Reckless Idealism is Wrecking Potential Relationships

[MadameGrimaldi]

Male or female, most people are in love with the idea of being in love.

Whether it came from movies, or the storybooks their parents read to them, the idea is in their mind. Dreaming of a customized ideal relationship, or love affair that a person creates in their daydreams and then allocates that daydream into a person of their fascination at the time is the reason most of the bitter cynics of love/relationships are pessimistic.

"Relationships like these have a higher risk of failure because ultimately one person becomes tainted while the other person becomes spoiled; which then leads to some sort of a break-up, or ongoing arguments"

Reckless idealism is the concept of a person creating an ideal personage, and then focusing this ideal fantasy personage on a specific individual. This reckless idealism takes away the specific individual’s real personality and makes them a shell for the person’s ideal personage of a significant other. In the development of this reverie for a person’s ideal significant other, they begin to cultivate a perfect person. A perfect significant other that doesn’t exist; although, the person thinks they do and ultimately puts themselves into a stage of deprived judgment.

Now that a person has created their personal Adonis, or Venus they have devalued themselves by becoming a devotee instead of an equal. The results of becoming one’s devotee is, now a person has given someone the right to superiority. If one is superior then the other is inferior. In no healthy relationship should one person be the “inferior” one and the other, the “superior” one; however, the person considered inferior created that by idealizing someone. Basically, they gave the person permission to treat them as if they are second-class by putting them on a pedestal.

Relationships like these have a higher risk of failure because ultimately one person becomes tainted while the other person becomes spoiled; which then leads to some sort of a break-up, or ongoing arguments.

Earning someone’s respect is a more logical strategy to a successful relationship, or dating life. Approaching the person you are interested in with no preconceived notion, or imaginary fantasy personage has a better outcome than approaching someone with one. Walking into a new relationship mutually will give both persons more leverage---no one has the upper hand---and it is genuinely equal.

"Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. ~Albert Camus"

Equality! The moment a person realizes they are just as good as anyone else they will realize that there is nothing to fear. Fear (of rejection, success, failure, etc) and failure/bad experiences are the predominant causes of cynicism in the dating/relationship world. Dating/relationship cynicism---in abundance---is only going to cause more failure and bad experience because one is not going to die anytime soon, there is so much life ahead of a person and that should be enough to stay positive about future liaisons.

Change is key to new reactions from people. If a person wants positive reactions they need to act positive. If one wants negative reactions, then they shall act negatively. For example, if a person studies for a test (a positive action), they will get a good grade; if they do not study for their test (a negative action), most likely they will not get a good grade.

The road to disappointment is paved with heartache and cynicism because those people (who walked the road of disappointment) gave too much to a relationship too soon. Either because they thought someone was beautiful/handsome, or highly accomplished and their own self-value went down and in order to make up for that they tried harder, but to the point where both people in the relationship were unhappy.

>Like the Tortoise from, “The Tortoise and the Hair”, slow and steady wins the race. Make someone have respect for you by having respect for yourself. None of this dropping to your knees: stand strong, be proud of who you are, and be focused on obtaining what you want out of life. Most importantly, go for it!

[toulouse]

@Dreaming of a customized ideal relationship, or love affair that a person creates in their daydreams and then allocates that daydream into a person of their fascination at the time is the reason most of the bitter cynics of love/relationships are pessimistic.___i didn't dream of relationships growing y. I don't dream of them now. I don't even particularly want to be in a relationship. people act retarded when they are in love, and obnoxious when they are together. and moronic when they break up,.

[carlo]

I agree with the perils of loving your image of the person rather than the person itself. You should write also an article (i'm too lazy;)) on how reckless rationalism, on the other opposite, destroys emotions and, somehow, the very meaning of being human. As Pascal said 'the heart has its reason which reason knows nothing of"

[disgaeafan101]

I want lots of give and take in a relationship, as long as I have my way.

^

This is the problem with most 'give and take stuff.' It is really freaking hard to find two compatible people who give and take without one looking like they are getting more out of it than the other.



If one does get more than the other and they don't mind, they may in some cases be classified under your pedestal trap and under your own paradigm have an illusion of a perfect relationship.

Weird huh?

[sixstring]

"In no healthy relationship should one person be the “inferior” one and the other, the “superior” one."

Uhm... Almost every relationship has a "superior" and an "inferior." Almost never is there true equality.

[Mesonfielde]

This article speaks truth.

I've seen that road, and I hope I won't fall onto it again. I got rejected when that happened, and with good reason. The relationship I'm part of now is however not predefined by idealism, therefore it is real.

[dx021]

all the happy relationships I know of are when a woman gets commitment from a player. he still sleeps around, but she tolerates it

all this equality bullsh*t is silly

[MissRealistic]

@dx021 - I tend to disagree. If those are the only relationships you know then you have only ben around one type of environment.

[MadameGrimaldi]

@Carlo - Thank you. That is something to think about. Perhaps I will write that article. I will do a bit of research on it. :)