Why are women so indirect about the way they really feel?

Question

Why don't they just tell a guy straight up, if they like him, do not like him or is just not sure?

redeyemindtricks · Accepted Answer

ahaha as far as telling you we _don't_ like you?
There are some dudes out there who just CANNOT graciously take "no" for an answer -- even when "no" is phrased with the utmost of class, grace, and politeness.
These dudes get ANGRY, and self-righteous, and tbh the only thing stopping them from getting violent -- right there on the fucking spot -- is the fact that they would quickly be overwhelmed by an angry mob of good-guy onlookers.

They exist.
I haven't met too many of them, but, even ONE of these fuckermothers is too many, dude. The existence of even ONE of them, fucks it up for ALL the rest of you.

(incidentally, this explains what "creepy" means, too, if you don't really understand that as well as you should. "Creepy" is... anything that signals that you might possibly be one of Those Dudes. Notice that this increases in proportion to having fewer people around, and/or fewer possible exits.)

__

as far as saying we _do_ like you?

Well... I'm kind of awkwardly forward like that, and, I'm not the only one. But, I can tell you from experience that a lot of YOU guys don't like this. It's "intimidating", or you might think the girl is a "slut", or that she has some kind of manipulative agenda, or something.
Really... That's a thing.
If you find that women "play hard to get", a big big part of the reason is that GUYS have conditioned us to do exactly that.

Along the same lines, I was never one to wait for sex, either. (For most people, if dating goes well enough, they'll think about fucking. For me, if fucking went well enough, I'd think about dating.)
This... is more of the same. If you're asking the question you're asking here, you might also ask, "Why don't more women have this approach to sexuality?" Again, a lot of that is men's fault, too -- think of how many of y'all will "respect a woman less" if she doesn't impose some arbitrary and ultimately pointless waiting period on sexytimes.

So, yeah, this is kind of on you guys. Sry.

Darkfairie17 · Accepted Answer

There are a few reasons.

Women are human, and I'm sure like men, there are women who are afraid of saying they like a guy, only to be rejected. Rejection hurts, and I'm sure there are men who also are scared to tell a girl they like them. Also, sometimes when you tell a person you like them, if they don't then things get really weird. That person no longer wants to talk to you, which is fine. But what if it's a friend? Then all of a sudden you lost a friend too! Which really sucks!

Another reason could be if she doesn't like a guy, well that can be scary too! Some guys do not take rejection very well. They lash out and even threaten a person for not liking them back. I've had it happen to me. This who was talking to me on a dating site, when he asked me if I wanted to be his girlfriend, I told him no because he lived in India. Then he demanded I moved there. I had to block him. He began the chat and would not leave me alone (it was an IM sort of chat).

It could also be the girl isn't sure how she feels. Maybe she enjoys spending time with you, but isn't quite sure she wants to be with you. Sometimes people need to get to know you better.

kat_gran · Accepted Answer

Insecurities and uncertainty. Women are not used to being the ones going up to men and telling them how they feel. I guess it has to do with confrontation and that women are more likely to softly and nicely do things instead of directly state how they feel and what they want. I think this has to do with history and the role women have played throughout history - a more submissive, not outspoken role.
Personally, I think women need to start being more direct and stop waiting for things to happen and get them themselves. I think women do, but in other areas.

thatboye · Accepted Answer

A lot of women have it spot on in their answers. Some are raised to have good manners and some are not. Some are shy and aren't willing to take risks, because they were taught to let the man do the work, or just aren't good at taking rejection I know it happens, but you can't let that affect you in the long run, or else you'll have a hard time dealing with a lot of things. Some aren't shy, and will flat out stare like their is something on your face. All in all, I understand both sides, and I hope more people can also.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I kind of wish women with crushes told guys that they like him. I don't know why but it is always the really shy ones that like me. Two years latter I usually find out from their freinds that they have liked me for so long and yet I was completely clue less.

Minxxie · Answer

Sometimes guys get angry when you reject them so we'd rather be vague because it's better safe than sorry. I've been screamed at, hit, spit at, and cussed out for politely rejecting guys "straight up". If I like a guy I tell him plainly how I feel, but if I don't feel the same way about a guy I've gotten enough bad reactions to know that no matter how polite and nice I am about rejecting him, it could still end badly for me so I try to just avoid the person until they give up because I don't want the confrontation.

Sara413 · Answer

Because we are taught from a young age to be passive, not to cause a fuss, to be pleasant, etc. We are quickly and easily accused of being rude, aggressive or bitchy when we are direct about what we do and do not want. Consider how often you see guys on here complain about some girl who was a bitch to him when he asked her out or hit on her..

JohnnySS · Answer

its genetic
200,000 years most likely - more- of violence and fear of males and competing against other females.

current civilization is a few hundred years old

most of our races existence has been talking as cave men and women with little control over their animalisitic nature

that is for most of our races existence we've been savages. men have taken women any way possible mostly by force

women had to be indirect. showing she liked a male openly showed other males they had to rape her before the other males had her. also other females would get jealous and try to kill her or get her thrown out. women are weaker than men so they had to be smarter in order to survive this means by any means necessary and this means by indirection, manipulation and the use of their bodies - their most powerful "posession".

Takada · Answer

The reasons differ per situation. There are many different situations in which a woman would need to declare her feelings (or lack thereof).

Rejecting a guy who asked her out is not easy, because he may not take it well and may harass her incessantly (Happened to me once).
Losing interest in a guy is not easy to declare either, because he will probably ask for a reason and sometimes there just is no reason.
Declaring her love to a guy whose feelings she doesn't know is a gamble. She may be rejected gracefully or he may publicly humiliate her (I've experienced both).

Most women do not want to hurt mens' feelings and therefore end up being on the fence/indirect most of the time.

AleDeEurope · Answer

Passiveness. Women are passive creatures, they want the man to take the first step, to be the aggressive ones, to put themselves out there. Women aren't used to take risks, therefore they have a bigger fear to get hurt, so if they don't know if the guy likes them, they're not gonna say anything.
That's why when they have someone they can trust they open up pretty easily and talk about their feelings without a problem (in most cases, not all).

raio81597 · Answer

I agree with @Sara413 response, that's what I've come to understand too. Women are taught to be sugar and spice and everything nice. However some are and some not. Another way to look at this is the expression "Little girls are meant to be seen not heard."

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know. I have never had this problem. But I'm sure it has to do with many factors, many of which are directly affecting whatever girl who is being indirect with you. People do different things for different reasons. But she probably just isn't good at expressing herself, I'm not either but I will do it anyway because if you don't express yourself then you won't get understood. And so many girls want to be understood without saying what is wrong or what you are doing right. That's why so many guys when they really understand a girl, get a lot more love from them than a guy who knows nothing about what she likes or dislikes, regardless of if she told him or not

Anonymous · Answer

So you mean when you ask them? Or they are just supposed to go right up to you and say, "I like you!" I feel like in a normal situation it is easy to tell when people like each other, you spend time together, flirt, kiss, etc. Besides, girls overthink and wonder if guys like THEM all of the time!! Guys are never clear about it either.

ameliajp · Answer

tell her what you want from her and she will respond with what she wants from you. if she says something like "omg that's so sweet" without saying "i want that too" she doesn't want / like you like that.

LifeEqualsLove · Answer

Well sometimes we just want you to figure it out - if you do, it means you care a bout us.

Other times, we just don't wanna feel so vulnerable and express everything! It will probably make you annoyed of us in a way. Think about it. Every proplem we have, we tell you about it.. that would be annoying.

Mesonfielde · Answer

Oh, you don't have to be female to be indirect. You just have to realize that being direct is often risky. Some risk causes more harm than reward if you screw up.

thelittlelostbear · Answer

Because I have gotten hurt before by teling them straight and I don't open up my heart that easy anymore to just anyone.

KnowGo · Answer

Seriously? I doubt you're really around my age asking that question... Ask yourself this: how many men, including yourself, own up to liking their crush so nonchalantly? Every single guy I have ever encountered that has wanted to date me, including the ones that did, NEVER straight up told me anything. They were incredibly elusive. In my experience, it's a human condition unless you're completely full of yourself.

Newgirl24 · Answer

Because she doesn't know that you feel the same way. She's taking a leap of faith and expressing how she feels and it could go two ways. Either you say yes! I like you too! Or you could be like cooooool... And never speak to her again.
Just secretly.. If you like a girl, tell her! Don't wait around for the grass to grow :)

ThisDudeHere · Answer

Because men are divided in to two. You (I assume) and I appreciate direct women. But the other half of guys can't take no for an answer. And sadly, they'ŗe not a minority.

LittleSally · Answer

For the same reasons anyone is: fear, uncertainty, playing games.

kaylaS91 · Answer

Did you ask this girl if she likes you or not? That's a pretty easy fix.

kitty71 · Answer

Because of the same reason everyone is afraid of: rejection and dissapointment. Evne if im in my mid 40's im not so exprienced in telling a guy I like him. And I met a guy I like things seem to go well we went out just once, we made out he seems to like me even if he never told me straight into my face but I never told him either that I like him, becauise I did not know how he will react if I will epsecially if it seems he likes to be single and not commit to any girl in a long term.

TripleAce · Answer

A lot have told me they rather have the man bear the risk of rejection or not. So instead they just sit back and either go yay or nay and place the burden on the guy... Most of the times

Anonymous · Answer

It's complicated, but it can be for a number of reasons:
1. Not being sure
2. "Playing games" We're taught that when we like a guy we have to play games to make him stay interested. Get him to chase us etc...
3. If we actually don't like you we'll have a hard time telling you because we don't wanna hurt your feelings.

AnaKitten24601 · Answer

It depends on the girl. I deem myself to be pretty direct with what I'm feeling.
I know quite a few guys that are very indirect when they get mad and then say nothing is wrong when they're clearly upset.

SunsetStar · Answer

Because if you straight up tell a guy that you don't like him a lot of them get really mean and we don't want to get beat up.

Luv2BRealExotic13 · Answer

I'm direct but why can't most guys handle when a woman is direct? They think it isn't feminine and get creeped out. You want someone to be direct then you don't it's confusing.

Psi_Unknown · Answer

Because everyone is so repressed, no one can speak directly. :S I actually think they just don't always know what to say, especially if undecided. Guys can be the same way also.

Mustachekitteh · Answer

Some don't like to admit the fact that they don't know how they are feeling. I know it's weird but some people have a hard time admitting that kind of thing.

ElissaDido · Answer

I'm not. I was and I am 100% honest with my feelings with him, and I'm glad I am because I saved our friendship even after things ended and it's not ambiguous. Communication is key.

Miss_Behave · Answer

I am direct, unless I'm pretty sure I know he doesn't feel the same way then I won't straight up tell him but I'll still show him in my actions, i. e. The way I treat him, talk to him, etc.

teatea111 · Answer

I personally am pretty straightforward but sometimes I won't say anything until I'm sure about my feelings. Some women are even more straightforward than me too.

Talkwithhands · Answer

I like someone but do not know if he is single an I am shy when like someone. Worried I as be so embarrassed if I told him that I like him without knowing he is single out of respect.

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

revealing your feelings can often get you manipulated by people with bad intentions

tyber1 · Answer

They're either cowards or they're stuck with this notion that women are supposed to be passive all the time.

Seneya · Answer

Because I got hurt many times before. I like a guy but I'm scared to tell him. I made up my mind that I wouldn't confess.

ClassicReject · Answer

Because I've been hurt and rejected any time I've ever done so. Even when they "like you" they just leave

LaFemmeFatale · Answer

Because we think that you get what we mean. Though i don't love being i direct i prefer everything to be clear from the very start.

bigirlK · Answer

Men dont understand our needs. We r far more emotional then any guy and we really need strong men to be with. Not assholes who smash and run away.

Blonde401 · Answer

I'm super direct. People know for sure if I like them or not.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm the opposite. I'm really open with how I feel.  I haven't always been that way out of fear of rejection, but now I don't care. If you feel the same great if you don't I'll live💁😊

takumii · Answer

You think it's a coincidence their special place is called 'pussy' ?

AnayaWilliams · Answer

Maybe fear of rejection, insecure, uncertain, worried.

thewanderingme · Answer

same reason guys don't. everyone's afraid of it not being mutual and scaring the other person away.

DasTierInMir · Answer

Because I honestly don't know how. I usually don't know how to put into words I like a guy. That's why I have no game...

AnnaTheAnnaa · Answer

It's awful to be rejected. It's probably the fear of being rejected.

luvstoned4him · Answer

I guess they maybe afraid of rejection... just like men or that it won't work out someway.

serious · Answer

I don't know I guess they are hardwired/programmed to express themselves indirectly.

FantasticDay · Answer

Just like a guy taught to ne more tough and not to cry.

Sadly_It_Fell_Off · Answer

Guys will say the usual to get what they want. It's 2016 and most girls know this shit talk by now.

Fxxcijk · Answer

Because we are, as much as men probably are, afraid of rejection and being hurt or vulnerable.

Applefan1 · Answer

It depends, there are some women that make it very clear if they like a man or not.

rjroy3 · Answer

Fear of rejection or fear of scaring him off by coming across as needy.

bostonceltics10391 · Answer

Good luck getting a straight answer to this question haha

ConsultantIsBack · Answer

Reason 1 of many why I only ever will only date confident, outgoing girls. Saves so much trouble.

apple24 · Answer

Because I have to be sure before i speak

Leecylove2000 · Answer

Bcz girls like to make sure that the guy likes them back we don't want to be rejected

rgb008 · Answer

Because all men are totally mind readers!!! hahaha jk

Iamathinker · Answer

I'm just afraid that my feelings won't be reciprocated. But this has also happened to me with men.

SunnyCaliGirl · Answer

It's just the womanly way and we can't explain why either lol

Anonymous · Answer

because they're pussies thats where the term comes from.

Kylesar · Answer

Women don't answer anything straight up. They like to play games

pavlove · Answer

because guys take advantage of them when they're open and direct

boredgirllll · Answer

Because if we say it they might think we're weird or not like us back

Why are women so indirect about the way they really feel?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Why are women so indirect about the way they really feel?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.