Guys are you tired of being "Friend-zoned"? Solution: Don't settle for it to begin with

[ViciousVic22]

Many young males have experiences the "Friend-zone" where a guy may have romantic feeling for a woman but she doesn't reciprocate the same feelings and whether or not she is oblivious to it she considers him "just a friend" not as a disirable attractive potential partner.

Sometime as a young man you can form meaningful friendships w/ women but usually you find yourself being an emotional tampon, a means to satisfy her emotional needs, among many other things. You discover in various ways that while she is benefiting from having a close friendship with, you have deeper feelings for her, and want to have a full on romantic relationship with her where all YOUR needs are met you including your sexuall ones. In some cases she's with someone else or is sleeping around with other men and she tell you all about it. You care about her BUT you know that she won't feel the same way that you do. How do you handle this situation? More importantly how do you prevent this from happening?

Personally I've had experiences such as these and there's a more easier solution: Don't get stuck in the friend-zone to begin with. It doesn't mean that you shouldn't form friendships with girls at all, or socialize with them in a plutonic manner but it means that you have to set your own boundaries and play by your own rules in a way. These are the rules I live by that prevent me from getting trapped in the friendzone.

1. Be direct. If your interested in a girl it should be made obvious in subtle manner that you are attracted to her and if she bites the bait then she should show the same kinda interest and you have a fighting chance, if she doesn't seem interested then don't waste your time.

2. If she has a boyfriend (or GF) leave.

3. Be the one to initiate things and set things in motion don't be overly cautious.

4. It should be clear about what you want whether or not it's just hooking up or forming a monogamous relationship if she's not down, move on.

5. Unless you deeply value your friendship with a girl you do not have an obligation to be her friend. You can either choose to abandon her or tell her outright if that's what it takes.

6. Don't waste you time pining over a girl you can't have. It's usually not worth it when there's a girl out there that's just as attractive and would probably be more into you.

Generally I do have acquaintances that are women but I don't particularly form that many of my own close friendships with them. They are usually co-workers, girlfriends of friends and their friends, and other college students. I personally feel that my friendships with my male friends are simpler and easier to deal with and I rather have a girlfriend or just hook up with girls. No games, no BS, no friend-zone.

[objob94]

You do realise that that the friendzone is basically when a girl doesn't find you attractive, it has nothing to do with being a nice guy. You just have to show yourself in a light which makes you attractive.

I'm pretty sure this girl who recently said to me she liked me didn't like me before last September, why? Because over the summer I lost about a stone of fat and gained some muscle. She probably finds me more attractive and she also knows I have other things going for me - very likeable, has a strong career sorted, etc.

Basically, you need to make yourself something which she would be jealous to see you with someone else. Make her want you. If you become the hottest property around, they'll be more demand for you. And by this, I don't mean looks, I mean your all-round package.

Also, never isolate yourself around just one girl, spread your wings, even if it means being friends with girl you'll never consider but have them as a friend, it'll get her wondering.

[ManuelMarquez]

@objob94 responding to what you said towards the end. if a woman just wants you cause she is jealous she doesn't truly like you. She is just jealous.

[Vice2vursa]

You could be physically fine or average but if the girl find you boring aka mr nice guy, then you weren't attract her

[MichelleJustAsking]

Thank you!!! I wish guys would realize that they friend zone themselves to begin with, by not just being upfront with their intentions.

I'm tired of the "but I don't want to risk losing her as a friend" bullshit. I mean, if you have feelings for her.. and stay "friends"... how is it going to feel when she introduces you to her new bf? Are you just going to follow her around like a sad little puppy hoping she'll eventually change her mind about you?

My current finance put himself in the friend zone for TEN YEARS... simply by not making his intentions known to me. (To be fair, I always liked him and could have initiated things on my end, but girls like to be pursued. I also wasn't sure dating was even an option since he lived out of state, so that was also a factor). Once he made his intentions clear, I was like Heck YA!!! About time!!! Now I get to marry my best friend.

[ManuelMarquez]

@MicheeeJustAsking nah, even if they were direct many of them would still get rejected.

[MichelleJustAsking]

It doesn't matter if you get rejected. The point is not to friendzone yourself and waste time fawning over the wrong person. Rejection is the starting point of you moving on to finding someone who is right for you.

You can't be friends forever with someone you have strong feelings for. You either have to turn it into a relationship or end it and find someone else.

[FatherJack]

You have made a very good point there... yes many guys sentence themselves to the Zone !!

[Maycle]

So instead of making your intentions clear to him as well or simply asking him if dating was an option, you also blindly waited ten years to form that connection... okay i understand women desire to be pursued but perhaps... it goes both ways?
Would you of just ignored the fact you liked him as well just because he didn't blurt out his feelings?
I'm sorry no offence meant but i'm just tired of the guys must always make the move mentality just because you feel you need to be chased, i get the point though.

[MichelleJustAsking]

Maycle, you're exactly right and I'm not trying to sound as though it's a one-sided thing. In my case, it wasn't like I was the one waiting around hoping he would ask, I just never thought he was an option to begin with (due to the fact he was 2000 miles away) and I was always dating other guys. If I thought he was an option to date, I would have made more of an effort for sure... but to a point. I'm still pretty traditional and think it's the man's role to "man up" and initiate. I think that's just how most girls are wired... not saying that it's right or wrong for girls to initiate.

[cth96190]

I agree with your list.
The Friend Zone is a desolate place from which no man returns.
Walk away. Leave her to her fate. When a young male is placed in the friend zone it usually means that he is not the 'exciting' or 'fun' sort of bad boy who makes her wet. Leave her to Mr Harley MacBadBoy, or Iva Necktattoo, or the oily nightclub Romeo. When they break her heart (which they always do) do not be around to be her emotional tampon. Put Sir Saveaho's horse back in the stable and leave it there.
You deserve better than that. Every decent young man deserves better than that.
Move on, but be aware that between the ages of about 15 and 25-30 decent young men are of no interest to about 80 per cent of females, who throw themselves crotch first at the roughly 20 per cent of the male population who are the bad boys.
Remember who said no. Remember who tried to friend zone you. When they are nudging 30, some of them will come sniffing around. I can guarantee it, because that was my experience.
That is about the age at which the nightclub party girls have their epiphany and realise that the sort of bad boy who made them wet when they were 20 is, in fact, a loser and a sociopath who probably has little more to offer than an abusive relationship and welfare housing.
At that time, you can recall all those lonely nights and then have the pleasure of being the one who says that you are not interested.
While it may be a form of Pyrrhic victory, I derived enormous satisfaction and schadenfreude from being the one who said no.

[Sandhans13]

I think the way you describe how women treat the men in their "friend zone".. using them as an emotional tampon. Honestly, I don't think most women would intentionally do that - they honest to goodness think you are their FRIEND, and women talk about their emotions to their friends. That's not a bad thing. If that's not a role you want to play, then stop doing it.

I have no sympathy AT ALL for guys who complain about being in the friend zone. You are 100% right tht THEY PUT THEMSELVES THERE. If you have feelings for a woman and your strategy is to not say anything to her and just hang around for years pretending to be her friend, you're gonna have a bad time, and you can't blame HER for you being in the position you're in with her. If you've told her your feelings and she doesn't feel the same way, but you choose to hang around, don't blame HER for how it makes you feel - you are choosing to be there. If you genuinely want to be friends with her, you'll accept that she doesn't return your romantic feelings and you'll get over it eventually. I once had unreturned feelings for a close male friend of mine and I never threw myself a pity party or got upset when he would tell me about the girl he was dating, etc - I got the eff over it!

[bcicantbh]

EXACTLY. This dude's obviously an asshole.

[ViciousVic22]

So what if I'm somewhat of an asshole lol u don't know me anyway, I play my own rules, I go my own way and do my own thing and I don't need to play games, jump through hoops and put myself through all that bullshit.
Yeah the guy who's friendzoned is half the problem because it takes two to tango both the guy and girl have a part to play. Don't pretend that women don't have agency

[ViciousVic22]

Do ***

[Anonymous]

The problem with this is that there really aren't an unlimited supply of really fantastic women. There are lots of nice but unattractive and/or uninteresting or just unremarkable women, but very very few exceptional women who don't look, talk, act, and think just like all the rest. So when you get friendzoned by the few that actually stand out from the crowd, it really sucks because it's all downhill from there and if you only played your cards right or were in a better position in life when you met these girls, or if you didn't listen to past stories about inadequacies and had just come off as confident instead, maybe it would have gone differently.

There are plenty of fish in the sea but most of them are nothing special so if you meet the few that are different but screw it up by giving them an impression of you that you didn't intend to give, sometimes it just isn't going to get better. This is the trouble. It's easy to just "move on" if all you want to do is find a girl to watch TV and eat junk food and get drunk/stoned with, and just make small talk about bs like work and current events and never have any ideas of your own. There's millions of those.

There's just got to be a way to change the way a girl sees you, because sometimes they are the one but you screw it up.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't think this take is a real solution. A real solution would explain how to reverse a girl's perception of you if you messed up initially.

[Anonymous]

Eh, not to sure about this one. Though, if a male/female friend rejects you and you can't handle it. Maybe it would be best if you'd just move on or like the post suggests, end the friendship.

Honestly, I've actually experienced this as the person who had to do the rejecting.

Someone who I thought of as a friend liked me two-years ago. He told me he would like it if we could start a romantic relationship, after we'd only known each other for about a week. So I told him the truth, I said we didn't really know much about each other an it would feel rushed. Plus I wasn't looking for a relationship. Nothing against him though, I even told him I was flattered an I appreciated him being honest about how he felt.

He told me he understood an I thought every thing was fine. Little did I know. He went to a group of friends and led them to believe I had been cruel and harshly rejected him. Well, let's just say I learned who my real friends were that day. Then after a couple months of receiving drunk late night texts and phone calls. As well as dealing with hostile behavior on his end in public. It almost ended in a restraining order.

So obviously, we aren't friends anymore. Though, let me be clear I am not sharing this to say all people who feel they're in the friend zone act this way. It's to say I feel conflicted on the topic. Some of it I can agree with, but as someone who had it blow up in their face. I don't know if I can full heartedly agree.

My opinion on the matter may be biased, but I'd like to say it'd be best to look at the situation from both sides before judging either individual involved. Whether they're doing the rejecting or being the rejected.

[Octavion]

Sorry but the friend-zone is self imposed. You ask a girl out they say they'd rather be friends so you tell them that you wouldn't be comfortable just being friends with your feelings towards them. Bam no friend zone. You never ask them out? 100% self imposed. But we live in a world where responsibility doesn't exist and we just blame everyone but ourselves for our own problems. I feel no remorse or sympathy for guys who moan and bitch about the friendzone.

Ok angry rant over.

[ViciousVic22]

I agree with the self imposed part (that's the whole point of all this) but most guys don't know how to be direct and striaght forward. Guys have problems with the Friendzone because when it comes to dating women they have all the power and are the gate keepers and young men are pretty clueless these days. U sound like yr trying to score browny points for down playing the Friendzone tho lol.

[Octavion]

Yeah they don't know how to be direct but they blame everyone else for it they don't take responsibility. They blame the girl for putting him there and they call whoever she dates a dbag for accomplishing what they couldn't accomplish.

[gray_sailor]

I agree with you on the self imposed nature of the friendzone. I think your statements about personal responsibility are overly harsh though. One thing that I think you are assuming here is that people are competent. That is a bad assumption to make.

I've had similar discussions with women on this topic and their general view has been that men should stop being so manipulative.

That is equally misguided. The root of the problem is inexperience. Inexperience manifests as incompetence. A guy that is in the friendzone can honestly and truly believe that he is participating in an act of courtship. Of course this is totally wrong. That does not mean it doesn't happen.

We fix this problem by educating the clueless, not by shaming them.

Never assume malice where stupidity sufficiently explains. Yes, people are that dumb.

[continued]

[gray_sailor]

Here's the thing, I speak from a kind of odd personal experience. I'm 48, I've married twice and have three children, one of them older than you. Yet, I would put good money down on the bet that at the age of 21, you have more dating experience than me.

I know first hand, how ignorant someone can be, and how late in life that ignorance can persist.

[muspelhem_5]

Great comments @gray_sailor.

[dragracergirl]

Girls friend zone guys cuz theyre all players. They only want one thing until theyre ready to settle down. Girls get tired of all the games guys play. Toying with girls hearts, then stomping on them and moving on to the next girl. I think friend zoning is awesome. Keeps girls from getting hurt and if theyre not hot enough to have sex with, cuz girls have NEEDS too, then awe thats too bad, lol.

[dartmaul15]

you do know not all guys are players, right?
Allthough a lot of thm are, epsecially at a younger age.
Instead of blindly friendzoning everyone and their dog, learn to spot the player perhaps?
Not all relationships work out, but you CAN find a good guy, and you can date him.

It's just a bit tricky

[ViciousVic22]

It goes in a circle: girl gets fucked over by an asshole, becomes a bitch, the bitch lands a nice guy and gets fucked over by the bitch so then out of spite he fucks and uses other girls and it goes on and on and on

[dragracergirl]

Yep pretty much, cuz young guys 14-18 all they care about is hittin it and moving on so girls are just protecting themselves from getting hurt. Prefect example: my daughter was dating a cute football jock, he's so nice, good personality, alright looking but found out he's moving to Arizona after h. s. so she friendzoned him. She likes him, but she doesn't want to give it up and or get attached for some guy whos just gonna leave her and never see her again

[Figleaf]

No matter who the girl is to you, tell her a woman is like a bus... you miss one, another one will be a long any minute. You might also add that the only difference is you can't ride two buses at one time.

I'm 35. This is the only perspective I have on life.

[Balcazaurus]

I realized something recently: But what if I want to be friends, anyway? You can't just throw away another person's love for you if it isn't the romantic love you hoped for. Female friends are good to have for when you need a break from all the bro-tosterone. And---AND: They have insight you could use for when another girl comes along. You could help her find a guy, too. It's a win-win, people. After all, what are friends for?

[Vice2vursa]

That's the gayest thing I ever heard coming from a dude. Why would I want to be friends with a girl that refused romantic relations with me. It's a waste of time

[jdbaird]

I've been through the friend zone too many times, I learned my lesson. I just won't be friends with a woman, I'll just be up front and ask if she wants to be anything more than a friend, if she says no or gives a vague answer, I'm out. The vague answer is just to keep you hanging around a little longer. Don't worry about "losing the friendship" you'll find new friends, hopefully ones you aren't sexually attracted to.

[bcicantbh]

Yeah! Fuck having friends, right? Those women, only good for sex! Can't have a woman has a friend, ooooh noooooo. Women are sex machines and platonic relationships are useless! /s

[jdbaird]

I have plenty of friends, just no female ones... You see, all I'm saying is: If you're up front about just wanting a platonic relationship, fine, if the guy chooses to stick around that's his problem. But that's never the case. You take some dude who treats you like you're a f*cking queen, and string him along making him think that he has a chance with you, when really you know from the beginning that you only want the attention and a shoulder to cry on when your boyfriend treats you like crap. That's the very definition of the "friend zone" for Christ's sake!

[FatherJack]

In defence of the ladies... guys , lets be honest , we are NOT interested in every female we interact with !! NEVER be an emotional tampon... simply cut her loose & get on with your life , I've always done this & strongly advised other guys to do the same... you have ZERO chance with her !!!

[Kabloosh75]

Took take and I should have stuck to my guns with the last one. Well the friendship fell through anyways, and I think I'm socializing with a much more responsive girl.

I don't mind being friends with girls. Many of my friends are girls, but I want a girl friend so I'm going to continue looking for one until I find a good gal that's worth the effort.

[RationalLioness]

I love it. I would caution though that if a guy doesn't want to initiate, he shouldn't feel compelled to. Some guys don't want to do it or simply CAN'T for whatever reason. I don't think they feel like they have to.

But great Take.

[DarkHumorRUs]

It's only the friend-zone if you ask her out, she says no, and says she wants to remain friends. And even then, she doesn't necessarily USE you like a tool, maybe you're just still friends. Just because you're friends doesn't mean she's using you...

[ViciousVic22]

I'm not implying that all girls have guy friends so they can consciously use them BUT it happens often. We can pretend that women are just always more kind and genuine but that's far from the truth.

[ViciousVic22]

According to the countless experiences guys have it occurs, what better way to get guys to do things for u by friend zoning them and keeping the false hope alive like dangling a carrot for the horse dragging a cart

[Words_and_Wisdom]

There's one thing to consider about accepting yourself into her friend zone. If you're cool enough with it, she may help you get with some of her hot friends. Or hell maybe even be your wing woman.

Never a bad idea to network yourself because usually it'll come as positive.

[KidanisCortes]

I always tell this exact same thing to my guy friends if a girl doesn't like you but you're pinning over her just leave, why be friends with a girl who is only using you. women are not saints they can be just as bad as men sometimes. If you wanna have female friends great! but if you like said female friend and you have no prior friendship with her (EX she's your friend since like age of 5) then leave. great article. Five stars

[mistninja314]

i1127.photobucket.com/.../...f.com-gif-maker_3.gif Couldn't have said it better myself

[Anonymous]

You sound like there is something wrong with her, for not wanting to fuck every guy that shows interest. Sometimes she does know he is interested, but she just is not interested back. It's not mean for a girl or a guy, to put someone in the "friend zone" it's not their fault they don't want to start a relationship with said person.

[notverycreativeguy]

The take owner just gave his 2 cents what to do in a friend zone situation and he's kinda right, if he knows she has no interest then abandon her instead of wasting time.

[muspelhem_5]

I don't think he made it sound like that. He is encouraging guys to accept rejection and move on instead of waiting and hoping for her to change her mind.

[Opinion Owner]

@muspelhem_5 That's just not how I read it.

[ViciousVic22]

This is the deal : guys complain about the Friendzone so this is my ultimate guide of not ending up there to begin w. It's simple as that there's all these girls Geting butt hurt over this shit, like its a crime if a guy desires sex or something more intimate but it's a bigger crime if he doesn't want to settle for your friendship.

[Bluemax]

And let the remarks that the friend zone doesn't exist come a' rollin' in!

Seriously though, very well put! Very intelligent take.

[ViciousVic22]

I'm looking forward to all the feminists coming in and trying to tell me that the friend zone doesn't exist and that I'm just a misogynist who feels that im entitled to have sex or a relationship with a girl hahaha

[Illusive_Man]

People have too much motives to be around people other than just to just enjoy themselves.

[Illusive_Man]

MANY... I MEANT MANY!
HALT grammar police!

[Otakusk8tergirl]

Very true , a guy like me , and I friend zoned him , we never got any where , and it wasn't worth the hacel , Malmö I like him more as a friend , so make it obvious your into her , because if you become close friends first shed treat and trust you in a diffrent way to a boyfriend , and she won't feel comftable