Women are saying they're tired of how men treat them on Tinder, Instagram, and other forms of social media. They're tired of us not treating them like respectable women. They’re tired of men not calling back after we have a one-night. And they're asking where all the decent men have disappeared too. Women, the answer is going to be hard but also real and 100% genuine.
To answer this question, first lets look at what social media is used for.
Social media, for women particularly, has become one of the largest platforms for competition on the planet. It’s become this giant online ring for who can present the best façade.
Social media is a breeding ground for humanity’s most narcissistic tendencies (men and women). The vast majority of it involves people showing off the most flattering selfies out of the hundreds they took. Masses upon masses of people utilize it as a means of projecting an idealized version of themselves out into the world – an avatar of the person that they wish they were, rather than who they are in reality. While this was not its original purpose and today there are still those who use it for benign interactions that occur with no sort of agenda, social media, as a whole, has become a tool used to create an entirely new persona, void of reality. The formula is quite simple. If you post enough artsy, risqué pictures of yourself that rack up plenty of likes, then real-life accomplishments will not matter because the popularity of your social media accounts will determine your status on the social hierarchy.
Now having gotten that out of the way, Tinder, specifically is a hook up app. Being a hook up app, it is rooted on the premise of hooking up with strangers.
Women of today want to be like men. They want to meet someone, have fun with them, sleep with them, and not experience any consequences from it; and after that, they still want to be looked at as a strong, respectable woman. Women today will sleep with a man in the same day she met him. On Tinder and off Tinder, women want to promote a façade, they want to walk around in very tight, revealing outfits, they want to wear large amounts of make-up. Fake eyelashes, fake hair, surgery, breast implants, butt injections, etc. And it’s not just to impress men, it’s also, again, because women are in competition with one another. And I feel like women are incredibly insecure and broken today, and that brokenness is manifesting in all this attention seeking and competing.
If women would not act like this and would not seek so much validation in so risqué of ways and would not flirt or lay down so readily in our sheets, but instead required and demanded respect not by words but by their actions, this kind of thing wouldn’t even be an issue. So instead of blaming men, consider that men are only going along with what you allow, because it’s the image you yourself present that is responsible in great part for the response from your audience.
In the past, women who had sex readily with many partners were seen as whores and ostracized from communities. Today, however, it’s becoming more rare to not find a woman like that. I know you want to impress him, I know you want him to like you; but if you sleep with him after two drinks, HE’S ACTUALLY NOT GOING TO LIKE YOU. He’s only going to want you for that moment. After he get’s off, he’s going to forget about you. And I’m sorry, but 9/10 times, this is true. He may remember you in the future, but that's only when he gets horny again and there isn't another woman nearby; but you’ll never be anything more than that to him. And I’m a guy, and I’m just being 100% honest.
The reason why it seems he doesn't care is because he doesn't respect you. He’s definitely not going to look at you as someone he can ever lean on and trust because, hell, if you slept with him after a few witty lines and a few beers, how many other guys have you done the same for? I wouldn’t want to trust a woman who got in my sheets after two Heinekens.
As far as where have all the good men gone. Honestly, they haven’t really gone anywhere; but the reality is simply they’re avoiding you. They’re less likely to commit to women today because of the image you purposefully project. While for women that image may be “I’m fun,” “I’m independent” “I can do what men can do” …. For men it says, “I’m deceitful,” “I’m untrustworthy” “I’m insecure and really broken”
Honestly women, you wouldn’t have to worry so much about your man being unfaithful or sleeping with another woman, IF SO MANY WOMEN WEREN’T SO EAGER TO SLEEP WITH HIM. Marriages would last longer. There’d be less divorce. More children would grow up with both parents. Apps like Tinder don’t cause this, but they exacerbate it. Of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with publishing self-portraits. Your appearance is very significant part of the life you’re documenting. Taken tastefully and periodically, these photos can add personality and context to your never-ending, real life story. But all social media platforms always have lots of women competing against each other for followers, likes, retweets, favorites, and whichever other show of approval exists.
It’s a no-brainer that such extreme focus on self has a tendency to spill over into self-obsession, but this goes even further than, with every action as a hashtagging opportunity. Every life events, however irrelevant to your social media audience, become a source of self-promoting content. And when you're not posting selfie after selfie on Instagram because you're obsessed with how you look, you're probably deleting that ill-advised pic that people just didn't love. It never ends, this constant promotion of self.
Many women don’t even use Tinder primarily for the prospect of a relationship; they use it to feed their egos, to get affirmation and validation of how they rank in beauty. your mirror and you’re constantly looking for affirmation.
Because it's unattractive to showcase all aspects of your personality on social media, many sanitize the messiness of the human experience. But when you deny your own messiness, you can’t really connect with other people and their own messiness. We are infinitely more complex than a selfie or 140 characters. If we believe that’s who we are, it becomes impossible to tolerate the complexity of ourselves and other people. It’s a huge struggle to be authentic, and social media isn’t helping. Social media seems to be all about the external. People are using external validation on social media, but maybe at the expense of anything internal. And because few if any men are going to respect anyone who bases their value on how great of a façade they can present, meeting someone on an app where your whole person is encapsulated in 2 or 3 selfies already reduces your chance of being taken seriously with respect by the opposite sex, no outdoor swimsuit selfie required.
So that's my take, but what do you think?
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