Why do girls say "maybe" when they really mean "no"?

[Anonymous]

Along with saying "yes" when they really mean "maybe", and saying "no" when they really mean "yes"? Is it really so hard for girls to actually say what they mean, and mean what they say, instead of playing games and being pathological liars?

[Ntnrmlchck]

I don't think the intent is to be completely pathological. For me when it comes to maybes that mean no, it's because I don't want to hurt a guy's ego, I recognize that it does take a lot to ask certain things (dates, for example). I tend to follow those maybes with a reason that equals "probably not" such as my schedule having no free time at all. Maybes that mean yes are used because I really want to at the time, but I know myself well enough to know that by the time it's supposed to happen, I won't want to. When it comes to a solid yes or no, I always mean what I say. It irritates me when someone says "I'm going to the store" their partner says "do you want me to come" they say "no" or "if you want to" but after the trip to the store and argument occurs because they had to go alone.

[Lostsoulman]

When it comes to dating "No" is a lot better than a maybe...

No means no...

Maybe means, probrally no... but the overthinking starts now... Now if you talk to said guy after, he will think you are actually interested...

Best thing to do is be honest and straight forward.

[Ntnrmlchck]

@Lostsoulman I know that you're right because the same applies when roles are reversed. For the past year or so I've stuck with my easiest and most honest answer. I'm sorry, I don't date.

[kaylaS91]

... assuming you're making this bitter generalization after you were rejected- because emotions are not black and white. They're not something that you can be 100% certain about at all times. There are so many variables involved in how you feel about someone that change by the hour as well so..

Just learn how to cope with real life better next time. Resorting to gradeschool methods of calling women 'pathological liars' just because they didn't give you what you wanted will do nothing but make you look like a little bitch and will not make you win over a girl any time soon, either.

[Asker]

I didn't care about them not giving me what I wanted- it was often disappointing, but it was their decision, they had every right to do so or not to do so. I do care about them not telling me what they want though, because I actually care about what they say they want, instead of being egotistical and self-centred. I've been rejected more times than I can count- allegedly, plenty of those girls meant 'yes', but said 'no' instead. Why?

You say emotions aren't black and white- for me, as someone with Aspergers', they might as well be. There may be an infinite palette of emotional colors, and an infinite number of color combinations, but you can still say "I feel blue" or "I'm seeing red". No-one can ever 100% sure about anything- but decisions still have to be made, and there's always a cut-off point short of 100% where you have to be able to say "okay, I'm certain." Otherwise you'll never be able to function in the real world- you'll be stuck in a state of passive indecision forever.

[kaylaS91]

You obviously care enough to make a post about it so...
Yes, in some cases, there may be a cut-off point where people would say that enough is definitely enough. However, neither does that happen in every single circumstance (like sometimes things will just slowly fizzle out over time), but the variables are ALWAYS changing. You may reach a cut-off point, then circumstances will change so that they change their mind.

Since you're aware of your having ASD, I don't see why you're being such a smartass about how people should deal with their emotions 'in the real world'.

[Asker]

How is a guy supposed to invest his trust in, and commit to, a girl who's so fickle that she'll change her mind and fall in and out of love with him at the drop of a hat, on an hourly basis? How could anyone believe that such a fickle girl would be desirable for any sort of relationship other than a mere quickie or a one-night stand? I don't. And I'm not at all interested in quickies or one-night stands either. So the way that so many of these girls deliberately go out of their way to miscommunicate, saying that they want the opposite of what they actually want, really pisses me off. I'm incapable of subconsciously reading body language- I can only do it through conscious, focused effort, when concentrated on a specific target individual. Non-verbal clues don't work for me, and never will. So yeah, I care. When we're given the guidelines of "No means no, and only yes means yes", with regards to women, females' habitual lying and dishonesty makes things impossible.

[kaylaS91]

Don't get involved with girls who seem fickle and who increase the risk of getting hurt. Pretty simple solution, really.

[Asker]

But as someone who can't casually read body language while multi-tasking having a conversation, someone who relies heavily upon explicit verbal communication, all females seem fickle to me because of the way that they tend to go out of their way never to say what they mean.

[kaylaS91]

You sound awfully confident for having figured out exactly how all members of a certain sex think and behave based on that. It's almost as if you're saying that females have a hive-mind- all think/feel/act in a manner that can be not anticipated to occur with a less than 1% chance margin of error in those predictions.

[Anonymous]

Things aren't always black and white... you don't always know exactly what you want and a lot of woman shy away from confrontation or perceived confrontation. For many people it's not a game, at least not for them.

[Mysterio421]

Sometimes it's because they don't want to hurt guys feelings but in most cases it's because they want to have a guy to string along or be a backup option (hypergamy). The moment you hear that, just leave. No one is worth or even deserves to be a backup option.

[serious]

1. It can be a very polite rejection and they don't want to be blunt.

2. They are still unsure and are keeping the option of both YES and NO open.

3. Yes, it's possible they are just lying and are giving you false hopes

[curiousguy89]

They usually say that trying to be nice but thats not nice at all..

[Splintercell]

I wouldn't say pathological liars but this is a good question! Why do girls do this? You ladies always want us guys to say it as it is, say what you mean.

[Anonymous]

Women like to keep the door open so if you become a high status male in the future (who they all want), you can't use the you rejected me card. They said "maybe" not no.

In other words a girl says maybe next her.

[Dude23457]

Well sometimes girls just sort of say what they don't mean so they can seem more chill and if that's not the case then it's probably because they are just nervous

[BettyWhite]

If I need more time to think about it, I'll give a maybe. If it's no, and I know it's a no I will say that.

[amarahorrorstory]

Cause if we say no we get "she's missing out on a nice guy" or some shit like that.

[Emmdk]

Justin Bieber made a song abour it. Its called what do you mean

[Anonymous]

No point asking girls this- we're pathological liars, you'll never get the real answer.

[Asker]

Ahoy there, it's the Cutty Sark! Seriously though, why can't girls be more straightforward, instead of always saying stuff when they mean something else entirely (just like your reply just now, as a matter of fact)?

[Opinion Owner]

My reply didn't mean something else entirely at all. I think most people over the age of 4 understand sarcasm isn't lying or not being straightforward.
Honestly though, if girls do that, see it a sign of immaturity. Most adults know how to communicate their thoughts without acting like stroppy teenagers. Either that, or they've got tired of telling somebody the same thing over and over so give generic responses.

[Asker]

Well, I apologise, my fair lady, but 'tis the lowest form of wit, don't you know? And since sarcasm's all about intonation, it can be somewhat challenging to verify in text alone. I do agree that it's a sign of immaturity, but it's still pretty prevalent.

[Opinion Owner]

That's true, it is hard to tell in writing. Many friendships have ended because of it.
I honestly don't know why you find it so common, but if that's the case, maybe it's time to change your "type" and see how other types do. I think most mature and confident women can speak their mind and say what they're thinking. It's mostly younger girls or immature girls who can never say anything and have little teenage strops.

[Anonymous]

Well first things first, not all girls are like this. But for the girls who do (like myself) it's because we don't want to hurt you, so we give you that answer. We can't bring ourselves to say the truth because we feel bad.

[Asker]

How would you feel if a guy were to do the same thing though, using the same rationale that you do? "I don't want to hurt her, so I'll tell her that I like her, even though I don't really care about her at all and I'm going to dump her anyway; I can't bring myself to say the truth because it'll make me feel bad"? Do you think that the girl on the receiving end would be less hurt by his lying, or more hurt as a result of the lie? And why do you think it'd be any different if it were a guy being lied to by a girl in such a manner, as you advocate doing, so as "not to hurt them", because you yourself don't want to "feel bad"?

[Anonymous]

Yes perhaps, but no. Maybe yes, probably no. Leaning towards no, but yes

[reixun]

keeping options open because we're indecisive.

[John_Doesnt]

Because women want your money when they say that.

[COCOCHANEL]

to avoid being too blunt

[SillyMilly]

most of the time lol

[Anonymous]

They're afraid to hurt our feelings.

[Asker]

That's what they say, how they try to justify it to themselves. But that doesn't make any sense at all, and it doesn't stop them from being the same way with everything else either. I've yet to meet a single girl who means what she says- even by their own admission, they all say that what a girl says is never the same thing as what she actually means. Why is it virtually impossible to find a girl who can be trusted to be honest and truthful about anything at all?

[Pixiedustwithsparkle]

We are afraid of hurting you. ☹️

[BuchitaBuchys]

Is it hard for you to not be misogynistic?

[Asker]

Is it so hard for you to justify your own thought processes and actually give a straight answer, instead of retaliating to every question any guy posts with yet another insulting, derogatory question? It's getting old, BitchuaBuchys.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Are you that guy that always invites me to answer questions?

And you wanna talk about derogatory and insulting? Lol look in the mirror buddy.
If you'd see as much misandry, you'd be bothered too

[Asker]

I've never invited you to answer a single question of mine before. You just have done so on quite a few occasions, and I've also seen your answers when giving my own answers to other peoples' questions. Misandry is very much in evidence in all of your posts that I've seen. As are these lazy, juvenile and unoriginal "I know you are, but what am I?" retorts that you spout off any time you feel like you're being challenged. This isn't a middle-school playground; you're not an 13yr old little girl. You're a grown woman. Act like it.

[BuchitaBuchys]

And yet you're generalizing all the damn time like a 10yr old with no life experience.
I'm not misandrist, I just call out people's stupid behavior. You don't like it? Stop being stupid.

[Asker]

And here, we have you effectively yelling "I know you are, but what am I?" yet again, in an even more screechy and angry tone, for the third time in succession. You "call out people's stupid behaviour," in the same manner as a bully in a school playground would- pointing the finger at anyone who says anything that hurt your 'pwecious feewings', and screaming out "Oh yeah, well, you're GAY/STUPID/A VIRGIN/A SLUT/A PIG!" There's no class, no maturity, no counter-arguments- all you can do is fling muddy insults around like a wee little piggy tossing a temper tantrum. You're not a woman, and at this rate, you never will be- you're still a bratty little girl, wailing and kicking her feet whenever she doesn't get her way. And everything you're saying is only eroding what little respect I may still have left for you, further and further. I respect people who earn it- I disrespect those who incur it. And you're most certainly in the latter category. Good day...

[BuchitaBuchys]

Ok. Women are terrible. That's what you want to hear? There it is. Every woman is evil

[Asker]

Wow, the victim complex is strong with this one. After what you've been saying to me, you've given the impression that YOU'RE a terrible PERSON. That doesn't mean that women are. Because you are not a grown woman- you still have the mentality of a little girl, and as such, are immature. And thank your gender, I don't consider you to be in any way representative of all women.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Blah blah blah yet you literally said "why girls" as if most of us.

[Asker]

You/=women in general. Any woman/=women in general. The majority of all the women who I've ever been able to collect enough data about to make informed judgements about them? That's my definition of 'women in general'. And women in general aren't terrible, or evil. But I've found that women in general, by their own admission, tend towards dishonesty rather than honesty, reticence rather than openness, and misinformation rather than communication, in their interactions both with one another and members of the opposite gender. In my mother and sister's words; "What we say and what we mean are two completely different things- it's just the way women are".

[BuchitaBuchys]

Uh, yes it does. So if I said why are men such dumbasses, that's not being general?
Talk about mental gymnastics...