1. Your fear comes from a place of lack and scarcity.
Everyone has read those annoying blog posts whining about “where the good men have gone.” Everyone has seen those disgruntled YouTube comments about women who aren’t longer loyal or trustworthy. “They’re all hoes these days.” You do realize how desperate you sound right? Everyone in the dating world inherently knows there are beautiful, smart women out there who would love to be with a man like you. But since you can’t find her, it’s easier to just blame women in general. You’re reinforcing that feeling of scarcity - the pathology of being afraid when you DO find a good woman, it’s your only shot. When you DO find a woman who seems interested in you, you’re paralyzed by fear of messing it up. Don’t get me wrong - these thoughts are normal. But they aren’t real - fear is being terrified of a false image or situation that hasn’t even happened.
This is actually the best time to be a single man in American history. All these women, with education and higher salaries. These women can vote, drive nice cars like you and are way less likely to only want you for money. It’s the first world and you have your pick of classy and sophisticated women. A man with something to offer never has to worry about replacing his woman with another one because he knows the stats. Many women want ONE man, not 5 buttheads to “tak” to. Women sometimes out number the available men in their cities (especially black women). YOU HAVE YOUR PICK. Do the math for your city and look up the stats for your college campus. There are women out there. You just haven’t gotten one yet.
2. You can barely stand being by yourself, so who would willingly choose to be with you?
Yikes but true. You have to learn how to truly enjoy your own company in order to want someone else to join you. And I mean quality time. Think about it - if there were 2 friends you only hung out with when you were drunk, would you consider that friendship or an associate? That’s not quality time. So many of us hide our depression from being lonely by drinking acohol, weed, excessive video games, food. We use any vice we can to escape the fact that we are desperately alone. But guess what? Alone does not mean lonely. You can enjoy your time alone without feeling that crushing lonely feeling that hollows out your soul. It’s possible.
3. Other people can smell your insecurity from a mile away...and it stinks
Women aren’t dumb. Quality women are checking you out for any outstanding issues from date one. We know when a man isn’t “all there” or if he’s too desperate. The average man these days equates typical chivalry to looking desperate or “thirsty.” Not true at all. An empowered man should understand this principle: high energy and low investment. Make the time with the girl of your affection worth it, but don’t invest so much early on that you lose yourself. Make sure she is equally invested in the success of the relationship. And you can do all this without being a douche.
Example: A player uses some time to get women, but it doesn’t dominate his thoughts. He isn’t triple texting women who seem half interested for a date.
But when a woman is with him, it’s amazing and captivating. Great conversation and amazing personality. He treats himself like a commodity because he IS. You don’t have to play games to get women on your dick. That’s desperation talking. Acknowledge the fact that women want men with goals, ambition and hobbies. Those hobbies will keep you busy and your friends will keep you having a good time. Such a good time that what a woman does (texting back, returning calls, etc) doesn’t even matter. And if she isn’t acting right, cut her off and replace her. The key is not caring. And having a full life makes it 100% easier to not give a flying fuck.
4. You can’t admit how afraid you are
I keep mentioning dickheads online because their voices are the loudest. There’s someone in every man’s life who gets insane amounts of women. He may not even be that good looking - but he knows how to talk. And instead of observing your friend (watch how he moves and acts) you berate women online. You call them whores and slurs and golddiggers. It’s easy to make women that you can’t get public enemy #1. If you want to be better and EVOLVE, you have to admit where you come up short. Self-awareness is key gentlemen. I’ve found that the men who act like they hate women really don’t. They’re just lonely and tired of putting themselves out there - and that’s valid. But a man knows when to turn in the towel and focus on himself, not beat himself up for his failures. Admit you need help, maybe therapy. Admit that you’re not satisfied with how life is going. Admit your dumbass friends are only making it harder for you. Admit that you just want sex or to feel alive. Your feelings are valid. But you gotta put that macho shit aside and sit with your feelings for a bit. Look your fears and worries dead in the face.
5. You don’t know how to achieve true companionship
It’s not your fault. Society tells men to have sex with as many women as possible. It’s not cool to be emotionally connected to your friends. So many men have to be super drunk to open up to their best friends about their problems. So many men have some really shitty lives that they can’t complain about because their friends wouldn’t understand. And that sucks. Because that’s not true companionship.
It’s not all your fault. You have a good group of male friends and then that starts to change. Women get involved and before you know it, the guys start pairing off and eventually get married. Everyone is busy with wife and jobs and kids and life. Not enough time to goof around anymore. So you’re just waiting for your turn to find a wife because that’s what everyone does. You lost a part of your friendship to adulthood to be honest.
Social media doesn’t help. People are so caught up on their phones, WOMEN get caught up in a virtual world, they can’t see when you like them. It’s harder to connect with someone when they’re enjoying the company of people who aren’t even there much more. It sucks.
You can take my general advice or you can disregard it. But this is specifically for men because a LOT of you are on GAG and you seem kinda lonely. Some of you are in it because it’s fun but some really want more friends. You want a girlfriend, you want a better life and you feel stuck. So you take that dissatisfaction out on people here. I get it. But the only way for men on GAG and in the real world to get what they want, is to let go.
Everyone feels lonely at some point, some more than others. Use this as an opportunity to reflect and see if any of those points above apply to you.
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