A Man’s Guide to a Long Distance Relationship

A greater amount of business, friendly, and family relationships are developing globally every single day. Technology is certainly playing a hand in maintaining the social side of life.

What about personal relationships? What about you and your boyfriend? It’s quite frustrating when two people are in a relationship and cannot see each other physically. This is the case whether the couple is living in separate cities, states, or even countries.

How does long distance relationships work?
How does long distance relationships work?

There’s also that dreaded line: “Long distance relationships never work”. In reality, why would they work? How can two people promise to be faithful and stay together when they are completely out of sight? “Out of sight, out of mind”, is this necessarily fact?

Let us first look at all the avenues as to why long distance relationships do not work out.

1. Paranoia

Men and women alike, tend to develop paranoia. Whether we are confident or insecure, if we guys truly care about a woman - there will be occasions of suspicion. Many guys are paranoid about “being the fool” and having the woman that they love - cheat on them.

Many women believe that if a man is paranoid about her whereabouts, it’s because he’s actually the one that’s cheating. In many cases, however, it could simply mean that the guy truly cares and is worried that he may lose you. We are not excusing this paranoid behavior of guys, however, in order to get past his paranoia, the deep underlying trust issue must be dealt with.

Out of sight, out of mind?

It is very important that you do reassure him that you would never do anything to compromise the relationship - he must do the same for you. This way you two can come to a mutual understanding, therefore instilling a great deal of trust - critical to the success of the relationship.

2. Space and Time

It’s a fact that we men need our space. Even in a long distance relationship, there are going to be times where a man simply wants to fade into his own recluse. This does not give us men permission to ignore you, the woman, nor does it mean that we’re getting tired of you.

The need for more personal space and time is dependent on how the man manages his. We as men, put all of our all responsibilities and commitments into “mental boxes”. We have a designated box for our family, friends, personal recreation, long distance relationship, etc. Subconsciously, most men do not believe that these boxes should “merge” together - it’s rare that they do. If a man feels that he’s neglecting another box due to the long-distance relationship, he may need to take some attention from the long distance relationship, so that he can apply it to other aspects of his life - thus balancing his life again.

There is a difference between space and neglect. If you feel that you are being neglected, then you will want to bring that to his attention. Good guys do exist and we will be eager to listen so that we can make you happy in the long-run.

3. Lack of Intimacy

The lack of intimacy is usually the leading cause to why a man will want to end a long-distance relationship. Men must be in control of everything. Therefore, when our woman is miles away and the only way we can meet them is through a computer screen - things may go bad.

It is important to remind us men that long distance emotional closeness and intimacy is something that takes practice like everything else. Men must challenge their self-limiting beliefs that state “long distance relationships don’t work”, or that “We cannot have a great relationship unless there’s physical contact.”

In conclusion, in order to overcome paranoia, feelings of neglect, and/or lack of intimacy - it is important that you and your partner communicate about every aspect of your relationship. Failure to do so can potentially mean the end. Taking full advantage of technology such as Skype, WhatsApp, Facebook, and other mediums of online communication can make your relationship stronger than ever.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I've been in a LDR for a few months now and sometimes it can be too much to handle. Tips? Have an agreement on how often you will communicate. For example my bf and I talk over the phone at least once a day. We work different schedules so by the time I'm going to work he is getting out of his.
    Believe me the mental boxes were a huge deal for us. I would feel like he would completely forget about me for days. But we finally talked about it and now problem solved.
    The thing about LDR is that they can't be permanent. At some point you will have to be together, so talk about it.
    Make a priority to see your partner every time you get a chance.

    The advantage of LDR is that stupid silly arguments aren't even worth it. You learn to appreciate your partners company, since you know what is like to be apart.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I've been in too many of these. The verdict is unless you have the funds to travel and visit the person often, do NOT waste your time wig long distance. It is a very painful experience. Not being able to see, touch, or help your significant other directly is awful... please take my advice

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I am in a long distant relationship since September.
    I am British Pakistani and he is native Pakistani.
    I never had a face to face conversation with him, even though I saw him in person.
    He is my neighbour and my aunty's brother-in-law, as in her husband's brother and aunty as in mom's sister.
    I will visit Pakistan after 3 years.
    I will not lose virginity before marriage.
    I will not live with him before marriage.
    Even though I am a Muslim, my parents know and his parents know too.
    The relationship is not official, it is a secret for the rest of the family.
    It will become official once the wedding date is set.
    He is 24 years old and has no job, he lives with his parents and doesn't even have his own room.
    In my family, relationships become official once the wedding date is set. Before that stage, only the parents of the boy and girl know.
    No one loses virginity before marriage in my family.
    Long distant relationships are successful with Muslims, religious and conservative people, who don't believe in losing virginity before marriage or living together before marriage, in short words, those whose relationships are not based on lust.
    True love= when a guy is happy to wait until marriage even if it means waiting for years. This is daunting in the west for white people but it is no big deal for Asians, Muslims, religious and conservative people.
    My uncle waited for my aunty for 10 years for her to say yes.

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  • I think LDRs can work. I am currently in one and have been in one for a year now. This is correct in that one should take advantage of technology and that communication is key. If it wasn't for texting and facebook. Saying what is really on one's mind is crucial- not doing so leads to bad things later. The only thing I think this article left out is whether you both want and have the drive to make it work.

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  • Nice Take!

    I've been in a long distance relationship, he lived in the US and he didn't make any effort to meet me. Plus, there were some things about him that didn't sound right. So, it didn't work out.
    I don't want to be in another LDR. It's too hard and frustrating.

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  • I will second @kashin10 regarding having the means to travel and visit frequently. This is critical. My only successful LDR had a finite end date when I was moving to her state. This was a date we both looked forward to and made the distance more manageable.
    If there is no end date where the couple is planning to be together within proximity then I wouldn't even attempt a relationship.

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  • Personally, I think long distance relationships can't be successful long-term. I don't think even serious commitment, rules, and long-standing history makes a difference in the end. Unless the couple will be in the same physical space in a relatively short time frame, and this is just occurring for a few months to less than a year, I don't see it working. It's better to be friends in the meanwhile, and re-evaluate the relationship when you're in closer physical proximity again.

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  • I'm in a long distance relationship for a year and the only thing I can say is, have communication. Be honest. Because you can't meet physically, complete transparency in texting and calling is very important.

    My close friend is also in a long distance relationship for 3 years, I never asked them what's their secret but they both definitely love one another a hell crazy lot. I don't see that much true love in other couples these days.

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    • Yess LDR are very difficult and there has to be total trust and honesty.. There has to open communication at all times
      You should see ur S. O. often as you can. Our ultimate goal was to get a place and move in together after we graduated from H. S... unfortunately it didn't work out for a couple reasons..
      I really don't think I'd ever try it again... Too much drama and too much work in my opinion...

  • Just got out of one. Not due to LD...
    We made it work like having 2 homes, like you said, able to travel to see ea. other frequently. All that worked well...
    The emotional abuse/cheating ended horribly...

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  • 1. You're stupid so send me pics of your tits.
    2. You're stupid so send me pics of your pussy.
    3. You're stupid and I will never meet you in real life, but you're too fucking stupid to figure that out.
    That's pretty much how it works.
    I love stupid women.

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  • Yeah, if you got the money, there shouldn't be any frustration, the problem is when that money isn't there, and when for some reason you can't save what you need to see your SO. If we ad the fact that your SO don't have the resources neither... That's fucked up already.

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  • Wanna know my advice?

    Don't do it. I was in a LDR for 3 years and I couldn't take it anymore. It was killing me inside slowly, I am Romanian and she was from Pakistan, but this doesn't matter. What matters if that if you choose to do it you will suffer a lot and cry a lot.

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  • Wow I needed this I’ll read it constantly now. Valuable insight.

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  • I do believe the worst part to deal with is intimacy, specially if you were used to live or see a lot your partner and have a lot of physical contact. I'm in an LDR and that's the only hard part, point 1 or 2 have never been an issue at all, as there's a lot of trust (I don't doubt about him beign faithful a bit) and both have similar space needs (we don't follow that silly cliche of guy needs space and girl is needy and doesn't understand). But there's really nothing to do with the lack of intimacy but try to breath, mind cold and pornhub sometimes.

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  • Not a bad read 'at all'. Although long-distance relationships are hard to maintain, when they are they're stronger than a normal relationship when those two lovers finally meet. They know the true values of being able to be together.

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  • Had two LDRs, pretty much decided they only work if you're self-employed/can travel a lot or if you're planning to move to their place eventually. Sucks, but I think it's true.

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  • I had been in a long distance relationship for 2 years with my girlfriend and now we have moved in together and are still happy asf... she's my one and only <3

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  • So I gave him his space and now he won't text me back what does that mean?

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  • Very good take!
    But remember the most important aspect, set a date and time for first meeting! And try to stay permanently after that.

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  • What a load of crap 2 many con people around world that are happy to give you false hope in order to con you avoid at all cost

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  • Longest relationship I've had was two years, but once that ended it's hard to find another I've single for 3 years now

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  • I only have one rule for LDR's... DON'T get in one!

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  • A Long distance relationship reminds me of the movie 50 first dates.

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  • Might as well have a relationship with Xvideos. Hahaha 😊

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  • Just create a machine to travel to each other every day

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  • AdamThomas' Guide to a Long Distance Relationship:

    Don't do it.

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  • All y'all need to stop calling pen pals relationships.

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  • Tbh I've been in only one LDR and i never would again. It's pretty much useless

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  • I'm in an LDR and this might be helpful to me. Thank you!

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  • Yeah don't buy phones just have Skype and a laptop or ipod touch and download skype.

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  • What is this does this mean long distance don't work?

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    • yes it does. LDR's generally does not work unless you're able to meet IRL within a fairly short time (3-6 months).
      BUT if it works out, it'll be a lot stronger because of the trust and honesty it takes to keep it together

  • Not a bad read.

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  • Not that bad

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  • The never last long... it is unatural to me

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  • alrighty then

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  • LDR = complete waste of time.

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  • Interesting perspective.

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  • interesting take, thanks for sharing!

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  • Good take..

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  • Tip for LDR is to never do one in the first place.

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  • Thanks for sharing this. I am trying to be in LDR.

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  • Ok? Thanks

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  • Long distance never workds out for me.

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  • Been in one it is rubbish

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  • I've been in 10 LDRs since 1995. :(

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  • personal opinion but

    dont do one

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  • i don't like long distance

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  • I am in a ldr right now (1 year already) and I think I'm getting to that point where I can't take it anymore. I find other guys interesting which didn't happen like a few months ago. But I just need attention from them

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  • Simple guide to LDR... don’t do it.

    She will ALWAYS find male attention elsewhere because straight women need male attention to feel good about themselves. So if you are not there to stroke her ego, she will find a guy or guys who do and women reward male attention from guys they like with sex (which she will later cry and claim was ‘a mistake’)

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  • I’m in a long distance relationship for about 9 months and I’m afraid he’ll lose interest in me and find someone else. Also he is a grade higher than me. So he graduates this year and graduate next year

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