Why are women so indirect about the way they really feel?

[Anonymous]

Why don't they just tell a guy straight up, if they like him, do not like him or is just not sure?

[redeyemindtricks]

ahaha as far as telling you we _don't_ like you?
There are some dudes out there who just CANNOT graciously take "no" for an answer -- even when "no" is phrased with the utmost of class, grace, and politeness.
These dudes get ANGRY, and self-righteous, and tbh the only thing stopping them from getting violent -- right there on the fucking spot -- is the fact that they would quickly be overwhelmed by an angry mob of good-guy onlookers.

They exist.
I haven't met too many of them, but, even ONE of these fuckermothers is too many, dude. The existence of even ONE of them, fucks it up for ALL the rest of you.

(incidentally, this explains what "creepy" means, too, if you don't really understand that as well as you should. "Creepy" is... anything that signals that you might possibly be one of Those Dudes. Notice that this increases in proportion to having fewer people around, and/or fewer possible exits.)

__

as far as saying we _do_ like you?

Well... I'm kind of awkwardly forward like that, and, I'm not the only one. But, I can tell you from experience that a lot of YOU guys don't like this. It's "intimidating", or you might think the girl is a "slut", or that she has some kind of manipulative agenda, or something.
Really... That's a thing.
If you find that women "play hard to get", a big big part of the reason is that GUYS have conditioned us to do exactly that.

Along the same lines, I was never one to wait for sex, either. (For most people, if dating goes well enough, they'll think about fucking. For me, if fucking went well enough, I'd think about dating.)
This... is more of the same. If you're asking the question you're asking here, you might also ask, "Why don't more women have this approach to sexuality?" Again, a lot of that is men's fault, too -- think of how many of y'all will "respect a woman less" if she doesn't impose some arbitrary and ultimately pointless waiting period on sexytimes.

So, yeah, this is kind of on you guys. Sry.

[TakeMaker]

A-fucking-men sister, hit the nail on the head right here!

Don't be too nice, we think you want to fuck us, but don't be outright in your opinion because then we feel hurt and rejected and WILL lose our shit.

Don't actually approach us and make first moves and be upfront, it scares us and we think it's too much (but it's cool for men to do it to women cuz... y'know, that's how it goes...)

It's fucking bullshit, luckily I only have to deal with one fragile male ego nowadays. I don't have the patience for them anymore.

[Darkfairie17]

There are a few reasons.

Women are human, and I'm sure like men, there are women who are afraid of saying they like a guy, only to be rejected. Rejection hurts, and I'm sure there are men who also are scared to tell a girl they like them. Also, sometimes when you tell a person you like them, if they don't then things get really weird. That person no longer wants to talk to you, which is fine. But what if it's a friend? Then all of a sudden you lost a friend too! Which really sucks!

Another reason could be if she doesn't like a guy, well that can be scary too! Some guys do not take rejection very well. They lash out and even threaten a person for not liking them back. I've had it happen to me. This who was talking to me on a dating site, when he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, I told him no because he lived in India. Then he demanded I moved there. I had to block him. He began the chat and would not leave me alone (it was an IM sort of chat).

It could also be the girl isn't sure how she feels. Maybe she enjoys spending time with you, but isn't quite sure she wants to be with you. Sometimes people need to get to know you better.

[kat_gran]

Insecurities and uncertainty. Women are not used to being the ones going up to men and telling them how they feel. I guess it has to do with confrontation and that women are more likely to softly and nicely do things instead of directly state how they feel and what they want. I think this has to do with history and the role women have played throughout history - a more submissive, not outspoken role.
Personally, I think women need to start being more direct and stop waiting for things to happen and get them themselves. I think women do, but in other areas.

[thatboye]

A lot of women have it spot on in their answers. Some are raised to have good manners and some are not. Some are shy and aren't willing to take risks, because they were taught to let the man do the work, or just aren't good at taking rejection I know it happens, but you can't let that affect you in the long run, or else you'll have a hard time dealing with a lot of things. Some aren't shy, and will flat out stare like their is something on your face. All in all, I understand both sides, and I hope more people can also.

[Anonymous]

I kind of wish women with crushes told guys that they like him. I don't know why but it is always the really shy ones that like me. Two years latter I usually find out from their freinds that they have liked me for so long and yet I was completely clue less.

[Asker]

I can't count how many times a girl has told me they liked me 2 3 4 years ago, n now they dont, so... of course thats why they r telling me now lol

[Opinion Owner]

Yup sadly it seems to often turn out like that. Often if she had just told me I would have returned her feelings and probably asked her out. How ever I was unaware of it so I simply treated them like a shy friend.

[Minxxie]

Sometimes guys get angry when you reject them so we'd rather be vague because it's better safe than sorry. I've been screamed at, hit, spit at, and cussed out for politely rejecting guys "straight up". If I like a guy I tell him plainly how I feel, but if I don't feel the same way about a guy I've gotten enough bad reactions to know that no matter how polite and nice I am about rejecting him, it could still end badly for me so I try to just avoid the person until they give up because I don't want the confrontation.

[thatboye]

I feel the same exact way. Sorry for your experiences though you don't deserve any of those, but I do know what it is like to get rejected, spit on, and screamed at.

[Sara413]

Because we are taught from a young age to be passive, not to cause a fuss, to be pleasant, etc. We are quickly and easily accused of being rude, aggressive or bitchy when we are direct about what we do and do not want. Consider how often you see guys on here complain about some girl who was a bitch to him when he asked her out or hit on her..

[Sherrrry]

I don't agree with u

[Sara413]

@Sherrrry ok.

[JohnnySS]

its genetic
200,000 years most likely - more- of violence and fear of males and competing against other females.

current civilization is a few hundred years old

most of our races existence has been talking as cave men and women with little control over their animalisitic nature

that is for most of our races existence we've been savages. men have taken women any way possible mostly by force

women had to be indirect. showing she liked a male openly showed other males they had to rape her before the other males had her. also other females would get jealous and try to kill her or get her thrown out. women are weaker than men so they had to be smarter in order to survive this means by any means necessary and this means by indirection, manipulation and the use of their bodies - their most powerful "posession".

[JohnnySS]

in a direct to direct confrontation women would mostly die theyre a lot weaker than men so they dont do direct unless they feel secure in some way. - they do indirect.

[JohnnySS]

this feeling and behaviour pattern is now genetic, just like hunger

[Takada]

The reasons differ per situation. There are many different situations in which a woman would need to declare her feelings (or lack thereof).

Rejecting a guy who asked her out is not easy, because he may not take it well and may harass her incessantly (Happened to me once).
Losing interest in a guy is not easy to declare either, because he will probably ask for a reason and sometimes there just is no reason.
Declaring her love to a guy whose feelings she doesn't know is a gamble. She may be rejected gracefully or he may publicly humiliate her (I've experienced both).

Most women do not want to hurt mens' feelings and therefore end up being on the fence/indirect most of the time.

[AleDeEurope]

Passiveness. Women are passive creatures, they want the man to take the first step, to be the aggressive ones, to put themselves out there. Women aren't used to take risks, therefore they have a bigger fear to get hurt, so if they don't know if the guy likes them, they're not gonna say anything.
That's why when they have someone they can trust they open up pretty easily and talk about their feelings without a problem (in most cases, not all).

[Prof_Don]

These are very true words. If any guy REALLY thinks about it, HIM being afraid to approach women, who are way more afraid of you than you are of them... is just silly.

[raio81597]

I agree with @Sara413 response, that's what I've come to understand too. Women are taught to be sugar and spice and everything nice. However some are and some not. Another way to look at this is the expression "Little girls are meant to be seen not heard."

[Anonymous]

I don't know. I have never had this problem. But I'm sure it has to do with many factors, many of which are directly affecting whatever girl who is being indirect with you. People do different things for different reasons. But she probably just isn't good at expressing herself, I'm not either but I will do it anyway because if you don't express yourself then you won't get understood. And so many girls want to be understood without saying what is wrong or what you are doing right. That's why so many guys when they really understand a girl, get a lot more love from them than a guy who knows nothing about what she likes or dislikes, regardless of if she told him or not

[Anonymous]

So you mean when you ask them? Or they are just supposed to go right up to you and say, "I like you!" I feel like in a normal situation it is easy to tell when people like each other, you spend time together, flirt, kiss, etc. Besides, girls overthink and wonder if guys like THEM all of the time!! Guys are never clear about it either.

[simplyadorable]

yes! very seldom guys are clear about it too.

[Psi_Unknown]

I agree with this. I would also add that people don't really have to go straight up the first time you meet someone and say that, they could wait a little, get to know, be more sure, etc.

[ameliajp]

tell her what you want from her and she will respond with what she wants from you. if she says something like "omg that's so sweet" without saying "i want that too" she doesn't want / like you like that.

[LifeEqualsLove]

Well sometimes we just want you to figure it out - if you do, it means you care a bout us.

Other times, we just don't wanna feel so vulnerable and express everything! It will probably make you annoyed of us in a way. Think about it. Every proplem we have, we tell you about it.. that would be annoying.

[tyber1]

Figuring out if a girl likes you isn't how you know a guy cares. That just means he's socially aware. You know a guy cares about you when he proves it.

[LifeEqualsLove]

@tyber1 Yeah that too... lol

[Mesonfielde]

Oh, you don't have to be female to be indirect. You just have to realize that being direct is often risky. Some risk causes more harm than reward if you screw up.

[thelittlelostbear]

Because I have gotten hurt before by teling them straight and I don't open up my heart that easy anymore to just anyone.

[Asker]

What would make u open up more easily? What do u have to c in a guy before u feel u can open up?

[Seneya]

I wanted to write something similar but you already spoke my mind. I got hurt many times before. I like a guy but I'm scared to tell him. I made up my mind that I wouldn't confess.

[MyUsernameRules]

But it's not a problem at all if he's tall, buff, rich, etc. Right? Yet when it comes to those guys, guys with already multiple women giving them attention, girls have no problem telling them they like them even though their chances of getting hurt by them is higher due to more options.

[Seneya]

@MyUsernameRules I don't think so. This guy I like is a great guy. He is also good looking and rich but still I wouldn't confess because I don't wanna make fool out of myself. And I was always expressive about my feelings, whomever I liked I would just tell them.

[MyUsernameRules]

@Seneya If you like him, just tell him. Keep in mind that us guys aren't as shallow as girls. We don't care about things like money and height. Plus we aren't that picky on a girl's body like girls are in a guy's body.

[Seneya]

@MyUsernameRules Please stop saying guys aren't as shallow as girls, in fact they are more shallow than us if you ask me. I have seen many shallow men. They just disgust me. My ex was a shallow guy as well.
And I wouldn't tell him cause I know that a relationship between us is not possible as we both made it clear. So in a way I know what his answer will be.

[MyUsernameRules]

@Seneya Yes, guys are shallow but how are guys more shallow than girls? Especially when 80% of girls are only attracted to 20% of the guys in the society, hence the 80/20 theory. Guys preferences in girls is much more diverse and unpredictable than girls preferences in guys, which is very limited and predictable. Girls are usually just attracted to guys who are already surrounded by multiple girls. Girls are much more shallow than guys when it comes to height. Girls are much more shallow when it comes to money cause guys rarely care about how much money a girl has. When it comes to body, girls are more shallow cause many are usually just attracted to buff guys while guys are into skinny, curvy, etc girls. Hell, many guys are even open to bigger girls. That's why there's BBW (big beautiful women) but not BBM cause in order for a bigger weighted guy to be liked by a girl, he has to be rich in most cases. And this is not it either. There are so many other factors I can go on and on about.

[Seneya]

@MyUsernameRules You have wrong perspective about girls. I agree some girls are like that but not all of them are stereotypical. Some girls like short guys, some prefer chubby guys etc. It's a matter of preference just like guys have too. Guys want a gorgeous looking girl with a nice body and a great personality. Mind you some guys do see if girls have money! This things aren't shallow. What shallow is when they treat average looking nice girls as shit. They would never choose them cause they feel disgusted and it's true. Suppose two girls standing next to each other, one is average looking with a good heart and the another one is an attractive girl but is shallow minded as you just described who do you think will get guy's attention? The attractive one, as simple as that. Guys start to judge a girl by looks the minute they see her.

[MyUsernameRules]

@Seneya Your point with the treatment? Girls do the same with guys. Actually way more guys appreciate average girls and even below average girls with a nice personality than girls appreciate average guys and below average guys with a nice personality. Which girls like short guys? Very few. So few that it's rare. Even though short girls should give short guys a chance, many of them don't and just date tall guys instead. While taller girls will obviously never give short guys a chance. Which girls like chubby guys? That's a rare case also. The only time chubby guys date girls is when he's rich usually or dating other chubby girls. While many fit guys are willing to date a chubby girl. Not to mention, girls are also much more shallow when it comes to a guy's race and skin color. Guys of all races are open to dating a girl of any race and skin color while girls of all races are only into white guys, really light skinned guys, and sometimes black guys.

[MyUsernameRules]

@Seneya Guys of other races like brown or dark skinned Indian guys, East Asian guys, and also brown and dark skinned guys of other races not including black guys have to be either tall like at least 6 foot, rich, or buff in order for girls to find him attractive. These guys pretty much have to compensate for their racial disadvantage in ordered to be considered attractive by girls of all races. So yeah, it's bullshit how girls complain about being insecure cause guys are so shallow when girls are much more shallow than guys. Like they can be shallow all they like while our standards should completely drop. All these girls, overweight and non overweight girls promote "fat acceptance" of women while completely ignoring "fat acceptance" of men. So no, girls are much more shallow than guys. The only reason why a lot of girls are willing to date not so attractive guys when they are attractive themselves is because those guys happen to be rich. It's as simple as that.

[Seneya]

@MyUsernameRules Hey I like chubby guys but not because they are rich or anything materialistic. I think they are cute and cuddly. I liked a guy who was very fat but be broke my heart. But I told you what is the actual definition of shallow.

[KnowGo]

Seriously? I doubt you're really around my age asking that question... Ask yourself this: how many men, including yourself, own up to liking their crush so nonchalantly? Every single guy I have ever encountered that has wanted to date me, including the ones that did, NEVER straight up told me anything. They were incredibly elusive. In my experience, it's a human condition unless you're completely full of yourself.

[TheGreatValerie]

Why you gotta be so rude? So he is full of himself for not being able to mention in the limit of however many word syou can provide that emn also do this and that KnowGo experienced these problems too? Okay I'm not trying to start an argument but I think your being overly rude and frankly, I'm tired of seeing all this "what about..." stuff. Because he COULD have said yeah, men do this too. But he probably chose to directly ask his own question and forget the technicalities. You shouldn't be so offended at his question it seems legit to me.

[Fritz81]

@TheGreatValerie I think you need to reread this response, that is now what she said, lol. She was saying that it is hard for anyone to tell someone they like them UNLESS they are full of themselves. I actually agree with this response. Us girls sit here overthinking everything and wondering if guys like them and it would make our lives easier if they also spoke up!

[Newgirl24]

Because she doesn't know that you feel the same way. She's taking a leap of faith and expressing how she feels and it could go two ways. Either you say yes! I like you too! Or you could be like cooooool... And never speak to her again.
Just secretly.. If you like a girl, tell her! Don't wait around for the grass to grow :)

[ThisDudeHere]

Because men are divided in to two. You (I assume) and I appreciate direct women. But the other half of guys can't take no for an answer. And sadly, they'ŗe not a minority.

[LittleSally]

For the same reasons anyone is: fear, uncertainty, playing games.

[kaylaS91]

Did you ask this girl if she likes you or not?
That's a pretty easy fix.

[kitty71]

Because of the same reason everyone is afraid of: rejection and dissapointment. Evne if im in my mid 40's im not so exprienced in telling a guy I like him. And I met a guy I like things seem to go well we went out just once, we made out he seems to like me even if he never told me straight into my face but I never told him either that I like him, becauise I did not know how he will react if I will epsecially if it seems he likes to be single and not commit to any girl in a long term.

[TripleAce]

A lot have told me they rather have the man bear the risk of rejection or not. So instead they just sit back and either go yay or nay and place the burden on the guy... Most of the times

[Anonymous]

It's complicated, but it can be for a number of reasons:
1. Not being sure
2. "Playing games" We're taught that when we like a guy we have to play games to make him stay interested. Get him to chase us etc...
3. If we actually don't like you we'll have a hard time telling you because we don't wanna hurt your feelings.