How to deal with being the back burner guy

[anonymous0103]

I realize that being under 18, I dont have a ton of credibility, but I have dealt with this on several levels.

So you like a girl, but she doesn't like you back the same way. Welcome to the back burner. This is where girls keep a list of guys who they see as having relationship potential.

Naturally, you like that girl, so you will keep pursuing her. DONT DO THAT. She will see you as clingy, and thats the last thing you want. As soon as she thinks of you as clingy, she crosses you off the list. Now you are no longer on the back burner. You have been taken off entirely.

What you need to actually do, is be really super flirty with her one day, then the few days, lay off. Dont be mean or ignore her, but just seem detatched. This will make her wonder what happened. You used to be so flirty, and now you aren't. She will ask herself why you seem to have lost interest in her, and (hopefully,) make an effort to put herself back on your radar.

At this point, it will become a game of cat and mouse. To win the game, stay on her radar, but try to make her want you by keeping a bit of mystery to yourself.

If you made it this far, Thanks

[Newsworthy]

I think this is bad advice; if you are on the back burner with a girl, that means she has someone else in her front burner. I mean yeah you can wait around for her to realize how great you are and push that other guy aside, or you can just go back out into the world and find another girl who would immediately put you in the front burner. I think you can find a better girl is all I'm saying.

Lots of times, I've put guys in my back pocket to save for later - if this relationship doesn't work out, if this guy ends up not calling me back... but what I find is that when the relationship doesn't work out or the guy doesn't call me back, I don't pursue the back burner guy. He's already diminished in my eyes for allowing himself to be toyed like that. It's mean and shitty I know, but it's definitely what I do. So I think it's better to just move on and find someone better. You deserve someone who cares about you and wants to give you their full attention!

[Anonymous]

And then you graduate high school, the stupid games like this cat and mouse one stop, people stop acting like children because they're no longer in an environment that expects nothing from them, and the advice here changes to "Just don't take that shit" :)

[ladymcbeth]

Yep... If people learned to communicate with each other... there would be less of this.

[kheserthorpe]

If you're on the back burner, you're probably not going to get off.

The most likely thing to get you off is to date someone else.

A wonderful co-incidence is that dating someone else is also the best course of action if you're not going to get off the back burner.

Basically, if someone isn't interested, move on, don't look back. If they actually wanted you, they'll run you down. But don't wait for them to do it.

[Mysterio421]

Your essentially correct. It's the 'friend zone' as we call it. You can flirt or just not at all and when you become successful down the years they come running back asking where you are and of we can hang out. I laugh when I see and deal with this.

[Jersey1]

I wounldnt allow myself to be a back burner guy. And I wouldn't try and play games with her to get her attention. I did have to go after my now wife but that is just because she didn't understand how great I was, lol.

[TheFlavour]

Thats also how you get the name player as well because I have done that little things lots an it works but it can have horrible side effects so put a caution or a warning label on this

[anonymous0103]

yeah, it happened to me once too. you either look like a player, or desperate if it doesn't work

[TheFlavour]

Yeah there always seems to be a balance in place oon everything.

[Hannah591]

This is a good tactic! People under 18 can experience more than someone double your age, so don't doubt yourself.

[KillerTaco]

How... Did you become a Mod with that kind of thinking? This is a form of manipulation and you think that's good advice?

[KleinTeef]

Beats me @KillerTaco... this website is a joke when it comes to Mods :)

[Hannah591]

I don't see anything wrong with what I said, I believe you've taken it a completely different way, I don't see how this is manipulation either. People under 18 can go through many things or experience things that a person older them may not have so I just encouraged the take owner to not diminish his abilities which he did in his take. He should be confident in whatever he writes. I became a mod because the site asked me to be one. If you don't like my comment, report it but it doesn't violate any regulations.

[Hannah591]

If you're on about the good tactic part, it's because men can appear clingy if they're constantly going at it with a girl. Guys have stopped talking to me and I suddenly wonder why they stopped so it does work. I also appreciate not having guys constantly trying to get my attention and getting impatient if I don't reply. I wouldn't say this is manipulative, I know manipulation when I see it. This comment doesn't reflect my abilities at being a mod.

[been_waiting]

I don't know any girls that do this 😒 but if a girl were to, it would be pretty effed up

[Roycaryn]

The solution to this problem is to realize the fuzzy, complex nature of human relationships.

[daydnconfused]

Guys do that toi you know pretty astute view for someone So young bravo

[miserybusiness]

Back burner. First time I've heard of that one. Haha

[Anonymous]

That is true, I approached a girl once and all went well until she started acting like she doesn't care. I played it cool like nothing happened, she now notices me more.

[Byakuyarko]

Ay up mate... Sage advice... cheers