be your own best friend, you have to be able to talk your problems out with yourself and work with yourself to find the solutions before you can even begin to be real enough to be someone else's best friend. Let alone their other half. When you keep shoving your own unhappiness with yourself aside and never allowing yourself to be alone with your thoughts to think through the actions you've made in the course of the past few months at minimum, you're not allowing yourself to grow as a person. You're stunting the growth of who you are emotionally.

And, there are perks aside from becoming happier with yourself, if becoming happier isn't a concern for you:

1. Save money easier, because you're not spending it trying to have a fun night out.


2. You have more time to nap. Seriously. Take all the naps.


3. You can try new hobbies - ones you do alone.


4. You can try new things in general, that you are interested in. Not things your friends are interested in or won't try with you because of it.

So seriously, I strongly urge - if not just flat out challenge - you to spend a week alone after you do all the obligations you have to do. Done with work for the day, and don't have any other obligations (gym, grocery shopping, laundry if you go to a laundromat)? Go home instead of hitting up so and so. Spend time with you, fix yourself a bath. Start reading that new book you've wanted to. Do something alone.

---

* I acknowledge that some people really do find being alone boring, but there are an overwhelming amount of people who are just too afraid to face their own unhapiness with who they are.

[KDA20]

I love this take, I know exactly what you are talking about when you tell your friends you love being alone but hate being lonely and they look at you like you have two heads. The world is made up of many people, some who can't stand being alone right across the range to people who crave being alone.
You talk about an interesting group who could be perceived as being afraid of being alone for fear of facing their shortcomings so they say things like it is boring to avoid it. I think it is fair that you are not talking as a fundamentalist aloner who is saying "Look in the mirror and solve all your problems" but you are saying "This time can be rewarding because often as well as seeing stuff you may be insecure about, you may find inner strengths that seemed previously hidden and coping mechanisms for those insecurities you were not sure about facing".
Finally as you say being alone for spells is not for everyone but it has helped a lot of people in very surprising ways.
Great Take - Very well written.

[teawrecks]

Thank you!

[DumpliingPrincess]

I like this take but I really don't like being alone. Sometimes I go out by myself for a walk in the park or go out to eat alone and I feel like everyone around me can feel how lonely I am and then I just get sad. :/

And the fact that I don't get invited many places doesn't help.

[utopianromance]

Men today are especially told that female sexual validation is the highest form of flattery and social acceptance that exists. We are programed by consumerism and by government/billionaire sponsored and controlled media outlets and educational institutions and of course our mothers and sisters not to mention our fellow male peers - of which is the biggest form of pushing this paradigm.

Females are being told to do just the opposite, to: "be alone and independent" "never rely on men, you don't need a man to be happy or to raise/or have kids"

This is all creating massive gender conflict and unnatural competition - this is designed for the judicial system and its privately owned prisons and treatment centers to reap financial gain and the privately owned federal reserve to keep pushing for inflation to usher in a cashless/dependent neo communist centralized government - with the current billionaires and bankers behind the curtain to remain king - and on top of our society indefinitely.

[DarkHumorRUs]

I ponder of something great
My lungs will fill and then deflate
They fill with fire
Exhale desire
I know it's dire
My time today

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence

Sometimes quiet is violent
I find it hard to hide it
My pride is no longer inside
It's on my sleeve
My skin will scream
Reminding me of
Who I killed inside my dream
I hate this car that I'm driving
There's no hiding for me
I'm forced to deal with what I feel
There is no distraction to mask what is real
I could pull the steering wheel

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence

I ponder of something terrifying
'Cause this time there's no sound to hide behind
I find over the course of our human existence
One thing consists of consistence
And it's that we're all battling fear
Oh dear, I don't know if we know why we're here
Oh my,
Too deep
Please stop thinking
I liked it better when my car had sound

There are things we can do
But from the things that work there are only two
And from the two that we choose to do
Peace will win
And fear will lose
There's faith and there's sleep
We need to pick one please because
Faith is to be awake
And to be awake is for us to think
And for us to think is to be alive
And I will try with every rhyme
To come across like I am dying
To let you know you need to try to think

I have these thoughts
So often I ought
To replace that slot
With what I once bought
'Cause somebody stole
My car radio
And now I just sit in silence

--twenty one pilots

[Sandrino]

I've always been happy being alone. I used to be like you, i was happy sitting in my room, and playing video games, talking to my buddies on xbox live or on PC. But now that i've gone through so many bad experiences with women, the thought of being alone kills me. The thought of doing what i did nowadays is pathetic to me. I MUST be out and about now. This is what i think. "Man, im gonna go home tonight all by myself while so much is going on, and all of my past girlfriends are getting laid at this moment. But poor ol me goes home? Nah, im going out tonight." I wish i was happy with myself. If i felt loved by someone it would be different. But i've never felt loved by anyone but my family. Only used and abused.

[Phoenix98]

Lol no, that's not really it at all, I've just always felt like I was meant to have a family, it feels kind of empty at the thought of not having one, plus I'm the only guy in my family who can carry on the family name for another generation so if I don't have a son my family name kind of dies with me /:

I mean don't get me wrong I've enjoyed my years of being by myself also, giving me time to think, reflect, and pursue many hobbies, skills and enjoyments so in that aspect you are 100% correct but being alone also just goes against who I am as a person and my nature.

Also if I remember right you've never dated or had an actual relationship correct? I suppose you can't really miss what you've never really had and I don't mean that in a rude or bad way, just that while you understand loneliness, it's different when you've actually been with someone in a relationship it's a different kind of loneliness I suppose would be the right way to put it.

[teawrecks]

I like how everyone assumes I mean romantic when I talk about being alone. I just mean alone in the general sense.

[Phoenix98]

Well I was talking about that to both way's and I did enjoy it for a time, but it's just not who I am in either sense.

And well the way you have it in your take kind of insinuates the more romantic side of it, instead of just the general sense.

[teawrecks]

I specifically mention not doing things with friends multiple times lol. how is that insinuating anything romantic?

[Phoenix98]

Just the nature of the whole thing most people when they mention something about this it's from a romantic standpoint at least on here it is. That and people don't really pay attention to this longer mytakes they kind of speed read through em sometimes.

PS: it was a good mytake regardless though.

[RachelBrigs]

Making a family is long term... you can be comfortable with being alone in the moment at 22 and still desire to have a family one day.

[Phoenix98]

@RachelBrigs I'm quiet aware of that, but I was saying what I was saying to prove a point to the asker, but like many others I misread her question.

[Anonymous]

People justify their situation regardless. What I can say being single has a higher probability because of 50 percent divorce rate plus the percentage of miserable relationships.
However, I can tell you, when I was once in love and in a mutually productive relationship it almost feels like you have superhuman abilities as you fight for something Niger than the sum of the parts. I accomplished more those years that I ever thought I was capable of doing. We both just admired and supported each other, no down time

[Anonymous]

I like having some alone time to catch up on things and re-charge. But for me, it comes down to the idea of choice. I have family and friends so I'm okay there. But about dating, it would be one thing if I was just choosing not to date, just choosing to be single until I felt like it. It's another for singledom to be FORCED on me, to thwart me at every turn no matter what I read, learn, or try to do. It toys with me like a cat toys with a mouse it's ultimately going to eat, but not first letting it feel like it has a chance to get away. It's like a gravitational pull I can't rip myself free of. This is why I resent it.

I just want to know that the singledom is going to end. That I am going to be able to end it.

Oh well. Either way, I like that you included a Tame Impala gif "Solitude is Bliss". Good song, good band.

[Anonymous]

people who dont like being alone are people who have had their individuality taken from them violently - people who have undergone emotional abuse.

no one can live their life alone for a long period of time. if a human is alone or feels alone for a long period of time he or she will become mentally ill.

it is unnatural to feel alone in the long term.

it is natural to feel alone in the short term.

the only way to heal real aloneness is not with more aloneness it is with companionship from people.

human companionship is just as important as water, food and air

[teawrecks]

I'm not saying it's healthy to FEEL alone. I'm saying it's healthy to BE alone occasionally. Instead of constantly keeping busy.

[Opinion Owner]

oh ok i get you

[AlexaAle]

I'm ok with being alone. It's far worse being lonely when you are with someone.
Many people have disapppointed me and I just don't expect anything from anyone anymore. It's good being alone because you can learn more about yourself and also you learn how to be an independent person.

[ThisDudeHere]

This take is for people who already have someone but don't want to end up alone. I'm afraid of being alone because I have been alone for almost a decade now. You don't know what loneliness is until you've been in mine or any other true loner's shoes.

[teawrecks]

I've been alone, in the sense of single, my entire life. Try again.

[ThisDudeHere]

No need for me to try, I already did it once. Not gonna do it again.

[teawrecks]

Alright, sit there in your failure to try and tell me I don't know what lonliness is lmao

[ThisDudeHere]

How many friends do you have and how much time do you spend with them?

[teawrecks]

I have two friends max, and the only time I spend with them is whenever we happen to work together.

[ThisDudeHere]

Congrats, I barely have one and we last spoke in December and before that in June. And we're not even really close. So there.

[teawrecks]

"So there" lmao you're a child, bye.

[ThisDudeHere]

And you didn't prove me wrong. Bye.

[aggresor]

I know all there is about being alone.
And being alone is all fine and dandy, but at the end of the day,

1. you can't have sex on your own, and
2. you can't go to nice restaurants and eat on your own without feeling and being seen as an absolute epic sad failure loser.

so, sex, and nice food.
probably the two greatest things about life that you can't enjoy if you are alone.

apart from that, I am all for being alone!! Wooohooo!!

[queenmariereigns]

I'm happy with myself and I consider myself a neo-loner
I even get treated like I'm contagious If I prefer to spend certain holidays alone
But if I meet a gut who is right for me I would not pass up the opportunity.

However, I would rather be alone than be in a relationship just to say I'm taken

[Anonymous]

Im not unhappy with myself now but yet I like company. When I was unhappy with myself, I wanted to be alone far more than now. But sometimes I just crave a hug, a nice gesture... I have friends enough but I miss the loving part. Falling asleep together with someone just feels very comfy and safe.

[Prof_Don]

Too many people of our generation are in a state of constant distraction, always "keeping busy".

I feel most of them do this subconsciously. Being alone in their thoughts and their own state of reflect scares them!

[teawrecks]

Yes, exactly.

[FatherJack]

That's me to a T !! I'm now a single dad & work FT & run small ventures too , I crave alone time like a rock smoker craves crack. I have to admit that I'm not overly keen on people in general , was a bit of a party animal in my 20's , become more introverted & less social as I get older , probably because I feel burnt out a lot of the time , so need to recharge.

[Anonymous]

I understand That feeling of being alone. Also my therapist has recommended me to have at least 10 minutes With myself and let my emotions, thoughs and feelings flow.

I think That we are uncounsciosly scared to Know ourselves, and we prefer to be ranked and described by others so we have the need to be With People.

If we practice to be With ourselves, we could be more stronger in front of others.

[Anonymous]

Even around others I'm always alone... this is the path I feel I personally took from a spiritual sense. Doesn't mean I haven't had sex... I have. Doesn't mean I wouldn't still pursue a monogamous relationship... maybe one day I will. However, I'm always alone in my thoughts. Sometimes feeling locked inside my own dimension. It comes out. My inner thoughts that is. Startles people. I even give that part a particular name.

I think this is a good take.

[supernerd99]

alone is a relative term. you can have a wife and a kid and have moments of loneliness or be in a crowd or a party and still have moments of loneliness. if you have rolonged loneliness you have to realise you are diong something wrong. what most people dont realise though is that in the two most important moments of our life, our birth and our death, we are always alone. we come in this world alone and we leave it alone.

[Tomsta]

You're forgetting that human beings are by nature social creatures, alone time is great yes, but trust me there is only so much alone you can have before you start getting a bit of self induced cabin fever

[teawrecks]

Right. That's why I said to only do it occasionally to give yourself a break. I'm not saying seclude yourself forever lol

[Tomsta]

Unfortunately my loneliness is kinda forced upon me as i live out in the stick with my parents and don't have the money to be driving everywhere

[Anonymous]

This is true. I believe it's more so applicable if you don't have a solid friend base. What I have is a career that keeps me busy, but I don't have much of a life outside of going to work and coming home. That's when you start to think about how your life is going, etc. which can be depressing. I've never been in a relationship before so it's a double whammy, haha.

[Anonymous]

Every person who make this type of article has HAD someone in the past, some kind of memory and benefits from hindsight. They have no clue what its like to be alone their entire life and the crippling despair that is the future of more of the same.

[Belliebella]

This^

[teawrecks]

I mean you have had friends and family in the past. That's all I've ever had. So if you're referencing romantic relationships then, sorry, you failed to prove a point.