Should you apologize for the way you act during PMS?

[randomuser94]

It's not your fault, but it's not anyone elses. If your S. O. treated you that way every month how would you feel?

Yes

No

[JaniyaRose]

It would completely depend on the situation. PMS doesn't make a woman "out of control", PMS just makes women extra emotional. She should have to apologise for having PMS (that's not her fault). But if a particular incident happened while she was PMSing, that's a different story. If a woman does something that hurts another person she should definitely apologise.

I will add this though. Just because she's PMSing, doesn't make her emotions invalid. I've been with guys before that viewed any altercation that happened while a woman was PMSing as being completely not their fault. The just put it down to crazy hormones, and not to the fact that they cancelled a date half an hour after they were supposed to show up because they met their brother on a bus and decided to hang out with them instead.

As you may have gathered, a real example of a situation that happened to me. And the next time he saw me, he "forgave" me for being angry because he knew I was just emotional from PMS. The kicker is, I've never PMSed. Not all women experience PMS, and I'm one of the ones who doesn't. He just used PMS as an excuse to invalidate my anger, try and put me in the wrong. I broke up with him not long after that.

My point is, women get overly emotional during PMS but their emotions are still a real reaction to things. It's easy for people to blame the PMS and say "it wasn't really my fault, she was just out of her mind on hormones". Hormones may have made her overreact, but that doesn't mean she was wrong to be angry.

[samhradh_leannan]

This is what I was trying to say. You did a much better job!

[JaniyaRose]

@samhradh_leannan Thanks, I was worried I wasn't getting my point across right. And reading it again, I just realised I wrote "She should have to apologise for having PMS" when I meant to write "She should NOT have to apologise for having PMS"... hopeful people will know what I mean from the context..

[samhradh_leannan]

I knew what you meant so hopefully others will as well!

[Anonymous]

I do and have, especially to my boyfriend because having pms doesn't mean I can't be wrong still I feel like complete trash on mine but I work in a job where my pay depends on how well I provide customer service, so I literally can't let how I really feel show. Of course I feel really impatient, I lose focus a lot, tired as hell, like someone is ripping my stomach apart and to people's faces i'm like "yes mam" "yes sir" we can do that for you! lol.

When it comes to my boyfriend though, i'm just honest about it. I'll say i'm sorry i'm just having a hard time today or i'm sorry if i'm being irritable, I try to be aware of it but he's also really understanding when it comes to that kind of stuff, he doesn't like to see me in pain. So I think it takes a combination of both when it comes to a relationship and pms.

Women need to understand that it's not an excuse to treat others badly but men need to understand that when someone else is in a lot of pain they're not some monster waiting to attack you (well maybe some women are) but they're just uncomfortable and irritable lol

[btbc92]

Yeah, I do. I try to learn how to manage those emotions and urges to just punch something by managing stress. The more stress we women feel the more likely something we can be out of touch with everything around us and how our actions affect people. I can't speak for all women, for not every woman experience PMS the same. But it tends to be related to hormonal imbalance, genetics, diet and nutrition and not just the environment. This includes home environment. Ever since I left the city, I haven't had as much problems being where I am now than I did living in New York. So I say that to take what you read online and in books as paramount. And I say that if some women can't understand it, men especially needs to understand the psychological stress that women go through. And not to deliberately make any woman upset. Because PMS can happen before, during, and after her cycle.

[xCutesyLolitax]

If Im having lets say emotional moodswings because Im on my period, that doesn't excuse me from being a bitch to someone, cause you can always control your impulses lol

[ak666]

The way I see it, there's no excuse for poor behavior, even if we can't help it. If I develop a psychological disorder and punch a kid in the face, I'd still want to apologize. The highest state of maturity, as I see it, does not say, "I behaved poorly because [...]" It doesn't excuse poor behavior on any account.

[WavyWyx]

Then you've obviously never developed a psychological disorder wherein you lose touch with reality. And losing touch with reality isn't a drop-off, it's a gradient. We're not as in control of our minds as we like to believe.

[ladsin]

@WavyWyx I work in mental health, and I still expect my patients to apologize when they make asses of themselves. I understand that not all of them will, and that it's hard for them to act appropriately because they are deluded, but I still don't think that it's ok for them to act that way. I had a patient just the other day who attacked security and as a result her ocular socket broke and she had to have surgery. She still apologized and admitted that it was her fault.

[WavyWyx]

@ladsin I'm curious what your position is, because you shouldn't work in mental health if you describe having a manic break or a schizophrenic delusion as "making an ass of yourself". It's not okay for them to act that way, but that doesn't change the way they're going to act. Wanting someone to feel ashamed for conditions that are very much beyond their control is about as productive and fruitful as the people who honk in a traffic jam. Now, I would agree that if someone isn't seeking out resources to better their mental health and situation, then they are not taking responsibility for themselves, but I've been on anti-psychotics for six years, therapy for ten and CBT for seven, and in that time I've had three manic breaks that landed me in the hospital.

And cards on the table, everything you've said flies in the face of everything I've learned during my long tenure in the mental health care system (10+ years), so I'm just going to go ahead and call you a liar.

[WavyWyx]

@ladsin I mean honestly, you "expect" your patients to apologize. What? Do you stand over someone who is raving about being the Son of God with a disapproving look on your face until they come back to? What are you even talking about? You're 22, so at BEST you're either very green or a very bad social worker.

[ladsin]

@WavyWyx yikes seems I've struck a nerve. Let me ask you something. If I'm having an episode and believe you to be an alien and as a result kill or seriously injure you have I done something wrong? When I am no longer delusional should I not do my best to try and recompensate the injured party for my actions?

You may have been in the system for longer than me, but if you honestly believe that you have zero accountability for your own actions then I'd say we've failed you. I've never treated a patient badly not made them feel guilty for their disease. I'm simply saying that when they are clear headed they should apologize for the people they've hurt

[ak666]

@WavyWyx Yes, in agreement with @ladsin the point of expecting an apology is not an attitude of condemning the misbehavior. It's a part of the conditioning process, a form of remedial action, to help the individual develop a sense of self-awareness and accountability for their actions. If we start excusing misbehavior simply because there are legitimate reasons for it, in theory almost *all* misbehavior has an excuse behind it and we'd be allowing misbehavior left and right in society.

No one "chooses" to be a criminal, for example. If we study criminology, just about every criminal has some defective upbringing along with other factors like poverty often in the mix. Yet at the same time, we can't simply excuse a child abuser, for example, and expect them to take no accountability for their actions simply because they had an abusive upbringing.

[ak666]

@WavyWyx Likewise going back to the main subject of PMS, if we simply had the expectation that women are prone to misbehave every time they suffer from PMS like "Women can't help but misbehave on a monthly basis because they suffer PMS", then that's a legitimate argument against letting women hold high-ranking positions, for example, where it's crucial for them to behave appropriately. I don't believe that to be the case, since I've known plenty of strong-minded women who did not let their PMS get the better of them. I don't think their symptoms are any less severe than those who misbehave. They're simply more disciplined and accountable for their own behavior.

[ak666]

Excusing misbehavior basically means allowing a person to be free of taking any accountability for the misbehavior and also to avoid taking any form of remedial action against that misbehavior.

>> Then you've obviously never developed a psychological disorder wherein you lose touch with reality.

I would say such individuals need to be locked up in a psychiatric ward. The idea of excusing their behavior would not even do that. It would just let them roam free in society to do whatever they please, even kill other people, because they "can't help it". It doesn't matter if they can't help it, we can't function in a society where we excuse that behavior and let it go without any form of remedial action.

[ladsin]

I wouldn't say they should be locked up. I know many and they're good people. It's important that we get them the help they need, but they shouldn't be imprisoned for being sick, so long as they're not a harm to others.

[ak666]

@ladsin Yes if they're not a danger. I was mainly using the main context I brought up of a grown man punching a child. Under no account do I think such behavior is excusable where we pardon it and let it go scott-free. I'd say the man is a threat towards children until whatever caused him to punch a child is corrected (by whatever means is most appropriate).

Quoting @WavyWyx:
>> We're not as in control of our minds as we like to believe.

I don't believe anyone is in control of anything. I don't believe in free will, so I don't believe in condemning the mentally ill or even criminals. I don't believe in causing them to suffer simply because they made others suffer. But I do believe in remedial action. I don't believe in simply letting them go about and do whatever they want without any consequences for their misbehavior.

[ak666]

Basically if someone comes to me and says, "I can't help but misbehave regularly because [...]" I'd reply, "fine", but I'm not going to excuse it. It's not because I don't believe them. It's because I *do* believe them.

If any girl says, "I can't help but misbehave monthly because of my PMS", then I'll absolutely believe her. And in believing her, I'd refuse to hire her for a job, would avoid being her friend or boyfriend, and would try to make sure she never raises any children until she starts to believe that she *can* help it.

[WavyWyx]

@ak666 you're absolutely right. Sometimes I just get an idea and run with it, but no you're absolutely right. That said, I still don't think you understand what PMS is (most women have no stark behavioral symptoms).

@ladsin You're still a lying, passive-aggressive, little sniveling shit.

[ak666]

@WavyWyx >> (most women have no stark behavioral symptoms).

Understood! Actually I married a woman who has no major changes in behavior (I can't even tell when she has PMS) while I simultaneously had an ex one time who could get very irritable and belligerent on a monthly basis. The latter might have simply suffered worse symptoms or she might have had a harder time controlling her behavior or both. Doesn't make any difference to me, the ex was intolerable when she was irritable and belligerent and so I couldn't put up with it after a while.

>> @ladsin You're still a lying, passive-aggressive, little sniveling shit.

Aww, let's try to keep it civil. Remember what I said about poor behavior? Calm and easy does it. (Group hug)

[ladsin]

@WavyWyx you're a lying, passive aggressive, little sniveling shit.

1.) not lying nor have you shown anywhere that I am lying.
2.) not passive aggressive nor has anything I've said in this conversation been passive aggressive.
3.) I'm not sniveling. You're the one that got upset because I said if you do something wrong you should apologize for it regardless of whether or not you have an excuse.

[ak666]

@ladsin I apologize on his behalf! :-D I'm not in the best mood right now for an internet battle. I got the worst hangover.

My wife and I ended up consoling a female friend of ours who got really upset since her boyfriend broke up with her. She ended up wanting to go to a night club. I haven't been in ages and ended up drinking jager bombs all night -- bad idea since it gave me energy like a maniac while simultaneously making me really drunk.

Now I'm all exhausted with muscle aches and nauseous, not a pleasant combo. :-D

[ak666]

@ladsin Also with that female friend of ours -- on the way back home she was so drunk that she had to vomit. We rolled down the window and then she tried to vomit out the window while the car was still moving. Ended up splattering the entire side of our friend's car. :-D

[ladsin]

Haha nice, we've all been there, although I'm still young enough and a regular enough of an alcoholic that I don't get hangovers 😂

[ak666]

@ladsin Envious. My alcohol tolerance is getting lower as I'm getting older while simultaneously the hangovers are getting worse. I'm too much of an infrequent binge drinker. I drink like several times a month usually but each time I ended up getting home completely wasted with the hangover the next day.

[ladsin]

Haha yeah that's what I'm trying to avoid 😂
I have like 6-10 beers a day.

[NJ_Casanova]

Of course... there is no excuse for being a B*tch just like there is no excuse for guys being an A*s.

[samhradh_leannan]

You've given no description of what "the way you act" means here, or exactly what type of behavior you're actually talking about. This question is presumptuous and vague. But for the sake of getting to the point, I'll assume that you're talking about rude or mean behavior that is triggered by hormonal changes.

PMS is not an excuse to be rude or mean. I usually control my behavior pretty well even when my emotions are going haywire, but I'm not perfect. If I lash out at someone because of my hormones, then I absolutely owe them an apology. At the same time, I do expect my SO to cut me a little slack during that time. I'm more likely to be oversensitive rather than bitchy, so sometimes he has to be patient with me if I overreact to something.

[peachblossomluck]

I hear a lot of women say that they unleash the resentment they have been holding in towards others because at that point they can't take it anymore. Are these women who have been less than assertive in their daily lives? I try to let people know I'm not feeling my best at the moment. If they still try to be difficult, I don't lash out, but I find a way to make sure they don't do it again.

[Lendino]

Hell yes! If you lash out on everyone or your special someone every month just because your PMS is out of controll you really need to get that shit under control, alone, until you got it figured out. Like a person that got anger problems and hits... He/she shouldn't get close to anyone until he/she is cured. You can't hit someone over and over and say you are sorry. To say you are sorry means you promise will never do such thing again and if you do you are a liar! No one deserves to be with a person like that. You should be forever alone or learn to control yourself. If you can't, just work on it, get cured or whatever, just don't let another person suffer because of you.

[madhatters4]

apologize to an extent if you treat people in a bad way. yes pms is an excuse to an extent for behavior but it doesn't mean a person deserves carte blanche to treat people a certain way without perhaps needing to apologize

if i'm having a terrible day at work it may be an excuse for me to be short tempered but it doesn't mean i should apologize to people for poor treatment

[Bubblemilktae]

If i hurt someone's feeling during pms, like hurting toooooo much then yes i will apologize. But then again sometimes i just don't know why i get mad over a little thing such, one time a guy friend pulled out my beanie and i was so mad that i won't talk to him till the end of the day. He repeatedly said sorry but i just didn't want to talk to him. I concluded that he must got a clue what's wrong with me, probably noticed i was pmsing so i thought i don't need to say sorry since he would know and understand

[Katerina_Belle]

I do apologise because I turn into a monster when I'm PMSing... not only am I an emotional wreck, but each and everything pisses me off and I have no tolerance for the smallest of things... but normally I'm nothing like that, I'm very chilled and relaxed. So I can understand what I put people through, especially bfs, and that's why I feel like I should say sorry.

[Vindicated]

Oh how i dislike people who take PMS as an excuse for everything. It is not like the person turns into a devil unnoticably. If that's the case, it is not the PMS that is causing it. Yes we women get a bit emotional during our pms. But heck, being totally rude or bashing someone for me is exaggeration.

And yes you should apologize if you are being rude, and let people know that you're "pmsing "

[xHoneyxBeex]

For me, during my periods I just get a little grumpy and have mood swings but I'm not a total jerk to those around me. I'm not going to apologize for feeling bad and not always being in a good mood BUT if I was actually mean to someone or acted rude, then yes, I would apologize to the person I may have hurt. Having a period isn't an excuse to be hateful to others and avoid consequences or personal responsibility. Everyone should do their best to maintain self-control.

[lumos]

Oh definitely. Having PMS is not an excuse to act like a dick. Therefore if you say or do something mean or stupid, you shouldn't blame it on your PMS and call it a day. You should take full responsibility for it and apologize. Yeah, it sucks to have mood swings, but the least you can do is try your best to control them and apologize if something goes wrong.

[DaniaMQ]

Honestly, PMS isn't an excuse to be rude to anyone. Its not like you lose your mind and you don't know what you're saying anymore coz that's not what happens. It really annoys me when some girls use it as an excuse to just flip out at everyone.

Thank God, PMS only can make me get extra emotional sometimes, and rarely ever some mood swings, which I hate so much. But I try my best to control myself and not go get my anger on someone else. IN CASE I do, then yeah, I apologize not long after.

[Miss_Behave]

I do. For me, I sometimes don't realize that my "grouchiness" is caused by PMS until later, and then I'd feel bad and yea, I'd apologize. However, there are times that I do know that I'm having PMS and that's when I try and control myself, even avoid certain situations (i. e. where I feel I'd potentially be a bitch due to PMS) if I can/have to.

[vonasaurus]

no, i will not apologize for stealing my husband's french fries!

other than craving a stupid amount of salty food and being in a metric fuckton of pain, i don't have any other symptoms. however, if i say something untoward because of the pain i am in, i will apologize.

[kaylaS91]

No?
I mean, sure. If I'm exceptionally short-tempered and happen to lose it with him when I happen to be 'PMS-ing', I'll 'apologize'. I think there's not much sense in apologizing for something that you know damn well will make a repeat appearance on a monthly basis for a few more decades.

I prefer to try my best to just keep myself in check and not use any hormone-related moodswings as a copout to being a straight up bitch. 👌

[karahiri]

i really don't understand this. do women become vikings overnight? what is this shit? i know some people have terrible periods but i also feel like some people are totally taking advantage of how dumb men are and are just being rude for no reason.

[randomuser94]

I've dated the spectrum lol I've had a girlfriend who becomes an angel, one who becomes Satan and one who you would never know.

[MoreThanFriends]

"vikings'" lmao. But yes, they do.

[CheerGirl38139]

I'd vote "C" sometimes.

Guys get moody/bitchy too. It only becomes an issue warranting an apology of it's especially rude IMHO.

[Anonymous]

If you act like a demon, sure. There is no excuse for bad behaviour, people who can't keep themselves in check but then refuse to apologise for it need a wake up call. Sure, everyone gets irritable and sometimes you lash out but you can still recognise when you're behaving badly

[SovereignessofVamps]

I act the same, maybe argue more.. but I've nvr yelled @ anyone or had rages and all that. I like to be more alone actually.

[SovereignessofVamps]

I might tell people off sometimes, but only if I can control my tone and do it w/o insulting them and all that. Unless they insult 1st.

[Maypai]

If you're having a bad day, you shouldn't take it out on others or subject other people to it. PMS is no excuse for being a bitch. Nothing is.

[LittleSally]

Only if it's something I didn't mean to do or say... But I always actually do mean it so... no.

[jessiie06]

Why as a guy are you writing this. You do know that it's rare that girls get irritable and stuff because of PMS.

If a girl is pissed at you and on her periods it just means you did something stupid. If it would have happened 5 days later, she would still be pissed at you. Stop blaming everything on PMS when you have no idea what it is.

[randomuser94]

you're clearly on your period. you should apologise for being rude.

[jessiie06]

And you would know how that feels like. No you wouln't. So stop pretending like you even know what it's like.

[jessiie06]

Periods don't make us cranky. Men like you do.

[randomuser94]

1) 2/3 of the polls and 90% of the comments would disagree with you.

2) science disagrees with you

3) women on PMS affect me as a man because I interact and date them

[jessiie06]

Well maybe you should get over your little self and start dating men if dating women is too hard for you.

[applesandoranges22]

lol a perfect example

[jessiie06]

But I'm not on my periods. Which shows how much of an idiot you are. You think that if a woman is defending herself, mad, pissed it's because she's on her periods. Easy for you. You can just call her a cranky bitch. Truth is your an ass and your lucky if a woman wants you. Although this has probably never happened. Now you are wondering why no girls want you and why girls are cranky. Trying to give yourself a reason on why your single af.

[applesandoranges23]

and we are not the reason that you are cranky, as you already came on this post angry and bitter, which I find hilarious. you generally just seem like an unhappy person, which is a horrible trait.

[randomuser94]

I never said dating women is hard. no one here said that. you came to this post angry and lying about facts. women's hormones change during PMS it is a fact, women get irritable on their period (understandably) it is proven through countless testimony even by women.

[Chrysis]

I rarely act out, even when I'm on my period. I usually just get a little more emotional (& hungry af) but on the rare occasion that I did loose control over my logic, I apologise like "Sorry, I dunno... I'm on my period, so... just ignore me." xD

[VesatileMarie]

Lol yes and I have, for some reason before my period im a TOTAL bitch, even my teachers have noticed it in the past, then the next day I have to apologize for whatever i may have said or did too extreme

[Anonymous]

Women use "hormones" and other bullshit to excuse almost everything they do.
From being a bitch to murder.
So they shouldn't just apologize, they should simply stop being allowed to use that shit as a scapegoat.
"Sorry I drowned my kids... I was having a moment"

[rgb008]

Yes because PMS is not an excuse to be a bitch.
If you're rude to your partner, you should apologize and also get your shit together because PMS isn't an excuse.

[ambertaylor]

It's not like I wouldn't have warned my partner prior to my pms. He should know not to take my attitude seriously over those few days.

[Rissyanne]

I am 51 years old and still have a period. I feel like I have earned to act like any way I want. lol Actually I'm not mean... I just feel bad.

[BaileyisDarcy]

If its general irritableness, then no? But if its actual pissyness, rudeness and especially arguments and such CAUSED by the PMS then yes, absolutely.

[oboeyoudidnt]

It's not an excuse to be rude.

She should at least apologize, and the guy should try to be understanding.

[Nightinggale]

As long as it isn't hurtful shit like personal attacks. If it's general snappiness and sarcasm then yes they should apologize but it's more understandable. If they say shit though like "you're an asshole" that ain't cool.

[Anonymous]

I'm never mean on my period but if I was mean for a reason I wouldn't apologise but if u do something crazy bad like I think that's deeper than pms fam u just psycho

[Jemini_Crocket]

If you're simply rude to a partner for no damn reason, then you certainly should apologize to him. But if you're like tired all day, then no.

[Anonymous]

If she does something out of the ordinary levels of crap, then yes she should apologise. Hormonal induced shit is no different from drink induced shit.

[Fitness-Fanatic]

I do apologise for being a moody irritable senstive bitch lol

[Anonymous]

No, not anymore. My boyfriend usually knows when I'm on it and when I'm being a bit mean or easily irritable, he just shrugs it off because he knows why and that I don't mean it.

[Cosytoasty]

Makes me think i should apologise when i intentionally wind her up during her time :D

[IdkSomethingRandom]

As long as neither party is hung up on it what's it matter

[Leandri]

I think some people only use PMS as an excuse to be rude cause they feel like it. So yeah you should apologize

[ButtHurt]

Pms isn't an excuse to do and say whatever you want.

[COCOCHANEL]

when i overreact and throw tantrums i do try to apologize after

[Anonymous]

Not if she just gets a little cranky, but she still shouldn't use it as an excuse to be rude

[Anonymous]

If they wouldn't act around their boss that way, then they should apologize.

[datgirl]

I don't act out on my periods anyways.

[datgirl]

But yes. In general I think people should apologize for being jerks... periods or not.

[CT_CD]

Yeah because it is your fault

[Anonymous]

I think it's a good excuse

[Blitzkrieger]

Yes with blowjobs.

[Blitzkrieger]

4 women are on their period right now.